A.P.E.X.
Directed by Phillip J. Roth, Screenplay by Phillip J. Roth and Ron Schmidt, Story by Phillip J. Roth and Gian-Carlo Scandiuzzi, Cast: Richard Keats, Mitchell Cox, Lisa Ann Russell, Marcus Aurelius
(1994) feature film (* *) out of five stars
I did like this movie on one level- the hero is not a rippled Hollywood pretty boy. He is just a normal looking guy. The story is not half bad, but did we have to employ every special effects guy in Southern California to set off every explosion they had? I literally tired of the fireballs after the tenth one, and yet they kept on coming! Space Maggot uses his laser guided grading system and seeks out a 4 on this one.
Alien Chaser
Directed by Mark Roper, Screenplay by B.J. Nelson, Story by Mark Roper, Boaz Davidson, and Danny Lerner, Cast: Frank Zagarino, Todd Jensen, Jennifer MacDonald, Greg Melvill-Smith
(1997) feature film (*) out of five stars
I saw this as "Alien Chaser," (not "Orion's Key"), but it is still pretty bad. Some interesting direction and good African locations are negated by an amateur cast that must SAY EVERY WORD LIKE IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION IN THE FILM. The scene where the lead actress talks to herself after her truck gets a flat should go down in B-film history as one of the most ridiculous episodes ever. Space Maggot spews forth a 1 on this.
Biohazard: The Alien Force
Directed by Steve Latshaw, Written by Steve Latshaw and Patrick Moran, Cast: Christopher Mitchum, John Alexander, James L. Miles, Susan Fronsoe
(1994) feature film (*) out of five stars
Very well may be one of the worst sci-fi films of all-time! The cast is ridiculously stupid. The effects are laughable. Cool nudity, but I can buy magazines for that. Has anyone noticed the monster here is a genetic mutation, thereby negating the title? Space Maggot forces a 1, and prays there are no sequels.
The Blood of Heroes
Written and directed by David Webb Peoples, Cast: Rutger Hauer, Joan Chen, Delroy Lindo, Vincent D'Onofrio
(1990) feature film (*) out of five stars
It is good to see sports movie cliches will survive the coming nuclear apocalypse. The "game" resembles American Gladiators and rugby played by extras from a "Mad Max" film. The cast just plays and plays, the viewer is just bored and bored. Space Maggot grabs a vote of 1, heads for the sharpened stake, and impales this movie on it.
Caged Heat 3000
Directed by Aaron Osborne, Written by Emile Dupont, Cast: Lisa Boyle, Kena Land, Zaneta Polard, Don Yanan
(1995) feature film (*) out of five stars
This is just dumb guy entertainment. The thing is, I'm a guy, and I can look at this kind of stuff in magazines and porn without being bothered by the thin story and hilariously bad set design. I have seen better acting by toddlers covering up a poopy diaper. Space Maggot rattles the cage and votes a 1.
Carnosaur
Directed by Adam Simon, Screenplay by Adam Simon based on the novel by John Brosnan, Cast: Diane Ladd, Raphael Sbarge, Jennifer Runyon, Clint Howard
(1993) feature film (*) out of five stars
And "Jurassic Park" wasn't all that great, either. This is dumb entertainment, with the funniest dinosaur effects ever put on film. It is literally a hand puppet held up to the camera to make it look larger than the actors. Do not waste your time here, I cannot wait until I get to review the sequels. Space Maggot cracks an egg and finds a vote of 1.
Chameleon
Directed by Stuart Cooper, Written by Bennett Cohen, Cast: Bobbie Phillips, Eric Lloyd, John Adam, Jerome Ehlers
(1998) TV movie (* *) out of five stars
Bobbie Phillips is fine as the cyborg/killer who also seduces strange men. You can tell she has some integrity, she will not do any nudity on camera. Too bad, it might have jazzed up the proceedings. The story has been done to death, and the film makers cannot decide which audience they want to go for- switching sex scenes with cutesy scenes between the killer cyborg and the adorable kid that are lifted right out of "Terminator 2." Space Maggot applauds Phillips, and shoots a vote of 3.
Circuitry Man
Directed by Steven Lovy, Written by Robert Lovy and Steven Lovy, Cast: Vernon Wells, Jim Metzler, Dana Wheeler-Nicholson, Dennis Christopher
(1990) feature film (* *) out of five stars
This is a really mediocre film in the vein of "Buckaroo Banzai." The cast runs around like "Mad Max" wannabes, and they seem to be sharing a joke that they do not want to share with the audience. Dana Wheeler-Nicholson is one of the those guilty pleasure actresses you are delighted to stumble across in films, but she isn't worth the price of rental. Space Maggot starts an electrical fire, and burns a vote of 4.
Deranged
Directed by Chuck Vincent, Written by Craig Horrall, Cast: Veronica Hart, Jerry Butler, Jennifer Delora, Jamie Gillis
(1987) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
I have no quibble with porn directors going mainstream, especially when it is a good effort like this. Although this might have worked better as a short film or stage play, I appreciated what the cast and crew did on an obviously limited budget. Many roles were miscast, but the actors did their best in a disturbing little flick. I vote this a 7.
Disconnected
Directed by Gorman Bechard, Written by Gorman Bechard and Virginia Gilroy, Cast: Frances Raines, Mark Walker, Carl Koch, Professor Morono
(1983) feature film (*) out of five stars
Weird low budgeter is like a cross between "Repulsion" and "Sisters" (the De Palma film, not the TV show). This movie is so poor, I did not figure out the sisters were being played by the same actress until half way through. Lots of fake blood and some nudity keep things interesting, but this should have been better.
Family Blessings
Directed by Deborah Raffin and Nina Foch, Teleplay by Robert Inman based on the novel by LaVyrle Spencer, Cast: Lynda Carter, Steven Eckholdt, Ari Meyers, Brendan Fletcher
(1998) TV movie (* *) out of five stars.
My wife is a LaVyrle Spencer fan, so I good-heartedly sat down to watch this with her. Two hours later, I needed a moment alone to collect my wits. What is Pam Grier doing in this? After "Morning Glory" and that Lee Horsley thing, why can't anyone make a decent Spencer movie? I know she retired from writing, maybe she could concentrate on screenplays. I gave this a kind 3.
Hey Good Lookin'
Written and directed by Ralph Bakshi, Cast: Richard Romanus, David Proval, Jesse Welles, Tina Romanus
(1982) feature film (* *) out of five stars
I liked this better than both "Heavy Traffic" and "Fritz the Cat," but this was still pretty mediocre. Once again, I have to wonder why Bakshi chose to animate this instead of filming it live action. The story just is not compelling enough to be drawn. The soundtrack is also one of the most UN-50's soundtracks I have ever heard. Space Maggot has chalked his outline on the carpet and inked this film a 4.
Horror Hospital
Directed by Antony Balch, Screenplay by Antony Balch and Alan Watson, Cast: Michael Gough, Robin Askwith, Vanessa Shaw, Ellen Pollock
(1975) feature film (* *) out of five stars
The only reason this film is famous is because of the black humor, which really does not work here. There are some funny moments, but the cast spends most of the film running around some old lodge, and running from the beheading car, which defies most laws of basic physics. The people who lose their heads would have to be about three feet tall!
Plughead Rewired: Circuitry Man II
Written and directed by Steven Lovy and Robert Lovy, Cast: Vernon Wells, Deborah Shelton, Jim Metzler, Dennis Christopher
(1994) feature film (*) out of five stars
While the first film was pretty bland, this one is downright bad. Obviously unable to get Dana Wheeler-Nicholson back, the film makers dump her and get the cyborg a new girlfriend who is willing to show boobies onscreen. The story is pretty terrible, sad when the only decent performance is given by Traci Lords. Space Maggot crosses his wires and powers a vote of 1.
Friday, May 1, 2026
Thursday, April 30, 2026
Capsule Film Reviews: Volume I
Movies Seen: March 19-March 25, 2016
Nixon's the One: The '68 Election (2010) is a pathetic hit job on the already dishonored president. Don't be fooled by the title (Hubert Humphrey gets little mention, as does Robert F. Kennedy), we talk to two biographers who obviously hated their subject (one calls him a con man), Tom Hayden (of all people), and narrator Dick Cavett refers to him as "Tricky Dick" constantly. At fifty-two minutes, it's too short yet mercifully so. When Cavett's dulcet tones lambast "Slick Willy," then we'll talk. Otherwise, I gave this a 1 out of 10.
Pet Shop Boys: Somewhere (1997) is a recorded concert as the electronic music duo played the Savoy Theatre in London. Full of hit songs, and familiar favorites to life-long fans like myself, this a well-shot documentary as well. The stage is small, but PSB's big sound opens it up. I give this a 9 out of 10.
Movies Seen: March 12-March 18, 2016
Do Not Disturb (1965) should be left undisturbed. I read online that Doris Day didn't want to make this stale romantic comedy, and I'm thinking she wasn't the only one. A dated, misogynistic relic, Day plays the good wife to a clothing company executive who decides to make up a lover after suspecting her husband Rod Taylor is fooling around with his assistant. Extended sequences where Day plays drunk, and a "wacky" bedroom farce finale go on too long and are a pain to watch. The editing is a mess, and by the time everyone imitates Day on the dance floor as she tries to shake a piece of food out of her dress (one of the oldest jokes in comedy history), the film lost me. I gave this a 3 out of 10.
The Usual Suspects (1995) is still a crackling good story, simply told. Five criminals are recruited to pull a job in order to repay a mysterious crime boss that each of them unknowingly ripped off. The cast is great across the board, Bryan Singer's direction is imaginative without being show-offy, and Christopher McQuarrie's script deserved the Oscar it won. Any one of the cast could have also won a Supporting Academy Award, but Kevin Spacey's great performance had the luck of the draw. Great stuff, worth a revisit every once in a while. I gave this a 10 out of 10.
Movies Seen: March 5-March 11, 2016
Finding Vivian Maier (2014) is a perfect film. I have had a years-long fascination with hoarding and collecting, wanting to be an appraiser for a number of years a while back. I grew up an Air Force brat, where hoarding was kind of impossible when you have to move every couple of years, and I think that experience has triggered a sort of anti-hoarding behavior in myself. When I do get something, I automatically look to get rid of it. Not because I don't like an object (whether it's a book, or DVD, or dishes...it could be anything), but if I get use out of it and don't need it anymore, I look to sell or donate it. Vivian Maier, a nanny, was a hoarder who moved around the country and kept her hoard with her. A young man, John Maloof, finds a few hundred photograph negatives at an auction that he snaps up for a history paper. He realizes the pictures were taken by this mysterious Maier, and goes about buying her other possessions that were also sold. Soon, this woman's things have taken over Maloof's life. She kept everything. He begins researching her life, not because he is the inadvertent custodian of her estate, but because of those original negatives. Her street photography is stunning. She had a natural gift for capturing a shot, and much of what Maloof and co-director Charlie Siskel show us is fantastic (I dabbled in photography a few years ago, and some of Maier's work floored me). This film is like a mystery, Maloof unfolding the story of this strange woman, warts and all. I saw this on Netflix and wholeheartedly recommend it. On IMDB, a rare 10 out of 10.
The Beast (1977) is something else entirely. Walerian Borowczyk's much-maligned take on the Beauty and the Beast tale is a sexually explicit and unsuccessful film. Some scenes go on too long, his anti-church opinions are on full display, and much of his script seems convenient and odd. I do give him credit for trying to tell a story with the explicit sexual scenes, but I am still looking for that one film that can do it successfully. Opulent locations, and a beautiful (and often nude) leading lady in Lisbeth Hummel keep this from being a completely unwatchable disaster. I gave this a 4 out of 10.
Spectre (2015) completes Daniel Craig as James Bond's story arc that began with "Casino Royale." Here, Bond finds out the source of all of his problems dating back to that film as he investigates the titular crime organization. Craig is still a morose Bond, and I wish Monica Bellucci had a larger role. The biggest problem here is the length of the film. A half hour could have been lost easily. The story is interesting, the production is spectacular, the Oscar-winning title song is okay, and the action sequences are good. As of this writing, Craig may not return to the role, it will be interesting to see what the next film will bring. An 8 out of 10 on IMDB.
Immoral Tales (1976) is the second Borowczyk film I watched this week. Like "The Beast," it is full of nudity and anti-church storylines. Four different tales ranging from the then present-day to the Borgias, De Sade, and Madame Bathory are featured. Not as sexually explicit as "The Beast," this still provides a ton of sex and the "immorality" of the film's title comes through with issues like incest and murder. Once again, the female cast is beautiful and easy on the eyes, and it's hard to remember that what you are seeing is in fact immoral while appreciating the female form. Borowczyk's best film that I have seen is still "Goto, Island of Love," perhaps because it is the least sexually explicit of the three films I have screened so far? Not "great," this gets a 6 out of 10.
Movies Seen: February 26-March 4, 2016
Deadpool (2016) proved something I have known for years: that Ryan Reynolds can have a huge hit. I've been watching him since he was a kid on a Canadian teen soap opera. His comic timing is impeccable, he is a handsome dude the camera loves, and he finally found a franchise that he can play in (and I'm the only person on the planet who didn't hate "Green Lantern"). The quips are non-stop, but while I know it's faithful to the comic book, the violence is stomach-churning. I suppose it has to be to earn the "R" rating, and the cast and screenplay lift this above mindless blood-for-blood's sake, but with all the real world violence happening in the world, sometimes you want a movie to take your mind off of it, not revel in it. Either way, I still gave this a 9 out of 10 on IMDB.
All Good Things (2010) has a nice sense of dread and a fantastic performance by Kirsten Dunst, but still feels like one of those network television mini-series based on a best selling true crime paperback that populated the airwaves in the 1980's. Ryan Gosling has the "weirdo" character down pat, but the third act feels rushed after slogging through the first hour of the film. The direction, and especially the musical score, are very good, and I gave this a grudging 7 out of 10 on IMDB, but I can see why this wasn't more successful considering the cast.
Soaked in Bleach (2015) makes the case that Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain was murdered in 1994, and the rush to deem his death a suicide was a conspiracy involving his wife Courtney Love, and the Seattle Police Department. Private investigator Tom Grant has audio tapes of himself talking with Love, and plenty of compelling evidence that should see the case reopened (although since much of the evidence has been destroyed over the years, I don't think any "findings" would hold up in court). The tapes and incidents are recreated well enough (although "The Arbor," this ain't), and any conspiracy theorist, and grunge rock fan, will want to give this a look. 7 out of 10 on IMDB.
Nixon's the One: The '68 Election (2010) is a pathetic hit job on the already dishonored president. Don't be fooled by the title (Hubert Humphrey gets little mention, as does Robert F. Kennedy), we talk to two biographers who obviously hated their subject (one calls him a con man), Tom Hayden (of all people), and narrator Dick Cavett refers to him as "Tricky Dick" constantly. At fifty-two minutes, it's too short yet mercifully so. When Cavett's dulcet tones lambast "Slick Willy," then we'll talk. Otherwise, I gave this a 1 out of 10.
Pet Shop Boys: Somewhere (1997) is a recorded concert as the electronic music duo played the Savoy Theatre in London. Full of hit songs, and familiar favorites to life-long fans like myself, this a well-shot documentary as well. The stage is small, but PSB's big sound opens it up. I give this a 9 out of 10.
Movies Seen: March 12-March 18, 2016
Do Not Disturb (1965) should be left undisturbed. I read online that Doris Day didn't want to make this stale romantic comedy, and I'm thinking she wasn't the only one. A dated, misogynistic relic, Day plays the good wife to a clothing company executive who decides to make up a lover after suspecting her husband Rod Taylor is fooling around with his assistant. Extended sequences where Day plays drunk, and a "wacky" bedroom farce finale go on too long and are a pain to watch. The editing is a mess, and by the time everyone imitates Day on the dance floor as she tries to shake a piece of food out of her dress (one of the oldest jokes in comedy history), the film lost me. I gave this a 3 out of 10.
The Usual Suspects (1995) is still a crackling good story, simply told. Five criminals are recruited to pull a job in order to repay a mysterious crime boss that each of them unknowingly ripped off. The cast is great across the board, Bryan Singer's direction is imaginative without being show-offy, and Christopher McQuarrie's script deserved the Oscar it won. Any one of the cast could have also won a Supporting Academy Award, but Kevin Spacey's great performance had the luck of the draw. Great stuff, worth a revisit every once in a while. I gave this a 10 out of 10.
Movies Seen: March 5-March 11, 2016
Finding Vivian Maier (2014) is a perfect film. I have had a years-long fascination with hoarding and collecting, wanting to be an appraiser for a number of years a while back. I grew up an Air Force brat, where hoarding was kind of impossible when you have to move every couple of years, and I think that experience has triggered a sort of anti-hoarding behavior in myself. When I do get something, I automatically look to get rid of it. Not because I don't like an object (whether it's a book, or DVD, or dishes...it could be anything), but if I get use out of it and don't need it anymore, I look to sell or donate it. Vivian Maier, a nanny, was a hoarder who moved around the country and kept her hoard with her. A young man, John Maloof, finds a few hundred photograph negatives at an auction that he snaps up for a history paper. He realizes the pictures were taken by this mysterious Maier, and goes about buying her other possessions that were also sold. Soon, this woman's things have taken over Maloof's life. She kept everything. He begins researching her life, not because he is the inadvertent custodian of her estate, but because of those original negatives. Her street photography is stunning. She had a natural gift for capturing a shot, and much of what Maloof and co-director Charlie Siskel show us is fantastic (I dabbled in photography a few years ago, and some of Maier's work floored me). This film is like a mystery, Maloof unfolding the story of this strange woman, warts and all. I saw this on Netflix and wholeheartedly recommend it. On IMDB, a rare 10 out of 10.
The Beast (1977) is something else entirely. Walerian Borowczyk's much-maligned take on the Beauty and the Beast tale is a sexually explicit and unsuccessful film. Some scenes go on too long, his anti-church opinions are on full display, and much of his script seems convenient and odd. I do give him credit for trying to tell a story with the explicit sexual scenes, but I am still looking for that one film that can do it successfully. Opulent locations, and a beautiful (and often nude) leading lady in Lisbeth Hummel keep this from being a completely unwatchable disaster. I gave this a 4 out of 10.
Spectre (2015) completes Daniel Craig as James Bond's story arc that began with "Casino Royale." Here, Bond finds out the source of all of his problems dating back to that film as he investigates the titular crime organization. Craig is still a morose Bond, and I wish Monica Bellucci had a larger role. The biggest problem here is the length of the film. A half hour could have been lost easily. The story is interesting, the production is spectacular, the Oscar-winning title song is okay, and the action sequences are good. As of this writing, Craig may not return to the role, it will be interesting to see what the next film will bring. An 8 out of 10 on IMDB.
Immoral Tales (1976) is the second Borowczyk film I watched this week. Like "The Beast," it is full of nudity and anti-church storylines. Four different tales ranging from the then present-day to the Borgias, De Sade, and Madame Bathory are featured. Not as sexually explicit as "The Beast," this still provides a ton of sex and the "immorality" of the film's title comes through with issues like incest and murder. Once again, the female cast is beautiful and easy on the eyes, and it's hard to remember that what you are seeing is in fact immoral while appreciating the female form. Borowczyk's best film that I have seen is still "Goto, Island of Love," perhaps because it is the least sexually explicit of the three films I have screened so far? Not "great," this gets a 6 out of 10.
Movies Seen: February 26-March 4, 2016
Deadpool (2016) proved something I have known for years: that Ryan Reynolds can have a huge hit. I've been watching him since he was a kid on a Canadian teen soap opera. His comic timing is impeccable, he is a handsome dude the camera loves, and he finally found a franchise that he can play in (and I'm the only person on the planet who didn't hate "Green Lantern"). The quips are non-stop, but while I know it's faithful to the comic book, the violence is stomach-churning. I suppose it has to be to earn the "R" rating, and the cast and screenplay lift this above mindless blood-for-blood's sake, but with all the real world violence happening in the world, sometimes you want a movie to take your mind off of it, not revel in it. Either way, I still gave this a 9 out of 10 on IMDB.
All Good Things (2010) has a nice sense of dread and a fantastic performance by Kirsten Dunst, but still feels like one of those network television mini-series based on a best selling true crime paperback that populated the airwaves in the 1980's. Ryan Gosling has the "weirdo" character down pat, but the third act feels rushed after slogging through the first hour of the film. The direction, and especially the musical score, are very good, and I gave this a grudging 7 out of 10 on IMDB, but I can see why this wasn't more successful considering the cast.
Soaked in Bleach (2015) makes the case that Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain was murdered in 1994, and the rush to deem his death a suicide was a conspiracy involving his wife Courtney Love, and the Seattle Police Department. Private investigator Tom Grant has audio tapes of himself talking with Love, and plenty of compelling evidence that should see the case reopened (although since much of the evidence has been destroyed over the years, I don't think any "findings" would hold up in court). The tapes and incidents are recreated well enough (although "The Arbor," this ain't), and any conspiracy theorist, and grunge rock fan, will want to give this a look. 7 out of 10 on IMDB.
Scooby-Doo's A Nutcracker Scoob (1998)
With the new live action movie out in theaters, everything with the name "Scooby Doo" on it is turning to gold- or at least selling like gold.
This compilation video is not gold. I sat my five year old son down in front of the television, and we started the hour long videotape. The video features four cartoons altogether, and I have included their individual star ratings at the end of their mini-review:
"A Nutcracker Scoob" features Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, and Scrappy-Doo- Velma is nowhere to be seen on the whole tape except for previews of other videos. The gang are at a children's home where a ghost pops up during rehearsals for "A Christmas Carol," and tries to find a hidden emerald. The supreme red herring suspect appears in the form of one Winslow Nickleby, whose family used to own the building. The guys carry on with the show and catch the real "ghost." This episode is from a later series of Scooby-Doo adventures, and features the most annoying opening theme song and credits ever done. Also, watch for the French maid, and give yourself a quarter if you can understand more than three words she says. The animators also decide to drive their viewers blind: all the backgrounds are shot in very soft focus, but the main characters are sharply defined. My eyes started playing tricks on me, not knowing what to concentrate on. Throw in a doe-eyed orphan named Tiny Tina, who talks to her stuffed bear, Teddy, and you will be wishing for the old days of just plain bad animation. (4/10)
"Alaskan King Coward" has Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, and Scrappy-Doo in the Alaskan tundra, digging for gold. They dig up a frozen monster instead, and spend the rest of the episode running away from it. No mystery, no villain muttering "those meddling kids," just an overdose of the always annoying and unpopular Scrappy Doo. The monster, which looks like a sabre toothed dinosaur, is badly drawn, changing sizes from scene to scene. (4/10)
Next on the tape are two Bonus Cartoons: Squiddly Diddly stars in "The Ghost is Clear." An entertainer squid, he leaves his home at the theme park Bubbleland to play at a child's ghost's birthday party. The child then begins terrorizing him with everything from turning invisible to showing him his basement-dwelling vicious pets. The child's parents look just like Elmer Fudd and Fred Flintstone's mother-in-law, and the child, Wilbur, is given a high pitched grating voice that wreaked havoc on my ears. This is really dull and unfunny, even to my five year old test subject...I mean, son. (2/10)
Finally, The Cartoon Network world premieres Shake and Flick in "Raw Deal in Rome." Shake is a dog, Flick is a flea, and they both make like Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, as Shake tries to entertain some Romans while Flick tries to get in his fur and bite him. Soon, they are introducing fighter jets and nuclear warheads into the battle, making you wonder why this thing was set in ancient Rome in the first place. This was a little gory as well, as Shake as the ability to shed his skin and muscles in one scene. This is the kind of cartoon "The Simpsons" makes fun of on their "The Itchy and Scratchy Show" blood drenched cartoons. One funny scene: Shake's ride up the elevator. (4/10)
All in all, my five year old was entertained, and that is important, but I was bored silly. I used to love Scooby-Doo as a kid, and the original series' episodes still have a charm about them that subsequent series (and, apparently, the live action film) are not able to recapture. The Christmas angle of the tape is tenuous. You have the Christmas-themed first episode, but just a brief Santa Claus sighting in the second episode, and nothing to connect to Christmas in the bonus cartoons. Children may like this, but adults beware. I cannot recommend this video.
This compilation video is not gold. I sat my five year old son down in front of the television, and we started the hour long videotape. The video features four cartoons altogether, and I have included their individual star ratings at the end of their mini-review:
"A Nutcracker Scoob" features Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, and Scrappy-Doo- Velma is nowhere to be seen on the whole tape except for previews of other videos. The gang are at a children's home where a ghost pops up during rehearsals for "A Christmas Carol," and tries to find a hidden emerald. The supreme red herring suspect appears in the form of one Winslow Nickleby, whose family used to own the building. The guys carry on with the show and catch the real "ghost." This episode is from a later series of Scooby-Doo adventures, and features the most annoying opening theme song and credits ever done. Also, watch for the French maid, and give yourself a quarter if you can understand more than three words she says. The animators also decide to drive their viewers blind: all the backgrounds are shot in very soft focus, but the main characters are sharply defined. My eyes started playing tricks on me, not knowing what to concentrate on. Throw in a doe-eyed orphan named Tiny Tina, who talks to her stuffed bear, Teddy, and you will be wishing for the old days of just plain bad animation. (4/10)
"Alaskan King Coward" has Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, and Scrappy-Doo in the Alaskan tundra, digging for gold. They dig up a frozen monster instead, and spend the rest of the episode running away from it. No mystery, no villain muttering "those meddling kids," just an overdose of the always annoying and unpopular Scrappy Doo. The monster, which looks like a sabre toothed dinosaur, is badly drawn, changing sizes from scene to scene. (4/10)
Next on the tape are two Bonus Cartoons: Squiddly Diddly stars in "The Ghost is Clear." An entertainer squid, he leaves his home at the theme park Bubbleland to play at a child's ghost's birthday party. The child then begins terrorizing him with everything from turning invisible to showing him his basement-dwelling vicious pets. The child's parents look just like Elmer Fudd and Fred Flintstone's mother-in-law, and the child, Wilbur, is given a high pitched grating voice that wreaked havoc on my ears. This is really dull and unfunny, even to my five year old test subject...I mean, son. (2/10)
Finally, The Cartoon Network world premieres Shake and Flick in "Raw Deal in Rome." Shake is a dog, Flick is a flea, and they both make like Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, as Shake tries to entertain some Romans while Flick tries to get in his fur and bite him. Soon, they are introducing fighter jets and nuclear warheads into the battle, making you wonder why this thing was set in ancient Rome in the first place. This was a little gory as well, as Shake as the ability to shed his skin and muscles in one scene. This is the kind of cartoon "The Simpsons" makes fun of on their "The Itchy and Scratchy Show" blood drenched cartoons. One funny scene: Shake's ride up the elevator. (4/10)
All in all, my five year old was entertained, and that is important, but I was bored silly. I used to love Scooby-Doo as a kid, and the original series' episodes still have a charm about them that subsequent series (and, apparently, the live action film) are not able to recapture. The Christmas angle of the tape is tenuous. You have the Christmas-themed first episode, but just a brief Santa Claus sighting in the second episode, and nothing to connect to Christmas in the bonus cartoons. Children may like this, but adults beware. I cannot recommend this video.
Tuesday, April 28, 2026
Pet Shop Boys: Videography (1991)
This collection of eighteen music videos is wonderful for any fan of either the Pet Shop Boys or British pop music in general. Back in the age of Fred Durst and Pearl Jam slaughtering older songs ("Faith" and "Last Kiss", respectively), Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe actually improved on the songs they remade with a clean sound and great lyrics. This features the videos until 1991, and does not include any from the albums released after that.
1. West End Girls (Directed by Eric Watson and Andy Morahan)
The Boys' biggest hit and a good video. They shot in London, which made me homesick for England. I spent three months there in the early nineties, and always wanted to get back until the country started declining.
2. Love Comes Quickly (Directed by Eric Watson and Andy Morahan)
Great, shadowy visuals highlight an underrated dark ballad; this could still pass as a video just shot last week.
3. Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) (Directed by Eric Watson and Andy Morahan)
A whimsical song given a bizarre video treatment as Tennant, looking Amish in glasses and hat, is sunk into the floor of a parking garage, and sings while decomposing in some shots. Weird.
4. Suburbia (Directed by Eric Watson) Suburbs, dogs, and an abandoned city bus. Nice video, watch for the TV screen that is playing the alternate version video to "Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money).
5. It's a Sin (Directed by Derek Jarman)
It is a sin to have to watch the Boys uncomfortably go through the paces of hoods, trials, and goofy makeup. One of the weakest videos on the compilation.
6. What Have I Done to Deserve This? (Directed by Eric Watson)
Mix Dusty Springfield and some backstage Vegas-like chorus girls, and this video will have you interested. Tennant and Lowe look like they are having fun performing with the sorely missed Springfield, who is fantastic.
7. Rent (Directed by Derek Jarman)
Another failure from Jarman has a dark song given a bunch of video cliches (slow motion, silly resolution, etc.). Liza Minnelli remade this song as a ballad much better on her "Results" album, produced by Tennant and Lowe.
8. Always on My Mind (Directed by Jack Bond)
Surreal video from the Boys' surreal motion picture debut. Better song than Willie Nelson made, but Joss Ackland crooning along kind of brings everything down.
9. Heart (Directed by Jack Bond)
The worst video here has a Nosferatu story as Tennant and newlywed are haunted by a lovestruck vampire. Weak bat effect spoils already average effort.
10. Domino Dancing (Directed by Eric Watson)
Two Latino men fight over one gorgeous girl while a tanned Tennant croons. Sunny locations, and when our little female side of our love triangle appears in a vinyl dress, I was ready to break out the Armor-All and a chamois. Wow!
11. Left to My Own Devices (Directed by Eric Watson)
Good song is shot looking above through a glass ceiling at performers. Weird angle loses interest after awhile, but Lowe and Tennant move more here than in almost any other video.
12. It's Alright (Directed by Eric Watson)
This is the song you sometimes hear on car ads. It is really about how the world might end at any time, but Tennant and Lowe sing to a collection of some cute babies, all shot in crisp black and white. A fun video.
13. So Hard (Directed by Eric Watson)
Another mild hit has more black and white in a depressing little video about infidelity. Nothing really stands out.
14. Being Boring (Directed by Bruce Weber) The Pet Shop Boys' best song and best video, as done by a leading photographer. Black and white, as assorted teens get ready for a party. This will make you nostalgic for youth, when the most important thing you had were your friends. Some nudity, but it only serves to heighten your emotions. Excellent.
15. How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously? (Directed by Liam Kan)
The version of this song on their album was a little peppier, but the video is funny. The song concerns all those megalomaniacal performers with their pet causes and yes men.
16. Where the Streets Have No Name (I Can't Take My Eyes Off You) (Directed by Liam Kan)
Who else would have thought to mix the two title songs into a giant, coloring book-bright remake? Strong video, with cheering crowds over Tennant's vocals.
17. Jealousy (Directed by Eric Watson)
Lush video also deals with infidelity, leading to violence in a restaurant as Tennant croons away. Gorgeous to look at.
18. DJ Culture (Directed by Eric Watson)
Really weird video as Tennant dresses like Oscar Wilde, and cross dressing Queen Victorias mix with a soccer match. Wild to watch.
I have been a long time fan of the Pet Shop Boys, and I have always enjoyed their videos, even though MTV did not play them anymore. I highly recommend this collection.
1. West End Girls (Directed by Eric Watson and Andy Morahan)
The Boys' biggest hit and a good video. They shot in London, which made me homesick for England. I spent three months there in the early nineties, and always wanted to get back until the country started declining.
2. Love Comes Quickly (Directed by Eric Watson and Andy Morahan)
Great, shadowy visuals highlight an underrated dark ballad; this could still pass as a video just shot last week.
3. Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) (Directed by Eric Watson and Andy Morahan)
A whimsical song given a bizarre video treatment as Tennant, looking Amish in glasses and hat, is sunk into the floor of a parking garage, and sings while decomposing in some shots. Weird.
4. Suburbia (Directed by Eric Watson) Suburbs, dogs, and an abandoned city bus. Nice video, watch for the TV screen that is playing the alternate version video to "Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money).
5. It's a Sin (Directed by Derek Jarman)
It is a sin to have to watch the Boys uncomfortably go through the paces of hoods, trials, and goofy makeup. One of the weakest videos on the compilation.
6. What Have I Done to Deserve This? (Directed by Eric Watson)
Mix Dusty Springfield and some backstage Vegas-like chorus girls, and this video will have you interested. Tennant and Lowe look like they are having fun performing with the sorely missed Springfield, who is fantastic.
7. Rent (Directed by Derek Jarman)
Another failure from Jarman has a dark song given a bunch of video cliches (slow motion, silly resolution, etc.). Liza Minnelli remade this song as a ballad much better on her "Results" album, produced by Tennant and Lowe.
8. Always on My Mind (Directed by Jack Bond)
Surreal video from the Boys' surreal motion picture debut. Better song than Willie Nelson made, but Joss Ackland crooning along kind of brings everything down.
9. Heart (Directed by Jack Bond)
The worst video here has a Nosferatu story as Tennant and newlywed are haunted by a lovestruck vampire. Weak bat effect spoils already average effort.
10. Domino Dancing (Directed by Eric Watson)
Two Latino men fight over one gorgeous girl while a tanned Tennant croons. Sunny locations, and when our little female side of our love triangle appears in a vinyl dress, I was ready to break out the Armor-All and a chamois. Wow!
11. Left to My Own Devices (Directed by Eric Watson)
Good song is shot looking above through a glass ceiling at performers. Weird angle loses interest after awhile, but Lowe and Tennant move more here than in almost any other video.
12. It's Alright (Directed by Eric Watson)
This is the song you sometimes hear on car ads. It is really about how the world might end at any time, but Tennant and Lowe sing to a collection of some cute babies, all shot in crisp black and white. A fun video.
13. So Hard (Directed by Eric Watson)
Another mild hit has more black and white in a depressing little video about infidelity. Nothing really stands out.
14. Being Boring (Directed by Bruce Weber) The Pet Shop Boys' best song and best video, as done by a leading photographer. Black and white, as assorted teens get ready for a party. This will make you nostalgic for youth, when the most important thing you had were your friends. Some nudity, but it only serves to heighten your emotions. Excellent.
15. How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously? (Directed by Liam Kan)
The version of this song on their album was a little peppier, but the video is funny. The song concerns all those megalomaniacal performers with their pet causes and yes men.
16. Where the Streets Have No Name (I Can't Take My Eyes Off You) (Directed by Liam Kan)
Who else would have thought to mix the two title songs into a giant, coloring book-bright remake? Strong video, with cheering crowds over Tennant's vocals.
17. Jealousy (Directed by Eric Watson)
Lush video also deals with infidelity, leading to violence in a restaurant as Tennant croons away. Gorgeous to look at.
18. DJ Culture (Directed by Eric Watson)
Really weird video as Tennant dresses like Oscar Wilde, and cross dressing Queen Victorias mix with a soccer match. Wild to watch.
I have been a long time fan of the Pet Shop Boys, and I have always enjoyed their videos, even though MTV did not play them anymore. I highly recommend this collection.
Blue Vanities 306 (1994)
Black on White, and Vice Versa: "Blue Vanities 306"
This compilation DVD features fourteen short films (stags or loops), all of which look like they are from the 1970's, with the theme being "interracial couplings":
"Black Plaything"
An older black man with a lot of bling gets it on with a lactating younger woman in a bedroom. 3/10
"An Integrated Impulse"
A black man, a white man, and a white woman have sex in a living room setting. 5/10
"I Fuck"
I think the white woman here is a hooker, entertaining three black men. 6/10
"Vanessa's Lusty Lad"
Vanessa del Rio with a black man and a white girl. 4/10
"Hot Licks"
A black man and a really cute girl start with some stretching before they have sex. 7/10
"Horn Blower"
An unfortunate song choice spoils this loop featuring a sax player and a woman. 5/10
"Black on White"
A cute but thin woman calls up a black man to come over for sex. 5/10
"Big Black Stud"
Sue Nero is pretty impressive, but her sexual partner is covered in so much facial hair he could pass for a werewolf. 5/10
"Trio"
Two men deliver some chairs to a woman in a star-spangled bikini before they have sex indoors. The exposure is too bright in this loop, and the white guy is creepy looking. 3/10
"Swappers"
A black man has sex with a blonde, while a white man has sex with a black woman, before the black woman suddenly appears in the other sex scene. 3/10
"Soul Slave"
A white woman with thigh high boots and a black man have sex in a twin bed. Uncomfortable. 3/10
"Swedish Erotica: The Morning After"
This must be a scene from a longer film, complete with some partial credits, as a white man and his Asian looking maid have sex, and a black man enters to take part. 4/10
"Swedish Erotica: How Sweet It Was"
Another scene from a longer film, involving an Asian looking woman and a black man. 4/10
"Jungle Paul"
A very cute Sue Pearlman and a black man have sex, with Pearlman on a leash. 6/10
The titles come from the back of the DVD box, there are just a couple of partial credits onscreen. The collection is okay, some are worse than others, and the best clips never rise above mediocre. The music seems to be public domain from the 1940's or 1950's, and completely inappropriate for the sex scenes from the 1970's.
"Black Plaything"
An older black man with a lot of bling gets it on with a lactating younger woman in a bedroom. 3/10
"An Integrated Impulse"
A black man, a white man, and a white woman have sex in a living room setting. 5/10
"I Fuck"
I think the white woman here is a hooker, entertaining three black men. 6/10
"Vanessa's Lusty Lad"
Vanessa del Rio with a black man and a white girl. 4/10
"Hot Licks"
A black man and a really cute girl start with some stretching before they have sex. 7/10
"Horn Blower"
An unfortunate song choice spoils this loop featuring a sax player and a woman. 5/10
"Black on White"
A cute but thin woman calls up a black man to come over for sex. 5/10
"Big Black Stud"
Sue Nero is pretty impressive, but her sexual partner is covered in so much facial hair he could pass for a werewolf. 5/10
"Trio"
Two men deliver some chairs to a woman in a star-spangled bikini before they have sex indoors. The exposure is too bright in this loop, and the white guy is creepy looking. 3/10
"Swappers"
A black man has sex with a blonde, while a white man has sex with a black woman, before the black woman suddenly appears in the other sex scene. 3/10
"Soul Slave"
A white woman with thigh high boots and a black man have sex in a twin bed. Uncomfortable. 3/10
"Swedish Erotica: The Morning After"
This must be a scene from a longer film, complete with some partial credits, as a white man and his Asian looking maid have sex, and a black man enters to take part. 4/10
"Swedish Erotica: How Sweet It Was"
Another scene from a longer film, involving an Asian looking woman and a black man. 4/10
"Jungle Paul"
A very cute Sue Pearlman and a black man have sex, with Pearlman on a leash. 6/10
The titles come from the back of the DVD box, there are just a couple of partial credits onscreen. The collection is okay, some are worse than others, and the best clips never rise above mediocre. The music seems to be public domain from the 1940's or 1950's, and completely inappropriate for the sex scenes from the 1970's.
Monday, April 27, 2026
Erotic Confessions: Pleasure (1998)
This silly video has five vignettes, all posing as letters being read by a busty erotica writer who hangs around her house half naked. "Games People Play" involves a strip poker game that degenerates into truth or sexual dare, and finally just sex. "Chalk It Up" has a couple playing pool for fun and finally just sex. "The Business Trip" involves a female scientist at a convention who can hear the people next door in the hotel make love, she befriends them, and finally just sex. "Lap Dance" has a car salesman obsessed with a stripper, who likes him too, and finally just sex. "Madelyn's Laundry" involves a fashion designer who models lingerie when a stranger walks in on her, she sells him some clothing, and finally just sex.
The acting here is atrocious and the stories have no basis in reality, as well as some of the females' bust sizes. The director is careful not to make any of the stories interesting, and succeeds. "Erotic Confessions: Pleasure" is softcore drivel of the lowest caliber, and makes "Red Shoe Diaries" look like "Casablanca."
The acting here is atrocious and the stories have no basis in reality, as well as some of the females' bust sizes. The director is careful not to make any of the stories interesting, and succeeds. "Erotic Confessions: Pleasure" is softcore drivel of the lowest caliber, and makes "Red Shoe Diaries" look like "Casablanca."
The Cremator (1969)
On "The Cremator" (1969)
The Nazis decided the Jews would burn
A Czech man, mad and calm, would fit the bill
Party members' respect he would now earn
When he started with familial swill
Grotesque angles and characters abound
Centered on the repulsive man named Karl
A moral man easily led around
As background townspeople bicker and snarl
Haunted by the dead whom he turned to ash
Having his blood drawn to check for disease
He's too insane to think his actions rash
He's a savior, kill with conscience ease
Caskets and ovens and those graveyard walks
Disappointed with family he thinks
Visits to prostitutes mostly to talk
He combs the corpses' hair, their cheeks are pink
"The Cremator" builds on repetition
What a sigh you hear when the film is done
The Nazis decided the Jews would burn
A Czech man, mad and calm, would fit the bill
Party members' respect he would now earn
When he started with familial swill
Grotesque angles and characters abound
Centered on the repulsive man named Karl
A moral man easily led around
As background townspeople bicker and snarl
Haunted by the dead whom he turned to ash
Having his blood drawn to check for disease
He's too insane to think his actions rash
He's a savior, kill with conscience ease
Caskets and ovens and those graveyard walks
Disappointed with family he thinks
Visits to prostitutes mostly to talk
He combs the corpses' hair, their cheeks are pink
"The Cremator" builds on repetition
What a sigh you hear when the film is done
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