Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)

Sandra Bullock returns as Annie in this terrible, ill-conceived sequel that has great action and awful dialogue.

Annie and her new beau-hunk, Alex (Jason Patric), go vacationing on a cruise to the Caribbean. Where is Keanu Reeves? He skipped this sequel, sensing it was doomed to fail? Alex is a cop, and Annie is nervous about pursuing a relationship with him. The cruise is a way to relax, spend some downtime together, and discover more about each other, and themselves; finding a deep, ageless love that transcends the gods and makes us believe that there is a soulmate for each of us, and we just have to find them- but then nutty Geiger (Willem Dafoe) takes over the ship and ruins everyone's good time. Geiger was fired from the cruise company because he is ill from spending too much time doing their computer systems. As luck would have it, there is a traveling jewelry showcase onboard, so Geiger decides to rob the ship, and send it careening all over the seas. Annie and Alex argue and make up in between Geiger's terrorist acts. They help screaming, nameless passengers and crew members- "Is that Lois Chiles? Colleen Camp? Bo Svenson? UB40?", but Geiger is always "one step ahead" of them. The final half hour, as the ship heads toward an oil tanker and certain doom, are exciting, but they do not make up for the rest of the film.

During filming, I remember seeing on-set interviews where Bullock was swearing off a "Speed 3" before this film was even in the can. Now we know why. Alex is blessed with the same superhuman powers Bruce Willis possessed in "Die Hard 2": Alex can figure out who Geiger is from the most scant of clues, Alex can diffuse grenades, Alex can slow ships down with the grandest of ideas, Alex can save a little deaf girl (Christine Firkins) from certain drowning, Alex can defy all marine and physical laws to get back to his gal Annie. Alex even gets a catch phrase, in case this had proved successful: "I'll be right back."

Geiger is a creepy villain, leeching himself to stay alive, but he does stupid things to mess up and let Alex or Annie triumph. The cast members have "funny" one liners to mutter during the proceedings, reminding us that this is all in good fun. This also removes the tension, as when Annie is shooting flares into the air while Geiger comments on her "fiery temper." That line alone made me want to shut the film off. The first film had suspense, but director and co-story writer de Bont decided to turn this into a half-hearted smirk-fest. There are some brilliant action pieces. The sight of the giant ship headed to the oil tanker, then a crowded pier, are wonderful. Don't worry, that's no spoiler, the film's trailer gave it away when it was released in 1997. But, there are also some action pieces that should have been lost. The lifeboat rescue, and Drew's elevator ordeal, are too long and go nowhere in the grand scheme of Geiger's. Toss in some hot and cold computer effects, too.

"Speed 2: Cruise Control" cannot take advantage of its built-in audience and deliver another tight actioner like the first film was. It takes the viewer for granted, and proves the character Annie cannot carry an entire film. This film cruises into oblivion, and sinks the franchise faster than the Titanic.

Stats:
(1997) 121 min. (2/10)
-Directed by Jan de Bont
-Screenplay by Randall McCormick and Jeff Nathanson, Story by Jan de Bont and Randall McCormick, based on characters created by Graham Yost
-Cast: Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, Willem Dafoe, Temuera Morrison, Brian McCardie, Christine Firkins, Lois Chiles, Colleen Camp, Bo Svenson, Mike Hagerty, Frances Guinen, Tamia, UB40
(PG-13)