After watching this monstrosity from director Roland Emmerich, I am now hard-pressed to call any of his films "his best film."
In 1969 Vietnam, Sgt. Scott (Dolph Lundgren) flips out, wanting to add to his severed ear necklace- and because most Hollywood Vietnam service members are bloodthirsty lunatics. He has killed his entire platoon, de-eared (a word?) them, and has two Vietnamese hostages. Luc (Jean-Claude Van Damme) comes in to save the day, the civilians are shot anyway, and Scott and Luc kill each other. Fast forward twenty five years, and now two soldiers in the special Universal Soldier unit look a lot like Luc and Scott. They fight side by side, rescuing hostages being held in impossible situations, all directed from a mobile command center on a big ol' truck. Just our bad luck that this newest mission brings back old Vietnam war memories in both Luc and Scott. Spunky gal reporter Veronica (Ally Walker, who must break some kind of record here for uttering the word "sh!t" more times than any other performer in film history) sneaks a few pictures of one indestructible soldier. Luc begins to remember things, helps her escape, and the pair start a run across the southwest United States with the rest of the genetically altered soldiers on their tails. Don't worry, we get such wackiness as Luc's ability to bare his butt at all the wrong times because he must cool down his body in ice in order to survive. Let's not forget his annihilation of many a desert hick, since Arizona and Utah seem to be populated exclusively by morons. Hold your breath, as Luc and Veronica grow closer.
Emmerich directs the carnage with some style. The blood flows freely, there are hundreds of rounds shot, things blow up real good, but other than the special effects and makeup, this is lame. The characters did not have their snark genes removed, there is a one-liner for every occasion. The script does a lot of stupid things because the main thrust of the story would not work otherwise. Why did Luc and Scott wait twenty five years to suddenly have memories and recognize each other as mortal enemies? Where were the guards when Veronica snaps pictures of a "wounded" soldier? Why did it take the police so long to track down this traveling roadshow of ka-boom? Oh, wait, they are all morons, too. Finally, "Universal Soldier" features the embarrassment that is Lundgren and Van Damme trying to act. This provides more laughs than intended. Walker is really annoying, think Kate Capshaw in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."
"Universal Soldier" generated a few sequels, I only bothered with one more before abandoning the series.
Stats:
(1992) 102 min. (2/10)
-Directed by Roland Emmerich
-Written by Richard Rothstein & Chistopher Leitch and Dean Devlin
-Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Ally Walker, Ed O'Ross, Jerry Orbach, Leon Rippy, Tico Wells, Ralf Moeller, Tiny Lister Jr., Robert Trebor, Gene Davis, Drew Snyder, Rance Howard
(R)
