The Star of Bethlehem (2007)

I guarantee the amount you enjoy this film is related to the amount of faith you have in its subject.

Aping Al Gore's monumentally successful (and now debunked) "An Inconvenient Truth," lawyer Frederick A. Larson also presents a slide show about a subject. That subject is whether or not the star of Bethlehem, which brought the three (or so) wise men from the east to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ was real. Larson does not have Gore's live audiences, so he presents his findings in a library to a small gathering. Larson is the first to tell us he is not an astronomer. He is a lawyer. He started doing research on a whim, after refusing a neighborhood boy's efforts to decorate his lawn with non-Christian Christmas decorations. Larson wanted to display the star, and began to do a little research. Well, thank goodness for the age of the computer. Larson began to read the Bible very closely, not for theology but for time clues about what was seen in the sky back then, and when. Using computer software, he is able to reconstruct what was seen, and eventually rule out hypotheses such as comets and exploding stars. Taking the Book of Matthew as his word-for-word starting point, Larson is able not only to explain the star, but also what was going on in the sky when Jesus was crucified as well.

The documentary is not a bunch of talking heads and questionable Biblical scholars. Larson gives his talk, which never bored, and then illustrated his findings with his animated vistas of the night sky. Intercut with his lecture is footage of Larson reenacting his moments of discovery, all put to a very impressive soundtrack by Julie Davison Larson. Most documentaries I see on the Bible fall into two camps. One has the frothing evangelist foreseeing the end of the world unless I send them money, and the other has liberal scholars explaining away miracles dismissively through science, making one wonder what drew them to study the Bible in the first place. Larson and the film makers here are a little different. The project is very short, barely an hour, but is also very earnest in their beliefs. Larson is not damning anyone to an eternity in pools of fire for not believing, and he does not look down his nose at the other theories that are presented about the star. He takes the facts he has, interprets them, and presents what he finds- which is very convincing. He is easy to listen to, and passionate about what he found, talking honestly about how he surprised even himself with what he learned.

To put it simply, if you are an atheist, you are not going to believe Larson's presentation. But if you are a practicing or lapsed Christian, looking to expand your knowledge of the Gospel aside from yet another Bible study program, you might want to give "The Star of Bethlehem" a look.

Enchanted (2007)

As the older brother who was stuck taking my younger siblings to all those Saturday matinees back in the day, I am overly familiar with the Disney animated output. I know every whitewashed fairy tale, every catchy song, and every talking woodland creature. So with weary trepidation, I turned to "Enchanted," and I have been smiling ever since the "The End" credit rolled.

In the magical kingdom of Andalusia, Giselle (voice of Amy Adams) is swept off her feet by local prince/heroic troll hunter Edward (voice of James Marsden). The two fall instantly in fairy tale love, and plan to marry the next day. Evil Queen Narissa (voice of Susan Sarandon) is against the marriage, dresses like an old hag, and sends Giselle down a magical well which leads to a manhole cover in the middle of Times Square in New York City. Another problem, Giselle (Amy Adams) is no longer animated, she is real but burdened with story book sensibilities. As Giselle wanders around the city, she meets sad divorce lawyer Robert (Patrick Dempsey) and his young daughter Morgan (Rachel Covey). Robert plans to ask girlfriend Nancy (Idina Menzel) to marry him but Giselle quickly complicates their relationship with her naivete. Prince Edward (James Marsden) follows Giselle through the well and begins looking for her, as does buffoonish Nathaniel (Timothy Spall), sent by Narissa to kill Giselle with poison apples. Robert begins to fall for Giselle despite his harsh outlook on love, and after Nathaniel fails one time too many, Queen Narissa herself makes a grand entrance in Times Square.

Writer Bill Kelly and director Kevin Lima could have taken the easy way out. They could have turned this into a weak "Shrek" knock-off (a film series whose success astonished me) or "Airplane!" it up and make "Princess Movie" complete with fart jokes, a Pamela Anderson cameo, and an unrated DVD release. Instead, respect (but not false reverence) is shown, keeping the story familiar but never making fun of the audience that enjoyed "Cinderella" and "Sleeping Beauty;" the same audience that turned the Disney brand into an icon. Many sequences in the film are just nutty genius. Giselle making do with city animals to clean Robert's apartment was hilarious. The live action dance numbers are fun and catchy. Even the maligned action finale, which Disney used to do in their classic animated fare to give the little boys and older brothers in the audience something to enjoy, is handled well, with Sarandon making the most of her brief live action screen time. A nice medium is struck between Giselle and Edward's idealistic love and Robert's harsher reality without the audience being pummelled into submission with the message. Even the character Nancy is handled correctly, as the film makers fight the urge to turn her into a shrewish evil stepmother in training. Adams is all sorts of fun as Giselle, striking a ridiculously sympathetic chord. Covey is thankfully not overly cute in the daughter role, but I wish Dempsey had put a bit more pep into Robert- oh, what Ben Stiller could have done with this role. Spall is merely okay, but my greatest enjoyment was watching James Marsden as the charming prince. Just like Adams' Giselle, Marsden also does not play the role "stupid" but invigorates every scene he is in- from the bus scene, to mistaking a seedy hotel room's television for a magic mirror. This is his best role since the underrated "The 24th Day."

The goodwill and talent of the cast and crew more than make up for the film's occasional hiccup. "Enchanted" is a wonderful surprise. Followed by a sequel.

FILM & TELEVISION REVIEW INDEX (in progress)

#
41 (2007)

A
Against the Grain (2023)
Anna Nicole Smith: You Don't Know Me (2023)
Another Body (2023)

B
Because I Said So (2007)
The Beguiled (1971)
Bloody Current Exchange (2007)
Born to Kill? {"Fred West" #1.1} (2005)
Bride Hard (2025)

D
Death Scenes (1989)
The Defiled (2010)
The Desperados (1969)
Dillinger (1973)
Drum Struck (1992)

E
Ed Gein (2000)
Enchanted (2007)

F
FAQs (2005)
Forgive Us Our Trespasses (2022)
Fruit Fly (2009)

G
Go Down, Death! (1944)

H
Heaven's Gate (1980)
Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)

I
Infected: The Darkest Day (2021)

J
Jail Bait (1954)
Jake's How-To (2008)
James and the Giant Peach (1996)
Japon (2002)
Jesus (2000)
Jesus of Montreal (1989)
Johnny Be Gone (2011)
Johns (1996)
Jude (1996)
Jurassic Park III (2001)

K
Kill Plan (2021)
Killer Shorts (2009)
Killer Tongue (1996)

M
Making a Monster {"Rose West" #1.1} (2020)
The Man in the Lighthouse (2007)
Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007)
Monster in My Family {"John Wayne Gacy" #1.6} (2015)
Montana Sky (2007)
My Tale is Hot (1964)

O
Of the Dead (1979)

R
Rabid (1977)
Raging Sun, Raging Sky (2009)

S
Saberfrog (2009)
Scanner Cop (1994)
Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf (1988)
The Snowman (2017)
The Soham Murders (2023)
The Star of Bethlehem (2007)
Stiffed (2011)
Sublime (2022)
The Suburbans (1999)

T
Temple Grandin (2010)
TerrorVision (1986)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
There's a Caterpillar in My Bok Choy (2003)
They (2002)
The Thin Blue Line (1988)
The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)
The Toolbox Murders (1978)
Treasure Island (1934)
The Tuxedo (2002)

V
The Vibrating Maid (2000)

The Defiled (2010)

Since the 1930's, and perhaps before, the movie going public has been treated to their fair share of zombie flicks. Zombies that stumble, zombies that run, and zombie comedies have all come down the pike. Some are classics, many are not. This film takes another stab at the zombie genre, and turns it on its head.

A nameless zombie (Brian Shaw) seems to be enjoying his zombie existence. His zombie mate is pregnant, he has what seem to be two teenage zombie children, and the quartet live in the woods, eating whatever human flesh they happen to stumble upon. The dad zombie brings home a suicide's body, and partakes of some booze while the family feasts on the body. The other three family members become violently ill and die, obviously not seeing the radioactive warning labels that surrounded the dead person. Before expiring, zombie mom gives birth to the zombie baby. The man must now care for the newborn, killing small animals and chewing its flesh to feed his offspring. The two are on the run from a mysterious army who are killing the zombie creatures. The man sees a human woman (Kathleen Lawlor) and saves her from another set of zombies. The woman becomes a surrogate mother, and now the three begin traveling together. They don't seem to have a destination, except the woman tries not to be eaten, and the man tries not to eat her. As with most zombie films, things don't end well for all involved.

Writer/director Julian Grant has done a fantastic job with this. He also provided the shimmering black and white, or maybe more blue and white, photography, and the brisk editing. The film is devoid of spoken dialogue, except for the guttural zombie grunts, and some background voices of the zombie killers here and there. The woman cannot communicate with the zombie man, so what's the point of talking? David Findlay lays down a professional musical score that adds to the film. The makeup effects are excellent, including the zombie infant- which thankfully in no way resembles the fakery of "It's Alive!" or "The Unborn." The cast all give great performances in obviously difficult roles. Shaw is covered in gross makeup for the entire film, and Lawlor doesn't look like she just strolled out of a salon, either, but both use their facial expressions to the fullest without resulting to broad theatrical acting. The film was shot in the Chicago, Illinois/Gary, Indiana/LaPorte, Indiana area, and the locations are perfect. I love old abandoned buildings and ghost towns, and Grant has found some excellent places to set his story. The screenplay itself keeps a lot under its hat, never out-and-out explaining anything, including the reason half of society turned into zombies. We do not get any back story on the two main characters, and I liked that. Grant has them living and surviving right now, no time for embarrassing fireside English lessons and "what I did before the apocalypse" speeches.

"The Defiled" will satisfy gorehounds as well as sci-fi and horror fans, and it definitely compares favorably to the work of George A. Romero and the "28...Later" films. Seek it out.

Of the Dead (1979)

This European documentary shuns the sleazy world of mondo docs like "Faces of Death" and tries to show how different parts of the world view death. The problem is that the directors slip in sleazy mondo footage, and the unshocking footage is especially dull.

The film opens with an American preparing a body for embalming, before a very long segment in Thailand, where a family prepares to bury a dead relative. The Thai grandmother lies in a hut for three days, decomposes, and is finally buried, but not before we witness the graphic killing of four oxen. The film makers also visit Belgium, Nepal, and South Korea, juxtaposing scenes between what we would consider shocking treatment of the dead, and scenes of how Americans treat their terminally ill and dying.

The film makers rally around their point, "see, we are not all that different," and proceed to grind the viewer's face into this shallow statement for 105 minutes. Interviews with American muscular dystrophy patients who talk about how they want to be buried or cremated is followed by a Filipino revolutionary executed and dumped into a shallow grave. "Death" is a big topic to trim into a little documentary. There's no narrator or central idea, save the "we aren't so different" rigamarole, so scenes drag in between the carnage.

If you like those shockumentaries like "Faces of Death," I feel sorry for you, but not half as sorry as I am for watching this. I do not recommend the deadening dull "Of the Dead." Also known as "Des Morts."

The Desperados (1969)

This Civil War western gives an early take on a dysfunctional family, and almost works because of its incredible action scenes.

Parson Josiah Galt (Jack Palance) is the father and leader of a bunch of Confederate guerillas modeled after Quantrill's Raiders. He, his sons, and his men invade towns, stealing money, assaulting women, and burning places to the ground. In one Kansas town, eldest son David (Vince Edwards) decides the killing needs to stop. David kills one of his own men by accident during the raid, is arrested, and sentenced to death in the family-run court. With family like this, who needs in-laws? David escapes after kicking little brother Jacob's (George Maharis) butt, flees to Texas, changes his name, and lives the good life with a wife (Sylvia Syms) and son (Benjamin Edney). In Texas, only Marshal Kilpatrick (Neville Brand) knows David's secret- but Josiah's gang sets their sights on Texas and David's new hometown.

Levin's direction is very good, and his action scenes are great- especially a set-piece aboard a flaming runaway train. David Whitaker's musical score is perfect, with bombastic stuff during the action, pumping the adrenaline and setting the mood. The main problem is the two leads- Edwards as Palance's son? Palance was nine years older than Edwards, and they look the same age. Palance is awful, playing the part way over-the-top and constantly stepping into unintentionally hilarious melodramatics. Edwards is the opposite, holding the same constipated look on his face throughout the film and showing as little emotion as he possibly can. Despite some good stunts, the fact that these two are in almost every scene drags down the technical achievements. The normally reliable Brand seems at a loss.

"The Desperados" is gritty and violent, but Levin's inability to get control of his actors weighs down the action. I cannot recommend this film.

The Beguiled (1971)

Director Don Siegel, who would put Clint Eastwood in a little film called "Dirty Harry," uses the action star in a way no one had before. Together, they create a piece of Southern Gothicism that is a great Civil War film that could have been screwed up by anyone else.

Eastwood is Corporal John McBirney, a Union soldier on the run in the deep south. He is wounded and discovered by twelve year old Amy (Pamelyn Ferdin). McB, as John wants to be known, kisses Amy on the lips to keep her quiet when soldiers pass, and she takes the incident the wrong way, falling in love with him instantly. McB is dragged back to Amy's home, the Farnsworth Seminary for Young Girls, run by Miss Martha (Geraldine Page) and Miss Edwina (Elizabeth Hartman). Right away, Siegel gives us a flash of memory of Martha's, whose relationship with her brother was incestuous. As Martha does her Confederate duty, she prepares to tell friendly troops of her new prisoner. She realizes he would die in prison, and decides to nurse him back to health first before turning him in. All the females in the home are curious about this young man from New York. Hallie (Mae Mercer), the slave, realizes McB is fighting for her freedom, but does not feel obligated to return the favor. Edwina is a spinster, long scarred by the acts of her adulterous father, but finds herself attracted to McB. Doris (Darleen Carr) wants McB too, wants him handed over to the Rebels as soon as possible. Hot-to-trot Carol (Jo Ann Harris) wants McB for her very own pleasure. Amy still has feelings for him, albeit a twelve year old's crush.

Don't get me wrong, McB is no angel. Siegel gives us the verbal thoughts of the girls throughout the film, but he shows us scenes of McB lying through his teeth to impress the girls. He claims to be a Quaker, and fibs about how he receives his wounds. He also lies about how beautiful the surrounding farmland is, but thinking about the time he helped torch it. He is out for one thing- himself. His only interest is in his own pleasures, and he will do anything and say anything to get what he wants.

Despite the subject matter, Siegel does not go the exploitation route of "Mandingo." He also fights the urge to turn this into a screwball or dark comedy, something that another director may have done. Siegel gathers some impressive acting talent and lets their individual stories form a cohesive whole. The verbal flashes from each of the girls is a brilliant move without becoming too obvious, or a crutch on which to rest the emotional parts of the film. Hallie, McB, and Martha's visual thoughts are used sparingly, thank goodness. Page is great as Martha, the actress takes a number of risks that few actresses today would be game for. A dream sequence finds Martha in bed with McB and Edwina, and it was pulled off dramatically without turning into something smarmy and salacious. The fragile Hartman is wonderful as Edwina. Her character shows such raw pain, she is sometimes hard to watch.

Eastwood dedicated "Unforgiven" to both Sergio Leone and Don Siegel. Siegel is able to get Eastwood to come off as completely contemptible. The school's girls do not seem stupid or oblivious to McB's evil, they are naive and hang on this mysterious and dashing stranger's every word and move. This film shows another side of the Civil War. The battle scenes are only in flashback. The stark plantation where the film was made seems frozen in time back to the era, when the antebellum South was coming to an end. Siegel's vision seems more realistic than the pretty but still thrilling "Gone With the Wind."

"The Beguiled" deserved more praise than it found. The film is so different from what Eastwood and Siegel have done before, but the two turned this one chance into something remarkable. Followed by a remake.