Ticker (2001)

Director Albert Pyun has said the studio pulled funding for "Ticker" midway through and, despite the name cast, he had to work with what he had- nothing. Pyun was a talented director, and I sympathize with him.

Sometimes a film comes along whose reputation is so bad that it must be seen to be believed. "Ticker" is even worse than I was expecting. Tom Sizemore plays a cop in San Francisco who recently lost his wife and son in a car bombing. Steven Seagal is a bomb squad leader who had a job go wrong, killing many innocent people. Dennis Hopper is a mad bomber who comes to San Francisco to bomb a big target. His girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) is being held by the police. As Sizemore and Seagal try to figure out Hopper's master plan, Hopper starts blowing up most of the city in order to get Pressly released. You will forgive the lack of character names, but I honestly did not want to put this disc back in my DVD player when I was done watching it and take notes.

Where to begin? The bones of an action film are here, but the production is hurried, shots poorly planned, and the script is laughable. There is no "bigness" to the film. No menace. No suspense. This is an hour and a half of nonsensical dialogue ("Don't you die on me!"), the worst performances of all involved, and an attitude that what the film makers are dishing up is on par with "Die Hard" or "Speed." Although released in 2001, the film takes an oh-so-timely jab at the Reagan administration. Trying to engage this on anything more than a terrible movie is like trying to discuss the national debt with a zoo monkey as it flings its feces at you.

"Ticker" is truly one of the worst films of all-time, with most of the blame falling squarely on the studio.

Stats:
(2001) 92 min. (1/10)
-Directed by Albert Pyun
-Written by Paul B. Margolis
-Cast: Tom Sizemore, Dennis Hopper, Steven Seagal, Nas, Jaime Pressly, Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas, Peter Greene, Joe Spano, Kevin Gage, Michael Halsey, Norbert Weisser, Romany Malco, Mimi Rose
(R)