*Get "The Litch" on Amazon here*
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*Get James Balsamo's Puns of Peril Bad Joke Book by James Balsamo on Amazon here*
*Get James Balsamo's Total Pun-ishment Bad Joke Book by James Balsamo on Amazon here*
I get the feeling the term "hot mess" was invented to describe this film, or something.
James Balsamo is Vinnie, a small-time hood who accidentally unleashes the demon Litch (Dave Stein) after stealing an ancient crystal from a crystals store, or something. The Litch chases and kills Vinnie's friends and family as it tries to reclaim the crystal, or something. Vinnie teams up with a former girlfriend (Terra Strong) to defeat the demon, or something. This film is really something.
I'm not going to lie, I bought this DVD-R because of Cayt Feinics, who has a lovely scene that lasts less than twenty seconds. That's more running time than top-billed Tom Sizemore, who I'm not sure knew he was being filmed for his role. Elizabeth Daily has a humorous cameo as some kind of psychic. The nudity is plentiful here, which did make me see it through until the end. Balsamo's slacker reactions to all the gross carnage was amusing here and there. Otherwise, this is a nightmare. The sound is atrocious, with Vinnie's voiceover barely understandable. Balsamo has a giant cast, but no story, trying to fashion a linear arc with his narration, and failing miserably. I gave up trying to figure out what was going on, and waited for the next bare breast. The gore effects are so silly they are rendered harmless, and be warned that the Litch is a "funny" character, letting loose with eye-rolling puns and jokes.
I wasn't expecting "The Exorcist" or anything, but "The Litch" is a failure. The running time is a way too long ninety minutes, and I only enjoyed about one minute of that.
Stats:
(2017) 90 min. (1/10)
-Directed by James Balsamo
-Written by James Balsamo, Bryan Stumpf
-Cast: James Balsamo, Dave Stein, Terra Strong, Debra Lamb, Tom Sizemore, Elizabeth Daily, Dick Warlock, The Amazing Johnathan, Lloyd Kaufman, Cayt Feinics, Richard Chandler, Genoveva Rossi, Jasson Finney
-(Not Rated)
-Media Viewed: DVD
