Tuesday, December 31, 2024

Mel Brooks: Seriously...Well, Almost (2024)

*Get the film on Amazon here*

The film makers pull a bait-and-switch on the viewer with this disappointing documentary.

The description for the film promised that comedy legend Mel Brooks was going to discuss the films he produced uncredited. He didn't want his name attached to "The Elephant Man," David Lynch's heartbreaking 1980 drama, because with a title like that people might mistake it for one of his comedies. Brooks also had his hand in "Frances" and David Cronenberg's "The Fly," all films that no one should be guffawing at.

The film is a filmed interview with Brooks, who is as spry and sharp as ever as he closes in on 100 years old, and padded with onscreen factoids about whatever the subject being discussed is- including his comedies. In fact, despite the description, more time is spent on his comedies than his dramas. While this was very interesting, I still wanted to learn more about what attracted him to these heavy dramas and genre fare (1986's "Solarbabies" starring Jami Gertz and Jason Patric isn't even mentioned). The film makers waste time telling the viewer who Alfred Hitchcock and Errol Flynn are, and I spotted a misspelling in the end credits that should not have been there. Brooks mentions his wife Anne Bancroft, and I could have listened to another three hours of stories about her, instead of how "High Anxiety" got greenlighted.

"Mel Brooks: Seriously... Well, Almost" was a quick watch, and just as hurried. I look at it as nothing but filler on a New Year's Eve before a new year brings in new movies.

Stats:
(2024) 38 min. (* *) out of five stars
-Directed by Stanley Isaacs
-Featuring Mel Brooks, Michael Gruskoff, Alan Ladd Jr.
Not Rated- contains some profanity



Monday, December 30, 2024

17 Miracles (2011)

*Get the film on Amazon here*

I am not familiar with the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and their hardship-and-miracle laden trek from the American Midwest to Utah in the 1850's, but I did find some merit with this scattershot film.

Levi Savage (Jasen Wade, looking like a lost Hemsworth brother) is one of 500 people who must walk to "Zion" (Salt Lake, Utah) using nothing but handcarts for their possessions. This group of Mormon pioneers features many families from Europe, and Savage himself is anxious to get back to see the son he had to leave behind years before to go on a church mission. Savage warns of the harsh trip, he witnessed the aftermath of the Donner party's failure, but he is rebuffed and quietly follows orders. The title comes from different divine miracles the poor travelers were involved in. They run the gamut from found food to people rising from the dead. An opening credit full of honesty tells us that the screenwriter combined two different treks into one story, and I assume some of the characters are fictional and/or combinations as well.

This odd credit gives way to an oddly constructed film. There is too much repetition, as Savage is shouted down in the most polite manner, followed by a miracle. The families didn't differentiate from one another, and Savage's behavior around a woman he has a crush on is cringe-worthy, and not in a romantic comedy kind of way. An emotional focus is only found in the final twenty minutes of the film, and this does include one of the most detailed "whatever happened to?" codas ever produced. The real strength here is writer/director T.C. Christensen's camera. He directs the scenes well, covering for a limited budget (no way are there 500 extras milling around in the background) nicely. The makeup done on the slowly starving pioneer folk is top notch. Christensen's cinematography is breathtaking. The film is crystal clear and beautifully lit, with appropriately harsh winter scenes that gave me literal chills (I'm a North Dakotan, I's knows abouts the cold winters). Pessimists might argue that one major missing miracle is the assurance that all the travelers would arrive alive, and this bothered me, too.

"17 Miracles" is mild and nice to look at, and Wade rises above the rest of the cast, aside from Travis Eberhard as an overly adorable little person. No harm comes from watching this film.

Stats:
(2011) 113 min. (* * *) out of five stars
-Directed by T.C. Christensen
-Written by T.C. Christensen, Additional Writing by Gary Cook, Ron Tanner, Laurie Vukich
-Cast: Jasen Wade, Emily Wadley, Jason Celaya, Natalie Blackman, Travis Eberhard, Bruce Newbold, Nathan Mitchell, Bailee Michelle Johnson, Savanna Kylie Lewis, Tomas Ambt Kofod, Chandra Allen, Kimball Stinger, David Nibley
(PG)



Saturday, December 28, 2024

200 American (2003)

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"200 American," a film from writer/director Richard LeMay, is as schizophrenic a piece of work as you will ever see.

Ad agency exec Conrad (Matt Walton) has broken up with his long term boyfriend Martin (John-Dylan Howard). He calls up an escort service and pays for sex from Ian (Sean Matic), an Australian. Could Conrad fall in love with this hustler? Before you settle in for a "Pretty Woman" lift, the film does a complete 180. Conrad gets Ian a job as a photographer's assistant at the agency. There, Ian meets art director Michael (Anthony Ames), who is constantly at odds with the controlling Conrad. Conrad calls Ian in for sex from time to time, but Ian is engaged to be married to Sarah (Gail Herendeen). Before you settle in for "straight guy is really gay" story, the film switches gears again. Michael and Ian are suddenly growing closer, and Conrad and Martin decide to give their relationship another try. Soon, Martin tries to get Conrad to lose his controlling ways, and Ian cannot seem to find the time to tell Michael he was a gay hustler who is marrying Sarah to stay in the country.

Just when you think you have the film down, it switches on you, and not to the benefit of the viewer. I liked Conrad at first, then hated him, then felt indifferent to him. Ian was a shallow hustler at first, then you like him, then indifference. Same story with Michael. I wanted to stay with LeMay's characters but they, and the film's tone, would change so drastically that I finally gave up and waited for the predictable conclusion. LeMay does attempt some comedic moments, but they do not fit into the film well. Ian being constantly interrupted as he tries to tell Michael about his sordid past is strictly sitcom level stuff. There is a weird sequence involving white slavery that never pans out. Michael and Martin are stuck in an elevator with two women during an argument, but again the scene never plays as well as it should. One sequence that does get laughs is Martin and Conrad's visit to Conrad's grandfather, but this is the exception. The authentic New York City locations are nice, as is some of the editing. Once in a while, a clock will jump back and forth by a few minutes and you can see a boom microphone shadow, but the film does move along, clocking in at under an hour and a half.

In the end, "200 American" simply lurches too far from one extreme to the other, grabbing the viewer by the hand and almost pulling their arm out of the socket. I finally made a stand, and cannot recommend the film.

Stats:
(1969) 84 min. (* *) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by Richard LeMay
-Cast: Matt Walton, Sean Matic, John-Dylan Howard, Anthony Ames, Gail Herendeen, Mark Ford, Lucy Smith, Spencer Aste, Justin Durishin, David W. Ross, Ruth Nicolas, Constance Reardon, Rick Poli
(Not Rated)



99 Women (1969)

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Jesus Franco is said to have invented the modern-day "women in prison" exploitation subgenre with this silly little mess. Blonde bombshell Marie (Maria Rohn) is sent to an island prison run by Superintendent Thelma (a slumming Mercedes McCambridge). The prison has almost one hundred women, hence the title, and no men, with the exception of island governor Santos (a slumming Herbert Lom), who has his choice of ladies whenever he visits the prison- which seems to be often. Yet another prisoner has died, and the ministry of justice sends wide-eyed Leonie (Maria Schell) to the island to investigate the conditions there. She immediately stops the hellish punishments and night guard duty, for reasons never made clear, and suddenly Marie and new friend Helga (Elisa Montes) decide this would be a perfect opportunity to escape.

With five writers on this thing, including Harry Alan Towers (credited under a pen name), and the infamous Franco at the helm, I thought this film would have a bit more spunk. Instead, the audience must suffer through McCambridge's completely off-putting Method acting and mystery accent. We sit through a sweating Lom leering after the prisoners. We wonder just what Schell is doing in this picture, since the ending renders her character pointless. While this is a classic in the exploitation field, bare skin doesn't pop up until almost a third of the way through the dull story. Watch out for Franco's blurred lesbian love tryst, which might have you making sure your DVD player or streaming service is firing on all cylinders. Of course, this is garbage, but some of the scenes work, like Marie's reason for being sent to the prison. Rosalba Neri seems to be having fun as the tough Zoie, and Schell's earnest performance is good, complementing the shrill McCambridge. Since this was an international production, many versions exist, some with an extended ending, different scenes, and hardcore pornographic inserts (so to speak). "99 Women," also known as "Island of Despair," isn't the best film Jess Franco made, but it eventually delivers the grindhouse goods, albeit in a bored and routine manner.

Stats:
(1969) 86 min. (* 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Jesus Franco
-Screenplay by Harry Alan Towers, Jesus Franco, Milo G. Cuccia, Carlo Fadda, Javier Peres Grober, Story by Jesus Franco, Milo G. Cuccia, Carlo Fadda
-Cast: Maria Rohn, Mercedes McCambridge, Herbert Lom, Maria Schell, Luciana Paluzzi, Rosalba Neri, Elisa Montes, Valentina Godoy, Jose Maria Blanco, Jesus Franco, Claudia Gravy, Elsa Zabala, Mike Brendel
(Unrated)



Friday, December 27, 2024

101 Love Positions (2001)

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When I saw this video, I thought, "what, two people are just going to show me over a hundred sexual positions in the course of two hours?" Well, yes.

A young, tan, rather hairless thin guy and a freckled girl reenact, in softcore fashion, sexual positions for two solid hours. This is not hardcore pornography, nothing is really seen up close, the two simply act out sexual positions. The video begins with a screen reading "1," the couple do some position for about a minute, then "2." I thought I would transcribe my copious notes into this review, giving you insight into what I write and how I observed the video. The numbers on the left denote the sexual position, and then my comments:

1- Oh, yeah, here we go
2- Did he just bite her ear?
3- She has a tattoo
5- Hey, that's just a variation on number 4
8- I'm bored
10- Where did their couch go?
14- No freaking way
15- If I could bend like that, I wouldn't need a sexual partner
17- What is this, gym class?
19- That's just 18, from another camera angle
21- They have somehow managed to have sex out into the backyard
24- I've done that...with a turkey wishbone after Thanksgiving dinner
25- I doubt I could use mine to lift a whole person
28- There's the couch
33- Where's her other foot?!? Oh, there it is
37- Isn't that assault?
47- We're at 47? Did I fall asleep?
51- Over half way there!
52- They're back on the porch
53- "C'mon, honey, let's go outside and I'll dangle you off the front door for all the neighbors to see."
61- Are those bruises?
64- Why do the people next door to me have a dog? Dogs aren't allowed in my apartment building
68- I am laughing, I swear
69- What they are doing is not what anyone else associates with the number 69
71- He just bit her foot
72- No freaking way
76- The dog next door finally stopped barking
79- Two killed in bizarre sexual position video accident, film at eleven
84- The end is near...so to speak
88- And now we found an outdoor table
90- He just bit her back
93- I am laughing again
94- NOW we find the swimming pool?
99- I thought you couldn't have sex in the pool for fifteen minutes after you ate, or else you'd cramp up?
101- In or out, buddy?

I cannot believe I watched the whole thing. Before you get too excited, there is no oral sex. They may boast that there are over one hundred positions, but actually only a couple of dozen are done with little variation. The two cast members, uncredited, probably shot this in an afternoon. They both look tired, and their hair is frizzed and dried out. There is no sound from them, just badly done new age music, so when they speak, your lip reading might pick up "I love you," "stop biting me," or "we're only in the mid-40's?" The positions are not named, either, so be careful if you tell your partner "tonight, I want to do number two on you," and others overhear. Same sex partners look elsewhere, as well. This is man and woman illustrating safe procreating sex, badly. "101 Love Positions" is supposed to bring couples together and enrich their relationship. Too bad a video celebrating closeness is so anonymous and devoid of feeling.

Stats:
(2001) 120 min. (*) out of five stars
-No Director Credited
-Written by Patti Britton
-Featuring Patti Britton
(Unrated)



10 Questions for the Dalai Lama (2006)

*Get the film on Amazon here*

Documentary filmmaker Rick Ray was given forty-five minutes, and a limit of ten questions, with His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet.

Instead of going the safe route of filming the interview, Ray does a brief recap of the tumultuous life of the religious leader, comparing his stature among his people as equal to Jesus Christ residing in the White House. The Dalai Lama is in exile in northern India, and to prepare for the interview, Ray immerses himself in the Buddhist experience, travelling across the country and encountering the poorest citizens along the way. China has been brutal to the country of Tibet in the past few decades after invading and conquering it with little resistance, turning it into a cheesy tourist attraction for its people, and one question that is bothering Ray is "when is non-violence no longer an option?"

By the time Ray sits down for the interview, he decides to cover many other wide-ranging topics: why do the poor seem happier than the rich, how important is the preservation of culture and religion, what can a Far East Buddhist leader do about the tumult in the Middle East, and the Dalai Lama's similarities to another pacifist- India's Gandhi.

The Dalai Lama is a very soft-spoken and intelligent man, answering the questions without condescending to Ray. I like that in the face of the evils of the Khmer Rouge, or Hitler, you can practice non-violence but still protect oneself from immediate physical threat. You don't have to be a pushover. Likewise when dealing with China. The Dalai Lama says to engage the Chinese, not isolate them. He saw first-hand what the overpopulated country is capable of when dealing with his former country. As in politics, some religious people suffer from selfishness, which can taint one's outlook on the world. He also mentions overpopulation, preferring quality of life to quantity. He would know, dealing with two of the most populous nations on the planet.

Ray gets great use out of archive footage, and sometimes shows the Dalai Lama in a less than favorable light. He doesn't trash the leader, but he does mention the initial capitulation to China, and even some trivial facts like how the Dalai Lama doesn't like festivals that center around and praise him. Ray has made a few documentaries from different locales in the world, and this experience helps this film. It is more than a filmed audience, and more than a breathless sanitized travelogue. Not enumerating the questions and walking the viewer through them helps, letting the Dalai Lama get his points across uninterrupted. I also liked the honesty of the Dalai Lama's personal secretary.

"10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" is a fresh look at a subject who has been covered by too many basic cable television biography shows in the past. If it makes the viewer want to know more about the man and the movement, then it has done its job.

Stats:
(2006) 85 min. (* * * *) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by Rick Ray
-Featuring The Dalai Lama, Rick Ray, Tenzin Bagdro, Tenzin Tethong
(Not Rated)



Absence of the Good (1999)

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Stephen Baldwin stars in a serial killer film that arrives on the scene about ten years too late.

Detective Caleb (Stephen Baldwin) and wife Mary (Shawn Huff) are still grieving after the accidental shooting death of their six year old son. Mary drowns her sorrow in pills, while emotionless Caleb drowns himself in work. A serial killer is on the loose in Salt Lake City, and Caleb and partner Glenn (Rob Knepper) are under pressure from their stereotypical blowhard commander (Allen Garfield) to solve the case. Caleb takes the case personally, since the main suspect was an abused child now visiting all his old childhood homes and murdering everyone living there. Dr. Lyons (Tyne Daly) tries to help Caleb before the case, and his nightmares about his son, send him over the edge.

The cast here is very good, from Daly's tough and tender psychiatrist to Huff's sad portrayal of a mourning mother. Knepper is always a villain in everything else I have seen him in, having him be a good guy is a welcome change. I was initially put off by Baldwin's stiff portrayal- I realize his character is keeping his emotions bottled up, but I started to find his monotone monotonous. Once in a while, I thought he would turn that emotional corner, but then he would drop back into rigid and unfeeling again. John Flynn's direction is very good for a small film, helped immensely by Ric Waite's beautiful photography. Like most serial killer films, you might have this one figured out if you are paying close enough attention. I did like the investigative process this time around, although the "flawed cop working on his toughest case" story has been done.

"Absence of the Good" was too easy a target with that title if it was bad. It is merely okay- no more, no less, and no surprises.

Stats:
(1999) 95 min. (* * 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by John Flynn
-Screenplay by David Golden, James Reid
-Cast: Stephen Baldwin, Shawn Huff, Tyne Daly, Rob Knepper, Allen Garfield, Frank Gerrish, Cathleen Mason, Silas Weir Mitchell, Joey Miyashima, Steven O'Neill, George Sullivan, Alex Warren, Michelle Wright
(R)



Absolute Power (1997)

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Clint Eastwood directs a surprising, sharp thriller based on the novel by David Baldacci.

Luther (Clint Eastwood) is your run-of-the-mill, over-the-hill professional burglar. His latest hit is at the mansion of vacationing philanthropist Walter Sullivan (E. G. Marshall). He finds jewels, coins, lots of cash, but almost gets caught. He hides in a vault with a two-way mirror and watches the very young Mrs. Christy Sullivan (Melora Hardin) canoodle around with a much older man (Gene Hackman). The foreplay becomes more slap than tickle, and the couple try to kill each other before two men (Scott Glenn, Dennis Haysbert) burst into the room and shoot Christy dead. Luther would think nothing of it, except the two men doing the shooting are Secret Service agents and Christy's lover is U. S. President Allen Richmond. Luther runs, trying to get in contact with his estranged daughter Kate (Laura Linney), who has grown up to become a prosecuting attorney. Hot on Luther's trail are the Secret Service agents, White House Chief of Staff Gloria Russell (Judy Davis), who covered up the crime, Detective Seth Frank (an excellent Ed Harris), who sees that things are not as cut and dried as the conspirators had hoped, and a gunman hired by a vindictive Sullivan, who has money to burn. Richmond tries to keep out of it, but the villainous camps begin to turn on themselves as Luther sends them signs indicating he knows everything that has happened.

Eastwood directs a screenplay by William Goldman masterfully. There are no big giant explosive action sequences or James Bondish car chases. Eastwood wisely lets the characters go through the paces, knowing their secrets are more interesting than yet another stunt. He knows how to keep the tension cranked up, I was reminded of Brian DePalma many times throughout the film; especially the outdoor cafe scene, and the hospital scene. The entire cast is great. Eastwood plays smart and old well. Linney could have been the stereotypical wronged daughter all grown up, but she has a nice presence. Ed Harris is perfect as Frank. Glenn is sympathetic as Burton, the agent who did not want any of this in the beginning, and he serves as a nice balance to the creepy Collin, played by Haysbert in a chilling role that does not cross over into Hannibal Lecter-pathos. E.G. Marshall does come along and show these young whipper-snappers how it's done, in one of his last roles. Part of the fun- yes, parts of this are fun- is watching Luther play the different sides off of each other when he is literally being shot at from all sides. He is normally in control, and goes to extraordinary lengths to keep it that way.

"Absolute Power" is a top notch professional job in every respect. Many complain about its pacing, or how outlandish the plot is. Considering the actions of a number of presidential administrations over the past few years, I did not find the idea outlandish at all. As for the pacing, this ain't "Dirty Harry," but I was never bored, either.

Stats:
(1997) 121 min. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Clint Eastwood
-Screenplay by William Goldman based on the novel by David Baldacci
-Cast: Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Ed Harris, Laura Linney, Scott Glenn, Dennis Haysbert, Judy Davis, E.G. Marshall, Melora Hardin, Kenneth Welsh, Penny Johnson Jerald, Richard Jenkins, Alison Eastwood
(R)



Thursday, December 26, 2024

The Abyss (1989)

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Does James Cameron's groundbreaking film about underwater aliens still stand up decades after its theatrical release? I can answer yes, and no, after viewing the almost three hour special extended edition released on DVD a while back.

Bud (Ed Harris) is the leader of a motley crew of working stiffs on an underwater oil drilling platform. It seems those idiots in the military- Cameron makes his feelings for soldiers in uniform abundantly clear throughout this film- went and crashed a nuclear sub in a deep trench nearby, and the quickest way to rescue them is to use the platform. The platform designer, and Bud's estranged wife, Lindsey (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) is sent down to the platform along with a Navy SEAL team headed by the immediately unbalanced Coffey (Michael Biehn, turning in a nice performance). Above on the surface, a hurricane is blowing through, and international tensions with the Soviets are high. Coffey and Bud clash as to who is running the operation, which quickly turns from a rescue mission to a mission to survive mechanical failures, weather-related disasters, secret military agendas, oh, and some pretty, glowing space aliens.

I think we can all agree that Cameron's strength comes from his technical savvy, and not his screenwriting skills. Dialogue clunks after lingering uncomfortably in the air. It's awful, I compare it to how a junior high schooler thinks grown-ups at work talk. Bud and Lindsey's bantering threatens to degenerate into "nanny-nanny-boo-boo" insults and accompanying wedgies, and the number of times she is referred to as a bitch is shocking. The special extended edition of the film adds half an hour to the theatrical release, which means half an hour more visual marvel, and Cameron's annoying preachiness, breaking down the Cold War into its most simplistic ingredients. Cameron borrows from "2001: A Space Odyssey," "2010" (a huge debt to that film), the random "Twilight Zone" episode, and even the glassy-eyed look of wonder and amazement from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." The cast struggles with Cameron's dialogue, and seem to do best when left to their own devices as in Lindsey's drowning scene, and Bud's descent into the underwater abyss. The shoot was a troubled one, according to some online research, and that is sometimes evident on the performers' faces. Some of Harris' expressions at his lines indicate disbelief. Biehn's Coffey is the most interesting character. So why am I recommending this? Technically, the film is awesome. The widescreen is used wisely, and the film is epic in scale. Some of the special effects are a little iffy, this was CGI in its infancy, but the crystal clear cinematography and sound is perfect. Alan Silvestri's musical score is terrible- really, drums when the military killing machines are onscreen? Are those bongos during a fight scene between Bud and Coffey? The plot is a good one, I wish Cameron had taken a story credit and handed it over to someone who could flesh the caricatures out and made us care about the people going through all of these great action sequences like a mini-sub chase, and suspenseful set-pieces like the crane collapse.

In the grand scheme of Cameron films, "The Abyss" falls behind "Titanic," "True Lies," "Aliens," and his Terminator films, but I will say this- it's light years ahead of "Avatar," and "Aliens of the Deep." Glub-glub.

Stats:
(1989) 140 min. (* * * *) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by James Cameron
-Cast: Ed Harris, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Michael Biehn, Leo Burmester, Todd Graff, John Bedford Lloyd, J.C. Quinn, Kimberly Scott, Captain Kidd Brewer Jr., George Robert Klek, Christopher Murphy, Dick Warlock, Chris Elliott
(PG-13)
*Academy Awards*
-Best Cinematography (lost to "Glory")
-Best Art Direction-Set Decoration (lost to "Batman")
-Best Sound (lost to "Glory")
-Best Visual Effects (won)



Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Acacia (2003)

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This film is a cross between "The Guardian" and "The Bad Seed," only ten times more scary than either film.

Obstetrician Do-il (Jin-geun Kim) and artsy wife Mi-sook (Shim Hye-jin) are happily married with Do-il's dad living with them. The problem is they are childless. While judging a child's art contest, Mi-sook is taken by some tree drawings done by Jin-seong (Mun Oh-bin). The boy is an orphan, and Mi-sook and Do-il adopt him immediately. Jin-seong is a cute but sullen child, obsessed with the dead acacia tree in the family's backyard. Mi-sook's cruel mother (Young-hee Lee) immediately dislikes the child, and is thrilled when Mi-sook ends up pregnant. The baby is born but Jin-seong begins mistreating it in a hard-to-watch scene involving suffocation, and the family is increasingly uncomfortable around the boy. He makes friends with the sickly girl next door, tries to burn down his grandfather's workshop, and then disappears from the family's home. The family misses him on the one hand, but are hard pressed to contact police and do a full search on the other. Meanwhile, the acacia tree in the backyard begins blooming and strange things begin to take place around it.

Co-writer/director Ki-hyeong Park has created a deeply unsettling horror film, I have not been this creeped out by a backyard tree since "Poltergeist." The family's house is clean and beautiful, the cinematography is top notch, and Park does a simply incredible job of shooting what other directors would consider mundane scenes. One great shot has Mi-sook and an injured main character crouching by the tree. Park puts his camera above the tree, and the branches separate around the pair, framing them- great stuff. I was already in a "how would Hollywood remake this?" mode, so the emotional ending was a complete surprise. The cast is excellent across the board. After Jin-seong vanishes, Mi-sook and Do-il's marriage collapses, as they begin to lash out at each other and blame each other for their son's disappearance. These are very well rounded characters, and the actors are perfectly cast. Little Mun Oh-bin does not show a lot of emotion as Jin-seong, and that makes his performance even more creepy. In the behind-the-scenes featurette on a DVD release, Park can be heard using Spielberg-like techniques to get the reaction he needs from Mun.

"Acacia" is a bold surprise, sparse with its small cast, but big on overall creepiness. You may never climb a tree again. Also known as "Acasia."

Stats:
(2003) 103 min. (* * * * *) out of five stars
-Directed by Ki-hyeong Park
-Written by Sung Ki-young and Ki-hyeong Park
-Cast: Jin-geun Kim, Shim Hye-jin, Mun Oh-bin, Young-hee Lee, Jeong Na-yoon, Jung Gi-Sub, Jeong Hee-tae, Son Jong-hwan, Jaeun Koo, Lee Young-hee
(R)



The Accompanist (1992)

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Sophie (Romane Bohringer), a masterful pianist, is hired by opera singer Irene (Elena Safonova) to be her accompanist onstage in Nazi-occupied Paris. Irene is married to businessman Charles (Richard Bohringer) but is having an affair with Jacques (Samuel Labarthe). Sophie, Irene, and Charles decide to leave France for London. They are attacked by a single German plane on their way, but make it. The climax, involving death and lost love, is chilling.

Why did I love this film so much? The pace is slow, but it gives you a chance to get to know the characters, all of whom are so well-drawn and acted, I kept forgetting this was fiction. Irene is completely unhappy with her marriage, but keeps smiling onstage. Charles wrestles with his conscience, telling himself he is not taking financial gains collaborating with the Nazis. Sophie, the main character, just wants to belong in a normal life situation, witnessing it from anywhere else but the piano bench as some singer's go-fer. The direction and cinematography are excellent, and the classical music, featuring Beethoven, Mozart, et al., is incredible. I am at a loss of words about what a good film this is, and this will give you another side of WWII.

Stats:
(1992) 102 min. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Claude Miller
-Scenario, adaptation, and dialogue by Claude Miller & Luc Beraud, Freely adapted from the novel by Nina Berberova
-Cast: Romane Bohringer, Elena Safonova, Richard Bohringer, Samuel Labarthe, Julien Rassam, Bernard Verley, Nelly Borgeaud, Claude Rich, Marcel Berbert, Barbara Hicks, Paul Jerricho, Niels Dubost, Sacha Briquet
(PG)



Across the Moon (1995)

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Christina Applegate and Elizabeth Pena are desert bound in a quirky comedy that often crosses into already-explored territory.

Richie (Tony Fields) and Lyle (Peter Berg) land in prison after a drug deal gone wrong. They leave behind their respective women, Carmen (Elizabeth Pena) and Kathy (Christina Applegate), and Carmen's son Paco (Michael Mundra). The men are sentenced to a state penitentiary in the middle of the California desert, and the two women decide to move into a dilapidated trailer nearby to be closer to them. Kathy is a former Beverly Hills brat, and Carmen has seen tougher times, so they butt heads often in a bit of class warfare. They are starving and run out of money, and decide to become hookers. Instead, they meet Jim (James Remar), who gets them set up with jobs in the local town. In the desert, Paco begins skipping school in order to hang around with Frank (Michael McKean), a big cat trainer down on his luck. Jim lives in an abandoned Hollywood western set, and sees Barney (Burgess Meredith), an old prospector. Eventually, all of these misfits' lives cross.

Despite the old video cover art, this is not "Thelma and Louise." The two lead actresses are attractive, and do drive around the desert in a convertible, but that is the end of the similarities. The cast of characters are all quirky, but the screenwriter does not overdose his story on the quirk. The actors and actresses all do good work, but no one really breaks out and makes the film their own. Scenes go on, everyone is likable and you hope they do well, but the film cannot shake its small trappings. The entire proceedings happen, but do not challenge the audience. Director Gottlieb has some lovely shots, including one where Frank and his lion are silhouetted against a sunset, but the scene before that is an awkwardly played vignette in which Carmen tries to spank Paco for skipping school. "Across the Moon" is as innocuous as its title. The cast tries to convince the viewer that desert living is next to paradise, but the high quirk factor and leisurely pacing makes me want to stay put where I am. There are some good scenes, but the film plays it safe when it comes to laughs or plot.

"Across the Moon" is strictly average fare, a typical "independent film" that everyone could add to their resume.

Stats:
(1995) 88 min. (* * *) out of five stars
-Directed by Lisa Gottlieb
-Written by Stephen Schneck
-Cast: Christina Applegate, Elizabeth Pena, Tony Fields, Peter Berg, Michael Mundra, James Remar, Michael McKean, Burgess Meredith, Jack Nance, Jeff Doucette, Richard Portnow, Robert Fieldsteel, Robert Lesser
(R)



Tuesday, December 24, 2024

Act of Vengeance (1986)

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Charles Bronson, mired in crappy B action flicks in the 1980's, decided to take this made-for-cable-TV flick to stretch his acting chops. He should have just made another "Death Wish" movie, instead.

Based on a true story set in 1969, Bronson plays United Mine Workers union official Jock Yablonski. He fawns over union president Tony Boyle (Wilford Brimley), who is made out to be a ruthless crook immediately. As Jock and his wife Margaret (Ellen Burstyn) coast through life, a mine accident claims the lives of eighty people. Boyle arrives in the grieving West Virginia town and defends the coal company over the miners. Yablonski is almost run out of town, and decides he has had enough. He announces his candidacy for the union presidency, and begins campaigning. Boyle then orders a hit on his former friend. The film shifts gears and introduces us to Paul (Robert Schenkkan), a house painter with a lot of guns and a huge ego. Paul is married to the oversexed Annette (Ellen Barkin), who is probably carrying on behind Paul's back. Annette's father Silous (Hoyt Axton) comes to Paul with a job- kill Yablonski and collect ten thousand dollars. Annette uses her feminine wiles to convince Paul, and he hires local petty criminal Claude (Maury Chaykin) to help. With the campaign in full swing, both sides are confident about victory. Boyle's side is more confident since he has stuffed the ballot box, winning in a landslide. Yablonski decides to challenge the election, and his death becomes more important to Boyle and his gang. Paul hires another killer, Buddy (Keanu Reeves), and the trio decide to carry out their plan.

With a good cast and confident direction, this film really should have hit its mark. Unfortunately, it never seems to get momentum going, as the central plot about the campaign takes a back seat to the killers' subplot. The film makers pushed this as another Bronson action cheapie, disappointing fans as well. The staged campaign speeches are, well, stagey. The crowd scenes never move, and Boyle is so evil right away, the election's outcome is never in doubt. Bronson tries, but his dramatic scenes are just like other action films he has done, except he does not pull out a gun. Burstyn is wasted in the dutiful wife role, I have a feeling stronger writing would have bolstered her part. The best performance here? Robert Schenkkan as Paul. He turns Paul into such a desperate loser, he would be pitiful if his actions were not so despicable. One creepy scene has him calming his urges with a sleeping Annette, who knows what a little sex will do to better her station in life. Claude and Buddy are also disgusting creatures, there are plenty of opportunities to kill Yablonski but Claude chickens out. Claude and Paul make the trip to the Yablonski's country house so often, they know where to stop for gas. Claude, Paul, and Buddy eventually cross over into "funny" territory, and that is where the film finally lost me. The final violent scenes show the trio bumbling like the unfunny "I Love You to Death," but the humor is completely wrong here.

Barely an hour and a half, "Act of Vengeance," a generic name that could serve as a "Death Wish" series entry subtitle, never grabs its audience but proves to be an exercise in predictability, despite the excellent work of Robert Schenkkan.

Stats:
(1986) 95 min. (* *) out of five stars
-Directed by John Mackenzie
-Screenplay by Scott Spencer based on the book by Trevor Armbrister
-Cast: Charles Bronson, Ellen Burstyn, Wilford Brimley, Hoyt Axton, Robert Schenkkan, Maury Chaykin, Ellen Barkin, Keanu Reeves, Caroline Kava, Peg Murray, William Newman, Alan North, Raynor Scheine
(PG-13)



The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother (1975)

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In 1975, Gene Wilder, fresh from a series of classic Mel Brooks' films, decided to make his directorial debut with this stale semi-spoof.

Queen Victoria (Susan Field) has given her Foreign Secretary a secret document that is promptly stolen from his safe. Sherlock Holmes (Douglas Wilmer) and Dr. Watson (Thorley Walters) are called in, but decide to pretend to leave the country, then sneak back in, so they can investigate the theft undistracted. Sherlock leaves his lesser cases to his jealous younger brother Sigerson (Gene Wilder), who must deal with his own new-found sidekick Orville (Marty Feldman). Jenny (Madeline Kahn) is a mysterious chorus girl being blackmailed by opera singer Gambetti (Dom DeLuise) for a love letter she wrote, and wants Sigerson to get involved. Jenny is not really who she says she is, and the two Holmes brothers' paths cross as they follow their respective cases.

Despite a stunning cast list, the film is a downer. Wilder had such a great chance here, but aside from Kahn and DeLuise, his cast is lackluster to the point of looking bored. Much of his script seems inspired by Brooks- the off-color humor, the familiar actors, but most of it does not work- a tic-laden Moriarty (Leo McKern), a confused and ultimately uninteresting case, and an unsure directorial hand sink it. Although Americans Wilder and Kahn are the leads, neither try a British accent. I don't know if this was part of the joke, but it's not funny. A skewering of Victorian morals and the Holmes stories could have been hilarious, but Wilder goes a different route. He makes Feldman a straight man, wasting a great comic actor by giving him a couple of silly characteristics instead of a funny character. We are given no background about the relationship between Sigerson and Sherlock, except that Sigerson is jealous, so a whole sibling rivalry history is also ignored. Instead, Wilder spends too much time with badly directed action sequences- the carriage chase is one of those great missed blunders in cinema- and Mel Brooks-like goofball musical numbers. The climax takes place during an opera, where Kahn and DeLuise shine. Both are very funny, and their interplay onstage is hilarious. At this point in the film, however, when Albert Finney in a cameo wonders aloud if this is all rotten or incredibly brave, I had an answer for him.

"The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother" (a terrible title, since Sigerson never shows this intelligence or perceived superiority- another missed joke) is disappointing.

Stats:
(1975) 91 min. (* *) out of five stars
-Directed by Gene Wilder
-Written by Gene Wilder based on characters created by Arthur Conan Doyle
-Cast: Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, Madeline Kahn, Dom DeLuise, Leo McKern, Douglas Wilmer, Thorley Walters, Susan Field, Albert Finney, Roy Kinnear, John Le Mesurier, Douglas Wilmer, Nicholas Smith
(PG)



Afraid of the Dark (1991)

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Mark Peploe, one of the Oscar winning screenwriters behind "The Last Emperor," comes up with his own tale of a little boy overwhelmed by his situation, and in the process scares the living daylights out of the viewer.

Lucas (Ben Keyworth) is a morose little boy whose blind mother Miriam (Fanny Ardant) dotes on him. His father, Frank (James Fox), is a cop and Lucas' hero. A madman is running around London slashing the faces of blind women, and the blind community is in a panic. Lucas is a little boy, hardly noticeable, and begins observing prime suspects. The ice cream man, the window washer, the photographer, and an overly helpful locksmith (David Thewlis) are all under the boy's suspicion. A neighborhood golden retriever is Lucas' only friend and confidant, and eventually Lucas has a showdown with the slasher- and then the film does a complete 180.

Ben Keyworth, as Lucas, is incredible. Some might see his delivery as flat and monotonal, but I thought his cold exterior was perfect. You will feel sorry for him, even in the latter part of the film. Ardant is great as his mother, and Fox is always reliable as the dad. Peploe's direction is so creepy it becomes uncomfortable often. The graveyard scenes are chilling, as are one character's hallucinations. Peploe also co-wrote the screenplay with Frederick Seidel, so he knows these characters better than anyone. None of them are stupid, or do horror-film-stupid things, and this adds to the squirm level. Plus, if you have any sort of phobia about things getting too close to your eyes, like I do, this may not be for you. The pace is slow, as Peploe builds his characters, and this is actually a relief. The entire cast is good, and Peploe should have directed more.

All in all, "Afraid of the Dark" is one of those films that you will find bothering you days after you see it. I highly recommend it.

Stats:
(1991) 91 min. (* * * * *) out of five stars
-Directed by Mark Peploe
-Written by Mark Peploe & Frederick Seidel
-Cast: Ben Keyworth, Fanny Ardant, James Fox, David Thewlis, Paul McGann, Clare Holman, Robert Stephens, Susan Wooldridge, Catriona MacColl, Hilary Mason, Sheila Burrell, Frances Cuka, Rosalind Knight
(R)



The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (2000)

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"The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show" was canceled in the mid-1960's, and ever since then the cartoon characters have been living in poverty. Through attachment to a movie deal, Fearless Leader (Robert De Niro), Boris (Jason Alexander), and Natasha (Rene Russo) escape into our real world. Fearless Leader begins a television network called RBTV (Really Bad Television) and begins hypnotizing the American public with his inane programming. His evil scheme is to brainwash the country into voting for him for president. The FBI sends untested Agent Karen Sympathy (Piper Perabo) to get Rocky, Bullwinkle, and the original show's Narrator out of their cartoon existences to fight the villains. Fearless Leader is in New York readying to make his speech, so he sends Boris and Natasha to Hollywood to stop Rocky, Bullwinkle, and Karen. Most of the film is essentially a road trip as the cast makes a mad dash for the Big Apple.

When I was a kid, I never really got into Rocky and Bullwinkle. I do remember liking the Narrator of the cartoon series, but I tired of the puns and lame jokes. I was a Looney Tunes kid, born and bred. In the feature film, the writer and director give more than enough humor to please kids and adults. There are a ton of cameos here, almost as many as in the Muppet movies. The puns and lame jokes are still here, as is goofy physical humor. The casting of DeNiro, Alexander, and Russo is so inspired I wished the trio had had even more screen time. Keith Scott does the voices of both Bullwinkle and Narrator, and June Foray does the voice of Rocky. Both voice actors do a fantastic job. My one casting complaint is with Piper Perabo as Karen. I thought the role called for someone way older than the actress. The mix of live action and animation is not as smooth here as it was in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," a film this outing even mentions. While adults and children will find some funny stuff here, they will also have to sit through a "find your inner child" subplot and some very choppy editing in the middle third of the film. Mark Mothersbaugh delivers almost the exact same annoying music cues that came to ruin another live action/cartoon film- "Space Jam"...I know, I know, I'm in the minority on that one.

"The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" turned a lot of people off, and the film tanked at the box office. I found it average, watch the trailer and cringe at all the pop culture references from before the year 2000 that will be lost on kids today. I have a feeling true fans of the show hated this as much as those who knew nothing of the show. I kind of fall in the middle of the two groups, and my rating falls in the middle of the scale.

Stats:
(2000) 92 min. (* * 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Des McAnuff
-Written by Kenneth Lonergan based on characters created by Jay Ward
-Cast: Piper Perabo, Robert De Niro, Jason Alexander, Rene Russo, Keith Scott, June Foray, Randy Quaid, Janeane Garofalo, John Goodman, Carl Reiner, Whoopi Goldberg, Jonathan Winters, Kenan Thompson, Kel Mitchell, David Alan Grier, James Rebhorn
(PG)



Against a Crooked Sky (1975)

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After his sister Charlotte (Jewel Blanch) is kidnapped by Indians, Sam (Stewart Petersen) decides to try to find her himself. With promises of gold, he lures Russian (Richard Boone) along on the trip, and they head into the Utah desert, encountering hostile Apaches, and discovering what seems to be a lost tribe who enjoy their human sacrifices. Sam and Russian are captured, and Sam must pass an impossible endurance test to save his sister's life.

The main problem with this film is its general air of hokey-ness. Boone tries to make his character so "colorful," that he overacts more than a room full of Gabby Hayes impersonators. The rest of the cast tries, but the direction is very amateurish and the script is weak. Many scenes drag on forever, with characters repeating plot points again and again. The kidnapping tribe's origin and identity is never explained, and the one Native American who can speak English comes off like a robotic version of Sacheen Littlefeather. The film also runs into the age-old problem many action films run into- the journey to find Charlotte is so perilous, but the glossed-over return trip home seems to have gone without a hitch. Watch for the very unconvincing day-for-night scenes and grainy stock footage scattered throughout. I cannot recommend "Against a Crooked Sky," although its heart seems to be in the right place.

Stats:
(1975) 89 min. (* 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Earl Bellamy
-Written by Douglas C. Stewart & Eleanor Lamb
-Cast: Richard Boone, Stewart Petersen, Jewel Blanch, Henry Wilcoxon, Clint Ritchie, Shannon Farnon, Brenda Venus, Geoffrey Land, Gordon Hanson, Vincent St. Cyr, Margaret Willey, Norman Walke, George Dale, Bar Killer
(G)



All the Vermeers in New York (1992)

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Jon Jost shoots a little New York film, and bores the hell out of America.

The central story centers around French actress Anna (Emmanuelle Chaulet) falling for Wall Street money man Mark (Stephen Lack). Their courtship begins in the Vermeer room at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where Mark passes Anna a note. She meets him later with her roommate Felicity (Grace Phillips), who pretends to translate for Anna. Mark pursues her until Anna decides to go back to France with Felicity, and Mark finally confesses his love in a tragic phone call.

Yawn. This slow moving film (pushed and hyped by Premiere Magazine back in the day) is so boring I took three days to watch the eighty-seven minute thing. The central story takes forever. There are subplots that are brought up and dropped worse than any other film I have ever seen. Gordon (Gordon Joseph Weiss), the poor artist trying to borrow money from a gallery owner? Dropped. Felicity's dad using her name to make possibly illegal stock transactions? Dropped. Felicity and Anna's constantly rehearsing roommate? Dropped. The best scenes in the film involve Stephen Lack as Mark. All of his scenes crackle, and he does some excellent ad-libs. His scene on one of the World Trade Center towers, as he talks about death while a jet plane can be heard over head -this was released in 1990- is creepy and fascinating. He held back too much in "Scanners," but here he is the only reason to sit through this muck.

"All the Vermeers in New York" is like Woody Allen on his worst day- yes, it's as bad as "September" and "Alice." I wish Jost could have given us more, not bore.

Stats:
(1992) 87 min. (*) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by Jon Jost
-Cast: Emmanuelle Chaulet, Stephen Lack, Grace Phillips, Katie Garner, Laurel Lee Kiefer, Gracie Mansion, Gordon Joseph Weiss, Roger Ruffin
(Not Rated)



It's the Rage (1999)

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Also known as "All the Rage," and based on a play by Keith Reddin, this film is not an obvious plea for gun control- nor a successful one. The huge, big-name cast does an incredible job in a film that is Altmanesque without the actors falling over themselves trying to impress an overrated director.

The following basic plot outline is going to get confusing, but here it goes: Warren (Jeff Daniels) "accidentally" shoots his business partner in the opening scenes. This is a catalyst for his mentally abused wife Helen (Joan Allen) to finally leave him, hired as an assistant to the crazed billionaire Morgan (Gary Sinise). Warren's lawyer Sullivan (Andre Braugher) has problems of his own- with his lover Chris (David Schwimmer), and a little street tart named Annabel Lee (Anna Paquin). Annabel has a crazed brother named Sid (Giovanni Ribisi), who she eggs on with lies and feeds off of his homicidal behavior. Warren is shadowed by retired cop Tyler (Robert Forster), and young detective Agee (Bokeem Woodbine). Josh Brolin is great as Tennel, who changes his name to Fennel to honor the herb, and falls in love with Annabel after leaving Morgan and hiring Helen for his old job. The plot is all over the place, as this core group of characters interact without knowing the full relationship each has with each other. The characters' encounters are not forced, and the editing keeps it interesting as the film does not dwell on one storyline. In each situation, the majority of characters purchase guns. The guns then play an integral part in the film's finale, as misunderstandings and obsessions have consequences.

The film is very difficult to describe, since the plot is so different and the mystery essential to the film. I can point out two great scenes, both involving Ribisi. One scene has Chris and Tyler meeting at a shooting gallery, and talking about killing while Sid flips out in the background and takes out all of his hostilities on paper targets. Another scene has Sid almost pulling a gun in a bar, where five other major characters are seated. Their hands go to their firearms, too, in a self-defensive reflex. Many reviews point out that this is an anti-gun film that beats its viewers over the head with its message. I did not see it like that at all. I felt the characters were too kooky and loony to have any relation to guns other than as characters. If the film had played it straight, showing the carnage that guns can cause, then the point might have been better made. Instead, this film just reminded me to avoid anyone named Sid who has a Robert De Niro fixation, billionaires named Morgan who try to close themselves off from all outside information, and mentally ill men named Chris who need to satisfy their inner child by berating their in-the-closet lawyer lover. The ending credits tell what happened to the characters, and guns play an important part in their lives, but watching this did not change my mind on gun control laws, or the people who own guns, one way or another.

The cast is first rate. Daniels plays his absolute most unlikable character to date. He should be cast in other villainous roles. Joan Allen is good as his wife, who decides to see the world after her husband threatens her for the last time. Forster, who made some really bad films in his day, proves "Jackie Brown" was not a fluke. Braugher was such a major talent, he should have been up for the same roles as the aforementioned De Niro. His presence had kept him on TV for years, I wish he could have got that one juicy role that would keep him in film forever. Woodbine, in a small role, is very effective, and does not disappear behind all the other talent. Paquin is good as the aptly named Annabel Lee, playing a street punk naturally. David Schwimmer makes you forget Ross on "Friends," his final screen minutes are both funny and chilling. Josh Brolin is not another pretty face, he shows there are some acting chops behind the veneer. His speech about changing his life just like Helen is hilarious. Gary Sinise is bug-eyed and psychotic, but reins enough emotion in to be sympathetic. Some saw him as playing a Bill Gates-type character, I just saw his character as sheltered and a little crazed- his final destiny is also very un-Gates-like. Ribisi comes along late in the film and completely steals it from everyone. Stern's direction does not uncover this film's stage origins. He opens it up without being obvious about it. The dark color scheme works well here, the cinematography is grand.

Reddin's screenplay does call attention to itself, and the whacked-out characters, once too often. His politics are confused, and so is some of his writing. If he thinks all gun owners are homicidal and paranoid, like most of the group here, he is mistaken. Again, playing it straight might have made this more effective and compelling.

"It's the Rage" should not be seen to glean insight on violence in America, the focus is too narrow for such a broad subject. It should be seen for some incredible actors showing independent film makers how to squeeze powerful performances out of an unpowerful script. On the acting alone, I slightly recommend this film.

Stats:
(1999) 99 min. (* * *) out of five stars
-Directed by James D. Stern
-Written by Keith Reddin
-Cast: Joan Allen, Jeff Daniels, Robert Forster, Andre Braugher, Bokeem Woodbine, Anna Paquin, David Schwimmer, Josh Brolin, Gary Sinise, January Jones, Giovanni Ribisi, Wayne Morse, Deborah Offner
(R)



Monday, December 23, 2024

The Amazing Panda Adventure (1995)

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Bratty Ryan (Ryan Slater), perpetuating all stereotypes that Americans are lazy idiots, is shipped off to see his estranged father on a panda reserve in China. No, dad Michael (Stephen Lang) is not a panda, but he is panda-centric, obsessed with the overly cute stuffed animal-looking creatures. As coincidence would have it, Ryan arrives the exact same day as the Chinese budget committee, who want to close the reserve. A mother panda is trapped by poachers and the cub is kidnapped. Michael gets a bullet in his leg after confronting the Abbott and Costello poachers, and Ryan, old panda expert Chu (Wang Fei), and Chu's cute granddaughter translator Ling (Yi Ding) are left in the Chinese wilderness after Michael takes the panda mom back to the reserve. The trio track the cub back to the poachers and rescue it, but Ling, Ryan, and the cub fall in the river and are carried downstream, washing ashore and totally lost. In one dope-headed moment, Ryan decides to abandon the cub in the wild so the reserve will close and Dad will be shipped back home. He decides this is a dumb idea, minutes after the audience has reached the same conclusion, and Ryan, Ling, and the cub fall in the river AGAIN and are swept into a leech infested pond. This triggers another weird scene where the children see each other naked after pulling the blood suckers off themselves. Michael and Chu follow the pair using a panda tracking collar. The poachers also follow. Ryan acts like a typical American brat, and Ling makes "funny" translating mistakes with the English language, while dreaming of visiting our decadent malls. The climax involves an ancient riding mower and a scowling budget committee, but you can probably guess the outcome no matter what.

Christopher Cain did shoot on location in China, but some of the outdoor shots look like the American northwest. The script is strictly predictable fodder. Issues like divorced parents and their neglected kids are glossed over in favor of scenes where the cub does something adorable, and the overbearing (ha!) musical soundtrack tells us this. In the more perilous scenes, a panda puppet is used, and Rick Baker's effects are not up to his usual good work. Slater is really good at playing a spoiled brat. Lang is too intense in his shallow role, he looks like he is about to tear the limbs off his kid and still have time to wipe out the budget committee with a club. Yi Ding and Wang Fei are also stereotypes, which is sad.

"The Amazing Panda Adventure" is not amazing. I have a feeling "The Unamazing Panda Letdown" was a title not considered marketable. This film should be released back into the wild, never to be observed again.

Stats:
(1995) 84 min. (* 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Christopher Cain
-Screenplay by John Wilcox & Steven Alldredge, Story by Jeff Rothberg and Laurice Elehwany
-Cast: Ryan Slater, Stephen Lang, Yi Ding, Wang Fei, Isabella Hofmann, Zhou Jian Zhong, Yao Er Ga, O Mi Jia Can, Cheu Gang, He Yu, Doug Abrahams, Yeh Hui, Shou Wei
(PG)



Almost You (1985)

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Alex (Griffin Dunne) and Erica (Brooke Adams) are a young married couple having problems. The problems are put on hold after Erica is hit by a cab, and dislocates her hip. She spends a few weeks in the hospital, then comes home and surprises Alex. The two cannot have sex because of the injury. Enter Lisa (Karen Young), the cute nurse who is going to help Erica with her physical therapy. Lisa and Erica do not get along well, but Lisa and Alex get along too well. Lisa's better half, actor Kevin (Marty Watt), spies Lisa and Alex together and finds a way to get into Alex's confidence. Alex works at a textiles factory run by his uncles (Joe Silver, Joe Leon) and Kevin comes in pretending to interview for Alex's position since Alex is being booted upstairs. Kevin gets invited to a dinner party, with David (Josh Mostel) and Maggie (Christine Estabrook). Lisa sticks around, and Kevin brings a date, Jeannie (Laura Dean). The dinner party serves as the main centerpiece in the film, as Kevin and Lisa do not clue anyone in on their relationship. David and Maggie are engaged, and the announcement shifts everyone's perspective to their own suffering love lives.

Adam Brooks directed a screenplay he did the story for. It sometimes seems like a filmed stage play, but Brooks opens it up before any possible boredom sets in. The locations are all very realistic, especially Kevin and Lisa's rundown apartment. His characters are real, too. Alex works in a textiles factory. Erica is a freelance illustrator. Kevin is a less than successful actor (appearing in the small play "Yo, Keats"), and Lisa a nurse. There are no spoiled rich New Yawkers with Woody Allen-penned problems, these people seem all too real. The cast is great across the board. Griffin Dunne's Alex is no hero, cheating on his wife twice. Brooke Adams' bitterness at everyone's blase attitude toward a potentially fatal accident is supreme. Karen Young is good as Lisa, her attraction to Alex never seems forced. You would be attracted to Alex, too, if you put up with Marty Watt's Kevin. Kevin is jealous, sarcastic, bitter, but too eager to be an actor instead of dealing with real life. Once in a while, the jokes and dialogue clunk instead of working, but the film moves along quickly. The old Key Video VHS box cover hints of a threesome that never happens in the film.

"Almost You" is better than a lot of the dreck out there masquerading as "romantic comedy." This film has an edge, and that carries the film. I recommend it.

Stats:
(1985) 96 min. (* * * *) out of five stars
-Directed by Adam Brooks
-Written by Mark Horowitz, Story by Adam Brooks
-Cast: Brooke Adams, Griffin Dunne, Karen Young, Marty Watt, Christine Estabrook, Joe Silver, Joe Leon, Josh Mostel, Laura Dean, Dana Delany, Spalding Gray, Miguel Pinero, Daryl Edwards
(R)



Sunday, December 22, 2024

Almost Invisible (2010)

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When I review a film, I like to warn readers of spoilers that might be mentioned, in case the reader has not seen the film. This horror film presents a special case- you cannot spoil a film when you have no earthly idea what is happening in it.

Some community college dudes and babes are looking for a place to par-tay. Don't worry, they are all interchangeable, and I have no clue what any of their names are, anyway. Thin Goth chick April (Sara Cole, the only cast member to make an impression) invites them to her house, since her parents are out of town. Everyone arrives, and the party gets going. April hangs around the periphery, watching the crowd yuk it up. Things quickly change, as the house locks some of the revelers inside, and some may or may not be getting killed off, or something, I think.

This low budget film was shot on video by writer and director David Allingham. Aside from Cole, nothing seems to go right as Allingham plows through a nightmare of amateurish gonzo-type camera angles and badly recorded dialogue- about a quarter of which is understandable. The editing team valiantly tried to save this, there are a couple of neat shots featuring some special effect lighting, but rewinding some scenes, and having characters killed and then coming back to life only adds to the confusion. I was never really sure if the house was haunted, or if April was making all the faux terror happen. At one point, most of the female cast are in bikinis, and the camera consistently catches their rear ends and midriffs during what are supposed to be tense scenes. This is not done in an ironic or humorous way, the film does not set itself up as a spoof, so either Allingham really appreciated the female form, or the camera operator had no clue what they were doing. The constant zooming in and out of a scene will trigger a massive headache, as does the awful acting and script. This is sad, in that the skeleton of a good story is here, and the cast seems willing to follow direction. I am not blaming the budget, or allowing anyone else to blame the budget, as plenty of films shot on video have ended up being excellent. "Almost Invisible" should remain just that- unseen.

Stats:
(2010) 95 min. (1/2 *) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by David Allingham
-Cast: Sara Cole, Jeremy Russell, Hillary Barnett, Kevin Murphy, Michelle Sims, David Allingham, Megan Watson, Daniel Mustone, Brittany Elsner, Rocio Terrones, Sam Navarro, Wendy Donigian, Zachary Raderstorf
(Not Rated)



Halloween (1978)

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It is hard to believe a film this many decades old can still inspire such scares, as well as so many hot-and-cold remakes and sequels.

Jamie Lee Curtis is Laurie Strode, a bookish high school student whose biggest plans for Halloween night is babysitting little Tommy Doyle (Brian Andrews). Laurie's friends, Annie (Nancy Kyes) and Lynda (P.J. Soles), are looking forward to Halloween night for a little boyfriend time. Nothing out of the ordinary is expected on this Halloween night in 1978 in Haddonfield, Illinois. Fifteen years earlier, another bland Halloween night was disrupted when a child named Michael Myers murdered his sister shortly after she had sex with her boyfriend. Michael was sent to a mental institution where he was cared for by Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence). As Loomis says, he spent eight years trying to reach Myers, then another seven years trying to keep him locked up. He refers to the young man as "it" and "the evil." The Evil escapes and heads back to Haddonville, to complete some sort of internal killing plan.

One of my top ten favorite films of all time, "Halloween" is an incredible piece of suspense. Carpenter keeps his direction fresh, giving us scenes never seen in horror before. Mad at Laurie for assuming Myers is dead once too often? Keep in mind "Halloween" started the indestructible slasher genre. This film invented many plot points and cliches that we now take for granted as a film audience. The cast is great. Curtis became a major star after this, but never turned her nose up at her genre roots. Pleasence made some awful movies over the years, but this was one of his best roles. Kyes' Annie is not the typical heroine's best friend, some of her comments to Laurie hurt, and her deadpan reactions are excellent. Lynda is funny as played by Soles, using the word "totally" a dozen times too often but not to the point of annoyance. Cyphers is good as the sheriff, not quite believing Dr. Loomis.

The strongest points of the film are its soundtrack and lack of gore. Carpenter, whether it was budgetary or part of his script written with Debra Hill, keeps the gore very low. The violence is shocking, but innards and blood are not splattered everywhere, making for some very scary scenes. This lesson was completely lost on both the makers of this film's clone series (Friday the 13th, etc.) and some sequel creators. Ironically, the gore in Carpenter's "The Thing" enhanced the horror, making it the scariest film of the 1980's. Carpenter also scored the picture, eschewing a soundtrack of songs "inspired" by the film and using simple piano pieces that crank the squirm factor way up. His theme is still used in the sequels, and was sometimes the best part of a few of them.

If you have not seen this in a while, or are looking to relive the original magic of the series, and Carpenter's glory days, then by all means find this again. "Halloween" is seriously good, excellently paced, and still frightens so many years later. I highly recommend it. Followed by tons of sequels, remakes, reimaginings, and so on.

Stats:
(1978) 91 min. (* * * * *) out of five stars
-Directed by John Carpenter
-Screenplay by John Carpenter and Debra Hill
-Cast: Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Pleasence, Nancy Kyes, P.J. Soles, Charles Cyphers, Kyle Richards, Brian Andrews, John Michael Graham, Nancy Stephens, Arthur Malet, Robert Phalen, Tony Moran, Nick Castle
(R)



The Ward (2010)

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Director John Carpenter's last helming effort (as of this writing) is a contradiction in terms- hurried yet sluggish, with jump scares tossed in where genuine suspense and fright could have been generated.

It's 1966, and runaway Kristen (Amber Heard) has just set fire to an isolated farmhouse and is checked into a mental institution under the care of Dr. Stringer (Jared Harris). She's locked into a ward with other troubled girls, and they're overseen by Ratched-type Nurse Lundt (a menacing Susanna Burney) and strong-arm Roy (D.R. Anderson). Strangeness starts as the young women are being haunted by the ghost of a former patient- or are they reacting to Stringer's radical new therapy and the handfuls of pills being fed to them by Lundt? The patients keep secrets from Kristen and each other, and slowly begin "getting discharged."

John Carpenter was one of my favorite directors, but I avoided this film for years. I wanted to be Carpenter when I was preparing to become a film maker, and two of his films ("Halloween" and "The Thing") are on my Top 10 Favorite Films of All Time list. I didn't want to believe that he was done with film making, although he is enjoying a welcome second career with his music and film scoring.

I usually ignore the oxmoronic "entertainment reporting," and work on concentrating on actual films. I try to separate the actors from their politics and personal scandals, so despite knowing the bare minimum about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp, I didn't care. Heard is good in the film, saddled with a sometimes questionable story and a character with zero background and no clues forthcoming. I like Harris in pretty much everything, and he doesn't disappoint here. While the viewer is tossed into the proceedings right away, the film gets bogged down into a routine. Kristen and the other girls in the ward don't generate enough curiosity to care about their predicament. I knew something nefarious was going on, but after the figure of the ghost made its sixth or seventh jump scare, I found it difficult to care and patiently waited for Kristen to kick her next failed escape attempt into motion.

This is a tight, short little thriller, but I wish Carpenter had added some of his skill that made his best films a "John Carpenter film." He made worse, and he made better. Also known as "John Carpenter's The Ward."

Stats:
(2010) 89 min. (* * 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by John Carpenter
-Written by Michael Rasmussen & Shawn Rasmussen
-Cast: Amber Heard, Jared Harris, Mamie Gummer, Danielle Panabaker, Laura-Leigh, Lyndsy Fonseca, Mika Boorem, Susanna Burney, D.R. Anderson, Sali Sayler, Sean Cook, Jillian Kramer, Mark Chamberlin, Andrea Petty
(R)- Physical violence, some violence involving children, gore, some profanity, mild sexual references, some adult situations, drug use



Saturday, December 21, 2024

Pixote (1980)

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Once in a while, you can grab a film you have never heard of, watch it, and have your life changed. This happened with "Pixote," a horrifying look at a Brazilian street child.

Director Babenco introduces the film, and we meet Pixote (pronounced Peh-Shot), played by Fernando Ramos Da Silva. He is an eleven year old homeless boy who is rounded up with other boys from the streets of Sao Paulo and taken to a reform school run by the tyrannical Sapato (Jardel Filho). There has been a judge murdered in the streets, and the homeless thieves are always convenient suspects. There is a law in Brazil that no one under eighteen can be tried as an adult, so children up to that age are committing crimes from petty larceny to murder, and get thrown into reform schools as punishment. The second half of the film somehow gets even darker.

I had a difficult time getting through this film because of what was happening to the children. I have not been this bothered by a film about homeless children since the documentary "Streetwise." Babenco cannot be accused of softening the story or turning the camera away during the rough scenes, sparing his audience. If your idea of homeless children and prostitutes are special episodes of "Baywatch" or the laughably awful "Pretty Woman," then this may not be the film for you. Pixote sees so much death and mayhem in his life, he is surviving by instinct. He is not a brilliant boy trying to better himself, he is just trying to stay vertical and keep breathing. The drug and sex scenes are rough, and Babenco does not turn these young addicts into heroes like "Trainspotting" or "Drugstore Cowboy." Drug abuse is nothing glamorous or funny, it is dark and scary. Marilia Pera's Sueli is not a hooker with a heart of gold, she is a robber and a con artist. Her scene with Pixote in the bathroom, where she threatens to do to him what she recently did to an object in a nearby garbage can is chilling and revolting. Babenco had enough confidence in his script and actors to let the camera seek out the characters without getting into their faces, or showing off for the viewer. I never noticed any fancy editing or cool soundtrack, and Babenco turns us into a fly on the wall watching everything going on with fascination and repulsion. He also directed the leisurely "Ironweed," the underrated "At Play in the Fields of the Lord," and the good but not great "Kiss of the Spider Woman." This was his breakout film, and it is apparent he had more passion for the screenplay that he cowrote than he did to just make a big splash and move on to Hollywood. The cast is excellent. Actual impoverished children were recruited for the film, a check of IMDB shows this was the only work many of them ever did onscreen. The two stand outs are Lilica and Pixote. Jorge Juliao does not portray Lilica as a prancing homosexual, although he seems that way on the surface. He is out for romantic love, and will sleep with anyone to get it. His jealousy with Dito and Sueli's relationship is natural, especially when the two make love on the same bed Lilica and Pixote are sitting on. Lilica is so desperate for love, he projects these feelings on other men immediately, barely finding time to get to know them before having sex and trying to keep them physically.

Fernando Ramos da Silva. It is a cliche, but he does not play Pixote, he is Pixote. I have never seen such sad eyes on a child before. For such a young boy, Babenco puts him through some scenes that grown men could not possibly pull off. There is a ton of nudity, drug abuse, a wet nurse scene with Pera, shootings, stabbings, and Fernando goes through them like a professional. I remember the brouhaha over Tatum O'Neal smoking cigarettes in "Paper Moon," those critics obviously never saw this film. The saddest aspect of "Pixote" does not happen on film. Fernando was illiterate, and unable to memorize dialogue in order to audition and get more screen work. He was gunned down before his twentieth birthday by police who say he was involved in a robbery, although the charges do not seem to have been concrete. Looking at this boy, with his toothy grin and sad eyes, and knowing his life probably served as a nonexistent sequel to "Pixote" is something that stayed with me for years to come. Another film, "Who Killed Pixote?," takes a look at Fernando's short life and untimely death. In the end, the film is brilliant. The story flows. The realism had me imagining I could smell the stinking surroundings these children must endure. The acting is great across the board.

"Pixote" made it difficult to watch other films without any bias for a while afterward. It is that good, one of the ten best films I have ever seen.

Stats:
(1980) 128 min. (* * * * *) out of five stars
-Directed by Hector Babenco
-Story and Screenplay by Hector Babenco & Jorge Duran based on the book by Jose Louzeiro
-Cast: Fernando Ramos da Silva, Jardel Filho, Zenildo Oliveira Santos, Jorge Juliao, Joao Jose Pompeo, Gilberto Moura, Edilson Lino, Claudio Bernardo, Israel Feres David, Jose Nilson Martin Dos Santos, Marilia Pera, Rubens de Falco, Elke Maravilha
(Unrated)



The Ghosts of Dickens' Past (1998)

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You have probably never heard of this decent little Canadian film. You have, however, heard this story done to death.

The author Charles Dickens (a good Christopher Heyerdahl) is in a funk. His last novel did not sell well, and he needs to come up with an idea that will bring in some money for his wife (Cary Lawrence) and children. Dickens grew up poor, and refuses to go back down that road again. He takes to the mean streets of London at night, and is almost robbed before being saved by a little girl (Jennifer Bertram). Dickens keeps seeing the girl here and there, most notably when accompanying the rich widow Mrs. Burdett-Coutts (Sheena Larkin) to a poor school. After retrieving the girl's money from the same robbers who tried to get him, the girl follows Dickens home and then back into the London streets. This time, she shows him what he should be writing about, not what he thinks might sell.

While an imaginative idea, you can discern from the title that this film is a variation on "A Christmas Carol," putting Dickens in the role of Scrooge- a name never mentioned in the film. Screenwriters Lavoie and the director bookend the film with Dickens telling the story to an overly eager young writer (Seann Gallagher), and structures everything very well, but this is still "A Christmas Carol," adding to the dozens of adaptations that have come out over the years. One thing that does work is not turning Dickens into a Scrooge. He is likable throughout, and not a villain. He wants security through money, needing the little girl to show him that not all poor people are miserable and money doesn't buy happiness. Heyerdahl's shock of hair is startling at first, he looks like he should be fronting a Men Without Hats tribute band, but his earnest performance won me over. Lavoie and Neibaur write period dialogue, and the performances help the viewer understand what is going on. Neibaur's direction lends some class to the production- 1843 London is not a cheap look to achieve. Most beautiful is Yves Belanger's cinematography; natural light is used, or seems to be used, and the picture itself is crystal-clear without being too nice and clean for such a depressing place.

"The Ghosts of Dickens' Past" is short, and some of the dialogue scenes are deathly dull, but I am recommending this for what it is, a good try at an overtold tale.

Stats:
(1998) 90 min. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Bruce Neibaur
-Screenplay by Patricia Lavoie and Bruce Neibaur
-Cast: Christopher Heyerdahl, Jennifer Bertram, Seann Gallagher, Cary Lawrence, Jason Cavalier, Richard Zeman, James Rae, Sheena Larkin, Helen King, Alain Goulem, Danette Mackay, Paul Fowles, Tony Calabretta
(G)



ARTICLES INDEX

Articles:
- "A Brief History of Sims, North Dakota"
- "Is This Necessary?: A Thought on Stoicism and Christianity"

Book Review: "Legends and Lies: Great Mysteries of the American West" by Dale L. Walker

*Get a copy of Legends and Lies: Great Mysteries of the American West by Dale L. Walker on Amazon here*
*Get a copy of Vengeance is Mine: The Mountain Meadows Massacre and its Aftermath by Richard E. Turley, Jr. and Barbara Jones Brown on Amazon here*
*Get a copy of Tales of Soldiers and Civilians: and Other Stories by Ambrose Bierce on Amazon here*
*Get a physical copy of "Lewis & Clark: The Journey of the Corps of Discovery" on Amazon here*

In twelve chapters, Walker touches on a dozen great mysteries of Western lore. He does not set out to solve any of them, but think again if you expect this book to do nothing but regurgitate old facts.

You may have heard of many of the stories in this book, since more than a few of them have been subjects of later books and documentaries. The "real" death of Davy Crockett, what happened at the Battle of Little Big Horn, and who is buried in Jesse James' tomb have all been covered on television, too, which lends credence to Walker's research. But what about some cases you learned about in school, and find out later things may not have happened the way your teacher said?

I am writing of the strange suicide of famed explorer Meriwether Lewis in Tennessee in 1809. All my life, I was told he killed himself, and that was that. Reading Lewis' book, we find he killed himself after being attacked by an unknown assailant. He was shot in the head (exposing his brain), and offed himself before anyone else could come back and finish the job...um, yeah.

You may know that writer Ambrose Bierce wandered into revolutionary Mexico, and was never seen alive again, but did you know Boston Corbett, the man who killed John Wilkes Booth, also vanished in the American heartland? Or Black Bart, the famed stagecoach robber, also disappeared somewhere on the west coast?

What about the strange two deaths of Lewis and Clark's guide, Sacajawea (or Sakakawea, as she is known in the Great Plains)? Or the Mountain Meadows Massacre, where Mormon Church militia members and local Native Americans wiped out close to one hundred and fifty members of a wagon train, all because of lies and rumors spread all over Utah?

Was Jesse James really shot in the 1880's? Did Billy the Kid really die in Arizona? Or did both men live into their nineties, getting to know each other in their new lives, and reluctantly coming out in the 1930's and 1940's? Okay, according to DNA testing, that is Jesse in his grave, lending little help to Brushy Bill Roberts' claims that he was Billy the Kid.

Living in North Dakota, I have always had an interest in Western history. George Custer left his house near present day Mandan and died in Montana. Lewis and Clark and Sakakawea spent winters here, also near Mandan, on their great trek west and back. Teddy Roosevelt, after his mother and wife died on the same day, came to ranch near Medora, claiming he never would have had the courage to become president if it was not for his trials and tribulations in North Dakota. His presidential library is currently being constructed.

Walker's book is interesting, even to laypeople who have a passing interest in American history. The twelve chapters are evenly paced and never dull. There is an immense bibliography at the back of the book. After a kind foreword by John Jakes, Walker plunges us into the "old days," writing expertly and with enough description to read like fine fiction.

Legends and Lies: Great Mysteries of the America West is a fantastic starting point if you want to start reading more about Western history. There is such a variety of true stories, you can pick and choose your subject and become an armchair expert like I thought I was, until this book opened my eyes and has led me to do more reading. A good book will do that to you.



Thursday, December 19, 2024

Almost Famous (2000)

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Based on writer/director Cameron Crowe's experiences as a teenage music journalist, "Almost Famous" is one of the best rock and roll films ever made.

Patrick Fugit is William Miller, a budding writer who is sent on an article assignment by a Rolling Stone magazine editor who thinks he is much older. William meets up with the fictional band Stillwater, and immediately falls for one of the band's groupies- they call themselves "band aids," Penny Lane (Kate Hudson). As the band tours, and does all the rock star decadence, Fugit's mother Elaine (Frances McDormand) waits and worries back home. McDormand is absolutely perfect as a mother who thinks she is very liberal and free thinking, but still worries for her child's welfare. The band eventually welcome William into their inner circle, and the conflict between lead singer Jeff (Jason Lee) and charismatic guitarist Russell (Billy Crudup). A running gag involves William's complete inability to get Russell to sit down to an interview. Philip Seymour Hoffman is also wonderful as Lester Bangs, the rock critic who is now worshiped by critics everywhere, even though all he ever did, that was different from others, was be completely honest. Lester warns William never to befriend the band, something William cannot help. As the band makes its way across the country, William gets pressure from Rolling Stone, groupies, and his mother.

I usually have little sympathy for musicians and celebrities who complain and give in to the temptations and trappings of the road and too much money. Cameron Crowe does not excuse the bad behavior here, he shows how it is expected of the band. They are a rock band and must behave like animals, and party, and have groupies. Crowe makes the band so likable, and real, I could not help but keep watching them. The entire cast here is excellent. There is not one false line or stilted performance to be found. Fugit, for being a newcomer, is especially good. Crowe does a great job directing, not falling into the usual rock film trappings. The concert scenes give the viewer a sense of time, place, and music, and are short enough not to bore. Joe Hutshing and Saar Klein should have won Oscars for editing, keeping the pace flowing smoothly but never showing off. I think this film flopped at the box office because the studio did not know how to market it. Who wants to see another movie about how hard stardom is? Instead, this is a sweet, funny comedy. McDormand's telephone conversation with Crudup, and the plane scene where everyone confesses their deepest secrets, are two of the finest pieces of writing EVER, not just in the film. I put off watching "Almost Famous" for too long, I hope you do not make the same mistake.

Stats:
(2000) 122 min. (* * * * *) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by Cameron Crowe
-Cast: Patrick Fugit, Billy Crudup, Frances McDormand, Kate Hudson, Jason Lee, Zooey Deschanel, Michael Angarano, Anna Paquin, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Fairuza Balk, Noah Taylor, Jimmy Fallon, Bijou Phillips, Rainn Wilson, Jay Baruchel
(R)
*Academy Awards*
-Best Supporting Actress- Kate Hudson (lost to Marcia Gay Harden for "Pollock")
-Best Supporting Actress- Frances McDormand (lost to Marcia Gay Harden for "Pollock")
-Best Original Screenplay (won)
-Best Film Editing (lost to "Traffic")
*BAFTA*
-Best Film (lost to "Gladiator")
-Best Original Screenplay (won)
-Best Actress- Kate Hudson (lost to Julia Roberts for "Erin Brockovich")
-Best Supporting Actress- Frances McDormand (lost to Julie Walters for "Billy Elliot")
-Anthony Asquith Award for Film Music (lost to "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon")
-Best Sound (won)



Alley Cat (1984)

*Get the film on Amazon here*

The following review contains spoilers! Karin Mani is Billie, a hot little number single-handedly cleaning up crime in a big city. Billie is living with her feeble grandparents when she catches two henchmen stealing her car's tires. The guys are scared off, and run back to big boss Scarface (Michael Wayne). Scarface and the henchmen rob Billie's grandparents, stabbing Grandma. At the hospital, Billie meets cop Johnny (Robert Torti) in a cute way. Billie is in training for her black belt in karate, and likes to jog at night. She stops the same henchmen from assaulting a prostitute, but is locked up by Johnny's jerk partner Boyle (Jon Greene) for not having a gun permit. Grandma dies, and Billie is fined and put on probation for the gun thing. The henchmen are arrested for the beating, and Scarface threatens her. The henchmen receive reduced sentences, less than Billie's gun permit punishment, and she explodes at the judge. She is sent to jail on contempt charges, then released, and she teams up with new boyfriend Johnny to find Scarface, the brains behind her grandmother's murder.

This is exploitation in its purest form. The female cast drop their clothes, often. The violence is brutal and bloody. The dialogue is foul mouthed, and the entire thing runs a short eighty two minutes. No one in the cast is very good, especially Wayne as Scarface. Mani looks good, and her stunt double kicks major booty. The director, Edward Victor, is the pseudonym for three different men. This results in some pretty varied shots in the film. The screenplay is padded badly, Billie is attacked not once but twice while night jogging. For her grandparents being laid up, Billie's grieving process consists of a shower seduction of Johnny. Billie actually has two different shower scenes here, both long.

"Alley Cat" is badly done, but the perfect exploitation film. It's bad, but not bad enough.

Stats:
(1984) 82 min. (* *) out of five stars
-Directed by Victor M. Ordonez, Ed Palmos, Al Valletta
-Screenplay by Robert E. Waters
-Cast: Karin Mani, Michael Wayne, Robert Torti, Jon Greene, Jay Fisher, Britt Helfer, Claudia Decea, Tony Oliver, Hanala Sagal, Adrian M. Barnes, Jay Walker, Moriah Shannon, Marla Stone
(R)



Wednesday, December 18, 2024

All Over the Guy (2001)

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Lead actor Dan Bucatinsky adapts his stage play into a funny romantic comedy.

The story, told in flashback, has Brett (Adam Goldberg) and Jackie (Sasha Alexander) meeting and making an instant connection. Most romcoms would stay with this relationship, except Brett's best friend is Eli (Dan Bucatinsky), and Jackie's best friend is Tom (Richard Ruccolo). The two fix up their friends on a blind date that does not go well. Brett and Jackie are suddenly on the fast track in their relationship. Eli and Tom get bogged down in that awkward stage when you first begin dating someone. Both seem to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, they don't have a lot in common except some very screwed up family dynamics, and they sometimes are not even attracted to each other all that much. Yet something keeps pulling them back together, and there is actual suspense as you begin to wonder if these two should be together, much less will they end up together.

The main four characters are all very strong and very funny. Eli is a sci-fi fan who seems to be the most neurotic of the four. Tom is not used to relationships, has a drinking problem, and definitely is not ready for someone who may be interested in him for more than just anonymous sex. Alexander is very funny as Jackie, and Goldberg steals his scenes as Brett. Also funny is Eli's memories and dealings with his psychotic psychiatrist parents. Andrea Martin plays his mother, and should have received a Supporting Actress Oscar nomination for her scene on the phone involving testicular examinations. Joanna Kerns is also here, playing Tom's mother, and her scenes shed light on Tom's behavior more than going for the easy laugh. This is one of the fun things about Bucatinsky's screenplay. He does not give his main characters the "best" lines or funniest moments. He shares the love, even cameos by Lisa Kudrow, Christina Ricci, and Doris Roberts are funny without being intrusive. Bucatinsky knows these characters. Julie Davis directs with a wonderfully airy touch, using locations to their maximum benefit. Her scenes flow, and I did not feel the staginess that comes with most stage-to-screen adaptations. Some of the dialogue does fall flat, and not all of the jokes work. There are a couple of places where I felt Eli and Tom were just repeating themselves, and their strange opinions of each other and love in general. However, Eli and Tom's brief argument over "In and Out" starring Kevin Kline is one of the most perceptive pop culture arguments I have ever seen, putting Quentin Tarantino to shame.

I really liked "All Over the Guy." It was very funny, often romantic (in a roundabout way), and certainly entertaining. I recommend it.

Stats:
(2001) 95 min. (* * * *) out of five stars
-Directed by Julie Davis
-Written by Dan Bucatinsky
-Cast: Dan Bucatinsky, Richard Ruccolo, Adam Goldberg, Sasha Alexander, Michael Harris, Andrea Martin, Joanna Kerns, Christina Ricci, Lisa Kudrow, Doris Roberts, Blaise Garza, Ben Foreman, Sydney Foreman
(R)



2012: Supernova (2009)

*Get the film on Amazon here*

Wait, whoa, hold up- you mean this ISN'T a sequel to the John Cusack cheese-fest "2012?" Are you sure? Yes, because this monstrosity makes the original "2012" look like "Citizen Kane."

Kelvin (the normally talented Brian Krause) is the head of a team that looks to launch nuclear missiles into outer space to dissipate a giant supernova headed in Earth's direction. His wife (Heather McComb) and daughter (Najarra Townsend) run around in the desert, avoiding badly rendered computer animated special effects, as well as a supporting cast of dozens. Yup, that's the plot. The planet is on a collision course with a supernova, a few people get upset, the scientist characters bandy about terms like "magnetic shield" and "nuclear," do a lot of "recalculating" and "running simulations" on their computers...there's a ninja, I guess, who wants to stop this planet-saving effort...a couple of Iranians are thrown in for good measure...ugh.

The film was released by The Asylum, who would release terrible straight-to-video nightmares with titles that sounded like contemporary blockbusters in the theater. Have you been unlucky enough to see "Sinister Squad," "Independents' Day," "AVH: Alien vs. Hunter," or "Transmorphers?" Good. It's sad that a company has such low regard for their audience that they have to trick them into watching their rip-off film, instead of trying something original that would stand out in a crowded video and streaming landscape. The direction is terrible, the budget was about eight bucks, and all the performers look embarrassed. No one tries to do a good job, I hope their paychecks were worth it because my eighty-seven minutes can't be reimbursed.

"2012: Supernova" is one of the worst films I have ever seen. I hope that's blunt enough. There may be sequels or prequels, but I honestly don't care enough to use a search engine and seek the information out.

Stats:
(2009) 87 min. (0*) out of five stars
-Directed by Anthony Fankhauser
-Written by Anthony Fankhauser, Jon Macy; Story by John Willis III
-Cast: Brian Krause, Heather McComb, Najarra Townsend, Allura Lee, Alan Poe, Londale Theus, Stephen Schneider, Rob Ullett, Malcom Scott, Andrew Fetty, Bryan Dodds, Stephen Blackehart, Matthew Farhat, Melissa Osborne, Nick Shakoour
(Not Rated)



You Stupid Man (2002)

* Get the film on Amazon here * They are here: beautiful New Yorkers who never work and have great one-liners at the ready- characters who...