It's easy to sit back and judge the brainwashed members of a cult when viewing documentaries like "Holy Hell": "I would never fall for this BS," "How stupid do you have to be to think this guy was God?" and so on. Director Will Allen presents a very personal story about spending over two decades in a cult, but can't quite get his case proven in the court of the documentary genre.
The film and the audience is helped by the fact that Allen was a film student when he got involved in Buddhafield, the collective that followed Jamie Simone Gomez, a sometime actor with exotic good looks and a mysterious background. Will's two sisters were also a part of the group, much to the consternation of their mother Gina, and soon all the old cultish behavior began- isolation from friends and family, changing of names, servicing The Teacher Gomez over their own happiness and social lives, and moving around to escape mainstream life. Gomez's control tightens and finally some of the group become enlightened in a new way- maybe this guy isn't all he's cracked up to be.
The video footage, mostly shot by Will as the cult's de facto videographer, is Gomez's often creepy hold on his subjects. There are heartbreaking stories of one woman having abortions to keep Gomez happy. Males who were sexually confused found themselves in physical relationships with Gomez, who was using his power to get them into bed. Most shocking was that this was not a flash-in-pan experience that interrupted these young people's summers. For many, this lasted over two decades and many interview subjects lamented wasting their youth and majority of their lives for nothing- I worked at Target for almost twenty years, I know the feeling.
The inner workings of the group were fascinating. There didn't seem to be a central belief or manifesto for the existence of the group aside from the pleasuring of Gomez. There is cringeworthy footage of Gomez making some stupid joke or self-deprecating observation, and the crowd loses their minds with fake laughing and hysterics. The subjects who talked to Allen missed the community more than the leader, and as Gomez was still leading a new group, there's a "whatever happened to" ending that is heartbreaking.
The ending dramatic confrontation is a bust but I would like to see a follow-up as these GenXers have hit middle age, as well as the group today (Gomez is not getting any younger, despite his plastic surgeries). "Holy Hell" is right.
Stats:
(2016) 100 min. (8/10)
-Directed by Will Allen
-Featuring Will Allen, Jamie Simone Gomez, Amy Allen, Cristala Allen, Gina Allen, Chris Johnston, Radhia Gleis, Vera Cheiffo, Jennifer Baca, Phillipe Coquet, Alessandra Burenin, David Christopher, Julian Goldstein, Greg Gorey
-(USA: NR)-(Au: MA15+): Strong Themes, Strong Sex Scenes)- Sexual violence references, profanity, brief nudity, sexual content, strong sexual references, adult situations
Sunday, May 3, 2026
Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)
"Hitman: Agent 47" is the forgettable reboot to the forgettable "Hitman" (2007). Don't worry, you don't have to be familiar with the first "Hitman" film, or its video game source, to try to enjoy this.
A mysterious assassin (Rupert Friend) tries to protect the daughter (Hannah Ware) of the scientist responsible for creating the Agent program, since assorted villains want to find him to recreate the program (and the film's franchise). Bloody, with some nicely done action scenes, but the monotonal cast looks completely bored, which pulled me out of the movie. Nice supporting turns by Friend, Quinto and Hinds, but the scenes setting up a sequel that would never get made are kind of funny in a sad way. The first movie came out in 2007, the reboot in 2015, but no third-time's-the-charm entry in 2023. The film makers just can't seem to find a story that works.
Stats:
-Directed by Aleksander Bach
-Screenplay by Skip Woods and Michael Finch, Story by Skip Woods, Based on the video game from IO Interactive
-Cast: Rupert Friend, Hannah Ware, Zachary Quinto, Ciaran Hinds, Thomas Kretschmann, Jurgen Prochnow, Rolf Kanies, Dan Bakkedahl, Angelababy, Michaela Caspar
-Media: VUDU Digital Copy
-Running Time: 96 minutes
-Rating: (* * */* * * * *)
-MPAA Rated (R), contains strong physical violence, very strong gun violence, strong gore, profanity, very brief female nudity, drug abuse
A mysterious assassin (Rupert Friend) tries to protect the daughter (Hannah Ware) of the scientist responsible for creating the Agent program, since assorted villains want to find him to recreate the program (and the film's franchise). Bloody, with some nicely done action scenes, but the monotonal cast looks completely bored, which pulled me out of the movie. Nice supporting turns by Friend, Quinto and Hinds, but the scenes setting up a sequel that would never get made are kind of funny in a sad way. The first movie came out in 2007, the reboot in 2015, but no third-time's-the-charm entry in 2023. The film makers just can't seem to find a story that works.
Stats:
-Directed by Aleksander Bach
-Screenplay by Skip Woods and Michael Finch, Story by Skip Woods, Based on the video game from IO Interactive
-Cast: Rupert Friend, Hannah Ware, Zachary Quinto, Ciaran Hinds, Thomas Kretschmann, Jurgen Prochnow, Rolf Kanies, Dan Bakkedahl, Angelababy, Michaela Caspar
-Media: VUDU Digital Copy
-Running Time: 96 minutes
-Rating: (* * */* * * * *)
-MPAA Rated (R), contains strong physical violence, very strong gun violence, strong gore, profanity, very brief female nudity, drug abuse
The Crazies (2010)
When the preview for this film came out, I was all over it. A remake of one of George A. Romero's weakest movies, the trailer and accompanying movie poster were creepy and unsettling, boldly teasing a Stephen King vibe that I couldn't wait to embrace. The film was released, exited theaters, and I quickly forgot about it until one night when I found it on a streaming service. I couldn't believe it had been out for over ten years, but after watching it, I wish I had waited another ten years to see it.
David (Timothy Olyphant) is a sheriff in small town Ogden Marsh, Iowa. He has a goofy deputy, Russ (Joe Anderson), and a pregnant doctor wife Judy (Radha Mitchell). Things seem to be going well in the countryside until one of the townspeople shows up at a local baseball game with a shotgun and David must kill him. This isolated act of violence is shocking enough to the town, but then another neighbor burns down his house with his wife and son inside. David and Russ are overwhelmed as they try to figure out why various people seem to be going "crazy," until they stumble upon a downed aircraft in a small body of water that feeds the town, and that's when The Military shows up.
In that age of Covid, it was interesting to see a "silly" story like a military lockdown played out. Ten years ago, the plot was probably a little goofball (this film doesn't resemble Romero's earlier film that much), but Covid viewers didn't have to suspend their disbelief. I wanted to like "The Crazies," but I kept getting shorted by the film makers. The initial killing is literally minutes into the film, and the viewer isn't given a chance to get their bearings. Suspenseful scenes are continuously undermined by some of the stupidest jump scares in recent memory, and these scares continue throughout the film. I don't know if the film makers didn't have enough confidence in their material, but what they succeed in doing is bringing a scary scene to a full stop by trying to make it "scarier" (the entire truck stop scene later in the film is a perfect example of this). Eisner's direction is fine but the screenplay's pacing is a nightmare. When the military arrives, the story goes off the rails. This isn't the military, capable of containing a small town and erasing any trace of a chemical agent that is poisoning people, this is a bunch of extras with toy guns surrendering and fleeing every time something goes wrong. Even the logistics of containing a small town is off, as if the film makers had never stepped outside of Los Angeles County. I'm a North Dakotan, and very few small towns are not only in the middle of nowhere, but completely isolated from the outside world with citizens who never leave, making rounding them up so much easier. The summer setting is gorgeous, and understandable. God forbid they should shoot in a midwest winter, using the cold and snow to their advantage (as in "The Thing," for example).
Olyphant is fine as David, although he's responsible for about half the unnecessary jump scares. Mitchell is always good, I like how she's open to genre films since they number in her best work- "Phone Booth" and "Pitch Black." We don't learn too much about the virus and its origins, although seperating anyone who has an elevated temperature is rather familiar. The front end of the film is in such a hurry to get started that the middle lags, and the ending is unbelievable to an eye-rolling level.
"The Crazies" had potential, isolated small town horror often works, but in the film makers' desire to terrify, someone didn't go back and ask some logical questions.
Stats:
-Directed by Breck Eisner
-Screenplay by Scott Kosar and Ray Wright based on a motion picture written by George A. Romero
-Cast: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson, Danielle Panabaker, Christie Lynn Smith, Brett Rickaby, Preston Bailey, John Aylward, Joe Reegan, Glenn Morshower
-Media: Amazon Prime Streaming
-Running Time: 101 minutes
-Rating: (* 1/2/* * * * *)
-MPAA Rated (R), contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, strong gore, profanity, some adult situations
David (Timothy Olyphant) is a sheriff in small town Ogden Marsh, Iowa. He has a goofy deputy, Russ (Joe Anderson), and a pregnant doctor wife Judy (Radha Mitchell). Things seem to be going well in the countryside until one of the townspeople shows up at a local baseball game with a shotgun and David must kill him. This isolated act of violence is shocking enough to the town, but then another neighbor burns down his house with his wife and son inside. David and Russ are overwhelmed as they try to figure out why various people seem to be going "crazy," until they stumble upon a downed aircraft in a small body of water that feeds the town, and that's when The Military shows up.
In that age of Covid, it was interesting to see a "silly" story like a military lockdown played out. Ten years ago, the plot was probably a little goofball (this film doesn't resemble Romero's earlier film that much), but Covid viewers didn't have to suspend their disbelief. I wanted to like "The Crazies," but I kept getting shorted by the film makers. The initial killing is literally minutes into the film, and the viewer isn't given a chance to get their bearings. Suspenseful scenes are continuously undermined by some of the stupidest jump scares in recent memory, and these scares continue throughout the film. I don't know if the film makers didn't have enough confidence in their material, but what they succeed in doing is bringing a scary scene to a full stop by trying to make it "scarier" (the entire truck stop scene later in the film is a perfect example of this). Eisner's direction is fine but the screenplay's pacing is a nightmare. When the military arrives, the story goes off the rails. This isn't the military, capable of containing a small town and erasing any trace of a chemical agent that is poisoning people, this is a bunch of extras with toy guns surrendering and fleeing every time something goes wrong. Even the logistics of containing a small town is off, as if the film makers had never stepped outside of Los Angeles County. I'm a North Dakotan, and very few small towns are not only in the middle of nowhere, but completely isolated from the outside world with citizens who never leave, making rounding them up so much easier. The summer setting is gorgeous, and understandable. God forbid they should shoot in a midwest winter, using the cold and snow to their advantage (as in "The Thing," for example).
Olyphant is fine as David, although he's responsible for about half the unnecessary jump scares. Mitchell is always good, I like how she's open to genre films since they number in her best work- "Phone Booth" and "Pitch Black." We don't learn too much about the virus and its origins, although seperating anyone who has an elevated temperature is rather familiar. The front end of the film is in such a hurry to get started that the middle lags, and the ending is unbelievable to an eye-rolling level.
"The Crazies" had potential, isolated small town horror often works, but in the film makers' desire to terrify, someone didn't go back and ask some logical questions.
Stats:
-Directed by Breck Eisner
-Screenplay by Scott Kosar and Ray Wright based on a motion picture written by George A. Romero
-Cast: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson, Danielle Panabaker, Christie Lynn Smith, Brett Rickaby, Preston Bailey, John Aylward, Joe Reegan, Glenn Morshower
-Media: Amazon Prime Streaming
-Running Time: 101 minutes
-Rating: (* 1/2/* * * * *)
-MPAA Rated (R), contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, strong gore, profanity, some adult situations
Saturday, May 2, 2026
Capsule Film Reviews: Volume 9- Lonely Video Reviews
So, we decided that Zero Peaks needed a video or movie review. I opted for video, since I had no way to get to the mall. Me and my fiancee trekked over to the local video rental place for a night of alternative film viewing.
First problem: what is alternative? Do I have to check out "Blue Velvet" for the umpteenth time? Should I get that strange little film from Sri Lanka containing two characters who stab at Caesar's salads and contemplate life for two and a half hours? Maybe I should check out "Ernest Saves Christmas" and be done with it...well, anyway, it was Friday night and there wasn't a thing left to watch. My fiancee and I blindly went up and down each aisle, picking up something, and then putting it back. Finally, we decided we'll grab what we could get.
The two videos we picked were the ones nobody wanted- the lonely videos that you grab out of desperation hoping they'll provide a little entertainment, and maybe a few unintentional laughs. Anything, as long as the story even remotely resembles the picture on the video box cover.
Our picks for the night were "Robot Jox" and "The Oval Portrait." The first film was directed by Stuart Gordon, who directed "The Re-Animator," "From Beyond," and "Dolls." The story took place fifty years after a nuclear holocaust, as most science fiction films do. The two warring sides use huge robots, about ten stories tall, to decide feuds over territory. The robots meet in a giant arena in Death Valley, and whoever's robot is left standing gets the match. Right away, I expected silly special effects along the lines of the "Godzilla" series of films. Guys dressed in robot suits falling on snap together models of recent cars. Boy, was I wrong.
The story concerns a robot jock, who operates the robot, and his last fight with an evil robot jock. Their first match is a draw, so they meet again to fight to the death, but they don't...I can't explain, but the film wasn't that bad. The effects were well done for such a cheap picture, and fans of NBC's "In the Heat of the Night" get to see Anne-Marie Johnson's bare butt. My fiancee didn't think a whole lot of the film because the big robots "squished people".
We weren't so lucky with our second film, "The Oval Portrait." It was made in 1973, with a Spanish film crew and an English speaking cast. Based on a page and a half Edgar Allan Poe story, this mess was obviously put on video to make a quick buck. The flashback scene in the film takes forty five minutes, and the director's idea of scary filming is to constantly zoom the camera in and out of the scene. Now I think I know what a grand mal seizure feels like. The cover of the video makes this one look great, but we giggled through the entire last third of the movie.
That's it for this edition. Look for more lonely video reviews in future issues, or you can do what we did: rented "Ghost" the next night and had a good cry.
"Robot Jox" (1989) 84 min. Grade C+
Directed by Stuart Gordon; Story by Stuart Gordon, Screenplay by Joe Haldeman; Featuring: Gary Graham, Anne-Marie Johnson, Paul Koslo, Robert Sampson, Danny Kamekona, Hilary Mason, Michael Alldredge
"The Oval Portrait" (1973) 86 min. Grade: D-
Directed by Rogelio Gonzalez, Jr.; Written by Enrique Torres based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe; Featuring: Wanda Hendrix, Barry Coe, Gisele Mackenzie, Maray Ayres, Barney O'Sullivan, Doris Buckinham, Pia Shandel
So, my fiancee and I went back to the video rental store. We almost broke off our engagement as we wandered around arguing over what to get. After an hour, we had made up about three times and picked our choices for this issue.
"The Clan of the Cave Bear" is based on the best selling novel by Jean Auel. My fiancee has read it about a hundred times, and was finally going to see the movie. The heroine of the film is Ayla, played by Daryl Hannah ("Splash," "Steel Magnolias"), the first feminist Cro-Magnon cavewoman. She is adopted by a tribe of Neanderthals, who consider her ugly and bad luck. Pamela Reed ("The Best of Times," "Kindergarten Cop") has a great role as her adoptive mother. Ayla starts causing trouble by doing things like not bowing to the men and hunting on her own. The film was shot in British Columbia and is well done. The tribe communicate with grunts and gestures, which are all subtitled. My only problem is with Hannah, who looks like she strolled out of her hairdresser's salon to do this role. My fiancee liked it a little less, saying it was a disgrace to the book and Jean Auel. Yes, dear.
Next, we popped in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." We had never seen it before, so I guess that makes us "virgins"...but anyway, it was quite the experience. What can be said about this movie that hasn't been said so far? The plot, as it is, is indescribable. It is fun to watch big stars of today like Tim Curry ("Oscar," "Annie," "The Hunt for Red October"), Susan Sarandon ("Atlantic City," "Bull Durham," "Thelma & Louise") and Barry Bostwick (in just about every TV movie ever made) wearing corsets and stockings and having a jolly good time. Meat Loaf, that fat guy with the great voice, is also in this one. You've heard about it for years, just go rent it, you'll never forget it. My fiancee thought it was weird, strange, and kinky.
Finally, "The Unborn." Brooke Adams ("Invasion of the Body Snatchers") returns to the horror genre in a big way. The story is about this geneticist who is inseminating pregnant women with mutant sperm in order to build a master race. The gore is especially powerful because it involves alot of pregnant women and fetuses. It's a wild ride until the end, when bad special effects begin to unravel it. Of course, after seeing this, my fiancee doesn't want to bear any of my children after we are married.
Remember, go to your local video store and look for the lonely videos that no one else wants. And if you hear two people viciously arguing over whether to get "The Faces of Death" or "Porky's," just introduce yourself. My fiancee and I would love to meet you.
"The Clan of the Cave Bear" (1986) 100 min. Grade: B
Directed by Michael Chapman; Screenplay by John Sayles based on the novel by Jean Auel; Featuring: Daryl Hannah, Pamela Reed, James Remar, Thomas G. Waites, John Doolittle, Curtis Armstrong
"The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (1975) 100 min. Grade: A-
Directed by Jim Sharman; Featuring: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick, Richard O'Brien, Jonathan Adams, Meat Loaf, Little Nell
"The Unborn" (1991) 89 min. Grade: C+
Written and Directed by Rodman Flender; Featuring: Brooke Adams, Jeff Hayenga, James Karen, K Callan, Jane Cameron, Kathy Cameron, Kathy Griffin
First problem: what is alternative? Do I have to check out "Blue Velvet" for the umpteenth time? Should I get that strange little film from Sri Lanka containing two characters who stab at Caesar's salads and contemplate life for two and a half hours? Maybe I should check out "Ernest Saves Christmas" and be done with it...well, anyway, it was Friday night and there wasn't a thing left to watch. My fiancee and I blindly went up and down each aisle, picking up something, and then putting it back. Finally, we decided we'll grab what we could get.
The two videos we picked were the ones nobody wanted- the lonely videos that you grab out of desperation hoping they'll provide a little entertainment, and maybe a few unintentional laughs. Anything, as long as the story even remotely resembles the picture on the video box cover.
Our picks for the night were "Robot Jox" and "The Oval Portrait." The first film was directed by Stuart Gordon, who directed "The Re-Animator," "From Beyond," and "Dolls." The story took place fifty years after a nuclear holocaust, as most science fiction films do. The two warring sides use huge robots, about ten stories tall, to decide feuds over territory. The robots meet in a giant arena in Death Valley, and whoever's robot is left standing gets the match. Right away, I expected silly special effects along the lines of the "Godzilla" series of films. Guys dressed in robot suits falling on snap together models of recent cars. Boy, was I wrong.
The story concerns a robot jock, who operates the robot, and his last fight with an evil robot jock. Their first match is a draw, so they meet again to fight to the death, but they don't...I can't explain, but the film wasn't that bad. The effects were well done for such a cheap picture, and fans of NBC's "In the Heat of the Night" get to see Anne-Marie Johnson's bare butt. My fiancee didn't think a whole lot of the film because the big robots "squished people".
We weren't so lucky with our second film, "The Oval Portrait." It was made in 1973, with a Spanish film crew and an English speaking cast. Based on a page and a half Edgar Allan Poe story, this mess was obviously put on video to make a quick buck. The flashback scene in the film takes forty five minutes, and the director's idea of scary filming is to constantly zoom the camera in and out of the scene. Now I think I know what a grand mal seizure feels like. The cover of the video makes this one look great, but we giggled through the entire last third of the movie.
That's it for this edition. Look for more lonely video reviews in future issues, or you can do what we did: rented "Ghost" the next night and had a good cry.
"Robot Jox" (1989) 84 min. Grade C+
Directed by Stuart Gordon; Story by Stuart Gordon, Screenplay by Joe Haldeman; Featuring: Gary Graham, Anne-Marie Johnson, Paul Koslo, Robert Sampson, Danny Kamekona, Hilary Mason, Michael Alldredge
"The Oval Portrait" (1973) 86 min. Grade: D-
Directed by Rogelio Gonzalez, Jr.; Written by Enrique Torres based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe; Featuring: Wanda Hendrix, Barry Coe, Gisele Mackenzie, Maray Ayres, Barney O'Sullivan, Doris Buckinham, Pia Shandel
So, my fiancee and I went back to the video rental store. We almost broke off our engagement as we wandered around arguing over what to get. After an hour, we had made up about three times and picked our choices for this issue.
"The Clan of the Cave Bear" is based on the best selling novel by Jean Auel. My fiancee has read it about a hundred times, and was finally going to see the movie. The heroine of the film is Ayla, played by Daryl Hannah ("Splash," "Steel Magnolias"), the first feminist Cro-Magnon cavewoman. She is adopted by a tribe of Neanderthals, who consider her ugly and bad luck. Pamela Reed ("The Best of Times," "Kindergarten Cop") has a great role as her adoptive mother. Ayla starts causing trouble by doing things like not bowing to the men and hunting on her own. The film was shot in British Columbia and is well done. The tribe communicate with grunts and gestures, which are all subtitled. My only problem is with Hannah, who looks like she strolled out of her hairdresser's salon to do this role. My fiancee liked it a little less, saying it was a disgrace to the book and Jean Auel. Yes, dear.
Next, we popped in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." We had never seen it before, so I guess that makes us "virgins"...but anyway, it was quite the experience. What can be said about this movie that hasn't been said so far? The plot, as it is, is indescribable. It is fun to watch big stars of today like Tim Curry ("Oscar," "Annie," "The Hunt for Red October"), Susan Sarandon ("Atlantic City," "Bull Durham," "Thelma & Louise") and Barry Bostwick (in just about every TV movie ever made) wearing corsets and stockings and having a jolly good time. Meat Loaf, that fat guy with the great voice, is also in this one. You've heard about it for years, just go rent it, you'll never forget it. My fiancee thought it was weird, strange, and kinky.
Finally, "The Unborn." Brooke Adams ("Invasion of the Body Snatchers") returns to the horror genre in a big way. The story is about this geneticist who is inseminating pregnant women with mutant sperm in order to build a master race. The gore is especially powerful because it involves alot of pregnant women and fetuses. It's a wild ride until the end, when bad special effects begin to unravel it. Of course, after seeing this, my fiancee doesn't want to bear any of my children after we are married.
Remember, go to your local video store and look for the lonely videos that no one else wants. And if you hear two people viciously arguing over whether to get "The Faces of Death" or "Porky's," just introduce yourself. My fiancee and I would love to meet you.
"The Clan of the Cave Bear" (1986) 100 min. Grade: B
Directed by Michael Chapman; Screenplay by John Sayles based on the novel by Jean Auel; Featuring: Daryl Hannah, Pamela Reed, James Remar, Thomas G. Waites, John Doolittle, Curtis Armstrong
"The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (1975) 100 min. Grade: A-
Directed by Jim Sharman; Featuring: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick, Richard O'Brien, Jonathan Adams, Meat Loaf, Little Nell
"The Unborn" (1991) 89 min. Grade: C+
Written and Directed by Rodman Flender; Featuring: Brooke Adams, Jeff Hayenga, James Karen, K Callan, Jane Cameron, Kathy Cameron, Kathy Griffin
Capsule Film Reviews: Volume 8
The Amateur Hookers
(1972) feature film (*) out of five stars
While on vacation, two young women turn to prostitution to pay their hotel bill. Typical 1970's porn, with hideous decor and equally hideous acting. Two of the men in this look so similar to one another, I fear they might be brothers. No performers or crew is credited, and that is probably the smartest decision anyone involved with this production made (good pirated jazz score, though). This is available from Something Weird Video on a double bill with "Finishing School" on DVD-R. (X)- Profanity, strong female nudity, strong male nudity, explicit sexual content, adult situations, alcohol consumption.
The Angry Red Planet
Directed by Ib Melchior, Screenplay by Ib Melchior and Sid Pink, Original Story by Sid Pink, Cast: Gerald Mohr, Nora Hayden, Les Tremayne, Jack Kruschen
(1959) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Pretty hysterical story of two surviving astronauts returning to Earth, and one recounting their adventures on Mars. To call this film sexist would be an understatement, the science and technology onboard the spacecraft is hilarious (yes, that is a manual typewriter), but the film's one saving grace is the bizarre special camera effect of the surface of the red planet. (Unrated)- Mild physical violence, very mild gun violence, some tobacco use.
The Finishing School
Cast: Rick Conlin, Henry Ferris, Lynn Holmes, Jim, Susan Westcott
(1971) feature film (*) out of five stars
A teacher instructs her female students how to pleasure a man so they will know what to do on their wedding nights in this silly porno. While the idea was played for laughs in "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life," in this story it comes off as sleazy, sleepy, and a little creepy. This is available from Something Weird Video on a double bill with "Amateur Hookers" on DVD-R. (X)- Profanity, strong female nudity, strong male nudity, explicit sexual content.
For Your Eyes Only
Directed by John Glen, Written by Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson, Cast: Roger Moore, Carole Bouquet, Topol, Lynn-Holly Johnson
(1981) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Definitely my favorite James Bond entry, as 007 must retrieve a device that can control nuclear weapons before it falls into the wrong (Soviet) hands. Moore cruises through, the action is excellent, and the film moves along briskly. (PG)- Physical violence, gun violence, mild gore, some profanity, brief female nudity, sexual references, some adult situations.
Grey Matter
Directed by Joy N. Houck, Jr., Story and Screenplay by Joy N. Houck, Jr. & Christian Garrison & Thomas Hal Phillips, Cast: James Best, Barbara Burgess, Gerald McRaney, Gil Peterson
(1977) feature film (*) out of five stars
Oh, my gosh, I thought CBS prime-time television shows were the worst things Gerald McRaney appeared in. Four people are experimented on by a crazed mind control computer. That's it, don't rent it. I saw this under one of its many titles- "Grey Matter," and it is perhaps one of the worst films of recent memory. The other reviews are right, it is awful. Never have so many establishing shots appeared onscreen, NEVER. The cast is awful, the direction is awful, and the script is awful. I cannot stress how awful this is. Avoid it like you would smallpox. (PG13)- physical violence, some gun violence, mild gore, some profanity, and some adult situations.
Tomorrow Never Dies
Directed by Roger Spottiswoode, Written by Bruce Feirstein, Cast: Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce, Michelle Yeoh, Teri Hatcher
(1997) feature film (* * *) out of five stars
Great action but empty. This film takes 007 and turns him into just another action hero after one of those shady billionaire villains. The lagging plot is saved by some incredible stunt work, but the characters have been "updated" so badly are hardly recognizable. Joe Don Baker is terrible in his two scenes playing the obnoxious American the British love to hate, and Dench's coquettish smiles at Bond's behavior border on silly. Bring back Connery and Moore...heck, even Lazenby and Dalton.
The Trail Beyond
Directed by Robert N. Bradbury, Screenplay by Lindsley Parsons based on a story by James Oliver Curwood, Cast: John Wayne, Noah Beery Jr., Verna Hillie, Noah Beery Sr.
(1934) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
One of Wayne's best B Films. After a whole lot of creaky, bad B westerns, Wayne triumphs here. The locations are great, the stuntwork is great, and his teaming with Beery is great. Some of the editing of previous stuntwork into the climax is ridiculous, but this film works pretty well in a fun, old movie way.
Winnie the Pooh: Cowboy Pooh
Cast: Jim Cummings, Michael Gough, Andre Stojka, Paul Winchell
(1994) television episodes (* * *) out of five stars
Pleasant enough entertainment. While this is just a collection of episodes from the television series, my toddler was captivated, even if the entertainment value for parents is negligible.
Winnie the Pooh: Seasons of Giving
Directed by Jun Falkenstein, Karl Geurs, Gary Katona, Ed Wexler, Written by Barbara Slade, Cast: Jim Cummings, Paul Winchell, Brady Bluhm, Ken Sansom
(1999) feature film (*) out of five stars
Disney makes a quickie buck. Your children may love it, but this is a terrible headache for adults. Combining too many different styles of animation, and having to witness the "new" animation that looked amateur at best really sank this for me. I get the feeling the only reason this was released was to tack on the preview for "The Tigger Movie" at the beginning. Thanks a lot Disney, between this and "Lion King 2," your straight-to-video output leaves a lot to be desired.
Zentropa
Directed by Lars von Trier, Written by Lars von Trier & Niels Vorsel, Cast: Jean-Marc Barr, Barbara Sukowa, Udo Kier, Max von Sydow
(1992) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Goodtropa. One thing you can say about this film is you have never seen anything like it before. Most chilling is the soundtrack, although von Trier does over-direct once in a while. I did appreciate this more than his "Breaking the Waves."
(1972) feature film (*) out of five stars
While on vacation, two young women turn to prostitution to pay their hotel bill. Typical 1970's porn, with hideous decor and equally hideous acting. Two of the men in this look so similar to one another, I fear they might be brothers. No performers or crew is credited, and that is probably the smartest decision anyone involved with this production made (good pirated jazz score, though). This is available from Something Weird Video on a double bill with "Finishing School" on DVD-R. (X)- Profanity, strong female nudity, strong male nudity, explicit sexual content, adult situations, alcohol consumption.
The Angry Red Planet
Directed by Ib Melchior, Screenplay by Ib Melchior and Sid Pink, Original Story by Sid Pink, Cast: Gerald Mohr, Nora Hayden, Les Tremayne, Jack Kruschen
(1959) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Pretty hysterical story of two surviving astronauts returning to Earth, and one recounting their adventures on Mars. To call this film sexist would be an understatement, the science and technology onboard the spacecraft is hilarious (yes, that is a manual typewriter), but the film's one saving grace is the bizarre special camera effect of the surface of the red planet. (Unrated)- Mild physical violence, very mild gun violence, some tobacco use.
The Finishing School
Cast: Rick Conlin, Henry Ferris, Lynn Holmes, Jim, Susan Westcott
(1971) feature film (*) out of five stars
A teacher instructs her female students how to pleasure a man so they will know what to do on their wedding nights in this silly porno. While the idea was played for laughs in "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life," in this story it comes off as sleazy, sleepy, and a little creepy. This is available from Something Weird Video on a double bill with "Amateur Hookers" on DVD-R. (X)- Profanity, strong female nudity, strong male nudity, explicit sexual content.
For Your Eyes Only
Directed by John Glen, Written by Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson, Cast: Roger Moore, Carole Bouquet, Topol, Lynn-Holly Johnson
(1981) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Definitely my favorite James Bond entry, as 007 must retrieve a device that can control nuclear weapons before it falls into the wrong (Soviet) hands. Moore cruises through, the action is excellent, and the film moves along briskly. (PG)- Physical violence, gun violence, mild gore, some profanity, brief female nudity, sexual references, some adult situations.
Grey Matter
Directed by Joy N. Houck, Jr., Story and Screenplay by Joy N. Houck, Jr. & Christian Garrison & Thomas Hal Phillips, Cast: James Best, Barbara Burgess, Gerald McRaney, Gil Peterson
(1977) feature film (*) out of five stars
Oh, my gosh, I thought CBS prime-time television shows were the worst things Gerald McRaney appeared in. Four people are experimented on by a crazed mind control computer. That's it, don't rent it. I saw this under one of its many titles- "Grey Matter," and it is perhaps one of the worst films of recent memory. The other reviews are right, it is awful. Never have so many establishing shots appeared onscreen, NEVER. The cast is awful, the direction is awful, and the script is awful. I cannot stress how awful this is. Avoid it like you would smallpox. (PG13)- physical violence, some gun violence, mild gore, some profanity, and some adult situations.
Tomorrow Never Dies
Directed by Roger Spottiswoode, Written by Bruce Feirstein, Cast: Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce, Michelle Yeoh, Teri Hatcher
(1997) feature film (* * *) out of five stars
Great action but empty. This film takes 007 and turns him into just another action hero after one of those shady billionaire villains. The lagging plot is saved by some incredible stunt work, but the characters have been "updated" so badly are hardly recognizable. Joe Don Baker is terrible in his two scenes playing the obnoxious American the British love to hate, and Dench's coquettish smiles at Bond's behavior border on silly. Bring back Connery and Moore...heck, even Lazenby and Dalton.
The Trail Beyond
Directed by Robert N. Bradbury, Screenplay by Lindsley Parsons based on a story by James Oliver Curwood, Cast: John Wayne, Noah Beery Jr., Verna Hillie, Noah Beery Sr.
(1934) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
One of Wayne's best B Films. After a whole lot of creaky, bad B westerns, Wayne triumphs here. The locations are great, the stuntwork is great, and his teaming with Beery is great. Some of the editing of previous stuntwork into the climax is ridiculous, but this film works pretty well in a fun, old movie way.
Winnie the Pooh: Cowboy Pooh
Cast: Jim Cummings, Michael Gough, Andre Stojka, Paul Winchell
(1994) television episodes (* * *) out of five stars
Pleasant enough entertainment. While this is just a collection of episodes from the television series, my toddler was captivated, even if the entertainment value for parents is negligible.
Winnie the Pooh: Seasons of Giving
Directed by Jun Falkenstein, Karl Geurs, Gary Katona, Ed Wexler, Written by Barbara Slade, Cast: Jim Cummings, Paul Winchell, Brady Bluhm, Ken Sansom
(1999) feature film (*) out of five stars
Disney makes a quickie buck. Your children may love it, but this is a terrible headache for adults. Combining too many different styles of animation, and having to witness the "new" animation that looked amateur at best really sank this for me. I get the feeling the only reason this was released was to tack on the preview for "The Tigger Movie" at the beginning. Thanks a lot Disney, between this and "Lion King 2," your straight-to-video output leaves a lot to be desired.
Zentropa
Directed by Lars von Trier, Written by Lars von Trier & Niels Vorsel, Cast: Jean-Marc Barr, Barbara Sukowa, Udo Kier, Max von Sydow
(1992) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Goodtropa. One thing you can say about this film is you have never seen anything like it before. Most chilling is the soundtrack, although von Trier does over-direct once in a while. I did appreciate this more than his "Breaking the Waves."
Capsule Film Reviews: Volume 7
Jennifer 8
Written and directed by Bruce Robinson, Cast: Andy Garcia, Uma Thurman, Lance Henriksen, John Malkovich
(1992) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Good movie, great ending. Thurman and Garcia work well together, and the surprise ending is one even jaded old me did not expect. I recommend this to everyone who thinks the serial killer genre has been played out.
The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana
Directed by Horace Edgar, Cast: Mohinderjeet, Tony Montana, Cheyenne, T.T. Boy
(1993) feature film (*) out of five stars
Porn disguised as instruction. I have no idea what this has to do with the Kama Sutra, but if you like porn, this is yours. Don't watch this for sexual instruction, unless you need directions on how to market porn as a mainstream video. The cast are all interchangeable porn wannabes, especially the obviously augmented blond. As for the Indian girl mentioned in the other review, she looks like she's enjoying this about as much as a root canal. If it looks like porn and sounds like porn, it's porn.
Kindergarten Cop
Directed by Ivan Reitman, Screenplay by Murray Salem & Herschel Weingrod & Timothy Harris, Story by Murray Salem, Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Pamela Reed, Linda Hunt
(1990) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Shockingly dated. Sure, Arnold is kind of funny and the kids are very cute, but the constant violence, language, junkies, and aiming guns at small children was a real turnoff in the age of Columbine and other school shootings. I definitely do not recommend this for any children.
Lovers Caught on Tape
(????) feature film (*) out of five stars
Who do they think they are kidding? Yes, this video contains assorted couplings "caught on security camera," yet the video does not show actual voyeuristic sex until the finale, which consists of blurred faces and grainy footage from assorted baseball stadiums around North America. Other than that, obvious porn stars shed all of their clothes, and promptly have a lot of choreographed sex in elevators and stairwells. The actors look around, pretending that someone could walk in on them at any minute, yet are completely nude most of the time. I haven't seen this many thongs since my last Sisqo video. Amazing how the "unknowing" participants also position themselves so the camera will capture everything, as if they do not see it... What you are left with is lazy porn, pornography shot with a stationery security camera just to give you a heightened sense of nonexistent voyeurism. Is this what porn directors have turned to? Direct a film? Forget it, we'll nail a camera to a wall in an inappropriate place and let it record! Don't waste your money when it comes to this silliness. You can find the real thing in better quality if need be.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman and John Lounsbery, Story by Larry Clemmons & Ralph Wright & Lance Gerry & Xavier Atencio & Ken Anderson & Julius Svendsen & Ted Berman & Eric Cleworth based on the books by A.A. Milne, Cast: Sebastian Cabot, Sterling Holloway, Paul Winchell, John Fiedler
(1977) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Seamless joining of the short films. This is everything "Winnie the Pooh: Seasons of Giving" should have been. The original short films were so much better than the series, I hope all parents will seek this out. Adults will enjoy it as much as their kids.
The Night of the Following Day
Directed by Hubert Cornfield, Written by Hubert Cornfield and Robert Phippeny based on a novel by Lionel White, Cast: Marlon Brando, Richard Boone, Rita Moreno, Pamela Franklin
(1969) feature film (*) out of five stars
Bad kidnapping flick. Brando is so bad in this he should be arrested for over-emoting. The film moves at a snail's pace, even for 93 minutes, and the big surprise ending is a mere cop-out. This is just one of many losers Brando did in the '60's until "Last Tango in Paris" and "The Godfather" came along.
Nightwatch
Directed by Ole Bornedal, Screenplay by Ole Bornedal and Steven Soderbergh, Cast: Ewan McGregor, Patricia Arquette, Nick Nolte, Josh Brolin
(1998) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Europeans can really show us Americans a few things. This film had style and scares. Josh Brolin and Nick Nolte are great, but Ewan McGregor's brogue would burst through in some scenes. Great set design adds to a scary film.
Pretty Woman
Directed by Garry Marshall, Written by J.F. Lawton, Cast: Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Ralph Bellamy, Jason Alexander
(1990) feature film (*) out of five stars
Pretty boring. For ten years I avoided this until now-- I should have waited. A romantic comedy without the romance or laughs. I am not a big Julia Roberts fan, and she is terrible here. Leave it to Hollywood in the era of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases to make prostitution seem glamorous, and how a hooker with a heart of gold can change one of those jerk billionaires who is ruining it for the rest of us. So much of the film took place in the hotel suite, I thought I was watching some kind of nightmarish stage play. You may not like this review, but I sure did not like this film.
Smilla's Sense of Snow
Directed by Bille August, Screenplay by Ann Biderman based on a novel by Peter Hoeg, Cast: Julia Ormond, Gabriel Byrne, Jim Broadbent, Tom Wilkinson
(1997) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Great sense of filmmaking. You definitely have not seen a film like this. After getting spoon fed junk for so many years, it was nice to watch a mystery and actually use my brain for once. The script constantly surprised me, and Ormond is terrific. This is the level of film that the James Bond series should be at now, instead of "Tomorrow Never Dies"-type fluff.
Star Maps
Directed by Miguel Arteta, Screenplay by Miguel Arteta, Story by Miguel Arteta and Matthew Greenfield, Cast: Douglas Spain, Efrain Figueroa, Kandeyce Jorden, Robin Thomas
(1997) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Better than expected. I have read all the reviews about this, but decided to sit down and watch it anyway. I was completely caught up in this family and all of their problems. I thought a couple of the performances were a little stiff, but the screenplay kept me interested until the end, and the actors seemed to be earnest in their endeavor. Believe me, there are many other films out there that take the same gay-prostitute storyline and try to shock more than tell a story. This is good, and a great antidote to the current sugary "Latin explosion."
Supernova
Directed by Walter Hill, Screenplay by David C. Nelson, Story by William Malone and Daniel Chuba, Cast: James Spader, Angela Bassett, Robert Forster, Lou Diamond Phillips
(2000) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Thomas Lee (Walter Hill) delivers an astounding sci-fi actioner that was unfairly ignored at the box office, and has received an undeserved rep in critics' circles. A medical ship receives a distress call from a collapsing moon. A strange man from Angela Bassett's past comes aboard, carrying a mysterious object that can change the course of man and space. James Spader plays a formerly drug addicted pilot who must take command of the ship. He gives an incredible performance in a role normally reserved for the steroid experiments we call action stars today. Bassett is also good, reminding you she should have won the Oscar for "What's Love Got To Do With It". Wilson Cruz is also good as the assistant with a special relationship with the computer. Lou Diamond Phillips, Robin Tunney, and especially Robert Forster do not register much in their screen time. The film went thorough plenty of post-production problems, and I can only imagine what would have happened if Hill had stayed around, but this is still fantastic science fiction. A word about the special effects: Holy Hubble! The effects here, even on the small TV I have, were incredible! Digital Domain really outdid themselves, creating a totally believable new world.
There'll Always Be an England: All-Time Greatest Songs of War
(????) feature film (*) out of five stars
Great songs, lousy video. Miscellaneous newsreel and performance film clips are presented, with popular music from the World War II era. You cannot fault the outstanding songs here, but the presentation and sound is terrible. Artists and songs are not identified until the end credits, and the entire film has a cheap quality to it.
Thomas and the Magic Railroad
Written and directed by Britt Allcroft based on the books by Rev. W. Awdry, Cast: Alec Baldwin, Peter Fonda, Mara Wilson, Russell Means
(2000) feature film (*) out of five stars
Parents: watch at your own risk! Sure, my three year old son loved this as much as he loves all the Thomas stories, but my wife and I were horrified by how much the moviemakers decided to forget about any adult viewers. Fonda looks like he just viewed every film he made after Easy Rider and then was called to the set, and Wilson is much too old for this kind of little girl part anymore. I hope Britt Allcroft can improve on this, she owes Thomas fans, young and old, much more.
Three Bullets for a Long Gun
Directed by Peter Henkel, Screenplay by Keith G. van der Wat, Story by Beau Brummell, Cast: Beau Brummell, Keith G. van der Wat, Patrick Mynhardt, Don McCorkindale
(1975) feature film (*) out of five stars
Outstanding example of junk, this is truly a terrible film. The filmmakers obviously wanted to mate a Sergio Leone film with the Trinity series, but instead they came up with this mess. The leading man looks like a dusty Bee Gee and the comical sidekick does nothing but stereotype Mexicans. I have seen better use of the Spanish language on the drive-thru menu at Taco John's. If you do have three bullets, use them on your VCR to put it out of its misery after watching this.
Written and directed by Bruce Robinson, Cast: Andy Garcia, Uma Thurman, Lance Henriksen, John Malkovich
(1992) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Good movie, great ending. Thurman and Garcia work well together, and the surprise ending is one even jaded old me did not expect. I recommend this to everyone who thinks the serial killer genre has been played out.
The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana
Directed by Horace Edgar, Cast: Mohinderjeet, Tony Montana, Cheyenne, T.T. Boy
(1993) feature film (*) out of five stars
Porn disguised as instruction. I have no idea what this has to do with the Kama Sutra, but if you like porn, this is yours. Don't watch this for sexual instruction, unless you need directions on how to market porn as a mainstream video. The cast are all interchangeable porn wannabes, especially the obviously augmented blond. As for the Indian girl mentioned in the other review, she looks like she's enjoying this about as much as a root canal. If it looks like porn and sounds like porn, it's porn.
Kindergarten Cop
Directed by Ivan Reitman, Screenplay by Murray Salem & Herschel Weingrod & Timothy Harris, Story by Murray Salem, Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Pamela Reed, Linda Hunt
(1990) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Shockingly dated. Sure, Arnold is kind of funny and the kids are very cute, but the constant violence, language, junkies, and aiming guns at small children was a real turnoff in the age of Columbine and other school shootings. I definitely do not recommend this for any children.
Lovers Caught on Tape
(????) feature film (*) out of five stars
Who do they think they are kidding? Yes, this video contains assorted couplings "caught on security camera," yet the video does not show actual voyeuristic sex until the finale, which consists of blurred faces and grainy footage from assorted baseball stadiums around North America. Other than that, obvious porn stars shed all of their clothes, and promptly have a lot of choreographed sex in elevators and stairwells. The actors look around, pretending that someone could walk in on them at any minute, yet are completely nude most of the time. I haven't seen this many thongs since my last Sisqo video. Amazing how the "unknowing" participants also position themselves so the camera will capture everything, as if they do not see it... What you are left with is lazy porn, pornography shot with a stationery security camera just to give you a heightened sense of nonexistent voyeurism. Is this what porn directors have turned to? Direct a film? Forget it, we'll nail a camera to a wall in an inappropriate place and let it record! Don't waste your money when it comes to this silliness. You can find the real thing in better quality if need be.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman and John Lounsbery, Story by Larry Clemmons & Ralph Wright & Lance Gerry & Xavier Atencio & Ken Anderson & Julius Svendsen & Ted Berman & Eric Cleworth based on the books by A.A. Milne, Cast: Sebastian Cabot, Sterling Holloway, Paul Winchell, John Fiedler
(1977) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Seamless joining of the short films. This is everything "Winnie the Pooh: Seasons of Giving" should have been. The original short films were so much better than the series, I hope all parents will seek this out. Adults will enjoy it as much as their kids.
The Night of the Following Day
Directed by Hubert Cornfield, Written by Hubert Cornfield and Robert Phippeny based on a novel by Lionel White, Cast: Marlon Brando, Richard Boone, Rita Moreno, Pamela Franklin
(1969) feature film (*) out of five stars
Bad kidnapping flick. Brando is so bad in this he should be arrested for over-emoting. The film moves at a snail's pace, even for 93 minutes, and the big surprise ending is a mere cop-out. This is just one of many losers Brando did in the '60's until "Last Tango in Paris" and "The Godfather" came along.
Nightwatch
Directed by Ole Bornedal, Screenplay by Ole Bornedal and Steven Soderbergh, Cast: Ewan McGregor, Patricia Arquette, Nick Nolte, Josh Brolin
(1998) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Europeans can really show us Americans a few things. This film had style and scares. Josh Brolin and Nick Nolte are great, but Ewan McGregor's brogue would burst through in some scenes. Great set design adds to a scary film.
Pretty Woman
Directed by Garry Marshall, Written by J.F. Lawton, Cast: Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Ralph Bellamy, Jason Alexander
(1990) feature film (*) out of five stars
Pretty boring. For ten years I avoided this until now-- I should have waited. A romantic comedy without the romance or laughs. I am not a big Julia Roberts fan, and she is terrible here. Leave it to Hollywood in the era of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases to make prostitution seem glamorous, and how a hooker with a heart of gold can change one of those jerk billionaires who is ruining it for the rest of us. So much of the film took place in the hotel suite, I thought I was watching some kind of nightmarish stage play. You may not like this review, but I sure did not like this film.
Smilla's Sense of Snow
Directed by Bille August, Screenplay by Ann Biderman based on a novel by Peter Hoeg, Cast: Julia Ormond, Gabriel Byrne, Jim Broadbent, Tom Wilkinson
(1997) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Great sense of filmmaking. You definitely have not seen a film like this. After getting spoon fed junk for so many years, it was nice to watch a mystery and actually use my brain for once. The script constantly surprised me, and Ormond is terrific. This is the level of film that the James Bond series should be at now, instead of "Tomorrow Never Dies"-type fluff.
Star Maps
Directed by Miguel Arteta, Screenplay by Miguel Arteta, Story by Miguel Arteta and Matthew Greenfield, Cast: Douglas Spain, Efrain Figueroa, Kandeyce Jorden, Robin Thomas
(1997) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Better than expected. I have read all the reviews about this, but decided to sit down and watch it anyway. I was completely caught up in this family and all of their problems. I thought a couple of the performances were a little stiff, but the screenplay kept me interested until the end, and the actors seemed to be earnest in their endeavor. Believe me, there are many other films out there that take the same gay-prostitute storyline and try to shock more than tell a story. This is good, and a great antidote to the current sugary "Latin explosion."
Supernova
Directed by Walter Hill, Screenplay by David C. Nelson, Story by William Malone and Daniel Chuba, Cast: James Spader, Angela Bassett, Robert Forster, Lou Diamond Phillips
(2000) feature film (* * * * *) out of five stars
Thomas Lee (Walter Hill) delivers an astounding sci-fi actioner that was unfairly ignored at the box office, and has received an undeserved rep in critics' circles. A medical ship receives a distress call from a collapsing moon. A strange man from Angela Bassett's past comes aboard, carrying a mysterious object that can change the course of man and space. James Spader plays a formerly drug addicted pilot who must take command of the ship. He gives an incredible performance in a role normally reserved for the steroid experiments we call action stars today. Bassett is also good, reminding you she should have won the Oscar for "What's Love Got To Do With It". Wilson Cruz is also good as the assistant with a special relationship with the computer. Lou Diamond Phillips, Robin Tunney, and especially Robert Forster do not register much in their screen time. The film went thorough plenty of post-production problems, and I can only imagine what would have happened if Hill had stayed around, but this is still fantastic science fiction. A word about the special effects: Holy Hubble! The effects here, even on the small TV I have, were incredible! Digital Domain really outdid themselves, creating a totally believable new world.
There'll Always Be an England: All-Time Greatest Songs of War
(????) feature film (*) out of five stars
Great songs, lousy video. Miscellaneous newsreel and performance film clips are presented, with popular music from the World War II era. You cannot fault the outstanding songs here, but the presentation and sound is terrible. Artists and songs are not identified until the end credits, and the entire film has a cheap quality to it.
Thomas and the Magic Railroad
Written and directed by Britt Allcroft based on the books by Rev. W. Awdry, Cast: Alec Baldwin, Peter Fonda, Mara Wilson, Russell Means
(2000) feature film (*) out of five stars
Parents: watch at your own risk! Sure, my three year old son loved this as much as he loves all the Thomas stories, but my wife and I were horrified by how much the moviemakers decided to forget about any adult viewers. Fonda looks like he just viewed every film he made after Easy Rider and then was called to the set, and Wilson is much too old for this kind of little girl part anymore. I hope Britt Allcroft can improve on this, she owes Thomas fans, young and old, much more.
Three Bullets for a Long Gun
Directed by Peter Henkel, Screenplay by Keith G. van der Wat, Story by Beau Brummell, Cast: Beau Brummell, Keith G. van der Wat, Patrick Mynhardt, Don McCorkindale
(1975) feature film (*) out of five stars
Outstanding example of junk, this is truly a terrible film. The filmmakers obviously wanted to mate a Sergio Leone film with the Trinity series, but instead they came up with this mess. The leading man looks like a dusty Bee Gee and the comical sidekick does nothing but stereotype Mexicans. I have seen better use of the Spanish language on the drive-thru menu at Taco John's. If you do have three bullets, use them on your VCR to put it out of its misery after watching this.
Capsule Film Reviews: Volume 6
Addicted to Murder 2: Tainted Blood
Written and directed by Kevin Lindenmuth, Cast: Sasha Graham, Mike McCleery, Sarah K. Lippmann, Ted Grayson
(1998) feature film (*) out of five stars
This sloppy production may bathe everyone in green "X Files" inspired light, but sheds no light on its impossible to comprehend plot. Some guy is traveling across country to NYC, where some girl vampires are sending hunters after each other while they gore up the city. It does not help matters that all the women here look the same, so you never quite know who is who. The gore here consists mostly of fake blood, and there is no nudity. This makes for a very tedious and very boring eighty minutes. Do not taint your VCR with this shot on video wannabe horror flick. This is unrated and contains physical violence, gore, and profanity.
Along Came a Spider
Directed by Lee Tamahori, Screenplay by Marc Moss based on the novel by James Patterson, Cast: Morgan Freeman, Monica Potter, Michael Wincott, Dylan Baker
(2001) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Morgan Freeman returns as Det. Alex Cross and teams with Secret Service agent Monica Potter to find a senator's kidnapped daughter. Hollywood churns out yet another safe adaptation of a blockbuster best seller. The plot lurches along, introducing characters and abandoning them (Jay O. Sanders), and wrapping itself up with a tidy conclusion. Freeman is outstanding, as always, but the rest of the cast cannot back him up. Tamahori's direction is fine, except for a terrible CGI car crash in the opening minutes. The surprise ending is okay, but I read the novel and knew what would happen. No vision, no suspense, no repeat viewings. The little girl is filmdom's smartest kidnap victim, but Michael Moriarty and Penelope Ann Miller are utterly wasted.
Angel of Fury
Directed by Ackyl Anwari, Written by Christopher Mitchum and Deddy Armand, Cast: Cynthia Rothrock, Chris Barnes, Peter O'Brian, Zainal Abidin
(1992) feature film (*) out of five stars
Horribly dubbed film has Rothrock trying to stop a terrorist from stealing a super computer. Some good action scenes are negated by sloppy editing and too much violence- including a child's murder. Even the normally reliable Rothrock cannot save this.
Angel on Fire
Written and Directed by Phillip Ko, Cast: Cynthia Khan, Ronnie Ricketts, Pan Pan Yeung, Melanie Marquez
(1995) feature film (* * *) out of five stars
Some exciting action set pieces help weak story of a female Interpol agent who is trying to find a supermodel/thief who is on the run from her own problems. Padded, with dopey Filipino cab driver sidekicks, but good enough action to recommend.
Angelfist
Directed by Cirio H. Santiago, Written by Anthony L. Greene, Cast: Catya Sassoon, Melissa Moore, Michael Shaner, Denise Buick
(1993) feature film (*) out of five stars
Awful actioner has Cat Sassoon entering a Filipino martial arts tournament to investigate the death of her sister and discovering a plot to assassinate a U.S. ambassador. The fight scenes are poorly choreographed, Sassoon scowls through the whole film, and our male "hero" is a doofus. There are, count 'em, three different shower scenes to up the sex factor. Really bad.
Blue's Big Musical Movie
Directed by Todd Kessler, Cast: Steve Burns, Ray Charles, Traci Paige Johnson, Jonathan Press
(2000) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Better than banana cookies, I rented this for my toddler expecting to dislike it, but the songs are infinitely hummable and enough is going on to put this one step ahead of the normal TV episode. Plus, my three year old loved it.
Breaking the Waves
Directed by Lars von Trier, Written by Lars von Trier and Peter Asmussen, Cast: Emily Watson, Stellan Skarsgard, Katrin Cartlidge, Jean-Marc Barr
(1996) feature film (*) out of five stars
First off, this film is about an hour too long. It also could not make up its mind as to whether it wanted to be a long dull romance like "The English Patient," or something softcore they show on Cinemax. I found Watson's character so annoying, I breathed a sigh of relief when she was not onscreen, which was not often. Von Trier's documentary approach is not interesting, just stomach churning...and you thought "The Blair Witch Project" was jumpy?
Buck Privates
Directed by Arthur Lubin, Written by Arthur T. Horman, Cast: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Lee Bowman, Jane Frazee
(1941) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
In order to avoid arrest, Abbott and Costello enlist in the army and get tangled in a romantic subplot involving a millionaire, his former valet, and a camp hostess. Silly fun takes place on the eve of World War II, with Abbott and Costello scoring laughs and the Andrews Sisters singing "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" and "Apple Blossom Time." Funny, despite the silly romance.
Churchill and the Cabinet War Rooms
Directed by Andrew Johnston, Written by Robert Sinclair, Cast: John James Evanson, James Faulkner, Eve Matheson, David Tate
(1995) television movie (* * * *) out of five stars
This video tells the story of Winston Churchill and how he ran the British Empire from some basement war rooms in London during World War II. Not a regular documentary, this film uses excellent recreations in the actual war rooms, resulting in a new take on oft told events.
End of Days
Directed by Peter Hyams, Written by Andrew W. Marlowe, Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Kevin Pollak
(1999) feature film (*) out of five stars
Absolutely terrible film. Hyams is normally a great director, but he should have seen the stink of this ugly film a mile away. Schwarzenegger's efforts to act border on the comical, and the rest of the cast has nothing to do but stand around and either die or make deals with Satan. I hope no one's soul is in jeopardy after this junk.
Escape from L.A.
Directed by John Carpenter, Written by John Carpenter & Debra Hill & Kurt Russell, Cast: Kurt Russell, Steve Buscemi, Peter Fonda, Cliff Robertson
(1996) feature film (*) out of five stars
John Carpenter used to be my favorite director. The very mention of "Halloween," "The Thing," "Escape from New York," or even "The Fog" and "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" would send chills up my spine. Even when he would stumble a bit ("Prince of Darkness," "In the Mouth of Madness," "They Live"), it was still a little entertaining...until his latest losing streak involving "Village of the Damned," "Vampires," and this awful mess. Don't cut corners out of respect for him, this movie was an insult to the original. I wish Hollywood would declare a moratorium on lousy computer generated effects. The original was very cheap and understated, but here some of the scenes moved so badly, or a character was so poorly written, I had to avert my eyes. I saw the ending coming a mile away. I was so disappointed in this, and so should any Carpenter fan.
High Art
Written and directed by Lisa Cholodenko, Cast: Ally Sheedy, Radha Mitchell, Patricia Clarkson, Gabriel Mann
(1998) feature film (* *) out of five stars
First off, Mitchell and Sheedy gave incredible performances. Both were so natural (Sheedy was always my favorite Brat Packer) and I never doubted for an instant these were real people, not just stock junkie lesbian characters. My problem was with the screenplay. I could almost feel the director's elbow in my ribs, poking me at every "shocking" scene. Everyone wallows in the excess, and it eventually brings the entire film down. I finally did not care about these people, and the final twist ending was more expected than new.
Home Alone
Directed by Chris Columbus, Written by John Hughes, Cast: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Candy
(1990) feature film (* *) out of five stars
I never bought into the Culkin hype. Here, he is cute, but not a good actor. His line readings are flat, and I sometimes had a hard time understanding what he was saying. The movie's much ballyhooed violence is indeed extreme. The Three Stooges did the same kind of thing with finesse, just funny slapstick that did not leave a mark and you knew was done in jest. Here, Pesci and Stern go through so much I felt myself getting numbed to the consequences. This is just Hollywood fodder wrapped up for the masses; the kind of movie you can turn your brain off and the VCR on. The best scenes here were the ones involving O'Hara and Candy. Rest in peace, John.
Into Nazi Germany WWII: Liberation of Europe
(????) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Department of War films are collected together detailing the First and Ninth Armies' march toward Germany. Interesting documentaries are not packaged together well, as the viewer is overwhelmed with names, dates, and duplicate footage.
Written and directed by Kevin Lindenmuth, Cast: Sasha Graham, Mike McCleery, Sarah K. Lippmann, Ted Grayson
(1998) feature film (*) out of five stars
This sloppy production may bathe everyone in green "X Files" inspired light, but sheds no light on its impossible to comprehend plot. Some guy is traveling across country to NYC, where some girl vampires are sending hunters after each other while they gore up the city. It does not help matters that all the women here look the same, so you never quite know who is who. The gore here consists mostly of fake blood, and there is no nudity. This makes for a very tedious and very boring eighty minutes. Do not taint your VCR with this shot on video wannabe horror flick. This is unrated and contains physical violence, gore, and profanity.
Along Came a Spider
Directed by Lee Tamahori, Screenplay by Marc Moss based on the novel by James Patterson, Cast: Morgan Freeman, Monica Potter, Michael Wincott, Dylan Baker
(2001) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Morgan Freeman returns as Det. Alex Cross and teams with Secret Service agent Monica Potter to find a senator's kidnapped daughter. Hollywood churns out yet another safe adaptation of a blockbuster best seller. The plot lurches along, introducing characters and abandoning them (Jay O. Sanders), and wrapping itself up with a tidy conclusion. Freeman is outstanding, as always, but the rest of the cast cannot back him up. Tamahori's direction is fine, except for a terrible CGI car crash in the opening minutes. The surprise ending is okay, but I read the novel and knew what would happen. No vision, no suspense, no repeat viewings. The little girl is filmdom's smartest kidnap victim, but Michael Moriarty and Penelope Ann Miller are utterly wasted.
Angel of Fury
Directed by Ackyl Anwari, Written by Christopher Mitchum and Deddy Armand, Cast: Cynthia Rothrock, Chris Barnes, Peter O'Brian, Zainal Abidin
(1992) feature film (*) out of five stars
Horribly dubbed film has Rothrock trying to stop a terrorist from stealing a super computer. Some good action scenes are negated by sloppy editing and too much violence- including a child's murder. Even the normally reliable Rothrock cannot save this.
Angel on Fire
Written and Directed by Phillip Ko, Cast: Cynthia Khan, Ronnie Ricketts, Pan Pan Yeung, Melanie Marquez
(1995) feature film (* * *) out of five stars
Some exciting action set pieces help weak story of a female Interpol agent who is trying to find a supermodel/thief who is on the run from her own problems. Padded, with dopey Filipino cab driver sidekicks, but good enough action to recommend.
Angelfist
Directed by Cirio H. Santiago, Written by Anthony L. Greene, Cast: Catya Sassoon, Melissa Moore, Michael Shaner, Denise Buick
(1993) feature film (*) out of five stars
Awful actioner has Cat Sassoon entering a Filipino martial arts tournament to investigate the death of her sister and discovering a plot to assassinate a U.S. ambassador. The fight scenes are poorly choreographed, Sassoon scowls through the whole film, and our male "hero" is a doofus. There are, count 'em, three different shower scenes to up the sex factor. Really bad.
Blue's Big Musical Movie
Directed by Todd Kessler, Cast: Steve Burns, Ray Charles, Traci Paige Johnson, Jonathan Press
(2000) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
Better than banana cookies, I rented this for my toddler expecting to dislike it, but the songs are infinitely hummable and enough is going on to put this one step ahead of the normal TV episode. Plus, my three year old loved it.
Breaking the Waves
Directed by Lars von Trier, Written by Lars von Trier and Peter Asmussen, Cast: Emily Watson, Stellan Skarsgard, Katrin Cartlidge, Jean-Marc Barr
(1996) feature film (*) out of five stars
First off, this film is about an hour too long. It also could not make up its mind as to whether it wanted to be a long dull romance like "The English Patient," or something softcore they show on Cinemax. I found Watson's character so annoying, I breathed a sigh of relief when she was not onscreen, which was not often. Von Trier's documentary approach is not interesting, just stomach churning...and you thought "The Blair Witch Project" was jumpy?
Buck Privates
Directed by Arthur Lubin, Written by Arthur T. Horman, Cast: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Lee Bowman, Jane Frazee
(1941) feature film (* * * *) out of five stars
In order to avoid arrest, Abbott and Costello enlist in the army and get tangled in a romantic subplot involving a millionaire, his former valet, and a camp hostess. Silly fun takes place on the eve of World War II, with Abbott and Costello scoring laughs and the Andrews Sisters singing "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" and "Apple Blossom Time." Funny, despite the silly romance.
Churchill and the Cabinet War Rooms
Directed by Andrew Johnston, Written by Robert Sinclair, Cast: John James Evanson, James Faulkner, Eve Matheson, David Tate
(1995) television movie (* * * *) out of five stars
This video tells the story of Winston Churchill and how he ran the British Empire from some basement war rooms in London during World War II. Not a regular documentary, this film uses excellent recreations in the actual war rooms, resulting in a new take on oft told events.
End of Days
Directed by Peter Hyams, Written by Andrew W. Marlowe, Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Kevin Pollak
(1999) feature film (*) out of five stars
Absolutely terrible film. Hyams is normally a great director, but he should have seen the stink of this ugly film a mile away. Schwarzenegger's efforts to act border on the comical, and the rest of the cast has nothing to do but stand around and either die or make deals with Satan. I hope no one's soul is in jeopardy after this junk.
Escape from L.A.
Directed by John Carpenter, Written by John Carpenter & Debra Hill & Kurt Russell, Cast: Kurt Russell, Steve Buscemi, Peter Fonda, Cliff Robertson
(1996) feature film (*) out of five stars
John Carpenter used to be my favorite director. The very mention of "Halloween," "The Thing," "Escape from New York," or even "The Fog" and "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" would send chills up my spine. Even when he would stumble a bit ("Prince of Darkness," "In the Mouth of Madness," "They Live"), it was still a little entertaining...until his latest losing streak involving "Village of the Damned," "Vampires," and this awful mess. Don't cut corners out of respect for him, this movie was an insult to the original. I wish Hollywood would declare a moratorium on lousy computer generated effects. The original was very cheap and understated, but here some of the scenes moved so badly, or a character was so poorly written, I had to avert my eyes. I saw the ending coming a mile away. I was so disappointed in this, and so should any Carpenter fan.
High Art
Written and directed by Lisa Cholodenko, Cast: Ally Sheedy, Radha Mitchell, Patricia Clarkson, Gabriel Mann
(1998) feature film (* *) out of five stars
First off, Mitchell and Sheedy gave incredible performances. Both were so natural (Sheedy was always my favorite Brat Packer) and I never doubted for an instant these were real people, not just stock junkie lesbian characters. My problem was with the screenplay. I could almost feel the director's elbow in my ribs, poking me at every "shocking" scene. Everyone wallows in the excess, and it eventually brings the entire film down. I finally did not care about these people, and the final twist ending was more expected than new.
Home Alone
Directed by Chris Columbus, Written by John Hughes, Cast: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Candy
(1990) feature film (* *) out of five stars
I never bought into the Culkin hype. Here, he is cute, but not a good actor. His line readings are flat, and I sometimes had a hard time understanding what he was saying. The movie's much ballyhooed violence is indeed extreme. The Three Stooges did the same kind of thing with finesse, just funny slapstick that did not leave a mark and you knew was done in jest. Here, Pesci and Stern go through so much I felt myself getting numbed to the consequences. This is just Hollywood fodder wrapped up for the masses; the kind of movie you can turn your brain off and the VCR on. The best scenes here were the ones involving O'Hara and Candy. Rest in peace, John.
Into Nazi Germany WWII: Liberation of Europe
(????) feature film (* *) out of five stars
Department of War films are collected together detailing the First and Ninth Armies' march toward Germany. Interesting documentaries are not packaged together well, as the viewer is overwhelmed with names, dates, and duplicate footage.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)