Charles Band and David DeCoteau strike again in this monstrously awful tripe. Cute Anna (Haven Burton) is sent to uncle Victor Frankenstein's (Jaason Simmons) after her parents are killed in a car accident. She meets local boy Thomas (Ben Gould) and they make like the Goonies, exploring Victor's creepy old castle after being admonished otherwise. Victor and Ludwig (George Calin) spend a lot of time in the laboratory, where funky lighting, smoke, and moaning peak Anna's interest. A sexy disco, you might wonder? No, Vic and Lud are putting together a monster (Ethan Wilde) and bringing him to life. The monster escapes, kills a guy, and hides in the woods, only to be discovered by Anna after an initial search that lasts less than a minute onscreen. Anna teaches the monster to speak (he calls himself "Friend"), but Victor and Ludwig have other plans, capturing the monster and taking him back to the castle for the bored, sudden climax.
The old VHS videocassette's running time read seventy minutes, but about twenty of that was a behind-the-scenes documentary, making the film itself less than an hour. Charles Band proclaimed this was the first of twelve films in his new (1998) Filmonsters series, but only two three were made. You might get the idea that this is cheap and hurried, and you would be right. While hunky Simmons is good as Victor, Burton wonders around the castle repeating others' lines and trying hard to be Nancy Drew. Poor Ben Gould has no reason to be in this film. His part is needless. DeCoteau, directing under one of his many aliases, is saddled with a nice set and a ten dollar budget. This may have been filmed in a week, and written in less time, and too many questions remain unanswered. Anna talks about finding out about the monster's background, but she, and the audience, never discover anything. Thomas works in the garden, cannot read, and dresses like a shoeshine boy from the Great Depression. Simmons' and Calin's costumes look like leftovers from "The Pirate Movie," Burton is wearing the latest from the Fashion Bug, the castle does not seem to have electricity, so when is this supposed to take place? "Frankenstein Reborn!" was made and marketed as a family film, so blood and nudity are lacking. What's left is yet another half-hearted Charles Band effort. If he would've stuck to one movie a year, instead of one movie a month, he might have made something decent.
Friday, April 3, 2026
Four Rode Out (1969)
Pernell Roberts is Ross, a marshal who is after bank robber Nunez (Julian Mateos). Nunez sneaks into town, tries to bed his girlfriend Myra (Sue Lyon), and his caught by her father (Charles Drace). Nunez runs off, headed to Mexico, and Myra's father kills himself. Ross comes to town, shadowed by Pinkerton agent Brown (Leslie Nielsen). Ross leaves into the desert to find Nunez with Brown along for the ride. Myra soon follows the two man posse. Once the group starts running low on water, I started running low on my enjoyment of the film.
This wannabe character study starts out okay. Ross is the honest lawman on his last case. Nielsen is slimy as the detective whose sole goal is to kill Nunez. Lyon is a pretty bundle of nerves still trying to understand how her life ended up like this. The film was shot on location in Spain, but the editing does not live up to the seemingly endless, gorgeous desert. I was reminded of the work of Ed Wood, as scenes would end without a point, or feature insert shots of the actors doing something else besides acting. Nielsen is such a heavy villain, you wish someone would shoot him and shut him up. Lots of inappropriate songs by Janis Ian, an unnecessary assault, and too many scenes of people arguing over water while holding weapons on each other add up to a less than successful western. Do not take a ride with this four. I cannot recommend it.
This wannabe character study starts out okay. Ross is the honest lawman on his last case. Nielsen is slimy as the detective whose sole goal is to kill Nunez. Lyon is a pretty bundle of nerves still trying to understand how her life ended up like this. The film was shot on location in Spain, but the editing does not live up to the seemingly endless, gorgeous desert. I was reminded of the work of Ed Wood, as scenes would end without a point, or feature insert shots of the actors doing something else besides acting. Nielsen is such a heavy villain, you wish someone would shoot him and shut him up. Lots of inappropriate songs by Janis Ian, an unnecessary assault, and too many scenes of people arguing over water while holding weapons on each other add up to a less than successful western. Do not take a ride with this four. I cannot recommend it.
The Forbidden (1966)
This lecherous mondo film's narrator warns of the final taboos experienced by humanity. While the majority of the world is repulsed by cannibalism, rape, and hardcore pornography, a subculture exists that finds these three sins normal. Granted, none of these three situations occur in this film, but the producers know sixty-five minutes of breasts are bound to put some butts in the seats. The narrator taunts the viewer, who is supposed to be both fascinated and repulsed by the shocking behavior on display. In Los Angeles, we watch a "real" sex attack film which turns out to be an ad for a martial arts school. We then jet to the desert Southwest, where the good folks who work construction for the various space age projects being built in 1966 are taken advantage of by a portable nightclub's strippers and hookers. Why not head to Paris? There, strippers are lushly lit and backed by a twelve piece orchestra- okay, maybe not the stripper shown in the film, but if the film's producers say so, it must be true. Hello, Stockholm, where an artsy reenactment shows us how one woman deals with her ex-husband and his mistress. Here in the "CSI" age, watching this is less than shocking. Don't pause to take a breath, however, we're off to Brussels. Here, Paris strip acts are tried out in a city where Red China products are sold, porn is considered art, and nude models put on legitimate exhibitions. Today, this behavior is the norm in all fifty states. The Geneva lesbian club is the highlight of the film. According to unnamed sociologists, the neutral Swiss have grown bored with their fence sitting, and the suicide and divorce rates are skyrocketing. So, some lesbians got together and formed a social club complete with same sex marriages, divorces, and initiation orgies. We head back to Los Angeles in time for a youth riot- darn 10pm curfew. Hell, no, we won't go (to bed)! The most interesting item here is the prominent United Airlines billboard advertising a Los Angeles to San Francisco flight for a wallet busting $13.50. Know what London has? Virgin strippers, checked weekly. Never mind the sign in French in their dressing rooms, they are virgins and they are English, apparently. A nameless city on the East coast boasts a sex school, then we head back to France to witness another reenactment about the lengths a woman will go to to see a man, in a very unintentionally comedic segment. Finally, East Berlin has Nazi strippers but West Berlin makes capitalism and democracy sexy, and then the film just kind of ends.
The producers went a different route than a lot of shockumentary films have gone. Sex will always sell, and I would rather watch it over staged voodoo rituals and animal slaughter. I am sure most of the exotic locales in this film were visited, black-and-white stock footage and color skin shows don't blend well, but the way the film makers mold a clip of a stripper to fit a shocking story is downright commendable. Come on, the strippers never perform in front of an audience, yet applause is heard? If you don't take it seriously, "The Forbidden" is a joyfully sleazy trip back to the mid-1960's. Just try not to remember that most of the beautiful nude women here are elderly today. Grandma, what did you do in the sixties?
The producers went a different route than a lot of shockumentary films have gone. Sex will always sell, and I would rather watch it over staged voodoo rituals and animal slaughter. I am sure most of the exotic locales in this film were visited, black-and-white stock footage and color skin shows don't blend well, but the way the film makers mold a clip of a stripper to fit a shocking story is downright commendable. Come on, the strippers never perform in front of an audience, yet applause is heard? If you don't take it seriously, "The Forbidden" is a joyfully sleazy trip back to the mid-1960's. Just try not to remember that most of the beautiful nude women here are elderly today. Grandma, what did you do in the sixties?
For Whom the Bulls Toil (1953)
Disney plays a little racist in a quick seven minute cartoon. This short has tourist Goody riding his jalopy through Mexico, and meeting up with an obstinate bull on a road. After removing him through dumb luck, the local villagers call ahead to the city, and announce the arrival of the new matador. Goofy shows up and faces a bull in a crowded arena. While amusing enough, Bugs Bunny fought a bull to much funnier results. The downer here is the portrayal of Mexicans- caricatures with funny accents, sombreros, and unkempt hair and mustaches. Internet sources lists an alternate version with the Mexicans edited out, but they show up on some older physical media. Kids might need that title Hemingway reference explained, as well as the Mexican stereotype.
The Flying Scissors (2009)
This film has it all: professional athletes meeting in an all-or-nothing tournament. A doping scandal. Alcoholism. Sex. Harried league officials. Regular men and women who find themselves elevated to the level of gods. And the bathroom attendant who worships John Cusack. League commissioner Alan (Matthew Arkin) and his marketing director/nephew David (Benim Foster) are getting ready for the championships for their National Rock Paper Scissors League. Thirty-two regional finalists are descending on Madison Square Garden, and the league is finally going to hit it big. Let's meet some of the competitors: Phil (Mason Pettit) is an unemployed stay-at-home dad. Trash talking Leon (Mike Britt) brings the sport street cred after toiling in underground RPS matches. Divorced Frank (Todd Susman) is arthritic, competing in what might be his last tournament. Bruce (Keong Sim) is the bathroom attendant, he uses mathematical calculations to determine what move his opponents will throw. Young slacker Matty (Jeremy Redleaf) is a bit of an alcoholic, as is his coach Mac (Madison Arnold). Leslie (Susan O'Connor) is an angry feminist artist and the only woman in the competition other than bigoted Christian/wannabe actress Anna (Sarah Wheeler). Anna is being used by her agent Barry (Alex Cranmer). The Rock (Devin Ratray) is a large speechless man, possibly mentally challenged, nicknamed for his signature move. Competition between sports leagues is cutthroat, and the NRPSL is screwed out of Madison Square Garden by those jerks over at The Coin Toss Consortium, and must retreat to the Hotel Roberto Clemente in White Plains (Alan may have forgot to send in the deposit). We watch Alan and David come up with unique marketing strategies, like using the homeless to advertise their match, and get to know the competitors at home and in training before the championship begins and dreams are realized- and crushed.
Writer/director Jonah Tulis and co-writer Blake J. Harris go the well-worn mockumentary path, but do it so well and so boldly, the genre becomes fresh again in their hands. The thought of a Rock-Paper-Scissors championship is ridiculous but true, I saw one profiled on CBS' "Sunday Morning" once, but the actors play every scene straight. The cast is huge, and not one of them falters. I left out some supporting members like the university professor who is an expert at conflict, and the RPS referee, but everyone here is excellent. Special mention must be made about Pettit and Britt. Mike Britt's opening scene in the museum, yelling at a little girl who tries to touch some artwork, is filthy-mouthed and funny. Pettit can be considered the hero of the film, and is so real I had to remind myself once in a while that this was all made up. Tulis does not use any off-camera interviewer, and thankfully keeps his camera steady instead of caving in to the faux-shaky look. The final match contains actual suspense, and when I wasn't laughing, I had a goofy grin on my face all the way through. "The Flying Scissors" is a real find for mockumentary fans. It's not perfect, some of the peripheral characters could have been dropped, a couple of storylines get repetitive, and Phil's wife's change of behavior is completely out of left field, but this one is still a winner.
Writer/director Jonah Tulis and co-writer Blake J. Harris go the well-worn mockumentary path, but do it so well and so boldly, the genre becomes fresh again in their hands. The thought of a Rock-Paper-Scissors championship is ridiculous but true, I saw one profiled on CBS' "Sunday Morning" once, but the actors play every scene straight. The cast is huge, and not one of them falters. I left out some supporting members like the university professor who is an expert at conflict, and the RPS referee, but everyone here is excellent. Special mention must be made about Pettit and Britt. Mike Britt's opening scene in the museum, yelling at a little girl who tries to touch some artwork, is filthy-mouthed and funny. Pettit can be considered the hero of the film, and is so real I had to remind myself once in a while that this was all made up. Tulis does not use any off-camera interviewer, and thankfully keeps his camera steady instead of caving in to the faux-shaky look. The final match contains actual suspense, and when I wasn't laughing, I had a goofy grin on my face all the way through. "The Flying Scissors" is a real find for mockumentary fans. It's not perfect, some of the peripheral characters could have been dropped, a couple of storylines get repetitive, and Phil's wife's change of behavior is completely out of left field, but this one is still a winner.
Fletch (1985)
Chevy Chase, in his best role, is Irwin Fletcher, an investigative newspaper reporter who writes under the pseudonym "Jane Doe." He is investigating drug trafficking at a Los Angeles beach when he is approached by a very wealthy Alan Stanwyk (Tim Matheson). Stanwyk, believing Fletch is a junkie, asks our hero to murder him. Stanwyk is dying of bone cancer, and wants the life insurance to go to his wife, Gail (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson). Fletch, sensing an even bigger story, agrees, and goes about investigating Stanwyk, not liking what he is finding.
Filled with four hours' worth of "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-quality one-liners, "Fletch" came along at a perfect time in Chase's career. Not since the "National Lampoon's Vacation" movies has he been funnier, and he settles into the role like he had been playing it for years. Andrew Bergman adapted Gregory McDonald's novel, and keeps the script moving along at lightning pace. Fletch is no perfect investigator, and is often caught in his elaborately funny lies, but Chase plays him so smoothly, he uses his charm to get out of many a jam. Bergman keeps the audience in the dark along with Fletch, letting all of us discover things for ourselves. Harold Faltermeyer's musical score is very un-"Axel F", thank God, and even the theme song "Bit by Bit" rocks along.The rest of the cast is also excellent. Dana Wheeler-Nicholson is cute and funny as Gail, and the fact that her career did not take off after this is a crime. Richard Libertini is hilarious in the role of Fletch's editor, as is Geena Davis in a small role as a newspaper assistant. There are a lot more familiar faces here: Joe Don Baker, George Wendt, Kenneth Mars, Tony Longo, James Avery, Alison Laplaca, William Sanderson, and even a cameo by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and everyone is fantastic. No, the plot is not Agatha Christie-worthy, and the coincidences get a little unbelievable, but Ritchie's also-smooth direction of Chase pulls it off. Of course, Chase seems to suffer from "Even Numbered Sequel Syndrome," and "Fletch Lives" is awful and ended the promising franchise for over thirty years. Don't believe in ENSS? Witness "National Lampoon's European Vacation" and "Caddyshack II" for further evidence in Chase's case.
Filled with four hours' worth of "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-quality one-liners, "Fletch" came along at a perfect time in Chase's career. Not since the "National Lampoon's Vacation" movies has he been funnier, and he settles into the role like he had been playing it for years. Andrew Bergman adapted Gregory McDonald's novel, and keeps the script moving along at lightning pace. Fletch is no perfect investigator, and is often caught in his elaborately funny lies, but Chase plays him so smoothly, he uses his charm to get out of many a jam. Bergman keeps the audience in the dark along with Fletch, letting all of us discover things for ourselves. Harold Faltermeyer's musical score is very un-"Axel F", thank God, and even the theme song "Bit by Bit" rocks along.The rest of the cast is also excellent. Dana Wheeler-Nicholson is cute and funny as Gail, and the fact that her career did not take off after this is a crime. Richard Libertini is hilarious in the role of Fletch's editor, as is Geena Davis in a small role as a newspaper assistant. There are a lot more familiar faces here: Joe Don Baker, George Wendt, Kenneth Mars, Tony Longo, James Avery, Alison Laplaca, William Sanderson, and even a cameo by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and everyone is fantastic. No, the plot is not Agatha Christie-worthy, and the coincidences get a little unbelievable, but Ritchie's also-smooth direction of Chase pulls it off. Of course, Chase seems to suffer from "Even Numbered Sequel Syndrome," and "Fletch Lives" is awful and ended the promising franchise for over thirty years. Don't believe in ENSS? Witness "National Lampoon's European Vacation" and "Caddyshack II" for further evidence in Chase's case.
Final Exam (1981)
Courtney (Cecile Bagdadi) is the virginal girl hero in this terrible horror flick. The film opens with the murder of two college lovers. The killer opens up their convertible top, and makes do with a big knife. Fine, we have the opening murders, now for ninety minutes of suspense and gore as other students are killed one by one until the killer is exposed as...wait, we are getting ahead of ourselves. As other students from a different college react to the killings, it is still final exam week. The local frat house stages a mock terrorist attack, complete with machine guns and students falling dead. This elaborate scene is reported to the police by the local nerd named Radish (Joel S. Rice) for reasons never explained. The two jocks who are yelled at by the redneck sheriff (Sam Kilman) decide to take revenge on Radish. One of the jocks is Wildman (Ralph Brown), a big stupid oaf whose murder you may find yourself cheering for. Radish and Courtney grow closer. The jocks terrorize some poor pledge, stripping him down to his underwear and tying him to a tree because he gave his pledge pin to his girlfriend. The chemistry professor is having sex with that pretty blonde student, they really do have more fun, and the two make plans for a midnight clandestine meeting in the almost abandoned instructors' offices. This is the last day of final exams, and the campus is almost empty, save the old drunk security guard who is going to go hunting with the redneck sheriff if he can stay off the gin and juice. A creepy bell tower will play a pivotal role, as a girl killed herself last year by throwing herself off of it after a hazing incident...HOLD IT, wait a minute, where is the gore? The violence? The body count? Why are you boring us with this stupid plot summary taken from a nightmarish episode of "A Different World"? Because, the film opens with the two pretty blood-free murders, AND THEN NO ONE DIES FOR ALMOST A SOLID HOUR.
Director Huston, who shares a last name with the great John Huston, and nothing more, gives us such scenes as "point of view shot of a cafeteria tray riding the dumb waiter down to the kitchen" and more fake jump scares than you can shake a ten inch butcher knife at. Huston also "wrote" this, and gets so caught up in this fantasy campus life, I kept forgetting I was supposed to be watching a horror film. Once the maniac starts killing again, we get the standard routine: victim enters dark room, talks to whoever he thinks is playing a trick on him, is killed, body hidden in an easy to find location. The killer's main super power here is the ability to turn lights on and off. That is all he does to freak out these learned leaders of the future. Lights on, lights off, lights on. Gym scoreboard off, gym scoreboard on, gym scoreboard off. The one good scene? A character falls from about four floors inside an abandoned bell tower type structure. The stunt is good, is shot from different angles, and marks the only time in the film I said "cool." "Final Exam" is a silly slasher film.
Director Huston, who shares a last name with the great John Huston, and nothing more, gives us such scenes as "point of view shot of a cafeteria tray riding the dumb waiter down to the kitchen" and more fake jump scares than you can shake a ten inch butcher knife at. Huston also "wrote" this, and gets so caught up in this fantasy campus life, I kept forgetting I was supposed to be watching a horror film. Once the maniac starts killing again, we get the standard routine: victim enters dark room, talks to whoever he thinks is playing a trick on him, is killed, body hidden in an easy to find location. The killer's main super power here is the ability to turn lights on and off. That is all he does to freak out these learned leaders of the future. Lights on, lights off, lights on. Gym scoreboard off, gym scoreboard on, gym scoreboard off. The one good scene? A character falls from about four floors inside an abandoned bell tower type structure. The stunt is good, is shot from different angles, and marks the only time in the film I said "cool." "Final Exam" is a silly slasher film.
Fierce Creatures (1997)
The cast of "A Fish Called Wanda" reunites in this weak comedy that left me wondering just what everyone was thinking when they agreed to do this script. John Cleese is Rollo, sent to run a small zoo in Great Britain by the mega-corporation Octopus. Octopus is owned by Rod (Kevin Kline), and Rod is consistently bothered by his ne'er-do-well son, Vince (also Kevin Kline). Rod sends Vince and newcomer Willa (Jamie Lee Curtis) to England to get the zoo's profits up. Rollo's scheme was to have the zoo display fierce bloodthirsty creatures exclusively, but Vince decides to have the animals sponsored by celebrities. Much hullabaloo ensues.
I put the blame for this lackluster comedy on a weak script and even weaker direction. While the story is not bad, the cast does not seem to be into this farce, at least "A Fish Called Wanda" had wonderful energy and MOVED. Here, the script, co-written by Cleese, goes through sadly thought out set-ups and never scores a big laugh except once or twice. Two directors are credited on the picture, since one was brought in to punch up the laugh quotient, but nothing seems to work. Cleese scores more laughs than anyone because he is naturally funny. I missed Curtis as Wanda, here her Willa just goes along with the flow, changing her character completely on the screenplay's whim. Kline is funnier as the disgusting Rod, his Vince is nothing but yelling and mugging. Think of his scene in "A Fish Called Wanda" where he eats the fish, then expand that to an hour and a half- it does not work. Michael Palin, you ask? He fades into the background as one of a dozen zookeepers, never getting to share the spotlight that is shone on his other three co-stars. The movie initially gets some laughs when one zookeeper tries to pass his docile charges off as ferocious beasts. Then, the final twenty minutes are pretty good, as one major character is killed and the rest of the cast tries to make it look like suicide. The middle hour of the picture is tedious and boring, with simplistic jokes and shallow scenarios. I noticed that the cast has not reunited again since this 1997 release. That is a shame, they seemed to have so much fun with the first film, and we shared in that. "Fierce Creatures" pales in comparison.
I put the blame for this lackluster comedy on a weak script and even weaker direction. While the story is not bad, the cast does not seem to be into this farce, at least "A Fish Called Wanda" had wonderful energy and MOVED. Here, the script, co-written by Cleese, goes through sadly thought out set-ups and never scores a big laugh except once or twice. Two directors are credited on the picture, since one was brought in to punch up the laugh quotient, but nothing seems to work. Cleese scores more laughs than anyone because he is naturally funny. I missed Curtis as Wanda, here her Willa just goes along with the flow, changing her character completely on the screenplay's whim. Kline is funnier as the disgusting Rod, his Vince is nothing but yelling and mugging. Think of his scene in "A Fish Called Wanda" where he eats the fish, then expand that to an hour and a half- it does not work. Michael Palin, you ask? He fades into the background as one of a dozen zookeepers, never getting to share the spotlight that is shone on his other three co-stars. The movie initially gets some laughs when one zookeeper tries to pass his docile charges off as ferocious beasts. Then, the final twenty minutes are pretty good, as one major character is killed and the rest of the cast tries to make it look like suicide. The middle hour of the picture is tedious and boring, with simplistic jokes and shallow scenarios. I noticed that the cast has not reunited again since this 1997 release. That is a shame, they seemed to have so much fun with the first film, and we shared in that. "Fierce Creatures" pales in comparison.
Female Trouble (1974)
John Waters and Divine follow up their gross out hit "Pink Flamingos" with a tamer, and in some ways better, film. If you are unfamiliar with a John Waters film, then the following plot summary is going to make absolutely no sense. The film is essentially a biopic of the fictional Dawn Davenport (Divine). She is a large, troubled 1960 high school girl whose life of crime springs from the absence of cha-cha heels under the Christmas tree. She attacks her parents for not getting her the gift she wants, runs away, and hooks up with the repulsive Earl Peterson (also Divine). Dawn ends up pregnant, and gives birth to daughter Taffy after Earl rejects her. From 1961 to 1967, Dawn makes ends meet working as a waitress, go-go dancer, a hooker, and finally turns to a life of robbery and muggings. She falls in love with famous hairdresser Gator (Michael Potter) or Gater, according to the end credits, and they marry in one of the film's most outrageous scenes. By the mid-70's, the two have come to hate each other. Donald (David Lochary) and Donna (Mary Vivian Pearce), the beauty salon owners, decide to use Dawn in an art experiment. They want to photograph her committing various criminal acts, capturing her true beauty. Gator leaves Dawn for Detroit, and Gator's angry aunt Ida (Edith Massey) throws acid in Dawn's face, scarring her. Soon, Dawn's life of crime and entertainment grows, and her fourteen year old daughter Taffy (a very funny Mink Stole) goes looking for her father, which launches a series of murders.
While "Female Trouble" is not as shocking as "Pink Flamingos," I do think it is slightly better. The obtuse dialogue is still here, but Divine seems to be making an actual attempt to turn in a performance as both Dawn and Earl. Waters gets his point across- as a country we turn mass murderers into celebrities, a point still evident today. In the director's commentary, he correctly compares a death sentence to winning an Oscar, a person cannot receive a more ultimate reward for attaining the pinnacle of their profession- whether it be acting or killing. Divine does do some wicked things, but nothing compared to her snack at the end of "Pink Flamingos." Waters uses a larger cast to good effect, and his camera angles seem better planned. Divine is good, and the rest of the cast do their Waters-best, but Mink Stole (a grown woman playing a teenager) gets the best lines and is hilarious. Her ultimate fate is both horrifying and slapstick-funny. The acid makeup on Divine's face is rarely believable, but you quickly forget that after Divine's change from put-upon housewife to a Mohawked makeup monster performing her nightclub routine. "Female Trouble" was re-released and somehow garnered an NC-17 rating. Between this and "The Dreamers," male nudity was still the final frontier the MPAA had no interest in exploring. This is blatant sexism. A woman can be shown in a full frontal nude scene and the film can garner an R or even a PG13, but when a male does frontal nudity, it's R or worse. In the John Waters canon, "Female Trouble" fits squarely in the middle, it is certainly better than "Pecker" but cannot touch "Cry-Baby." If you are a Waters fan, you could probably add a star to my rating, I do recommend his director's commentary, it is great.
While "Female Trouble" is not as shocking as "Pink Flamingos," I do think it is slightly better. The obtuse dialogue is still here, but Divine seems to be making an actual attempt to turn in a performance as both Dawn and Earl. Waters gets his point across- as a country we turn mass murderers into celebrities, a point still evident today. In the director's commentary, he correctly compares a death sentence to winning an Oscar, a person cannot receive a more ultimate reward for attaining the pinnacle of their profession- whether it be acting or killing. Divine does do some wicked things, but nothing compared to her snack at the end of "Pink Flamingos." Waters uses a larger cast to good effect, and his camera angles seem better planned. Divine is good, and the rest of the cast do their Waters-best, but Mink Stole (a grown woman playing a teenager) gets the best lines and is hilarious. Her ultimate fate is both horrifying and slapstick-funny. The acid makeup on Divine's face is rarely believable, but you quickly forget that after Divine's change from put-upon housewife to a Mohawked makeup monster performing her nightclub routine. "Female Trouble" was re-released and somehow garnered an NC-17 rating. Between this and "The Dreamers," male nudity was still the final frontier the MPAA had no interest in exploring. This is blatant sexism. A woman can be shown in a full frontal nude scene and the film can garner an R or even a PG13, but when a male does frontal nudity, it's R or worse. In the John Waters canon, "Female Trouble" fits squarely in the middle, it is certainly better than "Pecker" but cannot touch "Cry-Baby." If you are a Waters fan, you could probably add a star to my rating, I do recommend his director's commentary, it is great.
Feedback (2002)
Don't you just love when a shot in the dark DVD rental turns out to be a great surprise? Lenny (Joe Tabb) is ready to make a drug deal at a nightclub. He has the dope, and is looking for his buyer. He gets a call from a friend of his, Mick (Jesse Bob Harper), who gives him a phone number and a message. Lenny makes the call, says the message, and hangs up. He gets beat up in the bathroom, and is out both drugs and money. Things do not get much better. Mick called Lenny, and left a message while he lay bleeding on a sidewalk, and expired after hanging up. The problem is Mick was relaying a message to himself. Mick was doing some work at a computer company. They invented a phone that can call six hours into the past. Mick was warning himself of his impending doom. Kubota (Jerry Giordano) was none to happy that Lenny lost his drugs, and threatens his life. Mick has an idea: do a little illegal gambling, and Mick will call Lenny in the past with a winning roulette number. Of course things get complicated as Lenny's girlfriend Sarah (Melissa Pursley) goes to Kubota for seed money, some characters begin dying, and the time phone is put to good use.
"Feedback" is a small film, and this works to its advantage. There are no obnoxious computer generated special effects drowning out the human characters. The only effects are bloody, and some great sound effects involving the time phone. What cowriter and director Konuralp must do is strengthen his characters and story, and he picks a winning cast to do it. Tabbanella as Lenny is great. He is a flawed hero, since we don't like to cheer for drug dealers, but you immediately like him. He has great chemistry with Melissa Pursley as Sarah. She never turns into Linda Hamilton from the "Terminator" films, she delivers a fragile performance of a fragile character. Jesse Harper could have played second banana to all the goings-on, but does a great job setting Mick apart. He is also another character hard to cheer for, but he rides the fence well. Jerry Giordano reminded me of a menacing Eric Roberts as Kubota. His few scenes are incredible. He does not play a generic villain, his scene in the back seat of the car with Sarah is a standout. Konuralp's direction is very fresh. I never became confused about what was going on, the basic story had a certain logic to it that worked. I kind of knew what would happen here and there, but that feeling was offset by a few genuine surprises along the way. Konuralp uses split screen and time captions to full affect, and there is more than enough suspense. The music was somewhat generic in all the scenes except the nightclub's. The science in this science fiction is iffy, but luckily the screenwriters do not dwell on it too much, so you won't have time to question it. Being a small film, the cast is small as are some of the action sequences. Great ending, though. All in all, I was pleasantly surprised by "Feedback." Almost everything here worked very well.
"Feedback" is a small film, and this works to its advantage. There are no obnoxious computer generated special effects drowning out the human characters. The only effects are bloody, and some great sound effects involving the time phone. What cowriter and director Konuralp must do is strengthen his characters and story, and he picks a winning cast to do it. Tabbanella as Lenny is great. He is a flawed hero, since we don't like to cheer for drug dealers, but you immediately like him. He has great chemistry with Melissa Pursley as Sarah. She never turns into Linda Hamilton from the "Terminator" films, she delivers a fragile performance of a fragile character. Jesse Harper could have played second banana to all the goings-on, but does a great job setting Mick apart. He is also another character hard to cheer for, but he rides the fence well. Jerry Giordano reminded me of a menacing Eric Roberts as Kubota. His few scenes are incredible. He does not play a generic villain, his scene in the back seat of the car with Sarah is a standout. Konuralp's direction is very fresh. I never became confused about what was going on, the basic story had a certain logic to it that worked. I kind of knew what would happen here and there, but that feeling was offset by a few genuine surprises along the way. Konuralp uses split screen and time captions to full affect, and there is more than enough suspense. The music was somewhat generic in all the scenes except the nightclub's. The science in this science fiction is iffy, but luckily the screenwriters do not dwell on it too much, so you won't have time to question it. Being a small film, the cast is small as are some of the action sequences. Great ending, though. All in all, I was pleasantly surprised by "Feedback." Almost everything here worked very well.
Faust: Love of the Damned (2000)
Brian Yuzna and Jeffrey Combs combine with a whole lot of blood and skin to create a confused version of the popular old story. John Jaspers (Mark Frost) is a John Doe in a mental hospital, discovered by tough detective Margolies (Jeffrey Combs) after John murdered nineteen people with Freddy Krueger/Wolverine-type metal blades that are attached to his hands. Cute doc Jade deCamp (Isabel Brook) comes in for a little music therapy (!) with the psychopathic killer, as assorted higher-ups at both the hospital and police station begin to act strangely. Jaspers watched his girlfriend die, and swore his eternal soul to M (no, not James Bond's boss), played with "Wishmaster" precision by Andrew Divoff, and his hot galpal Claire (Monica Van Campen). M eventually captures John and buries him alive, but John somehow uses his devilish magic to come back as a murdering demon who in all honesty looks like an overdone cherry turnover. Soon, age old ceremonies are being performed, John is running around after Jade, Margolies is running around after everyone, and this reviewer is running around his couch trying to stay awake.
It is not that Brian Yuzna has made a bad film, but once again, the director's vision falls short of the producers' budget. Most of the special effects are of the grainy computer generated variety, rendering even the most promising scenes second rate, i.e. when M turns Claire into the "T&A" she would be without him. Frost made no impression on me at all, with the exception of his eerie resemblance to Hugh Jackman. He shows more emotion as John than he does as the anti-heroic "Spawn"-like Faust. Brook is equally underused as Jade, and Combs' attempt at playing the renegade cop on the edge fails simply because this part has nothing new to offer anyone who has seen the exact same character a thousand times before. I do blame the writers who had their hands in the cauldron. Turning Faust into a giant dessert who spouts lame one-liners during the carnage just reminds me how much I hate "funny" horror villains. We never really find out who M is, and why the devil's minions always pick the eve of one of these ceremonies that can only occur once every ten thousand years to go and let the heroes ride in and ruin everything. The gore effects are very good, and Van Campen felt her character's constant disrobing was essential to the story, but in the end it is not enough to recommend this film.
It is not that Brian Yuzna has made a bad film, but once again, the director's vision falls short of the producers' budget. Most of the special effects are of the grainy computer generated variety, rendering even the most promising scenes second rate, i.e. when M turns Claire into the "T&A" she would be without him. Frost made no impression on me at all, with the exception of his eerie resemblance to Hugh Jackman. He shows more emotion as John than he does as the anti-heroic "Spawn"-like Faust. Brook is equally underused as Jade, and Combs' attempt at playing the renegade cop on the edge fails simply because this part has nothing new to offer anyone who has seen the exact same character a thousand times before. I do blame the writers who had their hands in the cauldron. Turning Faust into a giant dessert who spouts lame one-liners during the carnage just reminds me how much I hate "funny" horror villains. We never really find out who M is, and why the devil's minions always pick the eve of one of these ceremonies that can only occur once every ten thousand years to go and let the heroes ride in and ruin everything. The gore effects are very good, and Van Campen felt her character's constant disrobing was essential to the story, but in the end it is not enough to recommend this film.
Fatherland (1994)
The year is 1964. In order to celebrate Hitler's 75th birthday, U.S. President Joseph Kennedy, Sr. will be arriving in Berlin, Germania, hopefully ending the Cold War between the two former foes, and freeing Germany to fight on its eastern front a war, that has run over twenty years, with the Russians. SS Inspector March (Rutger Hauer) is a weary Nazi party detective who must investigate some murders in the beautiful capital of Berlin. The investigations are hurried, as western reporters are arriving for the big summit. One reporter is Charlie (Miranda Richardson), an American who was born in Germany and left when she was a child. She is approached by Luther (John Woodvine) and given some photographs and cryptic clues to a Nazi war secret. The Gestapo begins taking over assorted murder cases, and dumping March, which only heightens his suspicions. He keeps making inquiries into why retired top level Nazi bureaucrats keep turning up dead, and crosses paths with Charlie, who finds one man and his prostitute shot to death. Luther tries desperately to get close to Charlie to feed her additional information, but March is there in full Nazi regalia. We do find March is a good man at heart, and the pain in his eyes is obvious as his young son says dinner grace to the Fuhrer, not God. On the eve of Kennedy's visit, March and Charlie discover the truth.
While it might be easy to dismiss this alternate history story, novelist Robert Harris has put a fresh spin on the "what if?" aspect of World War II. Hauer is excellent in his role, he is our hero in the repulsive Nazi uniform, and Hauer proves he could have been doing more than direct-to-video thrillers. His breakdown in the park, and his scenes with his son, are great all-around acting. Richardson is good as the American reporter, with her hair teased and always on the lookout for a story. March and Charlie share many scenes together, but the film makers wisely do not force a romance. The production design is spectacular. Nazi architect Speer's designs are brought to life, via special effects, and location shooting in Prague totally convinced me. I never doubted that the film was set in a 1964 where we beat the Japanese and not the Germans, that Eisenhower and Churchill died in exile, and detente exists between us and Germania, with an elderly Stalin still holding on to his Russian front. Jean Marsh also has a chilling scene, postulating to Charlie if Americans still have a "Jewish problem." This is not just an old fashioned murder mystery, but the finale at the Nazi/American rally needed to have a bit more suspense. This is a small quibble, otherwise. "Fatherland" is a chilling look at an alternate universe that thankfully did not come to fruition. We cannot foresee the future, but preparing for it by studying history can only improve our reactions to inhumanity by others. All this from a cable film? This film is good, and if it can get you thinking along these lines, it has more than done its job. I highly recommend "Fatherland."
While it might be easy to dismiss this alternate history story, novelist Robert Harris has put a fresh spin on the "what if?" aspect of World War II. Hauer is excellent in his role, he is our hero in the repulsive Nazi uniform, and Hauer proves he could have been doing more than direct-to-video thrillers. His breakdown in the park, and his scenes with his son, are great all-around acting. Richardson is good as the American reporter, with her hair teased and always on the lookout for a story. March and Charlie share many scenes together, but the film makers wisely do not force a romance. The production design is spectacular. Nazi architect Speer's designs are brought to life, via special effects, and location shooting in Prague totally convinced me. I never doubted that the film was set in a 1964 where we beat the Japanese and not the Germans, that Eisenhower and Churchill died in exile, and detente exists between us and Germania, with an elderly Stalin still holding on to his Russian front. Jean Marsh also has a chilling scene, postulating to Charlie if Americans still have a "Jewish problem." This is not just an old fashioned murder mystery, but the finale at the Nazi/American rally needed to have a bit more suspense. This is a small quibble, otherwise. "Fatherland" is a chilling look at an alternate universe that thankfully did not come to fruition. We cannot foresee the future, but preparing for it by studying history can only improve our reactions to inhumanity by others. All this from a cable film? This film is good, and if it can get you thinking along these lines, it has more than done its job. I highly recommend "Fatherland."
Fatal Beauty (1987)
Whoopi Goldberg, complete with a stressed lieutenant and a Harold Faltermeyer score, becomes Axela Foley in a horribly written film. Rita (Whoopi Goldberg) is a female cop in a stew of police male chauvinism. The opening of the film has a drug bust go wrong, as Rita tries to save one of her informants, but loses the perp. Because of a high cocaine cutter- it really is hard to get good help these days, a batch of PCP-laced cocaine is released on the streets of Los Angeles. The powder has a buzz before driving the user crazy and then killing them. It's being distributed by Leo (Brad Dourif), with the blessing of millionaire Kroll (Harris Yulin). Kroll's right hand man, Mike (Sam Elliott), is assigned to follow Rita as she investigates where the deadly drug is coming from. What follows is a bunch of action sequences that do not make a lot of sense leading up to the violent finale.
As is the case the majority of the time, Goldberg is better than her material. She tries to turn Rita into a character, and almost succeeds. Too bad director Tom Holland does nothing but string together a bunch of shootouts instead of moving the story forward. The gore and language are plentiful. Elliott and Goldberg have a nice chemistry together, and you have probably heard by now of their deleted love scene. This could have been a good first entry in a Goldberg franchise if it was not for the fact that it looks like every other cop film to come out in the last few decades. John P. Ryan is the beet-faced Lt. Kellerman, Rita's boss. He screams and rants, complains about the pressure from city hall, and even has a bottle of Pepto Bismol on his desk. He is every captain or lieutenant you have ever seen in a movie like this. When Goldberg gets a good scene, like her memories of her daughter, or her scene with young punk Zack (James LeGros) in a deli, she shines. But I am so disappointed that the film makers decided no one came to the movie for that, and throw in a bunch of lame shootouts. Goldberg's fistfight with Zack's mother (Jennifer Warren) is so calculated it is scary. I liked pre-"The View" Goldberg. She made acting, whether it be comedic or dramatic, effortless. She deserved more awards. She also deserved better choices than "Fatal Beauty" and the unwatchable "Burglar." Fatal is the operative word here.
As is the case the majority of the time, Goldberg is better than her material. She tries to turn Rita into a character, and almost succeeds. Too bad director Tom Holland does nothing but string together a bunch of shootouts instead of moving the story forward. The gore and language are plentiful. Elliott and Goldberg have a nice chemistry together, and you have probably heard by now of their deleted love scene. This could have been a good first entry in a Goldberg franchise if it was not for the fact that it looks like every other cop film to come out in the last few decades. John P. Ryan is the beet-faced Lt. Kellerman, Rita's boss. He screams and rants, complains about the pressure from city hall, and even has a bottle of Pepto Bismol on his desk. He is every captain or lieutenant you have ever seen in a movie like this. When Goldberg gets a good scene, like her memories of her daughter, or her scene with young punk Zack (James LeGros) in a deli, she shines. But I am so disappointed that the film makers decided no one came to the movie for that, and throw in a bunch of lame shootouts. Goldberg's fistfight with Zack's mother (Jennifer Warren) is so calculated it is scary. I liked pre-"The View" Goldberg. She made acting, whether it be comedic or dramatic, effortless. She deserved more awards. She also deserved better choices than "Fatal Beauty" and the unwatchable "Burglar." Fatal is the operative word here.
Farewell to the King (1989)
This World War II film, set in Borneo, tries so hard to work on so many levels, it is a shame it fails on all of them. Nick Nolte is escaping American Learoyd, who witnesses the executions of his comrades by the Japanese. He wanders deep into the jungles of Borneo, lost. Cue Botanist (Nigel Havers), who finds Nolte's adopted tribe. Nolte, now looking like Robert Plant, has become his tribe's new king. He defeated a staunch warrior in a bloody battle, and had a telling tattoo on his chest of a dragon. Now before you go out and get a painful tattoo and a one-way ticket to Borneo, things are not going well in Learoydland. Botanist wants the tribe's help in fighting the Japanese, who are invading the island. He teaches the natives how to use machine guns, and a whole lot o' shooting begins. As the tribe becomes more successful, they run up against a new squadron of Japanese who are not like the others. This squad cannibalizes the villages they conquer in order to keep their strength up, and they move through the jungles even quicker than the tribe.
Milius' direction is certainly adequate, but the screenplay here is rather vague in its motivations. It presents story ideas, then abandons them in order to get to the next story idea. Nolte is awful as the soldier turned king, desperately trying to channel the spirit of Marlon Brando's Colonel Kurtz. He talks about freedom, and the beauty of the jungle, and the richness of his people, and you will not believe for one second the words he utters. He is often unintentionally funny, especially his initial bug out in the jungle, and he spends the rest of the film sounding like a hippie. Nigel Havers spends the movie gawking lovingly at Nolte. The vague homosexual undercurrent between the two goes beyond friendship, not quite to sex, and settles into an unspoken relationship that must have had the natives talking. Botanist often stands around and has an internal conflict: repulsed at the tribe's headhunting but basking in Learoyd's attention. His fellow straight-laced British servicemen go native faster than the Bounty landing party in Tahiti, but all I saw concerning Borneo is that it is very humid and has lots of green. A climactic betrayal is completely devoid of any reason. There is not one thought given as to why it occurs, except to keep the film going. If you were fighting a war, and an enemy squadron was eating your allies, would that not freak you out? This elite Japanese squad is not shown enough, although their eating habits are so horrific I would become a conscientious objector right away. The same type of ghostly enemy was handled much better in "The 13th Warrior." Other types of interesting ideas are dropped. What about the fact that then modern technology brings about the deaths of so many backward people? Why did King Learoyd let the Brits use his subjects without too much hesitation? Why can't Hollywood find a decent actor to play General Douglas MacArthur? In the end, "Farewell to the King" is a letdown, not anchored by a strong lead, and trying to be too many things without thinking and exploring its options. I cannot recommend this one.
Milius' direction is certainly adequate, but the screenplay here is rather vague in its motivations. It presents story ideas, then abandons them in order to get to the next story idea. Nolte is awful as the soldier turned king, desperately trying to channel the spirit of Marlon Brando's Colonel Kurtz. He talks about freedom, and the beauty of the jungle, and the richness of his people, and you will not believe for one second the words he utters. He is often unintentionally funny, especially his initial bug out in the jungle, and he spends the rest of the film sounding like a hippie. Nigel Havers spends the movie gawking lovingly at Nolte. The vague homosexual undercurrent between the two goes beyond friendship, not quite to sex, and settles into an unspoken relationship that must have had the natives talking. Botanist often stands around and has an internal conflict: repulsed at the tribe's headhunting but basking in Learoyd's attention. His fellow straight-laced British servicemen go native faster than the Bounty landing party in Tahiti, but all I saw concerning Borneo is that it is very humid and has lots of green. A climactic betrayal is completely devoid of any reason. There is not one thought given as to why it occurs, except to keep the film going. If you were fighting a war, and an enemy squadron was eating your allies, would that not freak you out? This elite Japanese squad is not shown enough, although their eating habits are so horrific I would become a conscientious objector right away. The same type of ghostly enemy was handled much better in "The 13th Warrior." Other types of interesting ideas are dropped. What about the fact that then modern technology brings about the deaths of so many backward people? Why did King Learoyd let the Brits use his subjects without too much hesitation? Why can't Hollywood find a decent actor to play General Douglas MacArthur? In the end, "Farewell to the King" is a letdown, not anchored by a strong lead, and trying to be too many things without thinking and exploring its options. I cannot recommend this one.
Fangs (2002)
Sure, it rips off everything from "Jaws" to "Arachnophobia," but this cheap effort about killer bats in a small town caught me in the right mood- and it's better than "Bats." Scottsville is a small California town going through some changes. Local crooked land developer Hart (Corbin Bernsen) is cheating local farmers out of their acreage. He is selling substandard homes to local yuppies, and paying police chief Taylor (Michael Gregory) to look the other way. Local university professor Fuller (Mark Taylor) has been doing genetic research on hundreds of bats, turning them into aggressive killers. One night, they get loose, kill their maker, and flee into the Scottsville sky. Detective Ally (Tracy Nelson) is called in to investigate the death. The chief wants the case closed and shelved, since the town's apple festival is fast approaching. Other deaths follow, all bat attacks, and Ally teams with widower veterinarian John (Whip Hubley), his teen daughter Genny (Katie Stuart), and Genny's goofy dude boyfriend Logan (Lukas Behnken) to track down whoever is triggering the bats to attack specific people.
First off, the bat effects are surprisingly good. Yes, a bit obvious, but still good. Hubley and Nelson have a nice chemistry going, leading the B cast through the easy-to-solve mystery. The script never takes itself seriously, the professor's two interns are a hoot, so the welcome light moments work. Sandefur's direction is also very confident, lending gravitas to what amounts to a straight-to-video effort. "Fangs" is harmless fun, full of goofy characters and ridiculous situations. I hate the old cliche that one needs to "turn your brain off and enjoy" something unsubstantial, but in this case I'll make an exception.
First off, the bat effects are surprisingly good. Yes, a bit obvious, but still good. Hubley and Nelson have a nice chemistry going, leading the B cast through the easy-to-solve mystery. The script never takes itself seriously, the professor's two interns are a hoot, so the welcome light moments work. Sandefur's direction is also very confident, lending gravitas to what amounts to a straight-to-video effort. "Fangs" is harmless fun, full of goofy characters and ridiculous situations. I hate the old cliche that one needs to "turn your brain off and enjoy" something unsubstantial, but in this case I'll make an exception.
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Hello, welcome to another negative review of a beloved film. Stanley Kubrick's final film is an artful mess that will hopefully be forgotten in light of his better work. Just because a cinematic genius dies after completing a film does not mean it is destined to be a classic. William (Tom Cruise) and Alice (Nicole Kidman) are an unhappy doctor and his wife. They go to a party. Alice flirts. William flirts. They flirt and flirt. See William and Alice flirt. They drink and flirt. Then William is called upstairs to talk to Victor (Sydney Pollack). William helps Victor's hooker out of a drug induced stupor. William and Alice are on the verge of cheating on each other. To make a very long movie short, William goes to a mysterious mansion where an orgy is going on and he is discovered. People begin disappearing. The ending is wrapped up in one neat and tidy package, and Tom and Nicole get back to making better movies, and a divorce.
Kubrick is better known as a visualist, but here he fails as well. Not wanting to shoot in New York City, but in London, Cruise must act as if in the Big Apple and interact sometimes with the ancient backscreening process. It was not believable for one minute. I think this film will go down in cinematic history as Kubrick's Hallway film. Never have I seen so many hallways in my life. Characters walk up hallways, they walk down hallways, they talk in hallways. The camera follows everyone to the hallway. I thought I was watching some nightmarish new show on Home and Garden Television: "Hallways! with Christopher Lowell". Every scene here runs long. Every scene. Forty five minutes could have been trimmed off of this easily, and probably without losing any dialogue. The harsh piano score is also a punishment for the ears, it generates headaches and dizziness, not suspense or intrigue. Tom Cruise? Awful. He runs around the English set, flashing his doctor's credentials like he is a cop on a "Law and Order" show, and delivering all of his lines as if he, too, had no interest in what was going on. Nicole Kidman, when drunk, high, or sleepy -90% of her screen time- talks very slowly and it takes her five minutes to spit out a sentence or complete a line. Both actors have no chemistry together, and flounder under a lack of motivation. The shoot took a year, and it shows. Tom and Nicole's hair will change length and color, sometimes in the same scene; check out Nicole's dream recounting scene. The ending is tacked on, the supporting players will disappear after their scenes as if Kubrick and his cowriter stopped for lunch and forgot where they left off. I think this is heralded by some because Kubrick was worshiped, therefore this work should be worshiped. Even geniuses have off days (or off years in this case), and I consider "Eyes Wide Shut" a pretentious, dull, unentertaining, lazy mess. I would rather remember Stanley fondly for better films. If I want to watch a film about too-beautiful people and their sexual problems, I will rent an episode of "Red Shoes Diaries."
Kubrick is better known as a visualist, but here he fails as well. Not wanting to shoot in New York City, but in London, Cruise must act as if in the Big Apple and interact sometimes with the ancient backscreening process. It was not believable for one minute. I think this film will go down in cinematic history as Kubrick's Hallway film. Never have I seen so many hallways in my life. Characters walk up hallways, they walk down hallways, they talk in hallways. The camera follows everyone to the hallway. I thought I was watching some nightmarish new show on Home and Garden Television: "Hallways! with Christopher Lowell". Every scene here runs long. Every scene. Forty five minutes could have been trimmed off of this easily, and probably without losing any dialogue. The harsh piano score is also a punishment for the ears, it generates headaches and dizziness, not suspense or intrigue. Tom Cruise? Awful. He runs around the English set, flashing his doctor's credentials like he is a cop on a "Law and Order" show, and delivering all of his lines as if he, too, had no interest in what was going on. Nicole Kidman, when drunk, high, or sleepy -90% of her screen time- talks very slowly and it takes her five minutes to spit out a sentence or complete a line. Both actors have no chemistry together, and flounder under a lack of motivation. The shoot took a year, and it shows. Tom and Nicole's hair will change length and color, sometimes in the same scene; check out Nicole's dream recounting scene. The ending is tacked on, the supporting players will disappear after their scenes as if Kubrick and his cowriter stopped for lunch and forgot where they left off. I think this is heralded by some because Kubrick was worshiped, therefore this work should be worshiped. Even geniuses have off days (or off years in this case), and I consider "Eyes Wide Shut" a pretentious, dull, unentertaining, lazy mess. I would rather remember Stanley fondly for better films. If I want to watch a film about too-beautiful people and their sexual problems, I will rent an episode of "Red Shoes Diaries."
Extreme Measures (1996)
Michael Apted directs a surprisingly good suspenser, although not a perfect film. Charismatic Guy (Hugh Grant) is a capable and popular doctor in a New York City emergency room. He has just won a fellowship to New York University, and is spending his time treating gunshot wounds and flirting with nurse Jodie (Sarah Jessica Parker). One night, a mysterious patient comes in, with strange chart readings and blood pressure and pulse counts that vary wildly from second to second. The man dies, and Guy looks into the man's background. The viewer knows that the man has just escaped from a secret location with another man, both pursued by FBI agent Hare (David Morse) and NYC police officer Burke (Bill Nunn). Burke and Hare...get it? Guy begins putting clues together about the escapees, while being tailed by Burke and Hare, and trusting all the wrong people. The closer Guy gets to the truth, the more ruthless the conspirators are at stopping him.
While considered a knock-off of "Coma," and other medical thrillers when it first came out, I found "Extreme Measures" to be very watchable. Grant is fantastic as Guy, bringing charm and humor to a role that would have been action hero fodder with any other actor- try imagining Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone in the role. Grant humanizes Guy well. Gene Hackman is the obvious villain here, a role he seems to sleepwalk through. Sarah Jessica Parker's performance seems to get better as the film progresses. Her only emotional output in the beginning of the film is an arched eyebrow. The Burke and Hare characters are not badly played, but badly written. They are driven men, but after their motives for finding the escaped patient and Guy are revealed, their murderous acts cancel any sympathy the viewer might have for them. Although the script and some of the performances do have problems, director Michael Apted more than makes up for the shortcomings with flair. From swooping aerial shots of New York City, to some well-choreographed fight and chase scenes, his direction is very confident. There is plenty of suspense to burn, especially in the final scenes, but also in more quiet moments, like Guy's diagnosis in Riverside Hospital. "Extreme Measures" is a passable time thriller, with enough happening to entertain.
While considered a knock-off of "Coma," and other medical thrillers when it first came out, I found "Extreme Measures" to be very watchable. Grant is fantastic as Guy, bringing charm and humor to a role that would have been action hero fodder with any other actor- try imagining Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone in the role. Grant humanizes Guy well. Gene Hackman is the obvious villain here, a role he seems to sleepwalk through. Sarah Jessica Parker's performance seems to get better as the film progresses. Her only emotional output in the beginning of the film is an arched eyebrow. The Burke and Hare characters are not badly played, but badly written. They are driven men, but after their motives for finding the escaped patient and Guy are revealed, their murderous acts cancel any sympathy the viewer might have for them. Although the script and some of the performances do have problems, director Michael Apted more than makes up for the shortcomings with flair. From swooping aerial shots of New York City, to some well-choreographed fight and chase scenes, his direction is very confident. There is plenty of suspense to burn, especially in the final scenes, but also in more quiet moments, like Guy's diagnosis in Riverside Hospital. "Extreme Measures" is a passable time thriller, with enough happening to entertain.
Exit the Dragon, Enter the Tiger (1976)
Before his death, Bruce Lee (Bruce Li) meets with David (also Bruce Li). Lee tells David he will be the new martial arts master and will carry on for Lee. Lee dies. David and the rest of the world mourn. Then, David finds out Lee's death is rather suspicious and begins to investigate. He teams with reporter George, and discovers Lee and actress Susie (Hsin-Yi Chiang) were approached to run drugs for a villain known as the Baron (Yi Chang), and Susie made an audiotape of the offer. A whole lot of violence occurs in the name of getting the tape back.
"Exit the Dragon, Enter the Tiger" is shocking. Not for anything good, but for taking an icon's death and turning it into a moneymaking action flick. Despite some good direction and three notable fight scenes (on a rooftop, in a stadium, and one on a seashore) the fact that the filmmakers used Lee's death to put Li in the spotlight is simply incredible. I cannot come up with any similar circumstances in American film that anyone can associate with. We do see Lee on posters in people's homes, and news footage of his funeral (and body in the casket), and his image stays with you as you watch this sad attempt to cash in on his name. I would feel differently if the film were any good. Aside from the big fight scenes, the investigation is silly and most of the martial arts are boring. Some fights run too long, the dubbing is bad, and the 1970s decor made my eyes tear up. "Exit the Dragon, Enter the Tiger" is probably the worst film starring Li, who made a career passing himself off as Bruce Lee. The Dragon cannot be replaced, but Li seems to have faded from film.
Evilenko (2003)
Malcolm McDowell and Marton Csokas are murderer and cop in a film that turns the serial killer genre on its ear. In the 1980's USSR, Evilenko (Malcolm McDowell) is a stern teacher fired for exposing himself to a young student. He lives in a sexless marriage full of lies, winning a lower level job with the KGB spying on his coworkers under the guise of a railway inspector. Evilenko travels throughout the vast country, watching his beloved Communism go through its final days, and taking out his fury on innocent children, assaulting and cannibalizing them. Magistrate Lesiev (Marton Csokas) is hired to investigate the string of murders. Thanks to the state-run media, what Lesiev thinks are three or four victims actually tallies closer to thirty. A mass dragnet of suspect interviews brings in Dr. Richter (Ronald Pickup). Richter is a gay Jewish psychoanalyst, an outcast in the community. While Lesiev wants to find the killer and execute him, Richter wants to study him- a serial killer in a Communist Utopia is a new phenomenon. As Evilenko travels and kills, Lesiev and Richter must deal with bureaucracy and pre-"CSI" scientific investigative methods.
With the rash of mediocre straight-to-video releases about serial killers, sporting titular names like "Gacy," "Ed Gein," and "Dahmer," being released around the same time, it might be tempting to file "Evilenko" into the same category. The film's saving graces include authentic Kiev locations and a professional cast. It is unbelievable to me that McDowell has never been nominated for an Oscar. Not for "A Clockwork Orange," not for "O Lucky Man," and not for "If..." He is one of the greatest underrated actors of all-time, turning even the silliest video dreck into something more. His performance here is chilling, with his final interrogation scenes among the best of his long career. While I was a fan of Daniel Craig, and looked forward to his turns as James Bond, I now wish the 007 producers had chosen Marton Csokas. His Magistrate Lesiev is not just another dogged chain smoking cop chasing a clever killer, his investigation affects his family and even his relationship with his underlings. Csokas brings depth to a clicheed role. Director and writer Grieco does not linger on the unsavory aspects of this based-on-a-true-story case, so when an act of violence or a gory scene surfaces, they leave their mark on the viewer. I did not like Richter's fate, it never quite worked. Also, with an obviously lousy pun title like EVILenko, you might be tempted to look for other characters like Boris Goodguyski or Anna Nextvictimchev. Evilenko's method of luring his victims also seems convenient. While the sum of the parts are better than the whole, I will recommend "Evilenko."
With the rash of mediocre straight-to-video releases about serial killers, sporting titular names like "Gacy," "Ed Gein," and "Dahmer," being released around the same time, it might be tempting to file "Evilenko" into the same category. The film's saving graces include authentic Kiev locations and a professional cast. It is unbelievable to me that McDowell has never been nominated for an Oscar. Not for "A Clockwork Orange," not for "O Lucky Man," and not for "If..." He is one of the greatest underrated actors of all-time, turning even the silliest video dreck into something more. His performance here is chilling, with his final interrogation scenes among the best of his long career. While I was a fan of Daniel Craig, and looked forward to his turns as James Bond, I now wish the 007 producers had chosen Marton Csokas. His Magistrate Lesiev is not just another dogged chain smoking cop chasing a clever killer, his investigation affects his family and even his relationship with his underlings. Csokas brings depth to a clicheed role. Director and writer Grieco does not linger on the unsavory aspects of this based-on-a-true-story case, so when an act of violence or a gory scene surfaces, they leave their mark on the viewer. I did not like Richter's fate, it never quite worked. Also, with an obviously lousy pun title like EVILenko, you might be tempted to look for other characters like Boris Goodguyski or Anna Nextvictimchev. Evilenko's method of luring his victims also seems convenient. While the sum of the parts are better than the whole, I will recommend "Evilenko."
The Erotic Witch Project (2000)
In this silly spoof, three women plunge into the woods of New Jersey to find the Erotic Witch. They begin to get certain urges and prey upon each other, sexually. They also find strange things in the forest, left by either the Erotic Witch or an escaped gorilla (don't ask), consisting of sex toys, porn mags, and a blow-up doll. Funniest of all are some twigs and acorns arranged like a nude woman, with the words "EAT ME" formed with sticks close by.
As with most porn, the plot and characters are secondary, or even thirdly, to the sex and nudity. Darian (Darian Caine), Katie (Laurie Wallace as Katie Keane), and Victoria (Victoria Vega) are indeed beautiful, my fave was Victoria, but they could not act their way out of a wet paper thong. At one point, one of the actresses uses the challenging word "ridiculous," and suddenly this word is repeated over and over again for the rest of the film, describing absolutely everything. The actresses find themselves in all sorts of sexual situations with each other, but constantly deny that the witch is causing this, when in fact the locals just told us this in the first few scenes. One glaring gaffe occurs when Darian goes missing and Katie and Victoria look for her. In the very next scene, Katie and Victoria are in a tent, wake up, and notice Darian is missing, and go look for her. The director failed to find her in the previous scene, yet in that blink of a transition, she was found, everyone went to sleep, then she disappeared again? This is just under ninety minutes, which means total production time was about ninety minutes. This is shot on video, and some of the interviews with the locals are funny. I won't recommend it, but I cannot bring myself to hate it. Followed by sequels.
As with most porn, the plot and characters are secondary, or even thirdly, to the sex and nudity. Darian (Darian Caine), Katie (Laurie Wallace as Katie Keane), and Victoria (Victoria Vega) are indeed beautiful, my fave was Victoria, but they could not act their way out of a wet paper thong. At one point, one of the actresses uses the challenging word "ridiculous," and suddenly this word is repeated over and over again for the rest of the film, describing absolutely everything. The actresses find themselves in all sorts of sexual situations with each other, but constantly deny that the witch is causing this, when in fact the locals just told us this in the first few scenes. One glaring gaffe occurs when Darian goes missing and Katie and Victoria look for her. In the very next scene, Katie and Victoria are in a tent, wake up, and notice Darian is missing, and go look for her. The director failed to find her in the previous scene, yet in that blink of a transition, she was found, everyone went to sleep, then she disappeared again? This is just under ninety minutes, which means total production time was about ninety minutes. This is shot on video, and some of the interviews with the locals are funny. I won't recommend it, but I cannot bring myself to hate it. Followed by sequels.
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