*Get "Satisfaction" on Amazon here*
Best known as Julia Roberts' worst film (beating out a lot of competition), this fiasco is eligible for many other worst lists: Worst Liam Neeson Film, Worst Film of 1988, Worst Use of a Rolling Stones Song, and Worst Way to Spend Ninety-Two Minutes Excluding Watching Reality Shows or Porn.
Garage band Jennie Lee and the Mystery (their success is a Mystery, their talent is a Mystery- trust me, I've run the course of those jokes) is led by Jennie (Justine Bateman), a smart girl fresh out of high school- Bateman was 22 when this was released. The other cliches in her band include bad girl Mooch (Trini Alvarado), dumb junkie Billy (Britta Phillips), pretty woman Daryle (Julia Roberts), and token dude Nickie (Scott Coffey). The group, based in the mean streets of what looks like Baltimore, heads to the beach to audition as the house band for Martin Falcon's (Liam Neeson) bar. Since even their jam sessions sound like professional recordings, they get the gig, and complications ensue. Jennie wants to go to college but falls for Martin- a washed-up, drunken songwriter mourning his wife's death. Mooch and Nickie grow closer. Billy takes drugs, preparing herself for the overdose scene you know is coming. Daryle is attracted to rich law student Josh (Kevin Haley), forgetting hometown boyfriend Frankie (Chris Nash). It's tough when the band has to play three or four songs a night, never sleep, and come up with enough bad performances to make the audience stare in amazement. A possible European tour arises- two World Wars, and now this?- and the band must grow up and do some hard thinking about where they want to be at the end of the summer.
This film is infamously bad. The fact that Roberts and Neeson escaped this unscathed is a miracle. Some of my best friends are musicians, and this film is so far removed from the reality of playing live in a bar, it's science fiction/fantasy. Every time Bateman opens her mouth to sing, the sound production is there and all background noise is silenced. In the creaky van on the way to Martin's bar, the "improvised" jam session is crystal clear. It's funny because we are treated to a high school graduation speech where Jennie tears into her fellow students, telling them not to be like generations before, and to get off their butts and make a difference in this lousy world- and then she spends the rest of the film singing old rock-'n'-roll songs from the same "lazy" generations they shouldn't emulate. Aside from "satisfaction," most of the words spoken in the painful dialogue have just one syllable. It's as if the screenwriters transcribed a twelve year old girl's diary, and submitted the result. The comedic scenes fall flat (the volleyball game), but they pale in comparison to the ludicrous melodrama. Debbie Harry wanders in for a ten second cameo. The gang members looking for Mooch resemble rejects from Michael Jackson's "Beat It" video, complete with tough blonde highlights and villainous bandannas.
This was released to television as "Girls of Summer" to hide the fact that it bombed theatrically. I'm still trying to get the reggae version of "Mr. Big Stuff" out of my head- do yourselves a favor, don't get no "Satisfaction."
