Ax 'Em (1992)

*Get the film on Amazon here*

A group of about ten college students go to an isolated cabin in the woods for a weekend, and are terrorized by a mentally deficient man whose family was shotgunned to death thirteen years before. He is now going to "revenge" (as the opening credits crawl puts it) his family's deaths. Give me a minute, I am trying to both hold down my supper and find a place to begin here- this is that bad.

Mfume shot the entire film, barely an hour, on video. The video copy I rented back in the day was letterboxed- on all four sides. Suddenly I was watching a nineteen inch picture on my thirty-two inch screen. Except for writer/director/star Michael, I did not catch any of the other characters' names. This is understandable since the sound is possibly the worst recording job in motion picture history. At least seventy-five percent of the dialogue is muffled and incomprehensible. Of course, lines that do survive are of the "I've fallen and I can't get up" variety. Twice, I heard a voice off-camera cue the actors. During one cut, a video timer is evident at the bottom of the screen. The old mentally deficient killer in the woods story has been done so often it is now fodder for parody. Mfume tries to squeeze some laughs here by having the cast stop everything to tell some "yo mama's so fat..." jokes. The cast is in on the inside joke and tries to have fun, mugging at the camera and ad libbing. The point is the film makes no attempt to scare or even make sense. Mfume had ten friends and a video camera, and shot this thing.

"Ax' Em" was the worst film watching experience I have ever had for over two decades until "Luna Park" invaded my senses. Also known as "The Weekend It Lives."

Stats:
(1992) 71 min. (0 *) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by Michael Mfume
-Cast: Michael Mfume, Sandra Pulley, Joe Clair, Racquel Price, Tracy Wiggs, Maria Copper, Kelci Jeter, Greg Jones, Kristine Louisa, Frederick Montgomery, Thomas Hunt, D-Taylor Murphy, Chris Gatewood
(R)