A major splash when it came out, Dan Brown's pulpy novel about symbologist Robert Langdon, who goes about trying to solve a murder in the Louvre and its earth-shattering implications, had to be turned into a pulpy film. "The Da Vinci Code" movie, triggering a new Tom Hanks franchise that would fizzle out after three films, is just as flawed and dull as I had heard it was.
Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks, and his infamous haircut) is lecturing about symbols to a packed house before being called to the Louvre to meet with angry police captain Fache (Jean Reno, who is required by law to appear in every Hollywood film set in France). The museum curator has been gruesomely murdered by albino monk Elias (Paul Bettany, the film's only interesting character), and lowly police employee Sophie (Audrey Tautou) is in on the investigation as well. Sophie has an agenda of her own, and soon she and Robert are on the run, deciphering clues and puzzles along the way. It seems a secret society, headed by Aringarosa (Alfred Molina, who seems to be in a different film altogether) is trying to protect a secret that could bring the downfall of Christianity as we know it. Robert and Sophie eventually take on expert Leigh (Ian McKellen) and the globe-hopping continues.
Director Ron Howard, whose last film I really enjoyed was "Backdraft," pulls out all the bells and whistles to engage the audience. The cast is impressive, with Hanks trying to be the voice of reason in this heretical plotline that upset many Christians; Robert's theology arguments with Leigh are too brief and surface. The main problem is, as always, the screenplay. Here, Akiva Goldsman, the writer of "Batman Forever," "Batman & Robin," and "The Dark Tower" gives us a two and a half hour information dump wrapped in a couple of terrible action sequences and too many shots of Paul Bettany's butt.
Hanks portrays a confused man-on-the-run well because the viewer is just as confused as the main character. Much like Tyler Perry's "Alex Cross," Langdon has a superhuman ability to notice things and solve complex riddles in seconds. Langdon is not a character, he's a vessel that exchanges information, who takes in and disseminates plotlines. Claustrophobia does not a well-rounded author's creation make. I fought the urge to take notes as Leigh and Langdon bombarded Sophie with two thousand years of Christian history, in between impossibly narrow escapes (the scene involving a pointed gun and a flock of birds made me roll my eyes), and lots of running around. Bettany's Elias is a fantastic, creepy presence that Howard and Goldsman then turn pathetic, robbing the audience of the menace of his initial scenes. Hans Zimmer's musical score is okay only because it's not as bad as everything else happening here.
Finally, that running time. The film should have ended at at least three different points before the final scene, but the film makers overestimated the story's ability to grab an audience. When the credits rolled, I was relieved it was done, and after a decade and a half of avoiding this thing, my initial gut feeling was correct...and there's an extended edition with another half hour?! I'm not looking forward to the further adventures of Robert Langdon, but the glutton-for-punishment in me started "Angels & Demons." God have mercy on my soul.
Stats:
-Directed by Ron Howard
-Screenplay by Akiva Goldsman based on the novel by Dan Brown
-Cast: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Jean Reno, Paul Bettany, Alfred Molina, Jurgen Prochnow, Jean-Yves Berteloot
-Media: Streaming on Netflix
-Running Time: 149 minutes
-Letterboxd rating: (*/* * * * *); IMDb rating: 2/10
-MPAA Rated (PG13), contains physical violence, gun violence, gore, very brief sexual content, male nudity, mild sexual references, adult situations, alcohol use
