This movie is so stupid I do not know where to begin. An unnamed federal agency has a couple of hunky employees about to bust a cocaine smuggling operation. The clever drug dealers hid their contraband cocaine in hollowed-out watermelons. Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall) and Mark Austin (Mark Barriere) are visited by Chris' old flame Becky Midnite (Suzi Simpson), and no I am not making up the characters' names). The trio raid a farm and kill a couple of baddies before their jerk supervisor Dickson (Alan Abelew) pulls up all full of guff and vinegar over the gunplay. Dickson files a report, the agents' other boss Ava Noble (Tai Collins) cannot help them, and they are suspended. What a perfect time to go hunting for lost Confederate gold in the nearby woods. The three take off, but evil drug dealer Santiago (Rodrigo Obregon) has brought in female assassin Jewel Panther (Julie Strain), and let me remind you that I am not making up the characters' names, and everyone heads to the woods for some boring action sequences.
"Enemy Gold" may be one of the most juvenile scripts ever written. I honestly believed the screenwriters were actually twelve year old boys, and heavy into dirt bikes, all terrain vehicles, and getting pretty, augmented blondes into showers. The character names alone are laughable. The script is so badly written, it would take a cast of immensely awful actors to call attention away from it, and "Enemy Gold" succeeds. There are no performances here. The actors are lucky to find their marks. The ladies' only direction must have been "arch your back, wet your lips, and say your line." The Amazonian-like Strain has great screen presence, but all of her line readings are flat and she tends to emphasize the wrong words. Simpson and Collins strip often, but there isn't any eroticism. Sidaris couldn't direct one way traffic, much less difficult items like conversation or actors pretending to shoot at each other. Sure, I may be rough. Some of you out there might say, "shut your brain off and enjoy a bad film." No! Why should I excuse bad film making? I do not expect every film I pick up to have the weight of "Schindler's List," but my God, try to put your best effort onscreen. Why should I shut my brain off? The film makers made their movie without a thought in their collective noggins. "Enemy Gold" is stunningly awful. It is so awful, you may find yourself short of breath. If you look up "awful" in the dictionary, they would have a picture of this film's video box. This film sullies the good name "awful" has made for itself with other films like "Alien Invader" and "Two Much." This movie is so awful, I found time during the boring stretches to rearrange the letters of the title "Enemy Gold" to spell "end my lego" and "my eel dong." Why go through the motions of watching "Enemy Gold" when you can go down to the local zoo and have feces flung at you by real live monkeys? Watching this has the same effect. I hated this thing.
Saturday, March 28, 2026
Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle's Intimate Encounters (2000)
Emmanuelle, who started her film life decades ago as a diplomat's wife, is now a woman with many means. She travels the world, having sex with whomever she pleases, and finds herself the willing victim of a mad scientist and her hunky husband. Seems madame scientist is paralyzed from the waist down. She invents a device that allows her to experience sex whenever her husband makes love to another woman. She accidentally switches bodies with Emmanuelle, and Emmanuelle manages to foil a burglary before being sent out on a mission by the couple. She will sleep with as many people as possible, and send her computerized sensations back to the couple. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. For a globe trotting adventure, the cast sure seems stuck on the same boring soundstage. The sex is there, as is the corny dialogue, but this is about as titillating as watching a root canal. Obviously three episodes of a pay channel series cobbled together, "Emmanuelle's Intimate Encounters" has just one thing correct in its title- it features a character named Emmanuelle.
Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001)
Once again, a 99 cent previewed movie purchase from my old local video store proves to be disastrous. Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) and her servant Zou Zou (Mary Jo Smith) are on their way to Paris for a musical revue when they are taken in at the Castle Hellsubus. Vladimere Hellsubus (Richard O'Brien, light years away from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show") is the cursed gentleman of the estate. His wife, Ema (Mary Scheer, light years away from "Mad TV") is a conniving woman who lives in the shadow of her husband's first wife Elura (also Peterson). The Hellsubuses (Hellsubi?) also have a niece, Roxana (Heather Hopper), and the family doctor Bradley Bradley (Scott Atkinson) lurks around. The stable stud Adrian (Gabriel Andronache) takes a liking to Elvira immediately, and the feeling is mutual. And then for the next hour and a half, nothing happens. Okay, the plot involves the Hellsubuses being a cursed family haunted by the spirit of Elura. Elvira and Zou Zou bumble their way through such familiar trappings as secret passages, dank dungeons, nightmares, and an awful script, also co-written by Peterson. By the time this supposed laugh riot mercifully finishes, you will not care, unless you have the willpower to shut this off immediately.
I used to like Peterson's Elvira. She was sexy, worldly, but with a terrible sense of humor that made her more endearing. Here, one lame joke follows another, to the point where it wasn't "bad in a good way," it was just bad. The Romanian sets are okay. Sam Irvin does his best with a limited budget. The cast is pretty desperate looking, often rolling their eyes at their lines and I am not sure that was part of their characterization. There is one funny gag, where Bradley keeps grabbing Elvira's breasts in the coach on the way to the castle, but of course the film makers do not follow through with this one bright spot in this dismal comedy. "Elvira's Haunted Hills" was probably meant as a comeback for the character Elvira. Instead, you will just reminisce about the old Mistress of the Dark. Skip it.
I used to like Peterson's Elvira. She was sexy, worldly, but with a terrible sense of humor that made her more endearing. Here, one lame joke follows another, to the point where it wasn't "bad in a good way," it was just bad. The Romanian sets are okay. Sam Irvin does his best with a limited budget. The cast is pretty desperate looking, often rolling their eyes at their lines and I am not sure that was part of their characterization. There is one funny gag, where Bradley keeps grabbing Elvira's breasts in the coach on the way to the castle, but of course the film makers do not follow through with this one bright spot in this dismal comedy. "Elvira's Haunted Hills" was probably meant as a comeback for the character Elvira. Instead, you will just reminisce about the old Mistress of the Dark. Skip it.
Elves (1989)
Kirsten (Julie Austin) has not had a good Christmas. While performing a ritual in the woods against Christmas, she accidentally cuts herself and her blood awakens a long buried elf. Kirsten's mom (Deanna Lund) is a megacrank, for reasons we find out later. Kirsten's grandpapa (Borah Silver) is also evil, for reasons we find out later. Kirsten gets to know the chain smoking department store Santa/recovering alcoholic Mike, haggardly played by Dan Haggerty. Mike is also suspicious of certain creature reports, and he and Kirsten find themselves involved in a murder spree in the department store Mike and Kirsten work at.
Despite the title, there is only one elf in the film. He is ugly as all get-out, but is obviously a very hard-to-maneuver plastic effect, since he never closes his mouth. Haggerty has a cigarette in his mouth in every scene, including a silly gunfight where no one seems to get shot. It took three writers to come up with this story- the film supposedly takes place around Christmas, but the holiday seems to be worked in to the story after the set designer frequented a couple of clearance sales at the mall. One drawback is the fact that this film is very ugly. It is mean. It is not scary, and not fun in a scary way. It is just plain mean. The cast goes through the film never seeing the elf, even though it is two feet high and stands in the middle of everything. I have had less trouble finding my car in a crowded parking lot than these idiots have of finding the stupid elf. "Elves" is bad, and joins the entire "Silent Night, Deadly Night" series in proving that "Black Christmas" is still the scariest Christmas movie ever made. I suggest you skip this one.
Despite the title, there is only one elf in the film. He is ugly as all get-out, but is obviously a very hard-to-maneuver plastic effect, since he never closes his mouth. Haggerty has a cigarette in his mouth in every scene, including a silly gunfight where no one seems to get shot. It took three writers to come up with this story- the film supposedly takes place around Christmas, but the holiday seems to be worked in to the story after the set designer frequented a couple of clearance sales at the mall. One drawback is the fact that this film is very ugly. It is mean. It is not scary, and not fun in a scary way. It is just plain mean. The cast goes through the film never seeing the elf, even though it is two feet high and stands in the middle of everything. I have had less trouble finding my car in a crowded parking lot than these idiots have of finding the stupid elf. "Elves" is bad, and joins the entire "Silent Night, Deadly Night" series in proving that "Black Christmas" is still the scariest Christmas movie ever made. I suggest you skip this one.
The Elephant in the Living Room (2010)
If I didn't know this film was a documentary, I would be singing its praises for being such a well-constructed fictional drama. Tim Harrison is a public safety officer, and a member of a non-profit organization called Outreach for Animals. He goes on call after call dealing with exotic animals that have escaped or were released by overwhelmed owners, animals that put Tim's and other's lives in jeopardy. What exotic location does Tim work at, where one year he had over two dozen calls about nuisance alligators and crocodiles? Ohio. Terry Brumfield was disabled in a truck accident, and found solace and comfort in a new pet- a male African lion named Lambert. Terry raised him from a cub, and added female Lacy a few months later. Terry keeps them penned up on his junk-strewn property, but Lambert managed to escape anyway, earning the duo a new holding pen- a hot old horse trailer.
Director Webber makes it evident that Tim and Terry will eventually meet, interspersing this suspenseful story with shorter vignettes from both sides of the exotic pet debate. Dozens of states have no laws restricting ownership of animals like bears, cougars, venomous snakes, and elephants- providing the film with its great metaphorical title. Watching hidden camera footage of children hauling away new "pets" from irresponsible auctions is nothing short of haunting. Burmese pythons dumped in the Florida Everglades are now breeding, and many are put down (shot) on sight because there are not enough responsible parties to take them. Webber combines the Tim/Terry battle of wills with familiar news footage showing the viewer the dangers of having these animals. The footage Webber has indicates he must be sitting on hundreds of hours of coverage. A documentary documents, and the fact that cameras (both Webber's and other's) are present during some of the life-changing events concerning Terry and the lions cannot be attributed to luck. The death of one animal near the end of the film is sad, disturbing, and frustratingly preventable, and Webber does not exploit it to prove his point. While people are finally talking about the proverbial and literal elephant in the living room, the phenomenon sparked its own cable television series, Michael Webber has put a fresh spin on a tragedy tinged with familiarity. "The Elephant in the Living Room" was one of the better, more provocative efforts I saw that year.
Director Webber makes it evident that Tim and Terry will eventually meet, interspersing this suspenseful story with shorter vignettes from both sides of the exotic pet debate. Dozens of states have no laws restricting ownership of animals like bears, cougars, venomous snakes, and elephants- providing the film with its great metaphorical title. Watching hidden camera footage of children hauling away new "pets" from irresponsible auctions is nothing short of haunting. Burmese pythons dumped in the Florida Everglades are now breeding, and many are put down (shot) on sight because there are not enough responsible parties to take them. Webber combines the Tim/Terry battle of wills with familiar news footage showing the viewer the dangers of having these animals. The footage Webber has indicates he must be sitting on hundreds of hours of coverage. A documentary documents, and the fact that cameras (both Webber's and other's) are present during some of the life-changing events concerning Terry and the lions cannot be attributed to luck. The death of one animal near the end of the film is sad, disturbing, and frustratingly preventable, and Webber does not exploit it to prove his point. While people are finally talking about the proverbial and literal elephant in the living room, the phenomenon sparked its own cable television series, Michael Webber has put a fresh spin on a tragedy tinged with familiarity. "The Elephant in the Living Room" was one of the better, more provocative efforts I saw that year.
Elektra (2005)
Much was made of Ben Affleck getting his cameo cut from this film. After watching "Elektra," I now know that Affleck could not have made the film any worse. Okay, forget everything you saw in "Daredevil," the film makers sure did. Elektra (Jennifer Garner) is a hardened, yet still adorable, assassin. She has the ability to bend the rules of time and physics, jumping from one place to another in the blink of an eye. This is very important because the film makers have her do it dozens of times in the course of the ninety-seven minute film. Elektra sits in a rented house waiting for her agent McCabe (Colin Cunningham) to call with her next assignment. She meets neighbors Mark (Goran Visnjic) and his teen daughter Abby (Kristen Prout), but remains all guarded and secretive as she relives painful memories from her childhood. The targets, of course, turn out to be Mark and Abby, but Elektra develops emotions and decides to help them escape from some new assassins sent by a mysterious group called The Hand. The Hand is led by the always underrated Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa. His leadership is threatened by Kirigi (Will Yun Lee), who will get control of the group if he offs Elektra. He takes some middling super villains (with names like Typhoid, Tattoo, and Stone) with him and they go after our heroic trio. Deep breath. The Hand and the forces of good have been fighting a war since the beginning of time to control...the planet? I am not sure. Elektra's blind sensei Stick (an uncomfortable looking Terence Stamp) is called in to help, and all sorts of computer generated action ensues.
That's a lot of plot for a lousy movie. Just when I was lamenting the familiarity of the new round of superhero movies, "Elektra" comes along, plays with convention, and completely mucks it up. The camera work is okay, although I thought the computer used to render the special effects should have got director credit. I have no idea why whenever a villain is killed, they poof into a cloud of green smoke, I imagine that is what the script looked like when first read. The cinematography is awful. I thought about checking my DVD/TV connection, the picture is too dark and looked like someone spread a layer of apple butter over the camera lens. The musical score was not noticed, and the editing was too hurried, since they were trying to cover the weak story with lots of action. Jennifer Garner has charisma to burn, but it is not onscreen here. Visnjic basically plays his "ER" doctor bit, there is almost no back story to any supporting character in this film. Prout is cute, but is also given nothing more to do than pout. The group of super villains would have been cool if played by a cast along the lines of "Daredevil"'s Colin Farrell or Michael Clarke Duncan. Instead, they show up and do their little choreographed stuntwork before being poofed out. This film made about a third the money of what "Daredevil" made (and that film is considered a flop), so Director's Cuts and finger pointing emerged in the years after it disappeared from theaters.
That's a lot of plot for a lousy movie. Just when I was lamenting the familiarity of the new round of superhero movies, "Elektra" comes along, plays with convention, and completely mucks it up. The camera work is okay, although I thought the computer used to render the special effects should have got director credit. I have no idea why whenever a villain is killed, they poof into a cloud of green smoke, I imagine that is what the script looked like when first read. The cinematography is awful. I thought about checking my DVD/TV connection, the picture is too dark and looked like someone spread a layer of apple butter over the camera lens. The musical score was not noticed, and the editing was too hurried, since they were trying to cover the weak story with lots of action. Jennifer Garner has charisma to burn, but it is not onscreen here. Visnjic basically plays his "ER" doctor bit, there is almost no back story to any supporting character in this film. Prout is cute, but is also given nothing more to do than pout. The group of super villains would have been cool if played by a cast along the lines of "Daredevil"'s Colin Farrell or Michael Clarke Duncan. Instead, they show up and do their little choreographed stuntwork before being poofed out. This film made about a third the money of what "Daredevil" made (and that film is considered a flop), so Director's Cuts and finger pointing emerged in the years after it disappeared from theaters.
The Sea (El Mar) (2000)
This emotionally draining film uses taboo images and violence to make its points, and make the viewer think. In other words, this ain't no Adam Sandler chucklefest. Two boys, Ramallo and Manuel, and a girl, Francisca, are caught up in the mass executions of the Spanish Civil War. They witness one young friend brutally stab another boy before taking his own life. Over a decade later, an older Ramallo (Roger Casamajor) is sent to a sanitarium run by nuns. Ramallo, like all the tubercular and lung diseased patients, lives in a large room, dormitory style. However, as a patient's health dwindles and they are expected to die, they are sent to a private room numbered 13 for their final days. Ramallo seems very healthy by all accounts. His boastfulness and stories of sexual prowess attracts teen Galindo (Hernan Gonzalez), and the adoration of some other patients. Ramallo is shocked to find Manuel (Bruno Bergonzini) is also a patient, a pale and drawn man obsessed with praying. Even more shocking is the sight of the beautiful Francisca (Antonia Torrens), now a nun working at the hospital. Just when we think we have Ramallo pegged, his boss Morell (Juli Mira) shows up. It seems Ramallo has been running black market items for Morell, plus letting Morell do a little plundering of Ramallo in bed. Ramallo gets his own name tattooed on his chest by Alcantara (Simon Andreu), the hospital's maintenance guy. Alcantara also works for Morell, trafficking drugs, and Ramallo steals from him. This is no typical neo-noir film, despite the seemingly predictable characters. Ramallo quickly drops his bravado after seeing the childhood friends he shared a traumatic experience with. Manuel begins to fall for Ramallo, but Christian guilt is a strong thing, and Manuel eventually goes off the deep end into self abuse and stylized "demonic" possession. Francisca is also unpredictable, a perfectly content Catholic nun who isn't looking to bed down with anyone or break free from her life. Sexual tensions do build, but so does something I'll call "life tension." The white sterility of the hospital, the constant chirping of the countryside insects, the shocking appearances of blood and death eventually put Ramallo and Manuel into a situation that had me grimacing at the last fifteen minutes of the film.
Director Villaronga's camera never shies from the seamier aspects of this damaged trio's lives, but he does not cross over into exploitation territory, either. Despite the unnaturalness of these characters, their flaws and actions progress in a natural way. You cannot help but get sucked into these people's lives, but I never felt voyeuristic or ashamed of my fascination with their problems. The entire cast is excellent. A special mention must go to Angela Molina, who plays Alcantara's wife, Carmen. Carmen is a once beautiful middle-aged woman trapped in a loveless marriage, yet (once again), Villaronga turns this stock character on its ear and Molina performs this person as if we have never seen a Carmen-type character before. The musical score by Javier Navarrete is sumptuous without being overly grandiose, or calling attention to itself. Think Philip Glass, but with variety and emotion. "El Mar" is unexpected. Everything works, from the imagery of the cross to the story that explains the title ("The Sea" in English). Drop any preconceived notions before you watch it. If you don't, Ramallo, Manuel, and Francisca will quickly rid you of them. A deep, fantastic film.
Director Villaronga's camera never shies from the seamier aspects of this damaged trio's lives, but he does not cross over into exploitation territory, either. Despite the unnaturalness of these characters, their flaws and actions progress in a natural way. You cannot help but get sucked into these people's lives, but I never felt voyeuristic or ashamed of my fascination with their problems. The entire cast is excellent. A special mention must go to Angela Molina, who plays Alcantara's wife, Carmen. Carmen is a once beautiful middle-aged woman trapped in a loveless marriage, yet (once again), Villaronga turns this stock character on its ear and Molina performs this person as if we have never seen a Carmen-type character before. The musical score by Javier Navarrete is sumptuous without being overly grandiose, or calling attention to itself. Think Philip Glass, but with variety and emotion. "El Mar" is unexpected. Everything works, from the imagery of the cross to the story that explains the title ("The Sea" in English). Drop any preconceived notions before you watch it. If you don't, Ramallo, Manuel, and Francisca will quickly rid you of them. A deep, fantastic film.
Edison Force (2005)
Writer/director David J. Burke gets all high and mighty, ready to bring down "the man" and taking no prisoners in this realistic portrayal of big city corruption...except the city is fictional and Justin Timberlake plays a heroic investigative reporter...but just you wait, heads are gonna roll! The fictional metropolis of Edison used to have a major crime problem, but that went away thanks to F.A.R.T....I mean, F.R.A.T., a S.W.A.T.-like group of specially trained cops. The F.R.A.T. boys (hey, I just got that they're like a brotherhood and all) are very dirty, taking all the drugs, cash, and underage prostitutes they want, and shooting a suspect here and there. Deed (LL Cool J) and Lazerov (Dylan McDermott, channeling Jason Patric's character in "Rush") kill one druggie and let another live in order to take the dive for the murder. Pollack (Justin Timberlake) works for a tiny Jewish paper, turning a one sentence statement about the crime into a major expose after sensing Lazerov and Deed lied on the stand. Not enough cast members for you yet? Well, let's shake the supporting character tree and see what lands. We have Ashford (Morgan Freeman), a pervy jerk who runs the little paper Pollack gets fired from and Willow (Piper Perabo), Pollack's completely supportive and totally unremarkable girlfriend. Watch your step, down comes Tilman (John Heard), F.R.A.T.'s evil commander, and the eerily ageless Cary Elwes is District Attorney Reigert, who has big political ambitions and lots of F.R.A.T. cash in his pocket. Finally, Kevin Spacey, sporting an early model for Tom Hanks' Da Vinci Code hairdo, portrays the district attorney's investigator Wallace, but he is a good guy. Whew! Deed is on the fence, rightfully repulsed by the F.R.A.T. acts, but afraid for the life of his new fiancee if he spills the beans. Pollack and Willow are beat up by Lazerov as Pollack gets close to the truth, but he still has Ashford's confusing sage advice to fall back on. The rest of the film plays like an episode of "Lou Grant," as alliances are formed, investigations are launched, and viewers are bored.
Burke's script never hits the right notes. His characters have no basis in reality, much like the "city" of Edison. The drug house crime that propels the entire film comes about simply because Lazerov feels bad for a "suspect" and decides not to shoot him. Why? He shows no other behavior except racism and hate, but this one event is conveniently different. Burke gives us no background on Pollack or Willow, they are just a cute couple who get beat up. Why does Wallace pick now to launch a serious investigation of F.R.A.T. after knowing all along they are a bunch of criminals? Why is the district attorney's office right next door to F.R.A.T.? Why can't the accomplished F.R.A.T. members blow off Pollack's head after shooting hundreds of rounds at the cast? A bright, and surprising, spot here is LL Cool J. His character sucks, but he gamely gives it his best. He even outshines Freeman and Spacey. This is LL Cool J's best performance on film. By the time "Edison Force" limps to its foregone conclusion, you will understand why this was released straight to video instead of going to theaters. Also known as "Edison."
Burke's script never hits the right notes. His characters have no basis in reality, much like the "city" of Edison. The drug house crime that propels the entire film comes about simply because Lazerov feels bad for a "suspect" and decides not to shoot him. Why? He shows no other behavior except racism and hate, but this one event is conveniently different. Burke gives us no background on Pollack or Willow, they are just a cute couple who get beat up. Why does Wallace pick now to launch a serious investigation of F.R.A.T. after knowing all along they are a bunch of criminals? Why is the district attorney's office right next door to F.R.A.T.? Why can't the accomplished F.R.A.T. members blow off Pollack's head after shooting hundreds of rounds at the cast? A bright, and surprising, spot here is LL Cool J. His character sucks, but he gamely gives it his best. He even outshines Freeman and Spacey. This is LL Cool J's best performance on film. By the time "Edison Force" limps to its foregone conclusion, you will understand why this was released straight to video instead of going to theaters. Also known as "Edison."
Ecco (1963)
The mondo shockumentary genre is a strange thing. Either they are very very bad, or very very average. "Ecco" falls firmly between the two extremes. George Sanders slurs his way through this globe trotting collection of shocking and amazing footage not easily accessible to mid-1960's American audiences. Sanders quotes Shakespeare, translates for the brutish audience, and is so completely bored the viewer quickly shares the sentiment. I won't go scene by scene because the film's producers seem to have found more footage in France than anywhere else. So, we'll start all the cinematic mayhem that is not French, like Berlin! Berlin has a secret sword duelling society that slashes faces but never kills. It's like "Fight Club," only you never talk about secret German face slashing duelling society. And you won't believe what those crazy Japanese are up to. They play audiotapes while their adorable newborns are sleeping so the kids will be smarter! And after this shocking footage, a lame karate demonstration! My blood pressure! In Greece, mountaintop monasteries collect priests who never leave the facilities, even after they die. Dunsmore, England has a thriving Satanic church, complete with a topless gal getting sprinkled with fresh chicken blood. Rio de Janeiro is home to Pele and Mardi Gras. In the film, the carnival is about as exciting as a three hour soccer match. Topless dancers in Nairobi give the idiot tourists a savage jiggly show before they head to jazz clubs. Some tourists in Africa stay in tall hotels while "on safari," where they can watch wild animals from air conditioned comfort. One interesting fact brought up here has Elizabeth II at this very hotel the day her father died and she became Queen of England. Reno has oiled male bodybuilders thrilling the gals while a blonde female singer in San Francisco bends steel bars and rips phone books in half for the guys. The Portuguese hunt "monsters of the deep" by hand, using a harpoon and a rowboat. Once the viewer learns the "monster" is a humpback whale, you will start cheering against the Portuguese. Crazy teens in Stockholm down carbonated soft drinks, invade country fairs, and drive recklessly. Hundreds of half naked teenage boys in Osaka work themselves into a frenzy in a Buddhist good luck ceremony. The original Grand Guignol Theatre gives a last performance, unable to compete with the violence of the modern world. Los Angeles has a female roller derby, a Lapland reindeer roundup involves one chick who castrates animals with her teeth, Argentine gauchos leer at a masculine female singer in a gold bikini, and finally the film ends with different, but non-explicit, looks at artificial insemination in Rome and Exeter, England.
The majority of the stories took place in France. A debutantes' ball in Paris is cleverly juxtaposed with a circus for the poor in the French Alps. A group dedicated to touching and idolizing the female rear end is profiled. While most working Americans take a coffee break during the work day, some French market laborers get a cognac break complete with a stripper- I wish the stores I worked at had that, I would insist on a full hour lunch. The mondo staple lesbian club is profiled, but the most disturbing sequence in the film belongs to a man named Yvon Yva. He shocks a group of doctors and reporters by driving long needles through his chest and throat, and a rapier through his abdomen. Grimace worthy, to say the least. In all of its widescreen glory, "Ecco" is so typical of so many other shockumentary films that it does not succeed in setting itself apart from them. Sanders is awful, never seen onscreen, and the film quickly dives into tedium with the exception of one or two segments. For the record, Sanders tells us that "ecco" means "to observe," although I am not sure in what language.
The majority of the stories took place in France. A debutantes' ball in Paris is cleverly juxtaposed with a circus for the poor in the French Alps. A group dedicated to touching and idolizing the female rear end is profiled. While most working Americans take a coffee break during the work day, some French market laborers get a cognac break complete with a stripper- I wish the stores I worked at had that, I would insist on a full hour lunch. The mondo staple lesbian club is profiled, but the most disturbing sequence in the film belongs to a man named Yvon Yva. He shocks a group of doctors and reporters by driving long needles through his chest and throat, and a rapier through his abdomen. Grimace worthy, to say the least. In all of its widescreen glory, "Ecco" is so typical of so many other shockumentary films that it does not succeed in setting itself apart from them. Sanders is awful, never seen onscreen, and the film quickly dives into tedium with the exception of one or two segments. For the record, Sanders tells us that "ecco" means "to observe," although I am not sure in what language.
Eaten Alive (1976)
Tobe Hooper's next film after the ubersuccess "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is a mess of half realized ideas and a director who must have felt the pressure to top himself. Neville Brand is Judd, who runs the Starlight Hotel on the outskirts of a small Texas town. Libby (Crystin Sinclaire), a novice hooker, runs away from Miss Hattie's (Carolyn Jones, in some awful pancake makeup) and takes refuge at the creepy hotel. She arrives at night, Judd figures out she was one of Miss Hattie's girls, and throws her in the swamp. The swamp out back of the hotel contains a giant crocodile, which eats almost everything that comes its way. The film then falls into a pattern that constantly repeats itself. More patrons come to the hotel, Judd picks this night to go nuts, and the crocodile out back gets to eat more than his share. Roy (William Finley) and his family arrive, Libby's dad (Mel Ferrer) and her sister arrive, Buck (Robert Englund) arrives, the sheriff arrives, etc.
While the crocodile attacks are very good, Hooper wisely keeps the shots dark, and the gore effects are okay, the script is a mess. Why did Judd pick this night to go bonkers? Has he been killing people all these years, or just now? The constant predictability kills the suspense. Neville Brand, one of Hollywood's greatest underrated character actors, does a good job here until his performance eventually becomes stale. I am still trying to figure out why Jones is covered in the horrible makeup, even her character is a little unnecessary. Poor Ferrer does his best, but he has appeared in so many of these B horror movies, he looks totally bored. Robert Englund is good, his opening line is memorable, but his character is also just a small minded caricature. "Eaten Alive" is by no means a great horror film, but if anything, it is a hundred times better than Hooper's later "Crocodile"- one of the worst films ever made.
While the crocodile attacks are very good, Hooper wisely keeps the shots dark, and the gore effects are okay, the script is a mess. Why did Judd pick this night to go bonkers? Has he been killing people all these years, or just now? The constant predictability kills the suspense. Neville Brand, one of Hollywood's greatest underrated character actors, does a good job here until his performance eventually becomes stale. I am still trying to figure out why Jones is covered in the horrible makeup, even her character is a little unnecessary. Poor Ferrer does his best, but he has appeared in so many of these B horror movies, he looks totally bored. Robert Englund is good, his opening line is memorable, but his character is also just a small minded caricature. "Eaten Alive" is by no means a great horror film, but if anything, it is a hundred times better than Hooper's later "Crocodile"- one of the worst films ever made.
Friday, March 27, 2026
Rock Hudson's Home Movies (1992)
This pseudo-documentary takes clips from the films of Rock Hudson to show how the actor was very subtle about coming out gay through his work. Actor Eric Farr, who bears only a slight resemblance to Hudson, plays Rock. He pops onscreen here and there, making pithy comments about what characters and situations in the fictional films are really saying about being a closeted homosexual in the 1950's. Hudson was swooning at actor John Hall in "Hurricane," wanting to be the athletic actor. Hudson was a perfect handsome leading man, and became a quick success in films. He married once, in a studio-arranged situation that ended badly. Director Mark Rappaport's entire film is made up of grainy clips of Rock Hudson's films. Lines are taken out of context to "prove" Hudson was trying to come out, or was being forced out, as gay. His homosexuality was no secret in Hollywood, and Rappaport suggests that while your Brandos, Grants, and Clifts- all allegedly gay or bisexual- were getting meaty film roles, Hudson was being held hostage in light romantic comedies costarring Doris Day and Tony Randall.
While the hypothesis is interesting and may have some merit, Rappaport's flippant approach sinks the experiment. The director's treatment of Hudson comes off as unsympathetic and sometimes angry. The montages of some running themes in the films do make their points. Hudson constantly getting interrupted when kissing an actress, flirting with male characters that borders on cruising, and all those movies that needed him to be shirtless in key scenes. His romantic comedies of the 1950's and 1960's, like "Pillow Talk," "Lover Come Back," and "Man's Favorite Sport?" are picked apart as Hudson's characters would sometimes act effeminate in order to get the girl. Rappaport finds less success with the foreshadowings of Hudson's death from AIDS than with the feminization of the actor.
In another instance, Rappaport gets Hudson's only film with John Wayne completely wrong. Hudson and Wayne teamed for the Civil War western "The Undefeated," and Rappaport gives us more edited clips that make it look like the actors were cruising each other through their dialogue. Later, Hudson knocks Wayne "on his a$$" in the film, winning one for the gays against the rigid conservatism of the studio system and the Duke. However, in Pilar Wayne's biography of John Wayne (she was one of his ex-wives), she wrote Wayne had no qualms with Hudson's sexuality. Everyone on set knew about Hudson, his NFL player boyfriend was more than obvious, so one wonders how many more liberties Rappaport took with the movie clips. Technically, the film is messy. The clips look like second generation VHS copies, and none of the films are credited until a crawl at the very end, so the viewer has no timeline to follow concerning a possible conspiracy to keep Hudson in his place. Rappaport is known for his sometimes strange film making style, as the short "Blue Streak" and his similar documentary about Jean Seberg will attest, but here a more traditional approach might have helped the work. Even the title, "Rock Hudson's Home Movies," misleads. I had high hopes for this one.
While the hypothesis is interesting and may have some merit, Rappaport's flippant approach sinks the experiment. The director's treatment of Hudson comes off as unsympathetic and sometimes angry. The montages of some running themes in the films do make their points. Hudson constantly getting interrupted when kissing an actress, flirting with male characters that borders on cruising, and all those movies that needed him to be shirtless in key scenes. His romantic comedies of the 1950's and 1960's, like "Pillow Talk," "Lover Come Back," and "Man's Favorite Sport?" are picked apart as Hudson's characters would sometimes act effeminate in order to get the girl. Rappaport finds less success with the foreshadowings of Hudson's death from AIDS than with the feminization of the actor.
In another instance, Rappaport gets Hudson's only film with John Wayne completely wrong. Hudson and Wayne teamed for the Civil War western "The Undefeated," and Rappaport gives us more edited clips that make it look like the actors were cruising each other through their dialogue. Later, Hudson knocks Wayne "on his a$$" in the film, winning one for the gays against the rigid conservatism of the studio system and the Duke. However, in Pilar Wayne's biography of John Wayne (she was one of his ex-wives), she wrote Wayne had no qualms with Hudson's sexuality. Everyone on set knew about Hudson, his NFL player boyfriend was more than obvious, so one wonders how many more liberties Rappaport took with the movie clips. Technically, the film is messy. The clips look like second generation VHS copies, and none of the films are credited until a crawl at the very end, so the viewer has no timeline to follow concerning a possible conspiracy to keep Hudson in his place. Rappaport is known for his sometimes strange film making style, as the short "Blue Streak" and his similar documentary about Jean Seberg will attest, but here a more traditional approach might have helped the work. Even the title, "Rock Hudson's Home Movies," misleads. I had high hopes for this one.
The Ripper (1997)
Robert Rodat, the scribe behind "Saving Private Ryan" and "The Patriot," cut his teeth on this made for television film that surprises the viewer with its excellent performances. Patrick Bergin is London inspector Hansen investigating Jack the Ripper. The film makers show us early the killer is Prince Eddy (Samuel West), Queen Victoria's grandson and heir to the throne. West does an incredible job as the prince, a bitter syphilitic who is taking revenge on the prostitutes who probably gave him the disease. Gabrielle Anwar is also very natural as the prostitute Florry, who sees the prince, and finds protection in the arms of Hansen. Michael York rounds out the cast as Bergin's superior Sir Charles Warren. While the historical accuracy of all of this could be questioned, the cast does a great job with the sometimes stiff material. Meyers' direction is also good, not crossing into exploitation but not boring us with Merchant/Ivory-type dialogue. The set is also good, as the credits read this was filmed in Australia. "The Ripper" is a good detective yarn that would definitely appeal to fans of British murder mysteries and suspense fans alike. I do recommend it.
Revealed: Portraits from Beneath One's Surface (2012)
Photographer Scott Indermaur had one of those "why didn't I think of that?" moments while driving one day. Indermaur is a portrait photographer, but wanted to capture a person's spiritual and personal beliefs as well. How do you do that with a photograph? He came up with a simple idea: have the portrait subjects hold a small box filled with items that represent their spirituality, giving the spectator a look at both the subject and the incarnation of what goes on in their minds. This simple idea has generated this inspirational documentary. Indermaur teamed his "Revealed" idea with National Public Radio's decades-old series "What I Believe." Now, the portraits of the subjects and their wooden box are accompanied by "what I believe" essays. The short film follows almost a dozen subjects as they work to fill the small wooden box provided by Indermaur, and talk about their lives and representational items. The subjects are everyday people, who are as varied as a group of normal people would be. Most have experienced past trauma, and use this opportunity to acknowledge and demonstrate how they have conquered it, or at least how they still deal with it.Some of the subjects you might deem loopy, like the shamanistic healer or the medium, but they come off as pretty normal. Indermaur says this experience has taught him not to judge others, and this outlook comes through in the film. He refuses to help the person with their box (not in a mean way), and is very patient during the shoot.
The shoot itself is fascinating. The subject stands in the dark, flashlight beams dance off the box, and their faces are illuminated by strobe-like flashes of light. Indermaur does not coach or direct the subjects, letting them do it again if need be. De Rezendes does a fantastic job of directing and editing. My attention was held throughout, and I was interested in all of the subjects, from the shy woman who must deal with her mental illness on a daily basis to a woman who refuses to be defined by a "salad dressing incident" with a relative years before. Indermaur's dream is to take this project to a global level, he had shot well over a hundred portraits in this country already. While I would have liked to have seen more coverage on the subject selection process and the essays, de Rezendes film is great, and Indermaur is talented in front of as well as behind the camera. His explanation on why he hasn't photographed himself as part of the project is smart and true, as is "Revealed: Portraits from Beneath One's Surface."
The shoot itself is fascinating. The subject stands in the dark, flashlight beams dance off the box, and their faces are illuminated by strobe-like flashes of light. Indermaur does not coach or direct the subjects, letting them do it again if need be. De Rezendes does a fantastic job of directing and editing. My attention was held throughout, and I was interested in all of the subjects, from the shy woman who must deal with her mental illness on a daily basis to a woman who refuses to be defined by a "salad dressing incident" with a relative years before. Indermaur's dream is to take this project to a global level, he had shot well over a hundred portraits in this country already. While I would have liked to have seen more coverage on the subject selection process and the essays, de Rezendes film is great, and Indermaur is talented in front of as well as behind the camera. His explanation on why he hasn't photographed himself as part of the project is smart and true, as is "Revealed: Portraits from Beneath One's Surface."
Return of the Street Fighter (1974)
Chiba is back, hacking and coughing all over the Far East. Sonny Chiba is Terry Sugury, a hired killer for a business tycoon who is building a giant karate academy. Sugury dabbles in the hitman trade, while his old karate instructor finds out the tycoon is using the instructor's name to procure "donations" for the mob. After an honest cop is killed and the instructor injured in a hit, Chiba contorts himself all over the tycoon, the mafia, and an old villain we thought was dead in the first "Street Fighter" film.
This film is definitely an improvement over the original "The Street Fighter," whose plot I was never able to figure out. Chiba does that thing where he calls up inner strength through breathing exercises in the middle of some fights. They call it inner strength but someone must have let the producers knows this was kind of funny in the first film because it is kept to a minimum here. Sadly, Chiba is also saddled with yet another "funny" sidekick, this time a young woman who speaks like a hippie. There are a few major fight set pieces here, with the best being a chaotic fight at a spa, just ignore the weak comedy relief in the form of a whiny fat guy. I do recommend "Return of the Street Fighter" over the first one, and to any martial arts fans.
This film is definitely an improvement over the original "The Street Fighter," whose plot I was never able to figure out. Chiba does that thing where he calls up inner strength through breathing exercises in the middle of some fights. They call it inner strength but someone must have let the producers knows this was kind of funny in the first film because it is kept to a minimum here. Sadly, Chiba is also saddled with yet another "funny" sidekick, this time a young woman who speaks like a hippie. There are a few major fight set pieces here, with the best being a chaotic fight at a spa, just ignore the weak comedy relief in the form of a whiny fat guy. I do recommend "Return of the Street Fighter" over the first one, and to any martial arts fans.
Return (1985)
If ever a film generates a complete feeling of indifference in a reviewer, this is it. A young woman finds a man who claims to hypnotically regress to the woman's grandfather, who was murdered years before. The woman's search opens up a big old can of worms, involving her unstable mother and political office seeking father (Frederic Forrest) who is going to run for governor of Arkansas. The film is short, seventy eight minutes, so the writer/director moves the plot along without spending too much time on intricate character development or suspense. The final "twist" is something you will see coming up the main street of your hometown. Even the normally reliable Forrest seems to have filmed all of his scenes in an afternoon. This is a supernatural thriller, without the supernatural thrills. The love affair is forced, and the cast must suffer through some stiff line readings. All in all, this will not change your life and it will not ruin it. Think of this as the last fast food meal you ate. Remember that? Me neither.
Resurrection (1999)
Lambert is Chicago detective Prudhomme on the trail of a killer who is using the Bible as a guide in order to fulfill his own sick prophecy- resurrecting what he thinks is the body of Christ. The cops catch the killer, lose him, and eventually, a showdown right out of "Seven." The plot is very good, and very complicated for a straight-to-video suspense release. Director Mulcahy shows some incredible chops, although you swear David Fincher had his hands in this. Chicago becomes the Rainy City, as most of the action takes place in a downpour. Lambert plays a typical bitter detective who is still grieving the loss of his son in an accident. The character has been done before, but Lambert shows some very good emotions and his character is smart, not just running around blowing things up. This might be because Lambert also co-produced and co-wrote this, giving himself plenty of moments.
He also gives himself plenty of leaps in logic, as his Cajun cop single-handedly solves the case as if by divine intervention. He comes up with breaks in the case by concentrating and pacing, reading magazines, and making change for a coworker. The film is about twenty minutes too long, and the finale involves putting a newborn baby in peril that represents one of the lowest points in serial killer cinema next to Hannibal Lecter feeding the little girl a "snack" on the plane. This film is unrelentingly dark, and this works for most of the film. The gore is very heavy and very disturbing, and the film is suspenseful in the way "Seven" was. Like that film, however, once the killer is identified, the plot becomes a bit of a letdown, switching from suspenseful cat-and-mouse games with a killer to shoot 'em up action. Definitely not for the squeamish, "Resurrection" is not a great film, but a good one. I would have to guess that if it had received a wider release, it would have tapped into serial killer genre fans and made a little money.
He also gives himself plenty of leaps in logic, as his Cajun cop single-handedly solves the case as if by divine intervention. He comes up with breaks in the case by concentrating and pacing, reading magazines, and making change for a coworker. The film is about twenty minutes too long, and the finale involves putting a newborn baby in peril that represents one of the lowest points in serial killer cinema next to Hannibal Lecter feeding the little girl a "snack" on the plane. This film is unrelentingly dark, and this works for most of the film. The gore is very heavy and very disturbing, and the film is suspenseful in the way "Seven" was. Like that film, however, once the killer is identified, the plot becomes a bit of a letdown, switching from suspenseful cat-and-mouse games with a killer to shoot 'em up action. Definitely not for the squeamish, "Resurrection" is not a great film, but a good one. I would have to guess that if it had received a wider release, it would have tapped into serial killer genre fans and made a little money.
Shake & Flick: Raw Deal in Rome (1995)
Shake is a dog, Flick is a flea, and they both make like Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, as Shake tries to entertain some Romans while Flick tries to get in his fur and bite him. Soon, they are introducing fighter jets and nuclear warheads into the battle, making you wonder why this thing was set in ancient Rome in the first place.
This was a little gory as well, as Shake has the ability to shed his skin and muscles in one scene. This is the kind of cartoon "The Simpsons" makes fun of on their "The Itchy and Scratchy Show" blood-drenched cartoons. One funny scene: Shake's ride up the elevator.
This was a little gory as well, as Shake has the ability to shed his skin and muscles in one scene. This is the kind of cartoon "The Simpsons" makes fun of on their "The Itchy and Scratchy Show" blood-drenched cartoons. One funny scene: Shake's ride up the elevator.
Jacqueline Hyde (2005)
Sure, you might think "oh, great, yet another modern version of Robert Louis Stevenson's Jekyll and Hyde story," but I doubt even old Bob himself was imagining anything like this.
Recently fired telemarketer Jackie Hyde (Gabriella Hall) inherits a giant house from her recently deceased magician grandfather. Lonely Jackie doesn't have any friends, so she is intrigued when she discovers her grandfather's invention- a serum that allows the user to physically transform into other people. Jackie becomes her sexy neighbor, and the neighbor's sexy boyfriend, then settles on a magazine model she renames Jacqueline (Blythe Metz). Estate lawyer Phillip (Jeremy Ordaz) likes Jackie, is turned on by Jacqueline, but begins to suspect something is wrong with both. Jacqueline keeps Jackie hidden inside her guise, and sets out to find a lover who can keep up with her.
Written and directed by Rolfe Kanefsky, "Jacqueline Hyde" features some bold sex scenes. Ordaz is not movie star artificial handsome, but is very believable as the normal Phillip. Metz completely sinks her teeth into a great role. Kanefsky is careful to keep things from toppling over into all-out comedy, but the movie's tone does not become too dark and pretentious like "Mary Reilly." At first, I did not think star and co-producer Gabriella Hall was mousy enough as Jackie but I realized she did not have to be the complete opposite of Metz, and playing the role as simply "ordinary Jackie" was the way to go.
Using just a handful of sets, Kanefsky keeps things clicking along. Christopher Farrell's music and Paul Deng's photography add a big-budget dimension to the film. There are some iffy effects along the way, including a terrible closing shot morph, which does take something from the film.
Recently fired telemarketer Jackie Hyde (Gabriella Hall) inherits a giant house from her recently deceased magician grandfather. Lonely Jackie doesn't have any friends, so she is intrigued when she discovers her grandfather's invention- a serum that allows the user to physically transform into other people. Jackie becomes her sexy neighbor, and the neighbor's sexy boyfriend, then settles on a magazine model she renames Jacqueline (Blythe Metz). Estate lawyer Phillip (Jeremy Ordaz) likes Jackie, is turned on by Jacqueline, but begins to suspect something is wrong with both. Jacqueline keeps Jackie hidden inside her guise, and sets out to find a lover who can keep up with her.
Written and directed by Rolfe Kanefsky, "Jacqueline Hyde" features some bold sex scenes. Ordaz is not movie star artificial handsome, but is very believable as the normal Phillip. Metz completely sinks her teeth into a great role. Kanefsky is careful to keep things from toppling over into all-out comedy, but the movie's tone does not become too dark and pretentious like "Mary Reilly." At first, I did not think star and co-producer Gabriella Hall was mousy enough as Jackie but I realized she did not have to be the complete opposite of Metz, and playing the role as simply "ordinary Jackie" was the way to go.
Using just a handful of sets, Kanefsky keeps things clicking along. Christopher Farrell's music and Paul Deng's photography add a big-budget dimension to the film. There are some iffy effects along the way, including a terrible closing shot morph, which does take something from the film.
Quills (2000)
The Marquis de Sade has been portrayed on film before, but never this well. Geoffrey Rush is riveting, making him both compelling and disgusting at the same time. A lesser actor would have turned de Sade's scenes into "moments" that could be safely played during an Oscar telecast, but Rush is fantastic. The Marquis smuggles his writings out of the insane asylum he is in through laundress Madeleine (Kate Winslet). She is under the tutorship of the young priest Coulmier (Joaquin Phoenix). Coulmier is trying to help the insane by getting them involved in the arts, and the Marquis is writing popular pornography for the French masses. Napoleon gets in a flutter, and sends the harsh doctor Royer-Collard (Michael Caine) to the asylum. Royer-Collard himself has problems as he has just gone through on an arranged marriage with a young teenage girl just out of the convent. The new bride gets a hold of de Sade's work and eventually runs off with her chateau's architect so de Sade, an outspoken atheist, must find other ways of continuing his writing, and does in some very horrific manners. There is not really a plot here, as the Marquis' privileges are eventually taken away to the point that he is nude in his emptied cell, and still finds time to butt heads with Royer-Collard, and God.
Rush is spellbinding, to use a cliche. Joaquin Phoenix is terrific as the young priest. He fights against temptation as well as any clergyman put on screen. Michael Caine gets back into the kind of juicy roles he used to specialize in decades before. Winslet is great as the laundress. What Philip Kaufman seems to be saying with this film is that words can and do corrupt, but they corrupt the corruptible. The Marquis' literature has negative effects on the uneducated in the film- the inmates, the asylum's illiterate employees, and the naive teen bride. "Quills" is an important film that should keep people talking about art, censorship, obsession, love, sex, religion, and madness.
Rush is spellbinding, to use a cliche. Joaquin Phoenix is terrific as the young priest. He fights against temptation as well as any clergyman put on screen. Michael Caine gets back into the kind of juicy roles he used to specialize in decades before. Winslet is great as the laundress. What Philip Kaufman seems to be saying with this film is that words can and do corrupt, but they corrupt the corruptible. The Marquis' literature has negative effects on the uneducated in the film- the inmates, the asylum's illiterate employees, and the naive teen bride. "Quills" is an important film that should keep people talking about art, censorship, obsession, love, sex, religion, and madness.
Quicksand (2003)
The innocent-man-on-the-run plot has been done dozens of times before, and it seems like the cast and crew of this film are acutely aware of this fact. Martin (Michael Keaton) is a boring bank compliance officer who must investigate an odd transaction made by a film company in the Nice/Monaco area. While there, he meets helpful Lela (Judith Godreche) and mega-action star Jake (Michael Caine), who is busy working on a film. Martin turns down a huge bribe before departing, and then finds himself on the run after goofily being framed for shooting the local corruption-busting chief of police. Lela is the only person Martin can trust. Back in the States, his secretary (an always good Kathleen Wilhoite) convinces friend and convenient Justice Department official Joe (Xander Berkeley) to go to France and find out just how much merde Martin really is in. After Martin's daughter is kidnapped, Martin turns the tables on crime boss Oleg (Rade Sherbedgia) and his cohorts.
Director Mackenzie and his capable cast don't hide the fact that the audience has been down this road before. Every scene is tinged with familiarity, and the cast gamely goes through the motions. Even the screenplay is lackadaisical. Literally the minute Martin goes into pursued mode, he turns into a crafty action hero. Where did this come from? Are the news reports right? Is he former CIA, or is that part of Oleg's scheme? Caine is lousy as spoiled Jake, the film tries a Hollywood-satiric edge that goes nowhere. The curiosity innate to this kind of film did get the better of me. I knew where it was going, but I had to see if it would play out the way I thought it would. It did. This has been done before, but it is done well. With a title like "Quicksand," it would be easy to get flippant and excuse this. However, the inevitable is somehow watchable. A very mild recommendation.
Director Mackenzie and his capable cast don't hide the fact that the audience has been down this road before. Every scene is tinged with familiarity, and the cast gamely goes through the motions. Even the screenplay is lackadaisical. Literally the minute Martin goes into pursued mode, he turns into a crafty action hero. Where did this come from? Are the news reports right? Is he former CIA, or is that part of Oleg's scheme? Caine is lousy as spoiled Jake, the film tries a Hollywood-satiric edge that goes nowhere. The curiosity innate to this kind of film did get the better of me. I knew where it was going, but I had to see if it would play out the way I thought it would. It did. This has been done before, but it is done well. With a title like "Quicksand," it would be easy to get flippant and excuse this. However, the inevitable is somehow watchable. A very mild recommendation.
Duel (1971)
Dennis Weaver stars in this taut made-for-television thriller written by Richard Matheson and directed by Steven Spielberg. Weaver plays David Mann, a traveling salesman who leaves his house one morning fresh off a fight with his wife (Jacqueline Scott). He drives out to some isolated California highways, and passes a rusty gasoline truck on his way to a very important meeting. The truck passes him, he passes it, and general annoyance sets in. Soon, the truck begins menacing him on the highway, seemingly knowing his every move. Mann tries to stop for help, but the truck driver is enjoying the cat and mouse game, until the deadly conclusion.
This film put Steven Spielberg on the map, and with good reason. Many editors worked on the film, but Spielberg's mark is all over it. This is the old Spielberg, before "Jaws" and "Poltergeist," and before big special effects. What I mean to say is, the film was shot in two weeks, there is no John Williams score (just fabulous work by William Goldenberg), and Spielberg generates more suspense than some of Alfred Hitchcock's films. "Duel" falls in the grand tradition of other highway suspense films like "Joy Ride," "Road Games," "The Hitcher," and "Breakdown." Unfortunately, it also falls into the same trap. The body of the film is more exciting than the finale. It is difficult to keep the tension ratcheted up for so long, and once in a while the film felt padded. However, there are now infamous scenes here, from an excruciating diner sequence where Mann thinks one of the customers is the evil trucker to the school bus scene where Mann goes from perturbed to terrified in a matter of nanoseconds. In a DVD release extras interview, Spielberg also points out a mistake in the film, even after I noticed it since I watched the film first- that is a reflection of our great director in a glass phone booth scene. The film transfer itself is stunningly clear and crisp. Dennis Weaver is nothing short of incredible. Long an underrated actor, "Duel" is one of his best roles. There are points in the film where he is doing his own stunts, and I have never felt such concern for an actor's well being in my life, even with Spielberg's assurances that McCloud was never in harm's way. The rest of the supporting cast has tiny roles, but one special performer deserves a mention. The Peterbilt gasoline truck that chases Mann's cherry red Plymouth Valiant through the desert canyons is scary as hell. The truck is covered in rust and oil and the driver is never seen, so the vehicle in fact becomes a character. It is much scarier than the Green Goblin truck from "Maximum Overdrive," and just as effective as the Plymouth Fury in "Christine." The film's score also recalls Hitchcock, with Goldenberg's musical score sounding like Bernard Herrmann's best. "Duel" launched Spielberg's career, and it is entertaining to see him speak with such affection for this little film. It is also entertaining to watch.
This film put Steven Spielberg on the map, and with good reason. Many editors worked on the film, but Spielberg's mark is all over it. This is the old Spielberg, before "Jaws" and "Poltergeist," and before big special effects. What I mean to say is, the film was shot in two weeks, there is no John Williams score (just fabulous work by William Goldenberg), and Spielberg generates more suspense than some of Alfred Hitchcock's films. "Duel" falls in the grand tradition of other highway suspense films like "Joy Ride," "Road Games," "The Hitcher," and "Breakdown." Unfortunately, it also falls into the same trap. The body of the film is more exciting than the finale. It is difficult to keep the tension ratcheted up for so long, and once in a while the film felt padded. However, there are now infamous scenes here, from an excruciating diner sequence where Mann thinks one of the customers is the evil trucker to the school bus scene where Mann goes from perturbed to terrified in a matter of nanoseconds. In a DVD release extras interview, Spielberg also points out a mistake in the film, even after I noticed it since I watched the film first- that is a reflection of our great director in a glass phone booth scene. The film transfer itself is stunningly clear and crisp. Dennis Weaver is nothing short of incredible. Long an underrated actor, "Duel" is one of his best roles. There are points in the film where he is doing his own stunts, and I have never felt such concern for an actor's well being in my life, even with Spielberg's assurances that McCloud was never in harm's way. The rest of the supporting cast has tiny roles, but one special performer deserves a mention. The Peterbilt gasoline truck that chases Mann's cherry red Plymouth Valiant through the desert canyons is scary as hell. The truck is covered in rust and oil and the driver is never seen, so the vehicle in fact becomes a character. It is much scarier than the Green Goblin truck from "Maximum Overdrive," and just as effective as the Plymouth Fury in "Christine." The film's score also recalls Hitchcock, with Goldenberg's musical score sounding like Bernard Herrmann's best. "Duel" launched Spielberg's career, and it is entertaining to see him speak with such affection for this little film. It is also entertaining to watch.
Dream Demon (1988)
Director and cowriter Harley Cokeliss assembles a small cast in a creepy house and delivers enough scares to recommend this little sleeper. Jemma Redgrave, a cousin of the other acting Redgraves, is virginal Diana who is about to marry a Falklands War veteran. He has bought her a new house that used to be apartments. A tabloid reporter and his oily photog sidekick begin bothering the soon-to-be bride, and she takes in American Jenny (played very well by the underrated Kathleen Wilhoite). Wilhoite is trying to regain her childhood memories, and she thinks she grew up in Diana's house. Soon, the photog goes missing, Diana and Jenny are able to pull one another into their dreams where they both try to help a blonde haired little girl who is being abused by her father.
Cokeliss keeps his cast very small, and that works. There are no extra characters or red herrings thrown in to confuse you about the identity of the blonde girl. The setting is very good, with a lot of action taking place in broad daylight. The scares mostly consist of very effective (and un-CGI) cheap special effects. A change in the lighting, or the photog appearing again and again are very creepy without overwhelming the suspense (like "The Haunting" remake). Wilhoite is great here, making a small little horror film seem a little more important than it is. The film does get into Freddy Krueger territory once in a while, when Diana begs Jenny not to let her sleep, and there are too many scenes where you are supposed to believe the subjects are awake, when in fact you know they are dreaming and something bad is about to happen. Redgrave is good, but is outshined by Wilhoite. The title is a misnomer as well, since there really is not a demon in the film. This is entertaining enough, especially if you have nothing else to do, and you might get a few scares out of it. I recommend it.
Cokeliss keeps his cast very small, and that works. There are no extra characters or red herrings thrown in to confuse you about the identity of the blonde girl. The setting is very good, with a lot of action taking place in broad daylight. The scares mostly consist of very effective (and un-CGI) cheap special effects. A change in the lighting, or the photog appearing again and again are very creepy without overwhelming the suspense (like "The Haunting" remake). Wilhoite is great here, making a small little horror film seem a little more important than it is. The film does get into Freddy Krueger territory once in a while, when Diana begs Jenny not to let her sleep, and there are too many scenes where you are supposed to believe the subjects are awake, when in fact you know they are dreaming and something bad is about to happen. Redgrave is good, but is outshined by Wilhoite. The title is a misnomer as well, since there really is not a demon in the film. This is entertaining enough, especially if you have nothing else to do, and you might get a few scares out of it. I recommend it.
Draw! (1984)
This 1984 made-for-cable western was one of, if not the first, shown exclusively on HBO first before a Canadian theatrical release. It is a light, entertaining film buoyed by its two leading men. Kirk Douglas is Handsome Harry Holland, a retired gunfighter who pops into a small town long enough to win some money in a poker game from the local spoiled rich brat. Holland tries to collect his winnings and leave, but kills the town sheriff in self defense after getting a bullet in the leg, and holds a traveling Shakespearean actress Bess (Alexandra Bastedo) hostage in her hotel room. The town panics, and deputy Blodgett (Graham Jarvis) leaves to get legendary lawman Sam Starret (James Coburn). The years have not been kind to Starret, who is a raging alcoholic. As Holland and Bess fall in love, Blodgett literally drags an incoherent Starret back to town. Harry and Sam have a friendly history, when they were not trying to kill each other, and Harry almost agrees to Sam's plea to surrender. Enter the circuit court judge, a man who Harry maimed years ago. He makes no bones about his desire to hang Harry, and Sam and Harry are forced to face off in a final showdown.
While a small film, "Draw!" is very funny. Hearing Harry injuring himself while saving a runaway stagecoach in the opening minutes is good, as is Sam's constant efforts to get inebriated. Coburn and Douglas are great together, looking aged but not decrepit and still carrying an old time movie star magic that lights up the screen every time they appear. Douglas' scenes in the hotel room do get a little claustrophobic after a while. I wish he could have had more time away from the same four walls. Coburn is great, but he is not onscreen until over a third of the way through the film. While his part is the more comical of the two, once he is on, you wish he had brought his deadpan delivery into play earlier. The final twist ending, which you can see coming down the Chisholm Trail, is fun but predictable. Bastedo is good, if not a little vacuous, as the love interest who really just needs to stand around and look pretty. Jarvis, a well known character actor, is very funny as the exasperated deputy. His scene where he shouts down some bandits is hilarious. All things considered, this is just a plain, fun film. The director keeps things going, letting his two stars take the screen, and not trying to draw attention to himself with fancy camera work. I highly recommend "Draw!"
While a small film, "Draw!" is very funny. Hearing Harry injuring himself while saving a runaway stagecoach in the opening minutes is good, as is Sam's constant efforts to get inebriated. Coburn and Douglas are great together, looking aged but not decrepit and still carrying an old time movie star magic that lights up the screen every time they appear. Douglas' scenes in the hotel room do get a little claustrophobic after a while. I wish he could have had more time away from the same four walls. Coburn is great, but he is not onscreen until over a third of the way through the film. While his part is the more comical of the two, once he is on, you wish he had brought his deadpan delivery into play earlier. The final twist ending, which you can see coming down the Chisholm Trail, is fun but predictable. Bastedo is good, if not a little vacuous, as the love interest who really just needs to stand around and look pretty. Jarvis, a well known character actor, is very funny as the exasperated deputy. His scene where he shouts down some bandits is hilarious. All things considered, this is just a plain, fun film. The director keeps things going, letting his two stars take the screen, and not trying to draw attention to himself with fancy camera work. I highly recommend "Draw!"
Dracula's Curse (2002)
Shot in Budapest and edited down from a television mini-series, this umpteenth retelling of Bram Stoker's legend has some things going for it, and even more strikes against it. Jonathan (Hardy Kruger, Jr.) and Mina (Stefania Rocca) are a young hotshot couple in Hungary, hanging out with friends Lucy (Muriel Baumeister) and her ex-boyfriends- vapid Quincy (Alessio Boni) and Ninny McSissypants Arthur (Conrad Hornby). Jonathan is approached by one Vlad Tepes (Patrick Bergin) who wants the young man to travel to Romania to liquidate an uncle's crumbling estate. Jonathan goes, is kept prisoner in the deteriorating manor by the uncle (also Bergin), but manages to get back to his friends in time to fend off some very strange vampiric attacks.
Set in the present, the world of "Dracula's Curse" (know simply as "Dracula" elsewhere) is problematic. Aside from Van Helsing becoming "Valenti" (Giancarlo Giannini, delivering too much intensity to a shallow role), all of the elements of the novel are here; yet cast members (especially the monumentally whiny Arthur) poo-poo the possibility of Dracula's presence. It is as if none of the characters ever heard of the novel or adaptations, aside from the name "Dracula," even though their lives are paralleling the book's plot. While this version did come from a longer work, the editing is pretty good save a couple of dangling subplots (Roenfeld; the three women who tempt Jonathan). However, the film opens with a rubber vampire bat attacking a horse and the cheap special effects never get any better. This was shot in Europe, and the dialogue is a stew of dubbing and hard-to-understand accents- I couldn't make out Valenti's name until the closing credits crawl. This tries to be epic, but the suspense is absent, the gore is weak, and the R-rated sexuality is PG13-chaste. Baumeister and Rocca are easy on the eyes, but the rest of the cast barely register. Bergin's performance is lacking, he must have been told that standing at the top of staircases with his arms and cape open would be really really scary. The music is ignorable, and the sequel set-up is predictable and off. The Budapest locations are stunning and should have been put to better use, since the night scenes are sometimes lit more brightly than scenes in direct sunlight. "Dracula's Curse" held some promise, but fell victim to its own television origins and slight budget.
Set in the present, the world of "Dracula's Curse" (know simply as "Dracula" elsewhere) is problematic. Aside from Van Helsing becoming "Valenti" (Giancarlo Giannini, delivering too much intensity to a shallow role), all of the elements of the novel are here; yet cast members (especially the monumentally whiny Arthur) poo-poo the possibility of Dracula's presence. It is as if none of the characters ever heard of the novel or adaptations, aside from the name "Dracula," even though their lives are paralleling the book's plot. While this version did come from a longer work, the editing is pretty good save a couple of dangling subplots (Roenfeld; the three women who tempt Jonathan). However, the film opens with a rubber vampire bat attacking a horse and the cheap special effects never get any better. This was shot in Europe, and the dialogue is a stew of dubbing and hard-to-understand accents- I couldn't make out Valenti's name until the closing credits crawl. This tries to be epic, but the suspense is absent, the gore is weak, and the R-rated sexuality is PG13-chaste. Baumeister and Rocca are easy on the eyes, but the rest of the cast barely register. Bergin's performance is lacking, he must have been told that standing at the top of staircases with his arms and cape open would be really really scary. The music is ignorable, and the sequel set-up is predictable and off. The Budapest locations are stunning and should have been put to better use, since the night scenes are sometimes lit more brightly than scenes in direct sunlight. "Dracula's Curse" held some promise, but fell victim to its own television origins and slight budget.
The Double McGuffin (1979)
When this film came out in 1979, I was eleven years old. Then, it was the best film of my young life. Now, it is okay, but a neat trip down memory lane. Specks (Dion Pride), Homer (Greg Hodges), Foster (Vincent Spano), and Billy Ray (Jeff Nicholson) are all junior high school age buddies at a private boarding school. They have frequent minor brushes with the law- easy going police Chief "Tally" Talasek (George Kennedy, in one of his most cuddly performances). The boys are boys until Homer finds a briefcase full of cash in the nearby woods. He takes his friends back to the place he hid it- and they find a dead body with a bullet in the head. The boys then take Tally back, but find nothing. A mysterious man (Ernest Borgnine) begins hanging around town, sporting Homer's found briefcase. As Tally is called in on yet another dead end investigation over the cash free case, the boys begin suspecting the mystery man of something. Since this is a mystery, I cannot give too much away. Our young heroes enlist the aid of school paper reporter Jody (Lisa Whelchel) and nerdy tattletale Arthur (Michael Gerard), and the group sets elaborate traps to collect evidence on the mystery man and his newly arrived henchmen. Eventually, the group must switch from evidence collecting to actually getting Tally to arrest the men before they carry out a political assassination.
As I said, this was a better film twenty years ago than it is now. The scenes involving the giant bulky school computers are now just funny. Kennedy's explanation of sending a criminal's photo over the wire to Washington, then having results on that suspect in an hour, is so antiquated as to also be humorous. Even the "modern" boys themselves must use rotary dial telephones. A few scenes here and there run too long, and the climax is clever but not exactly action filled. On a positive note, I wanted to be just like these kids. Their dormitory room has secret compartments everywhere, hiding everything from a TV and stereo to junk food and a single beer being saved for a special occasion. They run around and solve crimes, with very little physical harm being threatened. Although set at a school, no one seems to go to class- every kid's dream. Dion Pride and Greg Hodges did nothing else after this, according to the internet. That is a shame. Pride warbles the film's flimsy songs, but he has great screen presence as the group's unofficial leader. Hodges is a riot as Homer, whether he is trying to hide the briefcase full of cash or reading a Playboy in the background of a dialogue scene. Spano and Nicholson are also good. Gerard, as the always flustered Arthur, is also funny, and threatens to steal the film from Hodges once he is introduced. I can proudly say I had a crush on Lisa Whelchel before she took the good, took the bad, took them both, and then she had "The Facts of Life." Between her sitcom work and "Collector's Call," I can't believe I have been watching her onscreen for over forty years. Kennedy is good, Borgnine is vaguely threatening without scaring youngsters, but Elke Sommer is given nothing to do but be filmed from great distances and briefly flash the camera. Borgnine's henchmen are played with athletic stiffness by Ed "Too Tall" Jones (Go Cowboys!) and Lyle Alzado. Camp throws in a few funny inside jokes as well in an otherwise normal directorial routine. A radio has Verne Lundquist analyzing Jones and Alzado's football strategies. A book rack is full of paperback books about the canine icon Benji, who Camp trained and whose films he directed. Little things like this are fun to watch out for. Orson Welles tells us in the ominous opening narration that a McGuffin is the driving force that propels the suspense forward; the main reason behind the story. Here, it is the briefcase and its constantly changing contents, but also its incredibly fun cast and breezy conspiracy. Although not as good as I remember it being, "The Double McGuffin" is still a charming experience. I do recommend it.
As I said, this was a better film twenty years ago than it is now. The scenes involving the giant bulky school computers are now just funny. Kennedy's explanation of sending a criminal's photo over the wire to Washington, then having results on that suspect in an hour, is so antiquated as to also be humorous. Even the "modern" boys themselves must use rotary dial telephones. A few scenes here and there run too long, and the climax is clever but not exactly action filled. On a positive note, I wanted to be just like these kids. Their dormitory room has secret compartments everywhere, hiding everything from a TV and stereo to junk food and a single beer being saved for a special occasion. They run around and solve crimes, with very little physical harm being threatened. Although set at a school, no one seems to go to class- every kid's dream. Dion Pride and Greg Hodges did nothing else after this, according to the internet. That is a shame. Pride warbles the film's flimsy songs, but he has great screen presence as the group's unofficial leader. Hodges is a riot as Homer, whether he is trying to hide the briefcase full of cash or reading a Playboy in the background of a dialogue scene. Spano and Nicholson are also good. Gerard, as the always flustered Arthur, is also funny, and threatens to steal the film from Hodges once he is introduced. I can proudly say I had a crush on Lisa Whelchel before she took the good, took the bad, took them both, and then she had "The Facts of Life." Between her sitcom work and "Collector's Call," I can't believe I have been watching her onscreen for over forty years. Kennedy is good, Borgnine is vaguely threatening without scaring youngsters, but Elke Sommer is given nothing to do but be filmed from great distances and briefly flash the camera. Borgnine's henchmen are played with athletic stiffness by Ed "Too Tall" Jones (Go Cowboys!) and Lyle Alzado. Camp throws in a few funny inside jokes as well in an otherwise normal directorial routine. A radio has Verne Lundquist analyzing Jones and Alzado's football strategies. A book rack is full of paperback books about the canine icon Benji, who Camp trained and whose films he directed. Little things like this are fun to watch out for. Orson Welles tells us in the ominous opening narration that a McGuffin is the driving force that propels the suspense forward; the main reason behind the story. Here, it is the briefcase and its constantly changing contents, but also its incredibly fun cast and breezy conspiracy. Although not as good as I remember it being, "The Double McGuffin" is still a charming experience. I do recommend it.
Thursday, March 26, 2026
The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982)
In this dorky slasher hooey, half a dozen students must clean out an old college dormitory before it is demolished. One reviewer must clean out his eyes and ears before they are demolished by this film. All the stock characters are here: heroine Joanne (Laurie Lipinski), smart alec Craig (Stephen Sachs), hunk Brian (David Snow), insecure Patti (Pamela Holland), and red herring suspects Bobby Lee (Dennis Ely) and John Hemmit (Woody Roll). Debbie (Daphne Zuniga) and her parents are the first victims of the unseen killer. The killer then plays hide and seek, cat and mouse, etc., with the cast. One by one, they end up missing until the killer's identity is revealed in a stunning moment that will ring through the ages as a pinnacle point in the art of film- or you know whodunnit if you pay mild disinterested attention to the movie.
Obrow and Carpenter even go through the old device of having the killer explain their motives for the spree, as if anyone but the surviving cast member cared. The one plus I could find was the pretty good gore effects. The killings have a mean quality to them, from Debbie's death by being run over a few times, to the bloody climactic fight. Sex is kept to a minimum, we get to see a topless girlfriend of Bobby Lee's, but that's it. The film cannot even get exploitation elements down correctly. Another plus is that the killing does start almost immediately, as if the film makers were in a rush to grab the audience's attention. Holding the audience's attention should have been a concern. "The Dorm That Dripped Blood" is so typical, and so bad, it is no wonder the makers of the "Scream" and "Scary Movie" series had such an easy time skewering the genre.
Obrow and Carpenter even go through the old device of having the killer explain their motives for the spree, as if anyone but the surviving cast member cared. The one plus I could find was the pretty good gore effects. The killings have a mean quality to them, from Debbie's death by being run over a few times, to the bloody climactic fight. Sex is kept to a minimum, we get to see a topless girlfriend of Bobby Lee's, but that's it. The film cannot even get exploitation elements down correctly. Another plus is that the killing does start almost immediately, as if the film makers were in a rush to grab the audience's attention. Holding the audience's attention should have been a concern. "The Dorm That Dripped Blood" is so typical, and so bad, it is no wonder the makers of the "Scream" and "Scary Movie" series had such an easy time skewering the genre.
Dorian Blues (2005)
When it comes to gay and lesbian films, the genre is full of broad sub-genres. You have the serious AIDS-themed drama, the sexy dating comedy, the "risky" mainstream love story (I'm thinking of some lonely Wyoming cowboys), porn, and the coming-out/coming of age dramedy. "Dorian Blues" falls squarely into this final category. The good news is it's one of the best films of its kind. The film opens with a funeral. The viewer does not know whose funeral it is as narrator Dorian (Michael McMillian) takes us back to his senior year in high school growing up with a controlling dad (Steven C. Fletcher), a flighty mother (Mo Quigley), and overachieving year-younger brother Nicky (Lea Coco). Dorian is gay, knows it, but has not come out to his father. He does tell Nicky, then goes to a therapist who makes him role play the coming-out (with a dummy playing Dorian's dad). Dorian even tries religion, guilting himself straight. Nicky also tries "straightening" him out, getting him a hooker for the night in one of many great scenes. While the eventual coming-out goes as expected, things really change for Dorian when he hits college in New York City.
Tennyson Bardwell wrote and directed the film, doing both chores equally well. Even with a small cast and low budget, his direction is very imaginative, hitting all the right notes. I was thrilled that the humor was never over-the-top and the drama- many coming-out scenes rarely work- did not dissolve into pathos. The script might seem busy from a synopsis but Bardwell's pacing moves quickly without turning into a chaotic free-for-all. Taylor Morrison's photography is beautiful, giving the film a multi-million dollar look. Also crisp is Ann Marie Lizzi's editing- I cannot remember a bad shot or cut. The cast is flawless, another rarity for the small gay film. McMillian reminded me of Topher Grace in the role of Dorian. His delivery is natural and funny, with Bardwell's dialogue rolling effortlessly out of the cast's mouths. Thank God Nicky was not written as just another stupid jock. Coco turns in a great, likable performance, and he and McMillian seemed relaxed playing siblings. Kudos as well to Fletcher, who will remind you of your own dad, and Quigley, whose last scene really resonates. Sure, I hate the DVD cover art since the film makers never seemed to decide on a poster, and I had problems with the film's timeline, but those are slight complaints. "Dorian Blues" is one of the funniest films I have seen in a while, and the best coming of age story (gay or otherwise) to come along in ages. Everyone involved should be proud.
Tennyson Bardwell wrote and directed the film, doing both chores equally well. Even with a small cast and low budget, his direction is very imaginative, hitting all the right notes. I was thrilled that the humor was never over-the-top and the drama- many coming-out scenes rarely work- did not dissolve into pathos. The script might seem busy from a synopsis but Bardwell's pacing moves quickly without turning into a chaotic free-for-all. Taylor Morrison's photography is beautiful, giving the film a multi-million dollar look. Also crisp is Ann Marie Lizzi's editing- I cannot remember a bad shot or cut. The cast is flawless, another rarity for the small gay film. McMillian reminded me of Topher Grace in the role of Dorian. His delivery is natural and funny, with Bardwell's dialogue rolling effortlessly out of the cast's mouths. Thank God Nicky was not written as just another stupid jock. Coco turns in a great, likable performance, and he and McMillian seemed relaxed playing siblings. Kudos as well to Fletcher, who will remind you of your own dad, and Quigley, whose last scene really resonates. Sure, I hate the DVD cover art since the film makers never seemed to decide on a poster, and I had problems with the film's timeline, but those are slight complaints. "Dorian Blues" is one of the funniest films I have seen in a while, and the best coming of age story (gay or otherwise) to come along in ages. Everyone involved should be proud.
Dominique (1979)
Scanning the combined talents of director Michael Anderson and an Academy Award familiar cast, you would think "Dominique" (AKA "Dominique is Dead") would end up being a little more entertaining and a little less predictable. David (Cliff Robertson) and his wife Dominique (Jean Simmons) reside in a giant English mansion rife with tension. Dominique has trouble getting around thanks to an "accidental fall" down the stairs, and her memory seems to be lapsing as well. She fires her chauffeur, and steals a friend's broach, but does not recall the events. She and her stock broker husband have separate bedrooms, and after Dominique sees a hanging corpse that conveniently disappears, she is certain her husband is trying to drive her insane. A new chauffeur, Tony (Simon Ward), is hired, and out of desperation Dominique goes to him for help. New to the job, Tony rebuffs Dominique, and she promptly hangs herself in the conservatory. The funeral is a sad affair, and Dominique's last wishes are to be buried with a favorite bracelet and then have her last will and testament read on her wedding anniversary, which happens to fall on Halloween. David doesn't seem too broken up about Dominique's death. Before her body is even cold, however, he starts hearing Dominique's piano playing itself. A mysterious woman dressed in black orders tombstones for David and Dominique's grave, with a cryptic "SOON" written where David's death date would be carved. David sees a woman who looks like Dominique from his office window, and eventually bribes Tony to dig up Dominique's grave. What he finds sheds little light on the mystery.
I read that this film was taken from Anderson and edited without his approval. If this is true, it would explain some of the flaws. For a horror film, there is not much here to horrify. An occasional jump-scare moment and good sound effects editing are all we get. Most of the suspense consists of a cast member seeing something otherworldly, turning away or running for help, and then returning and not able to find the original apparition. This happens constantly and makes up the bulk of the film. It was unfortunate that Ward and Agutter, as David's half-sister, were cast in this. Two name actors in seemingly innocuous supporting roles only raise the viewer's suspicion that there is more to their characters. The screenplay, based on a short story, is padded and predictable. We have two different trips to the cemetery to see Allen's vandalized headstone. We get more than one scene of Allen "seeing" Dominique out his window. Two different "dig the casket up" scenes. The viewer will experience deja vu about situations that occurred minutes before. Anderson's direction is rather dry, save an occasional tracking shot. The performances are good across the board, although someone should have told Robertson that his moustache, hat, and trench coat in the cemetery scenes make him look like Inspector Clouseau. Moody is wasted as the doctor. "Dominique is Dead" is in the public domain, meaning there are plenty of lousy-quality copies out there for you to choose from. Then again, all the restoration and commentary in the world couldn't help, unless Anderson has a director's cut stashed somewhere.
I read that this film was taken from Anderson and edited without his approval. If this is true, it would explain some of the flaws. For a horror film, there is not much here to horrify. An occasional jump-scare moment and good sound effects editing are all we get. Most of the suspense consists of a cast member seeing something otherworldly, turning away or running for help, and then returning and not able to find the original apparition. This happens constantly and makes up the bulk of the film. It was unfortunate that Ward and Agutter, as David's half-sister, were cast in this. Two name actors in seemingly innocuous supporting roles only raise the viewer's suspicion that there is more to their characters. The screenplay, based on a short story, is padded and predictable. We have two different trips to the cemetery to see Allen's vandalized headstone. We get more than one scene of Allen "seeing" Dominique out his window. Two different "dig the casket up" scenes. The viewer will experience deja vu about situations that occurred minutes before. Anderson's direction is rather dry, save an occasional tracking shot. The performances are good across the board, although someone should have told Robertson that his moustache, hat, and trench coat in the cemetery scenes make him look like Inspector Clouseau. Moody is wasted as the doctor. "Dominique is Dead" is in the public domain, meaning there are plenty of lousy-quality copies out there for you to choose from. Then again, all the restoration and commentary in the world couldn't help, unless Anderson has a director's cut stashed somewhere.
Dolores Claiborne (1995)
Stephen King's change of pace novel was brought triumphantly to the screen and fizzled at the box office and award shows. Now is the time to rediscover one of the best films of the 1990's. Kathy Bates is the title character, who is under suspicion after her battleaxe employer is found at the bottom of a staircase with Bates holding a marble rolling pin over her head. Cue angry pill-popping alcoholic New York City reporter daughter Selena (Jennifer Jason Leigh) who is called home to Dolores' aid. Dolores is the town weirdo, and Detective Mackey (Christopher Plummer) wants to put her away for good, considering her first escape from a murder charge. Almost twenty years before, Dolores was implicated but not prosecuted in her abusive husband Joe's (David Strathairn) death. The film then takes two courses: a modern day mystery, as Dolores' relationship with her employer reveals the death not to be cut and dried; and what really happened on the day of the eclipse eighteen years ago when Dolores' husband fell down an abandoned well.
A basic plot summary cannot do justice to such an outstanding film. Kathy Bates does a better job here than in "Misery," as Dolores is completely unapologetic about her actions over the years. Jennifer Jason Leigh is also great in a role that goes beyond "bitter daughter," as she and her mother try to get along despite some very deep dark secrets. Christopher Plummer is also good as the obsessed investigator who decides he will make some kind of murder charge stick to Dolores. David Strathairn is one of the most evil characters of all time, becoming a domestic nightmare, but not in the television movie sense. His first initial act of violence with Bates is both disgusting and shocking. John C. Reilly is also good in an early role as a constable. Placed in Maine and filmed in Nova Scotia, the location is absolute perfection. This is the cold ruddy setting of a lot of King's novels, and the best east coast small town since "Needful Things." Hackford, who has done such quality work in the past, shows King's novel a reverence that is often missing from other King adaptations. He does a professional job, both with the eclipse sequences, and especially with the smooth transitions in the film from past to present and back again. No blurry or black and white sequences, you know when and where you are constantly. "Dolores Claiborne" ranks with "Misery" and "The Dead Zone" as one of the best big screen adaptations of King's work, which have become the stuff of television miniseries lately. This is not a horror film, if you appreciate the nuances of Agatha Christie's murder mysteries, or just a good detective story, check this out. In case you haven't figured it out, I definitely recommend it.
A basic plot summary cannot do justice to such an outstanding film. Kathy Bates does a better job here than in "Misery," as Dolores is completely unapologetic about her actions over the years. Jennifer Jason Leigh is also great in a role that goes beyond "bitter daughter," as she and her mother try to get along despite some very deep dark secrets. Christopher Plummer is also good as the obsessed investigator who decides he will make some kind of murder charge stick to Dolores. David Strathairn is one of the most evil characters of all time, becoming a domestic nightmare, but not in the television movie sense. His first initial act of violence with Bates is both disgusting and shocking. John C. Reilly is also good in an early role as a constable. Placed in Maine and filmed in Nova Scotia, the location is absolute perfection. This is the cold ruddy setting of a lot of King's novels, and the best east coast small town since "Needful Things." Hackford, who has done such quality work in the past, shows King's novel a reverence that is often missing from other King adaptations. He does a professional job, both with the eclipse sequences, and especially with the smooth transitions in the film from past to present and back again. No blurry or black and white sequences, you know when and where you are constantly. "Dolores Claiborne" ranks with "Misery" and "The Dead Zone" as one of the best big screen adaptations of King's work, which have become the stuff of television miniseries lately. This is not a horror film, if you appreciate the nuances of Agatha Christie's murder mysteries, or just a good detective story, check this out. In case you haven't figured it out, I definitely recommend it.
Dollar for the Dead (1998)
Emilio Estevez is nameless Cowboy hunting down a half million dollars worth of Confederate gold in this very exciting homage to the spaghetti westerns of the 1960's. Cowboy finds out about the gold from Dooley (William Forsythe, playing a rare good guy role). Dooley is a one-legged Confederate veteran who has a holster that contains part of a map that will lead to a half million dollars in gold. Dooley also has Col. Skinner (Jonathan Banks) and a bunch of renegade Confederates on his tail. Cowboy also has problems, being tracked by Reager (Howie Long) and his band of Regulators for the killing of Reager's son. Cowboy and Dooley team up to find the other three holsters, complete the map, and get the gold.
Writer/Director Quintano uses the opening gunfight to tell the viewer that this is not your run-of-the-mill cable television western. You can spot tips of the hat to "The Matrix" and John Woo films as Cowboy leaps, jumps, and shoots from the hip in more ways than one. The best scene involves Cowboy dropping a drink, pulling and shooting a bad guy, and catching his drink before it hits the floor. Quintano, who has worked on everything from "The Musketeer" to Police Academy films, does an excellent job. His use of the camera will recall those great Sergio Leone films, and he takes the action one step further, defying all logic and belief, and making it really thrilling to watch. My one quibble is that I wish the villains Skinner and Reager had been fleshed out more, but this is a minor complaint. Estevez seems physically wrong in the role, but he is not the quipping Billy the Kid of the "Young Guns" series. He eventually won me over, and I liked what he did with a role he is wrong for. Forsythe is great as Dooley, the peg legged treasure hunter. He is likable without going into comedy relief territory. Ed Lauter is also here as one of the pair's earliest partners, and his part is just right. Long has a good look about him, and he is tough. He should have been taking roles like this in order to bone up his skills before tackling the big screen- "Firestorm," anyone? Banks does not have much to do, but he is also good as the Confederate commander. Plot and exposition are spotty as the main attraction here is the action. Thankfully, Quintano keeps us interested with incredible set pieces you have never seen in a western before. This is not a documentary, Quintano lets you know this right away, so as bodies fly through the air and stagecoaches explode, you are totally enthralled. "Dollar for the Dead" probably could have handled itself in a big screen release. This is definitely a good one, and I highly recommend it.
Writer/Director Quintano uses the opening gunfight to tell the viewer that this is not your run-of-the-mill cable television western. You can spot tips of the hat to "The Matrix" and John Woo films as Cowboy leaps, jumps, and shoots from the hip in more ways than one. The best scene involves Cowboy dropping a drink, pulling and shooting a bad guy, and catching his drink before it hits the floor. Quintano, who has worked on everything from "The Musketeer" to Police Academy films, does an excellent job. His use of the camera will recall those great Sergio Leone films, and he takes the action one step further, defying all logic and belief, and making it really thrilling to watch. My one quibble is that I wish the villains Skinner and Reager had been fleshed out more, but this is a minor complaint. Estevez seems physically wrong in the role, but he is not the quipping Billy the Kid of the "Young Guns" series. He eventually won me over, and I liked what he did with a role he is wrong for. Forsythe is great as Dooley, the peg legged treasure hunter. He is likable without going into comedy relief territory. Ed Lauter is also here as one of the pair's earliest partners, and his part is just right. Long has a good look about him, and he is tough. He should have been taking roles like this in order to bone up his skills before tackling the big screen- "Firestorm," anyone? Banks does not have much to do, but he is also good as the Confederate commander. Plot and exposition are spotty as the main attraction here is the action. Thankfully, Quintano keeps us interested with incredible set pieces you have never seen in a western before. This is not a documentary, Quintano lets you know this right away, so as bodies fly through the air and stagecoaches explode, you are totally enthralled. "Dollar for the Dead" probably could have handled itself in a big screen release. This is definitely a good one, and I highly recommend it.
The Dog Problem (2006)
Before watching this film, not a lot came to mind when I see the name "Scott Caan." Famous dad, supporting roles in a few good movies; I always thought he looked like that jock in high school whose name escapes you at your high school reunion- but then I watched "The Dog Problem." Caan wrote and directed the story of Solo (Giovanni Ribisi), a one-book-wonder author who has therapy five days a week with his shrink (an unbilled Don Cheadle). His psychiatrist suggests Solo get a pet in one of their last sessions; "last" because Solo is not only broke, but owes money to loan shark Benny (Kevin Corrigan). Solo gets a small Tongan terrier, and immediately has issues with the dog; Ribisi's phone conversations with Brad (Med Abrous) the pet store worker are a riot. Solo's best friend, womanizing photographer Casper (Scott Caan) introduces Solo to Jules (Mena Suvari), a spoiled socialite whose good deed to the world is to take in little dogs, love them, then release them to rich homes. Solo gets more and more attached to the still unnamed dog, and meets Lola (the excellent Lynn Collins), a stripper who is more complicated than her job lets on. When Solo's dog turns up missing, Solo realizes the animal means more to him than he knew.
This film is a blast. The creepy thing is: every conversation between Solo and Casper feels so real, I swear I have had the same talks verbatim with friends of mine. Caan has such a great ear for dialogue, and none of the flaws, run-ons, and incomplete sentences feel forced. His screenplay is so accurate, it's almost painful to hear Lola talk about her celibacy and goalless life. Caan gives himself some very funny scenes but keeps all the attention on Solo, where it should be. Ribisi is perfect. Caan's confident camerawork is mind blowing. Toss in everything from the impressive opening title sequence to Mark Mothersbaugh's infectious score, and Caan smoothly uses his shots without nervous trepidation. I had some quibbles about Benny and Jules, but by the time the ending came, I didn't care, I just found everything here extremely funny. My final realization that Caan is a strong comic director? While there are just enough shots of the cute dog, there are no "cute" shots of the dog. No "isn't he adorable!' No "aah, puppy!" I sincerely thank him for that. "The Dog Problem" is Caan's second directorial effort, and I have not laughed at a movie like this in a long time. It's a funny film I happily recommend.
This film is a blast. The creepy thing is: every conversation between Solo and Casper feels so real, I swear I have had the same talks verbatim with friends of mine. Caan has such a great ear for dialogue, and none of the flaws, run-ons, and incomplete sentences feel forced. His screenplay is so accurate, it's almost painful to hear Lola talk about her celibacy and goalless life. Caan gives himself some very funny scenes but keeps all the attention on Solo, where it should be. Ribisi is perfect. Caan's confident camerawork is mind blowing. Toss in everything from the impressive opening title sequence to Mark Mothersbaugh's infectious score, and Caan smoothly uses his shots without nervous trepidation. I had some quibbles about Benny and Jules, but by the time the ending came, I didn't care, I just found everything here extremely funny. My final realization that Caan is a strong comic director? While there are just enough shots of the cute dog, there are no "cute" shots of the dog. No "isn't he adorable!' No "aah, puppy!" I sincerely thank him for that. "The Dog Problem" is Caan's second directorial effort, and I have not laughed at a movie like this in a long time. It's a funny film I happily recommend.
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004)
While the original "Dirty Dancing" was a goofball throwback to letting your hair down and cutting loose, this film is a goofball throwback to letting your hair down and cutting loose in Cuba. It is the fall of 1958. Brainy Katie (Romola Garai) is forced to move to Cuba thanks to Dad's (John Slattery) new job. The family, also including little sis Susie (Mika Boorem) and Mom (Sela Ward) settle in at the Hotel Oceana. Future preppie James (Jonathan Jackson) takes a liking to Katie right away, but Katie has eyes for cute waiter Javier (Diego Luna). The film addresses racism and pre-revolutionary Cuba, as Katie and Javier grow closer thanks to a mutual love for dancing. Katie wants to loosen up her hoofing skills, Mom and Dad were ballroom dancers, and Javier is more than willing to show her. Of course, Katie does get some advice from PATRICK SWAYZE, doing a cameo and showing these snot nosed young uns that he could still tap a foot and make the ladies swoon. Katie and Javier keep their dancing a secret, and practice for the big dance contest. There is plenty of dancing, and kissing, but then Fidel Castro comes along and ruins everything.
I started out hating this film. Bratty teen grows up through The Dance, and learns to appreciate her square family- hm, like the first film. But slowly, the film grew on me. Maybe it was some great location shooting- Puerto Rico standing in for Havana. The two leads have a great chemistry together, both on and off the dance floor. The direction and editing are crisp and fresh, never boring the viewer. Like the first film, the song score is full of songs from the period, and songs that would never be mistaken for the period. I had a good idea where the film was going until the final fifteen minutes, when the Cuban Revolution suddenly popped up. There was no bloodshed, but the last quarter hour of the film is something I did not see coming. In the end, "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" is purely average entertainment. Sure, I would have liked to see someone from the first film, besides Swayze, but this played more like a made-for-network-TV pilot instead of a major motion picture sequel, or remake, or whatever it is. Nice cast, nice direction, enjoy it for ten minutes after it ends before you realize it stays with you about as long as a fast food meal.
I started out hating this film. Bratty teen grows up through The Dance, and learns to appreciate her square family- hm, like the first film. But slowly, the film grew on me. Maybe it was some great location shooting- Puerto Rico standing in for Havana. The two leads have a great chemistry together, both on and off the dance floor. The direction and editing are crisp and fresh, never boring the viewer. Like the first film, the song score is full of songs from the period, and songs that would never be mistaken for the period. I had a good idea where the film was going until the final fifteen minutes, when the Cuban Revolution suddenly popped up. There was no bloodshed, but the last quarter hour of the film is something I did not see coming. In the end, "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" is purely average entertainment. Sure, I would have liked to see someone from the first film, besides Swayze, but this played more like a made-for-network-TV pilot instead of a major motion picture sequel, or remake, or whatever it is. Nice cast, nice direction, enjoy it for ten minutes after it ends before you realize it stays with you about as long as a fast food meal.
Deadly Target (1994)
Trying to ride the Hong Kong action film bandwagon, this fun little picture holds its own in the action department, but fails in the editing and writing. Traveling to the Philippines on vacation, Interpol agents Anna (Pan Pan Yeung) and Cynthia (Yukari Oshima) visit Cynthia's cousin Ken, who happens to be a major arms dealer. Renegade cop Eddie (Edu Manzano) meets up with the pair, and they try to find Wong (Phillip Ko), a man trying to make a gun deal. His gun sellers keep getting killed, until he makes a deal with Ken. Eddie gets all of his information from a mysterious informant, a man dressed (badly) as a woman. The final showdown pits Anna, Cynthia, and Eddie against Ken, Wong, and their various henchmen.
Plot and story are not really the main thrust of this film, the action is. I am unfamiliar with the actors, and the film does not mention who played who, but the stunts by Phillip Ko are incredible. The film makers stage a fight or gun battle at the drop of a hat. One scene has Anna and Cynthia teaming to battle on the beach against a dozen guys WHO WANT THEIR VOLLEYBALL BACK. That is the only reason for the carnage. Most of the time, the camera lovingly strays on the cute duo as they stretch by putting their feet well above their heads. Eddie, the stereotypical renegade cop, gets in a giant explosive fight just so he can make it to his daughter's birthday party on time. The action is fantastic, but the choppy editing really hurts. There is a subplot where Eddie's mother-in-law blames him for his wife's death, but that situation is never elaborated on. Some scenes end with a character talking in mid-sentence. The dubbing is atrocious, from giving most of the cast Americanized names, to lots of "hey"s and throat clearing dialogue just to have noise when the cast are moving their lips. The attempts at comedy are pretty disastrous, with one scene involving the transvestite, and some men who are attracted to him, that is down right unbearable. This is nothing earth shattering in the Asian film genre, but this was worth the rental price alone for some very well done action back in the day.
Plot and story are not really the main thrust of this film, the action is. I am unfamiliar with the actors, and the film does not mention who played who, but the stunts by Phillip Ko are incredible. The film makers stage a fight or gun battle at the drop of a hat. One scene has Anna and Cynthia teaming to battle on the beach against a dozen guys WHO WANT THEIR VOLLEYBALL BACK. That is the only reason for the carnage. Most of the time, the camera lovingly strays on the cute duo as they stretch by putting their feet well above their heads. Eddie, the stereotypical renegade cop, gets in a giant explosive fight just so he can make it to his daughter's birthday party on time. The action is fantastic, but the choppy editing really hurts. There is a subplot where Eddie's mother-in-law blames him for his wife's death, but that situation is never elaborated on. Some scenes end with a character talking in mid-sentence. The dubbing is atrocious, from giving most of the cast Americanized names, to lots of "hey"s and throat clearing dialogue just to have noise when the cast are moving their lips. The attempts at comedy are pretty disastrous, with one scene involving the transvestite, and some men who are attracted to him, that is down right unbearable. This is nothing earth shattering in the Asian film genre, but this was worth the rental price alone for some very well done action back in the day.
Wednesday, March 25, 2026
Sorority House Massacre (1986)
A mental patient escapes and tries to kill his sister (Angela O'Neill), who coincidentally is staying in a sorority house where the patient killed the rest of their family years before. While many fault this middling effort as a rip-off of "Halloween" (and it's not as bad a rip-off as "Offerings"), I find more fault in the fact that it was completely stupid. The acting is wooden all around, the characters are dull- their reactions to having friends killed is not supposed to be this hilarious, and the suspense is non-existent. Followed by a sequel.
Stuart Little: The Animated Series: All Revved Up! (2007)
When I first wrote this review, North Dakota had just gone through a horrible blizzard that had me cowering in my apartment for a couple of days. I caught up on some reading, and watched a couple of my kids' videos with a critical eye. I have been a film critic for as long as I can remember, so the old instincts kicked in.
Stuart Little, the creation of E.B. White, really took off in a couple of live action films released a few years back. Stuart Little is a mouse adopted by a human family. He has a Mom, a Dad, a brother named George, a sister named Martha, and a family cat named Snowbell. Stuart can talk, is understood, and the family and those around him do not seem to notice that he is a mouse.
The third film in the series was computer animated and released straight to video, and this brief two dimensionally animated television series followed. Hugh Laurie, voicing Mr. Little, is the only cast member returning from the films. The other voices in the series kind of sound like Michael J. Fox, Nathan Lane, Geena Davis, and the other film performers, but are obviously not. Each episode is book ended by a computer animated Stuart giving a brief life lesson for the kids. "Stuart Little: All Revved Up!" consisted of three episodes, and no extras:
"The Meatloaf Bandit" (written by Melody Fox, directed by Bob Hathcock)
In the first episode, Stuart and George must protect the Little house from whomever is stealing meat loaves in the neighborhood. While the animation is okay, the story is too mild, resulting in a quiet boredom. Nathan Lane's Snowbell the cat was ten times funnier than the series' imposter. On the 1 to 5 star scale, I give this a (* * *).
"A Model Driver" (written by Carin Greenberg-Baker, directed by Bert King)
A better episode than the first has older sibling George jealous of Stuart's miniature boat, car, and flying kite, and his ability to have more fun than a human boy thanks to his size. George decides to build himself a full sized car, and the Little parents worry. More laughs and excitement help, and kids learn that parents might look like they favor one child over another, but actually love them all equally. On the 1 to 5 star scale, I give this a (* * * *).
"Team Little" (written by Amy Wolfman, directed by Rich Wilkie)
The final episode has the Little family taking on another family that cheats in neighborhood games like three-legged races and water balloon tosses. This one is pretty amusing, thanks to Hugh Laurie's voice work, and the message for kids is demonstrated well. On the 1 to 5 star scale, I give this a (* * * *).
The DVD runs just sixty-seven minutes, and contains no extras. Kids wanting to read along onscreen are also out of luck since there are no subtitles recorded. While my then-eleven year old and then-seven year old boys were entertained, "Stuart Little: All Revved Up!" was not at the top of their repeat performance list. I would give the whole collection a (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
Stuart Little, the creation of E.B. White, really took off in a couple of live action films released a few years back. Stuart Little is a mouse adopted by a human family. He has a Mom, a Dad, a brother named George, a sister named Martha, and a family cat named Snowbell. Stuart can talk, is understood, and the family and those around him do not seem to notice that he is a mouse.
The third film in the series was computer animated and released straight to video, and this brief two dimensionally animated television series followed. Hugh Laurie, voicing Mr. Little, is the only cast member returning from the films. The other voices in the series kind of sound like Michael J. Fox, Nathan Lane, Geena Davis, and the other film performers, but are obviously not. Each episode is book ended by a computer animated Stuart giving a brief life lesson for the kids. "Stuart Little: All Revved Up!" consisted of three episodes, and no extras:
"The Meatloaf Bandit" (written by Melody Fox, directed by Bob Hathcock)
In the first episode, Stuart and George must protect the Little house from whomever is stealing meat loaves in the neighborhood. While the animation is okay, the story is too mild, resulting in a quiet boredom. Nathan Lane's Snowbell the cat was ten times funnier than the series' imposter. On the 1 to 5 star scale, I give this a (* * *).
"A Model Driver" (written by Carin Greenberg-Baker, directed by Bert King)
A better episode than the first has older sibling George jealous of Stuart's miniature boat, car, and flying kite, and his ability to have more fun than a human boy thanks to his size. George decides to build himself a full sized car, and the Little parents worry. More laughs and excitement help, and kids learn that parents might look like they favor one child over another, but actually love them all equally. On the 1 to 5 star scale, I give this a (* * * *).
"Team Little" (written by Amy Wolfman, directed by Rich Wilkie)
The final episode has the Little family taking on another family that cheats in neighborhood games like three-legged races and water balloon tosses. This one is pretty amusing, thanks to Hugh Laurie's voice work, and the message for kids is demonstrated well. On the 1 to 5 star scale, I give this a (* * * *).
The DVD runs just sixty-seven minutes, and contains no extras. Kids wanting to read along onscreen are also out of luck since there are no subtitles recorded. While my then-eleven year old and then-seven year old boys were entertained, "Stuart Little: All Revved Up!" was not at the top of their repeat performance list. I would give the whole collection a (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
Baby Huey and Many More (19??)
This negligible "collection" features just three cartoons on VHS, and should be tossed immediately upon viewing. Presented under the "Cartoon Craze" banner:
Pest Pupil (1957) 1/2*
This awful little slice of hell has the giant, diaper wearing, mentally challenged duck known as Baby Huey getting expelled for constantly assaulting his teacher, and then doing the same to his German-speaking home tutor. Tired gags and one annoying main character doom this. Also known as "Perfect Pupil."
Quack-a-Doodle-Doo (1950) *
This was the first Baby Huey cartoon, showing how he was born, dealing with the other poultry teasing him, as well as battling a barnyard-invading fox. Still annoying, still terrible, although famed director Freleng does try to do something different here and there.
Peeping Penguins (1937) * *
Four baby penguins explore an abandoned cabin, even after their mother sings them a bizarre song entitled "Curiosity Killed the Cat" to warn them away. This grates, and the song, with odd throat clearing, is awful.
Pest Pupil (1957) 1/2*
This awful little slice of hell has the giant, diaper wearing, mentally challenged duck known as Baby Huey getting expelled for constantly assaulting his teacher, and then doing the same to his German-speaking home tutor. Tired gags and one annoying main character doom this. Also known as "Perfect Pupil."
Quack-a-Doodle-Doo (1950) *
This was the first Baby Huey cartoon, showing how he was born, dealing with the other poultry teasing him, as well as battling a barnyard-invading fox. Still annoying, still terrible, although famed director Freleng does try to do something different here and there.
Peeping Penguins (1937) * *
Four baby penguins explore an abandoned cabin, even after their mother sings them a bizarre song entitled "Curiosity Killed the Cat" to warn them away. This grates, and the song, with odd throat clearing, is awful.
Hunky & Spunky & Friends: You Can't Shoe a Shoe Fly (2004)
This is another Digiview cut rated DVD, containing an oddball mix of animated films presented in all their technically decomposing glory. The shorts gathered here are rated on a five star rating scale:
Freedom River (1971) * * *
A deliriously simplistic fable about the arrogant people of an unnamed land who let their freedom go to their heads. Solemnly narrated by Orson Welles, this must have had the hippies in a frenzy back in the day.
The Tender Game (1958) * * * * *
Ella Fitzgerald, backed by the Oscar Peterson Trio, sings "Tenderly" as beautiful watercolor animation portrays life and love in a big city. Simple and marvelous- what is it doing here?
The Invisible Moustache of Raoul Dufy (1955) * * *
Little Raoul has blonde hair and blue eyes ("like a millionaire") and grows a light blond moustache and tries to become a painter. Narrated like a story book, and nice enough with some appealing scenes until the abrupt ending. An early accusation of "white privilege?"
Once Upon a Time There Was a Dot (1964) * * * *
Starting with a black dot on a white background, this film transforms itself into a charming vignette about a baby and its parents. Cute little story
The Goal Rush (1946) * * *
Canine College and Alley Cat College clash at the Milk Bowl for a big football game. Goofball generic stuff, but it does contain a couple of grins.
Boy Meets Dog (1938) * *
Based on Gene Byrnes' comic strip "Reg'lar Fellers," little Bobby (voiced by Walter Tetley) brings a dog home, and upsets a father (voiced by Billy Bletcher) who would today be considered abusive. Bizarre, the stuff of nightmares. I think this is available in the public domain since it appears on a ton of animation marathon VHS and DVD compilations.
Stats:
(1938) 9 min.
-Directed by Walter Lantz
-Story by Victor McLeod based on the comic strip "Reg'lar Fellers" by Gene Byrnes
-Cast: Billy Bletcher, Walter Tetley, The Rhythmettes, Joe Twerp, Danny Webb
(Not Rated)
Land of the Lost Jewels (1950) 1/2*
Children Isabel (voice of Mae Questel) and Billy (voice of Cecil Roy) go to the bottom of the ocean to find Isabel's lost lucky pin. Terrible picture quality and editing ruin an already sad piece of pun-filled animation
You Can't Shoe a Horse Fly (1940) * *
Two donkeys (or horses?) are bothered by a hungry horse fly when they decide to stop for a nap. I don't know who is Spunky and who is Hunky, but the gags are as weak as the annoying title song.
The cover and title of the DVD compilation feature a picture that has nothing to do with any of the content inside, and gets the joke title of the final cartoon wrong. This was available for a dollar or less back in the chaotic days of DVD, but it might be the only way to see some of these films.
Freedom River (1971) * * *
A deliriously simplistic fable about the arrogant people of an unnamed land who let their freedom go to their heads. Solemnly narrated by Orson Welles, this must have had the hippies in a frenzy back in the day.
The Tender Game (1958) * * * * *
Ella Fitzgerald, backed by the Oscar Peterson Trio, sings "Tenderly" as beautiful watercolor animation portrays life and love in a big city. Simple and marvelous- what is it doing here?
The Invisible Moustache of Raoul Dufy (1955) * * *
Little Raoul has blonde hair and blue eyes ("like a millionaire") and grows a light blond moustache and tries to become a painter. Narrated like a story book, and nice enough with some appealing scenes until the abrupt ending. An early accusation of "white privilege?"
Once Upon a Time There Was a Dot (1964) * * * *
Starting with a black dot on a white background, this film transforms itself into a charming vignette about a baby and its parents. Cute little story
The Goal Rush (1946) * * *
Canine College and Alley Cat College clash at the Milk Bowl for a big football game. Goofball generic stuff, but it does contain a couple of grins.
Boy Meets Dog (1938) * *
Based on Gene Byrnes' comic strip "Reg'lar Fellers," little Bobby (voiced by Walter Tetley) brings a dog home, and upsets a father (voiced by Billy Bletcher) who would today be considered abusive. Bizarre, the stuff of nightmares. I think this is available in the public domain since it appears on a ton of animation marathon VHS and DVD compilations.
Stats:
(1938) 9 min.
-Directed by Walter Lantz
-Story by Victor McLeod based on the comic strip "Reg'lar Fellers" by Gene Byrnes
-Cast: Billy Bletcher, Walter Tetley, The Rhythmettes, Joe Twerp, Danny Webb
(Not Rated)
Land of the Lost Jewels (1950) 1/2*
Children Isabel (voice of Mae Questel) and Billy (voice of Cecil Roy) go to the bottom of the ocean to find Isabel's lost lucky pin. Terrible picture quality and editing ruin an already sad piece of pun-filled animation
You Can't Shoe a Horse Fly (1940) * *
Two donkeys (or horses?) are bothered by a hungry horse fly when they decide to stop for a nap. I don't know who is Spunky and who is Hunky, but the gags are as weak as the annoying title song.
The cover and title of the DVD compilation feature a picture that has nothing to do with any of the content inside, and gets the joke title of the final cartoon wrong. This was available for a dollar or less back in the chaotic days of DVD, but it might be the only way to see some of these films.
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949)
This Walt Disney produced short has a bang-up ending to an otherwise saccharine story. Based on the tale by Washington Irving, this is only thirty three minutes long, and plays shorter. Bing Crosby is both the offscreen narrator and sings the lacking songs by Don Raye and Gene de Paul. Itinerant schoolmaster Ichabod Crane arrives in a small New York community. He is noticed about town, not only for his strange appearance but his penchant for constantly eating. He falls in love with Katrina Van Tassle, and her father's money-rich farmland. His rival for her affection is Bram, the local hunky bully. Ichabod attends a dance, where he and Bram vie for Katrina's hand. After a very funny slapstick sequence, Bram scares Ichabod with the story of the Headless Horseman. Ichabod rides out into the night, and sure enough the climax involves him and his slow plow horse trying to outrun the Horseman and his black steed.
Up until the dance, the film does not really gel. The songs are immediately forgettable, even with Crosby's voice behind them. The film works when it crosses into Warner Brothers' Loonie Tunes territory, as the physical comedy is very funny and makes up for the rest of the film. An example of weakness is the afterthought plot point that Crane is very superstitious. The pacing is very hurried, as if producer Disney did not want the kids to get bored before the final hilarious set-piece. A funny, but not perfect short animated piece, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" is goofy silliness in at least the last half.
Up until the dance, the film does not really gel. The songs are immediately forgettable, even with Crosby's voice behind them. The film works when it crosses into Warner Brothers' Loonie Tunes territory, as the physical comedy is very funny and makes up for the rest of the film. An example of weakness is the afterthought plot point that Crane is very superstitious. The pacing is very hurried, as if producer Disney did not want the kids to get bored before the final hilarious set-piece. A funny, but not perfect short animated piece, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" is goofy silliness in at least the last half.
Luna Park (2013)
Porn producer Alexia (Laura Reilly) sends her assistant Max (Michael Brent) to an apartment building to find out why her brother/building caretaker/conveniently mute Christi (Taylor Caldwell) is skulking around and falling for male tenants. Max falls for him instead.
I finally found it. The film that broke me. I caught this on a streaming service, and once it was over, I had a new WORST FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN. This is laughable garbage that I don't have the energy to cover in depth. I thought about retiring from film criticism, if not film watching, because this film may have made me dumber and I needed to crack open some books and try to revitalize my brain cells again. No, you know what? I'm not going to let this film beat me. I can be stronger than this film. Watch it, and tell me this isn't the worst film ever made, from the acting and plot, to the final twist that had me laughing through my tears. Watch it now. I dare you.
I finally found it. The film that broke me. I caught this on a streaming service, and once it was over, I had a new WORST FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN. This is laughable garbage that I don't have the energy to cover in depth. I thought about retiring from film criticism, if not film watching, because this film may have made me dumber and I needed to crack open some books and try to revitalize my brain cells again. No, you know what? I'm not going to let this film beat me. I can be stronger than this film. Watch it, and tell me this isn't the worst film ever made, from the acting and plot, to the final twist that had me laughing through my tears. Watch it now. I dare you.
Tuesday, March 24, 2026
Ikwe (1986)
Trapper Angus (Geraint Wyn Davies) in 1770's Canada takes native woman Ikwe (Hazel King) for a bride, and this way-too-short made-for-television film follows their relationship.
Lead actress King isn't very good, and the film feels chopped up. By the time the downer ending rolls around, and the musical "score" has brought on a headache, you realize that pretty scenery does not a good film make. Also known as "Daughters of the Country: Ikwe."
Stats:
-(1986) 58 min. (2/10)
-Directed by Norma Bailey
-Written by Wendy Lill
-Cast: Geraint Wyn Davies, Hazel King, Gladys Taylor, Patrick Buyere, William Ballantyne, Vicky Klyne, Marion Moneyas, Jaime Hardisty, Sarah Peebles, Kim McCaw, Wally McSween, David Gillies, Blake Taylor
-(Not Rated)- Mild physical violence, mild gun violence, some gore, some adult situations
Lead actress King isn't very good, and the film feels chopped up. By the time the downer ending rolls around, and the musical "score" has brought on a headache, you realize that pretty scenery does not a good film make. Also known as "Daughters of the Country: Ikwe."
Stats:
-(1986) 58 min. (2/10)
-Directed by Norma Bailey
-Written by Wendy Lill
-Cast: Geraint Wyn Davies, Hazel King, Gladys Taylor, Patrick Buyere, William Ballantyne, Vicky Klyne, Marion Moneyas, Jaime Hardisty, Sarah Peebles, Kim McCaw, Wally McSween, David Gillies, Blake Taylor
-(Not Rated)- Mild physical violence, mild gun violence, some gore, some adult situations
The Dove (De Duva) (1968)
This Oscar nominated spoof of Ingmar Bergman films might appeal to fans of the great filmmaker, and not anyone else.
An elderly Viktor (George Coe) travels back to his old home, visits the outhouse, and remembers back to a brush with Death (Sidney Davis) that he had when he was younger and in love. A random, defecating bird seems to always be around, waiting to provide gravitas to Viktor's life events.
The film is just long enough to belabor its one joke (the subtitled dialogue) and then bail out. I don't think this would work as a full-length comedy at all. Some of the plot points are funny, and the combination of spoken language and subtitles is very droll, but I was getting antsy about half way through. Kahn stands out in possibly her first filmed role.
I've seen films where I couldn't get the inside joke that the filmmakers were making. Here, I think I was a part of the fun as an appreciative audience member, but feel for anyone else who would dismiss this easily. Also known as "De Duva: The Dove."
Stats:
-(1968) 14 min. (7/10)
-Directed by George Coe, Anthony Lover
-Written by Sidney Davis
-Cast: George Coe, Pamela Burrell, Sidney Davis, Madeleine Kahn, David Zirlin, Peter Turgeon, Stan Rubenstein, Tom Stone
-Not Rated- Some adult situations
An elderly Viktor (George Coe) travels back to his old home, visits the outhouse, and remembers back to a brush with Death (Sidney Davis) that he had when he was younger and in love. A random, defecating bird seems to always be around, waiting to provide gravitas to Viktor's life events.
The film is just long enough to belabor its one joke (the subtitled dialogue) and then bail out. I don't think this would work as a full-length comedy at all. Some of the plot points are funny, and the combination of spoken language and subtitles is very droll, but I was getting antsy about half way through. Kahn stands out in possibly her first filmed role.
I've seen films where I couldn't get the inside joke that the filmmakers were making. Here, I think I was a part of the fun as an appreciative audience member, but feel for anyone else who would dismiss this easily. Also known as "De Duva: The Dove."
Stats:
-(1968) 14 min. (7/10)
-Directed by George Coe, Anthony Lover
-Written by Sidney Davis
-Cast: George Coe, Pamela Burrell, Sidney Davis, Madeleine Kahn, David Zirlin, Peter Turgeon, Stan Rubenstein, Tom Stone
-Not Rated- Some adult situations
Monday, March 23, 2026
Seven Days to Live (2000)
This weird little effort may be one of the most entertaining derivative films I have seen in years.
Amanda Plummer, who is normally the best thing in her films, plays Ellen- the wife of successful novelist Martin (Sean Pertwee). The couple has lost a child, and move out into rural New Hampshire so Martin can complete his comeback book. Everything seems to be going hunky-dory, except the film's prologue.
Before the credits roll, we see Sheriff Farrell (Nick Brimble) and two others break down the door of a house that has been boarded up from the inside. They find a local man sitting in the corner staring at his very dead wife, who seems to have drowned- in the living room in front of the television. The house they broke into? The same one Ellen and Martin move into twenty three years later. Things are bad from the get-go.
Ellen begins hallucinating that weathermen on the radio, the steam on the mirror after a shower, and a street sign are all telling her the same thing- she has one week to live, and these innocuous everyday things are keeping a running countdown for her. Farrell, now retired, visits Ellen and gives her a stray dog, but no information about why the creepy house stood abandoned for so long. Martin begins writing again, sometimes thirty pages in one sitting. He is moody, brooding, rude, and keeps locking the door to the basement when he comes up after spending way too much time down there. Ellen starts investigating what exactly is happening to her and her husband.
The film is unsettling, thanks to location filming the director may not have intended. The actors sport American and British accents, and with the countryside house, I assumed the film was shot in Australia. But then cars had the steering wheels on the wrong side, and the license plates looked European, so I assumed mainland Europe. True enough, the German crew shot in southeastern Europe.
As indicated, screenwriter Dirk Ahner takes a lot of different ingredients from other horror films. Pertwee, who I only knew from his stint on the British TV series "Cold Feet," is the now clicheed frustrated writer who goes bonkers. Like Nicholson in Kubrick's "The Shining," he goes bonkers too soon. Before the bonkering commences, Plummer and Pertwee have an amazing chemistry. They seem like a real couple, complete with inside jokes and silliness.
While director Niemann was handed a familiar script, his camera effort is top notch. The set is impressive, and he sure knows how to stage some spooky stuff. There are a couple of CGI effects, but Niemann does not rest the entire film on them. Plummer is probably beaten and battered around more than any other actress in film history, yet her strong character never does anything stupid. Her smarts while battling her husband are impressive.
While the finale may strain credibility, this is a very good effort. "Seven Days to Live" is a pleasant surprise, not script-wise, but buoyed by strong performances and a sure directorial hand.
Amanda Plummer, who is normally the best thing in her films, plays Ellen- the wife of successful novelist Martin (Sean Pertwee). The couple has lost a child, and move out into rural New Hampshire so Martin can complete his comeback book. Everything seems to be going hunky-dory, except the film's prologue.
Before the credits roll, we see Sheriff Farrell (Nick Brimble) and two others break down the door of a house that has been boarded up from the inside. They find a local man sitting in the corner staring at his very dead wife, who seems to have drowned- in the living room in front of the television. The house they broke into? The same one Ellen and Martin move into twenty three years later. Things are bad from the get-go.
Ellen begins hallucinating that weathermen on the radio, the steam on the mirror after a shower, and a street sign are all telling her the same thing- she has one week to live, and these innocuous everyday things are keeping a running countdown for her. Farrell, now retired, visits Ellen and gives her a stray dog, but no information about why the creepy house stood abandoned for so long. Martin begins writing again, sometimes thirty pages in one sitting. He is moody, brooding, rude, and keeps locking the door to the basement when he comes up after spending way too much time down there. Ellen starts investigating what exactly is happening to her and her husband.
The film is unsettling, thanks to location filming the director may not have intended. The actors sport American and British accents, and with the countryside house, I assumed the film was shot in Australia. But then cars had the steering wheels on the wrong side, and the license plates looked European, so I assumed mainland Europe. True enough, the German crew shot in southeastern Europe.
As indicated, screenwriter Dirk Ahner takes a lot of different ingredients from other horror films. Pertwee, who I only knew from his stint on the British TV series "Cold Feet," is the now clicheed frustrated writer who goes bonkers. Like Nicholson in Kubrick's "The Shining," he goes bonkers too soon. Before the bonkering commences, Plummer and Pertwee have an amazing chemistry. They seem like a real couple, complete with inside jokes and silliness.
While director Niemann was handed a familiar script, his camera effort is top notch. The set is impressive, and he sure knows how to stage some spooky stuff. There are a couple of CGI effects, but Niemann does not rest the entire film on them. Plummer is probably beaten and battered around more than any other actress in film history, yet her strong character never does anything stupid. Her smarts while battling her husband are impressive.
While the finale may strain credibility, this is a very good effort. "Seven Days to Live" is a pleasant surprise, not script-wise, but buoyed by strong performances and a sure directorial hand.
Friday, March 20, 2026
The Retrievers (1982)
Tom (Max Thayer) is recruited by a secret government agency to place wiretaps. The wiretappers are retired, so Tom becomes a "retriever," an elite force that retrieves people for the company's gain. He helps retrieve Danny (Lenard Miller), but Tom has had enough of the violence, and spares Danny's sister Janice (Shawn Hoskins). Turns out Danny wrote an expose on being in the company, and Tom and Janice run around trying to get the book published with the rest of the Retrievers hot on their tails.
This film is violent. Not full of action or adventure, but violent just to be mean and violent. I can handle violence in films but this movie is also badly done. Badly written? That, too, but I am talking about handheld camerawork that had my stomach churning. I am talking about introducing a fat character just for the tuba on the soundtrack, and the laughs from how huge he is. I am talking about the shootings of unemployed drunks in one scene, and a racist term in the closing credits. I am talking about Katey Sagal singing one of the worst movie songs of all-time. I am talking about spotting a boom microphone or its shadow not once, not twice, but three times. I am talking about an opening scene that has a gunman mow down a children's birthday party, killing adults and kids.
Hong's direction is terrible. The fight scenes are so poorly choreographed, I was giggling as henchmen and heroes rarely connected with their fake punches, yet still fell back injured. The cast is awful, all the villains meld together and look alike. Max Thayer is a weak leading man, but he is given a part that no one could play. Sure, Tom helped kidnap Danny, but Janice falls in love with him anyway. The movie takes so many leaps in logic I just sat back, stunned.
"The Retrievers" is awful. There are no redeeming moments, plot points, or characters. Unless you are a young film maker who needs to know what NOT to do, you will want to skip it. Also known as "Hot and Deadly," a title just as dumb as the film itself.
This film is violent. Not full of action or adventure, but violent just to be mean and violent. I can handle violence in films but this movie is also badly done. Badly written? That, too, but I am talking about handheld camerawork that had my stomach churning. I am talking about introducing a fat character just for the tuba on the soundtrack, and the laughs from how huge he is. I am talking about the shootings of unemployed drunks in one scene, and a racist term in the closing credits. I am talking about Katey Sagal singing one of the worst movie songs of all-time. I am talking about spotting a boom microphone or its shadow not once, not twice, but three times. I am talking about an opening scene that has a gunman mow down a children's birthday party, killing adults and kids.
Hong's direction is terrible. The fight scenes are so poorly choreographed, I was giggling as henchmen and heroes rarely connected with their fake punches, yet still fell back injured. The cast is awful, all the villains meld together and look alike. Max Thayer is a weak leading man, but he is given a part that no one could play. Sure, Tom helped kidnap Danny, but Janice falls in love with him anyway. The movie takes so many leaps in logic I just sat back, stunned.
"The Retrievers" is awful. There are no redeeming moments, plot points, or characters. Unless you are a young film maker who needs to know what NOT to do, you will want to skip it. Also known as "Hot and Deadly," a title just as dumb as the film itself.
Wednesday, March 4, 2026
Road Games (1981)
This sometimes sloppy, but effectively shot thriller has been mischaracterized as a slasher film for decades thanks to the presence of iconic scream queen Curtis.
Quid (a very likable Stacy Keach) is an independent truck driver cruising around Australia. His traveling mate is a nonbarking dingo named Boswell, and the pair scrounge for jobs and places to sleep, with Quid doing a running monologue to his pet. During one trip, he notices something happening with a hitchhiker and a mysterious stranger in a green van, who always seems to be either following Quid or being in close enough proximity to turn Quid paranoid. After Quid picks up "Hitch" (Jamie Lee Curtis), a hitchhiker, he begins a cat-and-mouse game with the green van's "Smith or Jones" (Grant Page), who he suspects may not be showing up at all the right times because of coincidence.
Although second billed, Curtis has just a few scenes. This is Keach's vehicle (so to speak) and he rises to the occasion, although the two leads have a great onscreen chemistry. The Australian setting provides some wide open spaces, and quickly recalls other highway suspensers like "Duel," "Joy Ride," "Breakdown," and so on. Director Franklin succeeds mostly through his point-of-view camera placement. If something is happening further up the road, we don't get a front row seat to the happenings, we see what Quid sees. Smith or Jones is not a superhuman killing machine, the film's success lies in the build-up of the suspense- as one online reviewer quipped: "Rear Windshield." The tension does approach Hitchcockian heights at times, and this could have been almost perfect as "Rear Window" is, but toward the middle of the film screenwriter De Roche has a couple of "wha?" sequences and terrible character decisions that frustrate. There seems to be a lazy attempt to incorporate the "Games" part of the title into the film through some of Quid's dialogue, but nothing comes from that, either. Curtis did this film in 1981, and would appear with Stacy's brother James Keach in the sexually charged drama "Love Letters" two years later, in case you ever need that piece of Hollywood trivia.
This film was released before the MPAA introduced the "PG-13" rating, so it is a very hard "PG," and would probably earn that "-13" if released today. Also known as "Roadgames," this is a very good road thriller.
Stats:
-(1981) 101 min. (8/10)
-Directed by Richard Franklin
-Screenplay by Everett De Roche, Story by Everett De Roche and Richard Franklin
-Cast: Stacy Keach, Jamie Lee Curtis, Grant Page, Marion Edward, Robert Thompson, Thaddeus Smith, Steve Millichamp, Alan Hopgood, John Murphy, Bill Stacey, Ed Turley, Angelica La Bozzetta, Colin Vancao
-(US: PG)-(UK:15)-(Au:M)- Physical violence, brief gore, some profanity, sexual content, sexual references, adult situations, alcohol use
Quid (a very likable Stacy Keach) is an independent truck driver cruising around Australia. His traveling mate is a nonbarking dingo named Boswell, and the pair scrounge for jobs and places to sleep, with Quid doing a running monologue to his pet. During one trip, he notices something happening with a hitchhiker and a mysterious stranger in a green van, who always seems to be either following Quid or being in close enough proximity to turn Quid paranoid. After Quid picks up "Hitch" (Jamie Lee Curtis), a hitchhiker, he begins a cat-and-mouse game with the green van's "Smith or Jones" (Grant Page), who he suspects may not be showing up at all the right times because of coincidence.
Although second billed, Curtis has just a few scenes. This is Keach's vehicle (so to speak) and he rises to the occasion, although the two leads have a great onscreen chemistry. The Australian setting provides some wide open spaces, and quickly recalls other highway suspensers like "Duel," "Joy Ride," "Breakdown," and so on. Director Franklin succeeds mostly through his point-of-view camera placement. If something is happening further up the road, we don't get a front row seat to the happenings, we see what Quid sees. Smith or Jones is not a superhuman killing machine, the film's success lies in the build-up of the suspense- as one online reviewer quipped: "Rear Windshield." The tension does approach Hitchcockian heights at times, and this could have been almost perfect as "Rear Window" is, but toward the middle of the film screenwriter De Roche has a couple of "wha?" sequences and terrible character decisions that frustrate. There seems to be a lazy attempt to incorporate the "Games" part of the title into the film through some of Quid's dialogue, but nothing comes from that, either. Curtis did this film in 1981, and would appear with Stacy's brother James Keach in the sexually charged drama "Love Letters" two years later, in case you ever need that piece of Hollywood trivia.
This film was released before the MPAA introduced the "PG-13" rating, so it is a very hard "PG," and would probably earn that "-13" if released today. Also known as "Roadgames," this is a very good road thriller.
Stats:
-(1981) 101 min. (8/10)
-Directed by Richard Franklin
-Screenplay by Everett De Roche, Story by Everett De Roche and Richard Franklin
-Cast: Stacy Keach, Jamie Lee Curtis, Grant Page, Marion Edward, Robert Thompson, Thaddeus Smith, Steve Millichamp, Alan Hopgood, John Murphy, Bill Stacey, Ed Turley, Angelica La Bozzetta, Colin Vancao
-(US: PG)-(UK:15)-(Au:M)- Physical violence, brief gore, some profanity, sexual content, sexual references, adult situations, alcohol use
Sunday, March 1, 2026
Album Review: "Dare to Dream"- Yanni
With his swarthy good looks and hair a male pattern baldness sufferer like myself would kill for, Yanni was almost as pretty as the music on his album. Unfortunately, more than half the songs here confirm the reputation that New Age/Ambient music has acquired over the years- a lot of this stuff is really good, and a lot of this stuff is slop:
1. Once Upon a Time
The song's sudden start will catch you off guard, and the tune has a touchy feely warm fuzzy ambience to it. It sounds like the end credits to a "The Mighty Ducks" film.
2. A Love for Life
An edgier feel makes this a better listen. Yanni should have opened the album with this.
3. Nice to Meet You
An acoustic violin gives this a jaunty, jazzy, Celtic bounce. Really great.
4. So Long My Friend
Simple and sad piano is punctuated by completely unnecessary background instruments.
5. You Only Live Once
Driving percussion dress up this otherwise average cut, but this is also way too long at over seven minutes.
6. To the One Who Knows
Simple and sad piano is helped this time by background instruments, a nice, plain piece.
7. Face in the Photograph
The piano sails here, in a lush tune that screams for comparable lyrics.
8. Felitsa
I do not know who or what Felitsa is, but this feels contrived and emotionless.
9. Desire
I certainly hope this is not what desire sounds like to Yanni- bored drums and harsh wind instruments.
10. Aria
Taken from a French opera, this is the only cut with vocals on the album. There is more than just a backbeat here, and Yanni re-imagining other operatic works could prove interesting.
11. A Night to Remember
The less than stellar CD starts to wind down with a night I would prefer to forget- too long and repetitive.
12. In the Mirror
The album ends where it begins- on a sour note.
Never mind that the titles sound like greeting card categories at a Hallmark store or the program at a really dull French film festival, the entire effort smacks of mediocrity. I usually like this kind of stuff but the negative outweighs the positive. I must slightly not recommend "Dare to Dream."
1. Once Upon a Time
The song's sudden start will catch you off guard, and the tune has a touchy feely warm fuzzy ambience to it. It sounds like the end credits to a "The Mighty Ducks" film.
2. A Love for Life
An edgier feel makes this a better listen. Yanni should have opened the album with this.
3. Nice to Meet You
An acoustic violin gives this a jaunty, jazzy, Celtic bounce. Really great.
4. So Long My Friend
Simple and sad piano is punctuated by completely unnecessary background instruments.
5. You Only Live Once
Driving percussion dress up this otherwise average cut, but this is also way too long at over seven minutes.
6. To the One Who Knows
Simple and sad piano is helped this time by background instruments, a nice, plain piece.
7. Face in the Photograph
The piano sails here, in a lush tune that screams for comparable lyrics.
8. Felitsa
I do not know who or what Felitsa is, but this feels contrived and emotionless.
9. Desire
I certainly hope this is not what desire sounds like to Yanni- bored drums and harsh wind instruments.
10. Aria
Taken from a French opera, this is the only cut with vocals on the album. There is more than just a backbeat here, and Yanni re-imagining other operatic works could prove interesting.
11. A Night to Remember
The less than stellar CD starts to wind down with a night I would prefer to forget- too long and repetitive.
12. In the Mirror
The album ends where it begins- on a sour note.
Never mind that the titles sound like greeting card categories at a Hallmark store or the program at a really dull French film festival, the entire effort smacks of mediocrity. I usually like this kind of stuff but the negative outweighs the positive. I must slightly not recommend "Dare to Dream."
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