*Get The Art of the Zombie Movie by Lisa Morton on Amazon here*
Since the 1930's, and perhaps before, the movie going public has been treated to their fair share of zombie flicks. Zombies that stumble, zombies that run, and zombie comedies have all come down the pike. Some are classics, many are not. This film takes another stab at the zombie genre, and turns it on its head.
A nameless zombie (Brian Shaw) seems to be enjoying his zombie existence. His zombie mate is pregnant, he has what seem to be two teenage zombie children, and the quartet live in the woods, eating whatever human flesh they happen to stumble upon. The dad zombie brings home a suicide's body, and partakes of some booze while the family feasts on the body. The other three family members become violently ill and die, obviously not seeing the radioactive warning labels that surrounded the dead person. Before expiring, zombie mom gives birth to the zombie baby. The man must now care for the newborn, killing small animals and chewing its flesh to feed his offspring. The two are on the run from a mysterious army who are killing the zombie creatures. The man sees a human woman (Kathleen Lawlor) and saves her from another set of zombies. The woman becomes a surrogate mother, and now the three begin traveling together. They don't seem to have a destination, except the woman tries not to be eaten, and the man tries not to eat her. As with most zombie films, things don't end well for all involved.
Writer/director Julian Grant has done a fantastic job with this. He also provided the shimmering black and white, or maybe more blue and white, photography, and the brisk editing. The film is devoid of spoken dialogue, except for the guttural zombie grunts, and some background voices of the zombie killers here and there. The woman cannot communicate with the zombie man, so what's the point of talking? David Findlay lays down a professional musical score that adds to the film. The makeup effects are excellent, including the zombie infant- which thankfully in no way resembles the fakery of "It's Alive!" or "The Unborn." The cast all give great performances in obviously difficult roles. Shaw is covered in gross makeup for the entire film, and Lawlor doesn't look like she just strolled out of a salon, either, but both use their facial expressions to the fullest without resulting to broad theatrical acting. The film was shot in the Chicago, Illinois/Gary, Indiana/LaPorte, Indiana area, and the locations are perfect. I love old abandoned buildings and ghost towns, and Grant has found some excellent places to set his story. The screenplay itself keeps a lot under its hat, never out-and-out explaining anything, including the reason half of society turned into zombies. We do not get any back story on the two main characters, and I liked that. Grant has them living and surviving right now, no time for embarrassing fireside English lessons and "what I did before the apocalypse" speeches.
"The Defiled" will satisfy gorehounds as well as sci-fi and horror fans, and it definitely compares favorably to the work of George A. Romero and the "28...Later" films. Seek it out.
Stats:
(2010) 100 min. (10/10)
-Written and Directed by Julian Grant
-Cast: Brian Shaw, Kathleen Lawlor, Alden Moore, Graham Jenkins, Angela Zagone, Almir Limaj, Aaron Sjoholm, Ali Goodman, Kyle Dones, Jess Nicole Thigpen, Charles Andrew Gardner
-(Not Rated)
-Media Viewed: Screener
Thursday, September 11, 2025
Wednesday, September 10, 2025
Of the Dead (1979)
*Get Taboos of the World: Mondo Movies and Other Documentaries Designed to Shock by Paul Hutchings on Amazon here*
This European documentary shuns the sleazy world of mondo docs like "Faces of Death" and tries to show how different parts of the world view death. The problem is that the directors slip in sleazy mondo footage, and the unshocking footage is especially dull.
The film opens with an American preparing a body for embalming, before a very long segment in Thailand, where a family prepares to bury a dead relative. The Thai grandmother lies in a hut for three days, decomposes, and is finally buried, but not before we witness the graphic killing of four oxen. The film makers also visit Belgium, Nepal, and South Korea, juxtaposing scenes between what we would consider shocking treatment of the dead, and scenes of how Americans treat their terminally ill and dying.
The film makers rally around their point, "see, we are not all that different," and proceed to grind the viewer's face into this shallow statement for 105 minutes. Interviews with American muscular dystrophy patients who talk about how they want to be buried or cremated is followed by a Filipino revolutionary executed and dumped into a shallow grave. "Death" is a big topic to trim into a little documentary. There's no narrator or central idea, save the "we aren't so different" rigamarole, so scenes drag in between the carnage.
If you like those shockumentaries like "Faces of Death," I feel sorry for you, but not half as sorry as I am for watching this. I do not recommend the deadening dull "Of the Dead." Also known as "Des Morts."
Stats:
(1979) 105 min. (2/10)
-Written and Directed by Jean-Pol Ferbus, Dominique Garny, Thierry Zeno
-No Cast Credited
-(Not Rated)
-Media Viewed: VHS
This European documentary shuns the sleazy world of mondo docs like "Faces of Death" and tries to show how different parts of the world view death. The problem is that the directors slip in sleazy mondo footage, and the unshocking footage is especially dull.
The film opens with an American preparing a body for embalming, before a very long segment in Thailand, where a family prepares to bury a dead relative. The Thai grandmother lies in a hut for three days, decomposes, and is finally buried, but not before we witness the graphic killing of four oxen. The film makers also visit Belgium, Nepal, and South Korea, juxtaposing scenes between what we would consider shocking treatment of the dead, and scenes of how Americans treat their terminally ill and dying.
The film makers rally around their point, "see, we are not all that different," and proceed to grind the viewer's face into this shallow statement for 105 minutes. Interviews with American muscular dystrophy patients who talk about how they want to be buried or cremated is followed by a Filipino revolutionary executed and dumped into a shallow grave. "Death" is a big topic to trim into a little documentary. There's no narrator or central idea, save the "we aren't so different" rigamarole, so scenes drag in between the carnage.
If you like those shockumentaries like "Faces of Death," I feel sorry for you, but not half as sorry as I am for watching this. I do not recommend the deadening dull "Of the Dead." Also known as "Des Morts."
Stats:
(1979) 105 min. (2/10)
-Written and Directed by Jean-Pol Ferbus, Dominique Garny, Thierry Zeno
-No Cast Credited
-(Not Rated)
-Media Viewed: VHS
The Desperados (1969)
*Get The Forest of Love by Jack Palance on Amazon here*
This Civil War western gives an early take on a dysfunctional family, and almost works because of its incredible action scenes.
Parson Josiah Galt (Jack Palance) is the father and leader of a bunch of Confederate guerillas modeled after Quantrill's Raiders. He, his sons, and his men invade towns, stealing money, assaulting women, and burning places to the ground. In one Kansas town, eldest son David (Vince Edwards) decides the killing needs to stop. David kills one of his own men by accident during the raid, is arrested, and sentenced to death in the family-run court. With family like this, who needs in-laws? David escapes after kicking little brother Jacob's (George Maharis) butt, flees to Texas, changes his name, and lives the good life with a wife (Sylvia Syms) and son (Benjamin Edney). In Texas, only Marshal Kilpatrick (Neville Brand) knows David's secret- but Josiah's gang sets their sights on Texas and David's new hometown.
Levin's direction is very good, and his action scenes are great- especially a set-piece aboard a flaming runaway train. David Whitaker's musical score is perfect, with bombastic stuff during the action, pumping the adrenaline and setting the mood. The main problem is the two leads- Edwards as Palance's son? Palance was nine years older than Edwards, and they look the same age. Palance is awful, playing the part way over-the-top and constantly stepping into unintentionally hilarious melodramatics. Edwards is the opposite, holding the same constipated look on his face throughout the film and showing as little emotion as he possibly can. Despite some good stunts, the fact that these two are in almost every scene drags down the technical achievements. The normally reliable Brand seems at a loss.
"The Desperados" is gritty and violent, but Levin's inability to get control of his actors weighs down the action. I cannot recommend this film.
Stats:
(1969) 91 min. (4/10)
-Directed by Henry Levin
-Screenplay by Walter Brough, Story by Clarke Reynolds
-Cast: Jack Palance, Vince Edwards, George Maharis, Sylvia Syms, Benjamin Edney, Neville Brand, Sheila Burrell, Kate O'Mara, Christian Roberts, Kenneth Cope, Patrick Holt, Christopher Malcolm, John Clark
-(M), BBFC (15)
-Media Viewed: Home Video
This Civil War western gives an early take on a dysfunctional family, and almost works because of its incredible action scenes.
Parson Josiah Galt (Jack Palance) is the father and leader of a bunch of Confederate guerillas modeled after Quantrill's Raiders. He, his sons, and his men invade towns, stealing money, assaulting women, and burning places to the ground. In one Kansas town, eldest son David (Vince Edwards) decides the killing needs to stop. David kills one of his own men by accident during the raid, is arrested, and sentenced to death in the family-run court. With family like this, who needs in-laws? David escapes after kicking little brother Jacob's (George Maharis) butt, flees to Texas, changes his name, and lives the good life with a wife (Sylvia Syms) and son (Benjamin Edney). In Texas, only Marshal Kilpatrick (Neville Brand) knows David's secret- but Josiah's gang sets their sights on Texas and David's new hometown.
Levin's direction is very good, and his action scenes are great- especially a set-piece aboard a flaming runaway train. David Whitaker's musical score is perfect, with bombastic stuff during the action, pumping the adrenaline and setting the mood. The main problem is the two leads- Edwards as Palance's son? Palance was nine years older than Edwards, and they look the same age. Palance is awful, playing the part way over-the-top and constantly stepping into unintentionally hilarious melodramatics. Edwards is the opposite, holding the same constipated look on his face throughout the film and showing as little emotion as he possibly can. Despite some good stunts, the fact that these two are in almost every scene drags down the technical achievements. The normally reliable Brand seems at a loss.
"The Desperados" is gritty and violent, but Levin's inability to get control of his actors weighs down the action. I cannot recommend this film.
Stats:
(1969) 91 min. (4/10)
-Directed by Henry Levin
-Screenplay by Walter Brough, Story by Clarke Reynolds
-Cast: Jack Palance, Vince Edwards, George Maharis, Sylvia Syms, Benjamin Edney, Neville Brand, Sheila Burrell, Kate O'Mara, Christian Roberts, Kenneth Cope, Patrick Holt, Christopher Malcolm, John Clark
-(M), BBFC (15)
-Media Viewed: Home Video
The Beguiled (1971)
*Get The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan on Amazon here*
Director Don Siegel, who would put Clint Eastwood in a little film called "Dirty Harry," uses the action star in a way no one had before. Together, they create a piece of Southern Gothicism that is a great Civil War film that could have been screwed up by anyone else.
Eastwood is Corporal John McBirney, a Union soldier on the run in the deep south. He is wounded and discovered by twelve year old Amy (Pamelyn Ferdin). McB, as John wants to be known, kisses Amy on the lips to keep her quiet when soldiers pass, and she takes the incident the wrong way, falling in love with him instantly. McB is dragged back to Amy's home, the Farnsworth Seminary for Young Girls, run by Miss Martha (Geraldine Page) and Miss Edwina (Elizabeth Hartman). Right away, Siegel gives us a flash of memory of Martha's, whose relationship with her brother was incestuous. As Martha does her Confederate duty, she prepares to tell friendly troops of her new prisoner. She realizes he would die in prison, and decides to nurse him back to health first before turning him in. All the females in the home are curious about this young man from New York. Hallie (Mae Mercer), the slave, realizes McB is fighting for her freedom, but does not feel obligated to return the favor. Edwina is a spinster, long scarred by the acts of her adulterous father, but finds herself attracted to McB. Doris (Darleen Carr) wants McB too, wants him handed over to the Rebels as soon as possible. Hot-to-trot Carol (Jo Ann Harris) wants McB for her very own pleasure. Amy still has feelings for him, albeit a twelve year old's crush.
Don't get me wrong, McB is no angel. Siegel gives us the verbal thoughts of the girls throughout the film, but he shows us scenes of McB lying through his teeth to impress the girls. He claims to be a Quaker, and fibs about how he receives his wounds. He also lies about how beautiful the surrounding farmland is, but thinking about the time he helped torch it. He is out for one thing- himself. His only interest is in his own pleasures, and he will do anything and say anything to get what he wants.
Despite the subject matter, Siegel does not go the exploitation route of "Mandingo." He also fights the urge to turn this into a screwball or dark comedy, something that another director may have done. Siegel gathers some impressive acting talent and lets their individual stories form a cohesive whole. The verbal flashes from each of the girls is a brilliant move without becoming too obvious, or a crutch on which to rest the emotional parts of the film. Hallie, McB, and Martha's visual thoughts are used sparingly, thank goodness. Page is great as Martha, the actress takes a number of risks that few actresses today would be game for. A dream sequence finds Martha in bed with McB and Edwina, and it was pulled off dramatically without turning into something smarmy and salacious. The fragile Hartman is wonderful as Edwina. Her character shows such raw pain, she is sometimes hard to watch.
Eastwood dedicated "Unforgiven" to both Sergio Leone and Don Siegel. Siegel is able to get Eastwood to come off as completely contemptible. The school's girls do not seem stupid or oblivious to McB's evil, they are naive and hang on this mysterious and dashing stranger's every word and move. This film shows another side of the Civil War. The battle scenes are only in flashback. The stark plantation where the film was made seems frozen in time back to the era, when the antebellum South was coming to an end. Siegel's vision seems more realistic than the pretty but still thrilling "Gone With the Wind."
"The Beguiled" deserved more praise than it found. The film is so different from what Eastwood and Siegel have done before, but the two turned this one chance into something remarkable. Followed by a remake.
Stats:
(1971) 105 min. (10/10)
-Directed by Don Siegel
-Screenplay by Albert Maltz and Irene Kamp from the novel by Thomas Cullinan
-Cast: Clint Eastwood, Geraldine Page, Elizabeth Hartman, Jo Ann Harris, Darleen Carr, Mae Mercer, Pamelyn Ferdin, Melody Thomas Scott, Peggy Drier, Patricia Mattic, Buddy Van Horn, Charlie Briggs, George Dunn
-(R), BBFC (15)
-Media Viewed: Home Video
Director Don Siegel, who would put Clint Eastwood in a little film called "Dirty Harry," uses the action star in a way no one had before. Together, they create a piece of Southern Gothicism that is a great Civil War film that could have been screwed up by anyone else.
Eastwood is Corporal John McBirney, a Union soldier on the run in the deep south. He is wounded and discovered by twelve year old Amy (Pamelyn Ferdin). McB, as John wants to be known, kisses Amy on the lips to keep her quiet when soldiers pass, and she takes the incident the wrong way, falling in love with him instantly. McB is dragged back to Amy's home, the Farnsworth Seminary for Young Girls, run by Miss Martha (Geraldine Page) and Miss Edwina (Elizabeth Hartman). Right away, Siegel gives us a flash of memory of Martha's, whose relationship with her brother was incestuous. As Martha does her Confederate duty, she prepares to tell friendly troops of her new prisoner. She realizes he would die in prison, and decides to nurse him back to health first before turning him in. All the females in the home are curious about this young man from New York. Hallie (Mae Mercer), the slave, realizes McB is fighting for her freedom, but does not feel obligated to return the favor. Edwina is a spinster, long scarred by the acts of her adulterous father, but finds herself attracted to McB. Doris (Darleen Carr) wants McB too, wants him handed over to the Rebels as soon as possible. Hot-to-trot Carol (Jo Ann Harris) wants McB for her very own pleasure. Amy still has feelings for him, albeit a twelve year old's crush.
Don't get me wrong, McB is no angel. Siegel gives us the verbal thoughts of the girls throughout the film, but he shows us scenes of McB lying through his teeth to impress the girls. He claims to be a Quaker, and fibs about how he receives his wounds. He also lies about how beautiful the surrounding farmland is, but thinking about the time he helped torch it. He is out for one thing- himself. His only interest is in his own pleasures, and he will do anything and say anything to get what he wants.
Despite the subject matter, Siegel does not go the exploitation route of "Mandingo." He also fights the urge to turn this into a screwball or dark comedy, something that another director may have done. Siegel gathers some impressive acting talent and lets their individual stories form a cohesive whole. The verbal flashes from each of the girls is a brilliant move without becoming too obvious, or a crutch on which to rest the emotional parts of the film. Hallie, McB, and Martha's visual thoughts are used sparingly, thank goodness. Page is great as Martha, the actress takes a number of risks that few actresses today would be game for. A dream sequence finds Martha in bed with McB and Edwina, and it was pulled off dramatically without turning into something smarmy and salacious. The fragile Hartman is wonderful as Edwina. Her character shows such raw pain, she is sometimes hard to watch.
Eastwood dedicated "Unforgiven" to both Sergio Leone and Don Siegel. Siegel is able to get Eastwood to come off as completely contemptible. The school's girls do not seem stupid or oblivious to McB's evil, they are naive and hang on this mysterious and dashing stranger's every word and move. This film shows another side of the Civil War. The battle scenes are only in flashback. The stark plantation where the film was made seems frozen in time back to the era, when the antebellum South was coming to an end. Siegel's vision seems more realistic than the pretty but still thrilling "Gone With the Wind."
"The Beguiled" deserved more praise than it found. The film is so different from what Eastwood and Siegel have done before, but the two turned this one chance into something remarkable. Followed by a remake.
Stats:
(1971) 105 min. (10/10)
-Directed by Don Siegel
-Screenplay by Albert Maltz and Irene Kamp from the novel by Thomas Cullinan
-Cast: Clint Eastwood, Geraldine Page, Elizabeth Hartman, Jo Ann Harris, Darleen Carr, Mae Mercer, Pamelyn Ferdin, Melody Thomas Scott, Peggy Drier, Patricia Mattic, Buddy Van Horn, Charlie Briggs, George Dunn
-(R), BBFC (15)
-Media Viewed: Home Video
Wednesday, August 27, 2025
Jail Bait (1954)
*Get Ed Wood: Made in Hollywood USA by Will Sloan on Amazon here*
Yes, yes, yes, Ed Wood made movies that were "so bad, they're good." Well, not being a believer in this mantra, I watched this so I could have it out with the spirit of Ed once and for all.
The basic plot for this film reads like a rejected Rod Serling script idea. Poor misguided Don (Clancy Malone) is bailed out of jail by his sister Marilyn (Dolores Fuller). Their father is the world famous plastic surgeon Dr. Gregor (Herbert Rawlinson). Cops Johns (Lyle Talbot) and Lawrence (Steve Reeves) try to convince Gregor that his son is up to no good. Don confirms this by robbing a theatre with his mentor in crime Vic (Timothy Farrell). Don kills a night watchman, and Vic wounds a secretary, who later identifies them. Don wants to give himself up, but Vic has other plans.
I will never understand the worship of Ed Wood. His films were out-and-out lousy, whether he was a wide-eyed neophyte in Hollywood or a cross-dressing talentless drunk. The entire cast is bad. Wood's script is laughable despite a half-decent idea. He lets entire subplots come and go (the newspaper reporter), and has no concept about basics like camera placement or story. The title is a misnomer, the jail bait referred to is not a girl, but a gun.
Somehow, "Jail Bait" got made. It is truly terrible, and the mere vomiting forth of a bad film like this can no longer justify its existence or serve as an excuse to like it. Ed, you were one awful film maker.
Stats:
(1954) 71 min. (1/10)
-Directed by Edward D. Wood, Jr.
-Story and Screenplay by Alex Gordon and Edward D. Wood, Jr.
-Cast: Lyle Talbot, Clancy Malone, Dolores Fuller, Herbert Rawlinson, Steve Reeves, Timothy Farrell, Tedi Thurman, Bud Osborne, Mona McKinnon, Don Nagel, John Martin, La Vada Simmons, Regina Claire
(Not Rated)
Media Viewed: Home Video
Yes, yes, yes, Ed Wood made movies that were "so bad, they're good." Well, not being a believer in this mantra, I watched this so I could have it out with the spirit of Ed once and for all.
The basic plot for this film reads like a rejected Rod Serling script idea. Poor misguided Don (Clancy Malone) is bailed out of jail by his sister Marilyn (Dolores Fuller). Their father is the world famous plastic surgeon Dr. Gregor (Herbert Rawlinson). Cops Johns (Lyle Talbot) and Lawrence (Steve Reeves) try to convince Gregor that his son is up to no good. Don confirms this by robbing a theatre with his mentor in crime Vic (Timothy Farrell). Don kills a night watchman, and Vic wounds a secretary, who later identifies them. Don wants to give himself up, but Vic has other plans.
I will never understand the worship of Ed Wood. His films were out-and-out lousy, whether he was a wide-eyed neophyte in Hollywood or a cross-dressing talentless drunk. The entire cast is bad. Wood's script is laughable despite a half-decent idea. He lets entire subplots come and go (the newspaper reporter), and has no concept about basics like camera placement or story. The title is a misnomer, the jail bait referred to is not a girl, but a gun.
Somehow, "Jail Bait" got made. It is truly terrible, and the mere vomiting forth of a bad film like this can no longer justify its existence or serve as an excuse to like it. Ed, you were one awful film maker.
Stats:
(1954) 71 min. (1/10)
-Directed by Edward D. Wood, Jr.
-Story and Screenplay by Alex Gordon and Edward D. Wood, Jr.
-Cast: Lyle Talbot, Clancy Malone, Dolores Fuller, Herbert Rawlinson, Steve Reeves, Timothy Farrell, Tedi Thurman, Bud Osborne, Mona McKinnon, Don Nagel, John Martin, La Vada Simmons, Regina Claire
(Not Rated)
Media Viewed: Home Video
Jake's How-To (2008)
*Get Kings of Summer: The Rise of Beach Volleyball by Kent Steffes and Travis Mewhirter on Amazon here*
I'm not quite sure what the Buckley Brothers were doing with this film. It's a mess, and frankly, all about the wrong characters.
Aaron (Neil Kubath) is partner and prodigy to Jake (Kevin Oestenstad), a conceited beach volleyball player. The two practice on the sun drenched beaches of Wisconsin, and Jake gives Aaron some hilariously bad advice on how to pick up women. Aaron has just split up with his girlfriend, and his best friend Jonny (Matthew Zeidman) is also hoping Aaron will score and return to normal. Aaron tries his best with assorted women, and does well, until he decides to use some of Jake's advice. A big volleyball tournament approaches, and Aaron finally comes to his senses about Jake, which affects both players' skills.
I'm sorry, but I often had no clue what was going on here. The sound is pretty bad, and the fun electronic score often drowned out the dialogue. The first two-thirds of the film drag, as Aaron is shot down every time he uses Jake's advice, yet stupidly goes back to it again and again. Also, for a sex comedy, sex is only talked about, and the only nudity here is shirtless guys and bikini-clad girls. Two peripheral characters had me laughing, and building their parts up may have made the rest of the film tolerable. Two friendly rivals to Jake and Aaron are The Christian Fury (the film's composer Kyle Buckley), who carries a cross and slaps anyone who uses God's name in vain, and Rick (Nick Doetsch), The Christian Fury's maniacal partner- rude and crude and often getting the only laughs. Plus, beach volleyball in Wisconsin? We couldn't milk a little more out of that? Instead, we have to watch Aaron getting hit in the forehead constantly, or ha-ha material like everyone thinking Jonny isn't straight.
"Jake's How-To" is a lost opportunity I wanted to like more.
Stats:
(2008) 93 min. (1/10)
-Written and Directed by Vincent Buckley
-Cast: Neil Kubath, Kevin Oestenstad, Matthew Zeidman, Kyle Buckley, Nick Doetsch, James Buckley, Shon Lange, Grace McPhillips, Darla Brown, Aaron Galvin, Omar Halais, Casey Harding, Kate Henley
(Not Rated)
Media Viewed: Home Video
I'm not quite sure what the Buckley Brothers were doing with this film. It's a mess, and frankly, all about the wrong characters.
Aaron (Neil Kubath) is partner and prodigy to Jake (Kevin Oestenstad), a conceited beach volleyball player. The two practice on the sun drenched beaches of Wisconsin, and Jake gives Aaron some hilariously bad advice on how to pick up women. Aaron has just split up with his girlfriend, and his best friend Jonny (Matthew Zeidman) is also hoping Aaron will score and return to normal. Aaron tries his best with assorted women, and does well, until he decides to use some of Jake's advice. A big volleyball tournament approaches, and Aaron finally comes to his senses about Jake, which affects both players' skills.
I'm sorry, but I often had no clue what was going on here. The sound is pretty bad, and the fun electronic score often drowned out the dialogue. The first two-thirds of the film drag, as Aaron is shot down every time he uses Jake's advice, yet stupidly goes back to it again and again. Also, for a sex comedy, sex is only talked about, and the only nudity here is shirtless guys and bikini-clad girls. Two peripheral characters had me laughing, and building their parts up may have made the rest of the film tolerable. Two friendly rivals to Jake and Aaron are The Christian Fury (the film's composer Kyle Buckley), who carries a cross and slaps anyone who uses God's name in vain, and Rick (Nick Doetsch), The Christian Fury's maniacal partner- rude and crude and often getting the only laughs. Plus, beach volleyball in Wisconsin? We couldn't milk a little more out of that? Instead, we have to watch Aaron getting hit in the forehead constantly, or ha-ha material like everyone thinking Jonny isn't straight.
"Jake's How-To" is a lost opportunity I wanted to like more.
Stats:
(2008) 93 min. (1/10)
-Written and Directed by Vincent Buckley
-Cast: Neil Kubath, Kevin Oestenstad, Matthew Zeidman, Kyle Buckley, Nick Doetsch, James Buckley, Shon Lange, Grace McPhillips, Darla Brown, Aaron Galvin, Omar Halais, Casey Harding, Kate Henley
(Not Rated)
Media Viewed: Home Video
James and the Giant Peach (1996)
*Get James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl, illustrated by Quentin Blake on Amazon here*
When I was a kid, those big loud musicals of the late '60's and early '70's totally freaked me out. Bloated monstrosities like "Doctor Dolittle," "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," and even the much later "Annie" were torture for many kids to sit through, while smiling parents thought they had finally found something to keep their offspring entertained. Well, add this film to the list.
After his parents were taken by a giant snorting rhinoceros, young James (Paul Terry) must go live with his evil Aunt Spiker (Joanna Lumley) and Aunt Sponge (Miriam Margolyes). He is made to do all the work around the house, and the aunts treat him horribly. James meets an old man (Pete Postlethwaite), who gives him a magic bag filled with crocodile tongues. James wants desperately to leave this house of horror in England, and go to the Empire State Building in New York City. This was a dream of his parents' before they died, and James has been keeping hope alive. James accidentally spills the bag, and the magic tongues generate a giant peach that grows to the size of a house. James crawls inside it, and discovers giant bugs that have also changed thanks to the magic. The group roll the peach into the ocean, and set sail for New York, and immediately run into other fantastic, whimsical obstacles. The two aunts quickly pursue.
The film does start out live-action, then switches to the stop motion animation that made "The Nightmare Before Christmas" famous. In the animation scenes, Grasshopper (Simon Callow), Centipede (Richard Dreyfuss), Ladybug (Jane Leeves), Glowworm (Miriam Margolyes, again), Spider (Susan Sarandon), and Earthworm (David Thewlis) all become characters who contribute to the voyage. They also grate on the nerves as much as Randy Newman's hopelessly bland songs. The main voyage, with its undersea pirate ghosts and mechanical shark, is not all that interesting. I was reminded of "The Pagemaster" while watching this. There is no central villain, so the threats to the peach's voyage are predictably dealt with. Of course, this being a musical, the film comes to a complete stop so the cast can warble a tune and bore the audience. The terrifying corpse makeup sported by Lumley and Margolyes, and their mistreatment of James, added to my distaste. The rhino effects are impressive, and Terry turns in a good performance.
While the technology involved in creating this film is landmark and all that (which inflated people's enjoyment of this), Roald Dahl's original story is a letdown. Do not be bowled over by the bells and whistles, "James and the Giant Peach" is strange and cold. Go to bed, kids.
Stats:
(1996) 79 min. (4/10)
-Directed by Henry Selick
-Screenplay by Karey Kirkpatrick and Jonathan Roberts & Steve Bloom based on the book by Roald Dahl
-Cast: Paul Terry, Joanna Lumley, Miriam Margolyes, Pete Postlethwaite, Simon Callow, Richard Dreyfuss, Jane Leeves, Susan Sarandon, David Thewlis, Michael Girardin, J. Stephen Coyle, Tony Haney, Jeff Mosley
(PG)
Media Viewed: Home Video
*Academy Awards*
-Best Original Musical or Comedy Score (lost to "Emma")
When I was a kid, those big loud musicals of the late '60's and early '70's totally freaked me out. Bloated monstrosities like "Doctor Dolittle," "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," and even the much later "Annie" were torture for many kids to sit through, while smiling parents thought they had finally found something to keep their offspring entertained. Well, add this film to the list.
After his parents were taken by a giant snorting rhinoceros, young James (Paul Terry) must go live with his evil Aunt Spiker (Joanna Lumley) and Aunt Sponge (Miriam Margolyes). He is made to do all the work around the house, and the aunts treat him horribly. James meets an old man (Pete Postlethwaite), who gives him a magic bag filled with crocodile tongues. James wants desperately to leave this house of horror in England, and go to the Empire State Building in New York City. This was a dream of his parents' before they died, and James has been keeping hope alive. James accidentally spills the bag, and the magic tongues generate a giant peach that grows to the size of a house. James crawls inside it, and discovers giant bugs that have also changed thanks to the magic. The group roll the peach into the ocean, and set sail for New York, and immediately run into other fantastic, whimsical obstacles. The two aunts quickly pursue.
The film does start out live-action, then switches to the stop motion animation that made "The Nightmare Before Christmas" famous. In the animation scenes, Grasshopper (Simon Callow), Centipede (Richard Dreyfuss), Ladybug (Jane Leeves), Glowworm (Miriam Margolyes, again), Spider (Susan Sarandon), and Earthworm (David Thewlis) all become characters who contribute to the voyage. They also grate on the nerves as much as Randy Newman's hopelessly bland songs. The main voyage, with its undersea pirate ghosts and mechanical shark, is not all that interesting. I was reminded of "The Pagemaster" while watching this. There is no central villain, so the threats to the peach's voyage are predictably dealt with. Of course, this being a musical, the film comes to a complete stop so the cast can warble a tune and bore the audience. The terrifying corpse makeup sported by Lumley and Margolyes, and their mistreatment of James, added to my distaste. The rhino effects are impressive, and Terry turns in a good performance.
While the technology involved in creating this film is landmark and all that (which inflated people's enjoyment of this), Roald Dahl's original story is a letdown. Do not be bowled over by the bells and whistles, "James and the Giant Peach" is strange and cold. Go to bed, kids.
Stats:
(1996) 79 min. (4/10)
-Directed by Henry Selick
-Screenplay by Karey Kirkpatrick and Jonathan Roberts & Steve Bloom based on the book by Roald Dahl
-Cast: Paul Terry, Joanna Lumley, Miriam Margolyes, Pete Postlethwaite, Simon Callow, Richard Dreyfuss, Jane Leeves, Susan Sarandon, David Thewlis, Michael Girardin, J. Stephen Coyle, Tony Haney, Jeff Mosley
(PG)
Media Viewed: Home Video
*Academy Awards*
-Best Original Musical or Comedy Score (lost to "Emma")
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