2012: Supernova (2009)

*Get the film on Amazon here*

Wait, whoa, hold up- you mean this ISN'T a sequel to the John Cusack cheese-fest "2012?" Are you sure? Yes, because this monstrosity makes the original "2012" look like "Citizen Kane."

Kelvin (the normally talented Brian Krause) is the head of a team that looks to launch nuclear missiles into outer space to dissipate a giant supernova headed in Earth's direction. His wife (Heather McComb) and daughter (Najarra Townsend) run around in the desert, avoiding badly rendered computer animated special effects, as well as a supporting cast of dozens. Yup, that's the plot. The planet is on a collision course with a supernova, a few people get upset, the scientist characters bandy about terms like "magnetic shield" and "nuclear," do a lot of "recalculating" and "running simulations" on their computers...there's a ninja, I guess, who wants to stop this planet-saving effort...a couple of Iranians are thrown in for good measure...ugh.

The film was released by The Asylum, who would release terrible straight-to-video nightmares with titles that sounded like contemporary blockbusters in the theater. Have you been unlucky enough to see "Sinister Squad," "Independents' Day," "AVH: Alien vs. Hunter," or "Transmorphers?" Good. It's sad that a company has such low regard for their audience that they have to trick them into watching their rip-off film, instead of trying something original that would stand out in a crowded video and streaming landscape. The direction is terrible, the budget was about eight bucks, and all the performers look embarrassed. No one tries to do a good job, I hope their paychecks were worth it because my eighty-seven minutes can't be reimbursed.

"2012: Supernova" is one of the worst films I have ever seen. I hope that's blunt enough. There may be sequels or prequels, but I honestly don't care enough to use a search engine and seek the information out.

Stats:
(2009) 87 min. (0*) out of five stars
-Directed by Anthony Fankhauser
-Written by Anthony Fankhauser, Jon Macy; Story by John Willis III
-Cast: Brian Krause, Heather McComb, Najarra Townsend, Allura Lee, Alan Poe, Londale Theus, Stephen Schneider, Rob Ullett, Malcom Scott, Andrew Fetty, Bryan Dodds, Stephen Blackehart, Matthew Farhat, Melissa Osborne, Nick Shakoour
(Not Rated)