*Get Lust in the Mummy's Tomb/The Vibrating Maid on Amazon here*
*Get "Mail Order Murder: The Story of W.A.V.E. Productions" on Amazon here*
*Get "Duck! The Carbine High Massacre" on Amazon here*
*Get "Flesh for Olivia" on Amazon here*
Paired on the DVD with "Lust in the Mummy's Tomb," Erin Brown, using her old softcore name Misty Mundae, is home, pretending to read, when she hears the moans of her French maid (Lilly Tiger). We know the maid is French because she continually mutters "ooh-la-la" and "oui, oui," the only expressions taught to the actress. Misty finds the maid in a closet, using a shiny vibrator the size of a child's forearm. Misty promises the maid she will not tell but only if the maid shows her how things work...and by "things," I mean putting foreign objects perilously close to your junk while unconvincingly writhing in ecstasy.
These "films" are on the DVD together because neither is feature length on their own. "Lust in the Mummy's Tomb" is about forty minutes, while "The Vibrating Maid" runs twenty-five. Lilly Tiger is about as French as her Halloween maid's outfit and her accent is hilarious. The supposed direction by William Hellfire consists of turning the video camera on and off. No screenwriter is credited, since I believe the entire story meeting and read-through consisted of "take your clothes off and dry hump this."
Just a rant on the old Seduction Cinema and After Hours Cinema's hard softcore sex videos. If you have a cast willing to do all of this sexually explicit activity on camera for all the world to see, then why not back it up with some semblance of a story or script and semi-professional production values? Film makers, challenge yourselves to actually write and shoot something watchable, instead of a bunch of scenes? Even though I found many faults with "Shortbus" and "The Brown Bunny," at least these writer/directors were trying to be provocative, not lazy. Sorry, Misty, but I need to break off this relationship. I also made the mistake of watching "Erotic Survivor" the same night decades ago, a film so bad I could not put into words the grief I felt when it was done. I need more out of my video vixens, since I am no longer sixteen years old and sneaking peeks at Cinemax. Everyone involved is better than this, and frankly, so am I.
Stats:
(2000) 25 min. (1/10)
-Written and Directed by William Hellfire
-Cast: Erin Brown, Lilly Tiger
-(Unrated)
-Media Viewed: DVD
