Abe & Bruno (2006)

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Sometimes a "heartwarming comedy" is anything but.

Curmudgeon Abe (Brad Sergi) lives with a giant five-hundred pound gorilla named Bruno (Guy in Monkey Suit) on the outskirts of a small California town, scaring away the locals- no one knows about Bruno, and Abe aims to keep it that way. Abe thinks of Bruno as his son, and has taught him some amazing things: Bruno can use the toilet! Bruno can work the microwave! Bruno can make his own bed! Bruno can comprehend and react to every single word and gesture Abe uses! Bruno has also figured out the television remote control, and has fallen in monkey love with animal show host Sarah (Blythe Metz). Ironic in a "heartwarming" tale that Abe has a "heart attack," even telling Bruno to call 911. Bruno instead panics and goes into town to find Abe's girlfriend Edie (Candice Rose), who also knows nothing of Bruno. The town (all twelve extras) is thrown into an uproar, but Bruno manages to lead Sheriff Kilgore (Kevin Scott Allen) to a still breathing Abe before escaping into the nearby woods. Some media, and Sarah, descend on the town as Kilgore makes plans to shoot Bruno.

Done on the cheap, "Abe & Bruno" misleads, starting with the DVD cover: the three children pictured are in very small supporting roles. Sergi does his best acting in the hospital scenes, unconscious, as Sarah tries to persuade the stereotypical, stupid, gun-toting rednecks that casting aspersions about gorillas is narrow-minded and dangerous. While billing itself as a comedy, there are zero laughs. Its heartwarming tone left me cold, and everything felt dumbed down and simplistic, from the terrible pacing and plot to Abe's annoying one sided conversations with Bruno, or Sarah's questionable internet search engine. Everything I know about gorillas I learned from "Gorillas in the Mist" and the "King Kong" films, meaning very little, but I rolled my eyes every time Sarah came up with a new factoid about primates. The bloodthirsty, gun-happy sheriff and moronic deputies are caricatures of the lowest order, not characters, yet I kept getting lectured about misinformation, and the problems of jumping to the wrong conclusions about Bruno.

A minor film you have never heard of, "Abe & Bruno" features some pretty scenery, and nothing else.

Stats:
(2006) 94 min. (1/2 *) out of five stars
-Directed by Henri Charr
-Written by Henri Charr, Jess Mancilla, Sree Scanda
-Cast: Brad Sergi, Blythe Metz, Candice Rose, Kevin Scott Allen, Janet Vincent Lee, Maile Stone, Liam Stone, Gregory Franklin, Jorden Davis, Noah Crawford, Eric Clarke, Darla Coele, Nadia Lieb
(PG)