Stephen King: A Necessary Evil (2020)

I suspect this surface documentary was an excuse to tell the world how Stephen King felt about Donald Trump, and serves as King's coming out as a hardcore Liberal (in case your reading of his work hasn't told you that already). After all, the writer is rich enough not to care about losing fans.

Any fan or former fan knows the biographical basics of King's upbringing in Maine, before scoring his first hit novel Carrie. The film makers then use decades-old, online, readily-available interview footage as King covers his best, earliest works. Accompanying feature film footage is also shown to appease horror fans, although it was nice to see some love given to George A. Romero's underrated film version of The Dark Half. Any writer would give his left arm for the success and productivity of King, but the film only covers his successes. He mentions his dislike of religion, Republicans, and guns, without mentioning the number of works where a convenient cache of firearms happens to appear out of nowhere, and slams the "common" American reader who gave him his success in the first place- including me.

I read every single Stephen King book I could find when I was growing up, until I slogged halfway through the ironically-titled Insomnia, and I tried again years later- giving up on the child-hating Doctor Sleep. However, I have read On Writing twice, something I don't normally do at all. His hatred of Trump and us right-wing kooks is well-known in today's world of social media. The documentary meanders through grainy C-SPAN speeches and Today interviews (where his first name is misspelled in some infamous footage), but once this ends you've learned nothing new about the author. Sure, he's written seventyish books, but here's a half dozen of his really good ones!

"Stephen King: A Necessary Evil" is, in fact, completely unnecessary to watch.

Stats:
(2020) 53 min. (2/10)
-Written and Directed by Julien Dupuy
-Featuring: Stephen King
-(Not Rated)- Some physical violence, some gun violence, some gore, profanity, adult situations, tobacco and alcohol use
-Media Viewed: Streaming

Bride Hard (2025)

*Get "Bride Hard" wall decor on Amazon here*
*Get the Pitch Perfect Trilogy on Amazon here*
*Get Rebel Rising: A Memoir by Rebel Wilson on Amazon here*
*Get Bella the Brave by Rebel Wilson, illustrated by Annabel Tempest on Amazon here*

Rebel Wilson and Anna Camp try to rekindle some "Pitch Perfect" onscreen chemistry magic in this colossal missed opportunity.

Sam (Rebel Wilson) and Betsy (Anna Camp) are childhood friends reuniting for Betsy's upcoming wedding to Ryan (Sam Huntington). Sam has set up an elaborate bachelorette party in Paris featuring the other bridesmaids: Ryan's sister Virginia (Anna Chlumsky), Betsy's college roommates Lydia (Da'Vine Joy Randolph) and Zoe (Gigi Zumbado), and Ryan and Virginia's mother Diane (producer Colleen Camp). Sam is actually in Paris on a secret mission as a government agent, leaving the drunken partiers early to take care of some business. Betsy gets upset, and Virginia swoops in to take over the maid of honor role. Ordered on vacation, Sam still shows up at the private island wedding months later on at Virginia and Ryan's family estate just in time for villain Kurt (Stephen Dorff) and his henchman to take the wedding party hostage. Sam goes "Die Hard" on these uninvited guests, and tries to mend her relationship with Betsy and the other bridesmaids.

The film is a frustrating exercise in mid. Ryan and Virginia's family are megarich, the terms "elite" and "elitist" are bandied about, but their privileged cluelessness at how the real world works falls flat. Sam and Betsy's deep friendship is glossed over in a strange opening credits montage, and the film makers must punch up a few onscreen credits to let everyone know who these people are. Dorff's Kurt is a bore, and despite the title, there is no winking acknowledgement to "Die Hard." I'm suspecting handing the comedy reins to action director Simon West (Con Air, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, The Expendables 2) was a mistake. Some of the fight scenes are nicely coordinated but the slapstick falls flat. Wilson can't nail down whether Sam is a tough-as-nails hired killer, or funny gal who backed herself into getting in harm's way. Every character is a type: Virginia is a weak schemer, Lydia is oversexed and sassy, Zoe is extremely pregnant and hates her meek husband Dave (Remy Ortiz), and Diane is the inappropriately foul-mouthed old lady. West's direction is listless as he seems afraid to question what is written on the page. His final airboat chase, previewed in the trailer (which pretty much gives away the entire film) is badly directed and edited with weak special effects and leaps in logic. The villains' process to move gold bars from the giant mansion to those airboats defy all laws of physics- another humorous opportunity wasted. Automatic weapons fire never hit their mark, and large baking pans are impervious to bullets. For the record, I kept mistakenly referring to this as "Bride Wars," right up until I bought the tickets at the theater.

Throw in two too many false endings, and "Bride Hard" is a mess. Wilson and Camp were so good in the "Pitch Perfect" series, the soundtrack sometimes scores, and Chlumsky is a revelation to watch as she tries to mold her non-character into something more than a name and occasional shifty behavior, but this is one of those films tailor-made for "background" as you're playing games or texting on your phone. I thought for sure this was rated (PG-13), a cut here or there might have opened the film up to a wider audience since it bombed hard at the theaters.

Stats:
(2025) 105 min. (3/10)
-Directed by Simon West
-Screenplay by Shaina Steinberg, Story by Shaina Steinberg and Cece Pleasants
-Cast: Rebel Wilson, Anna Camp, Anna Chlumsky, Da'Vine Joy Randolph, Stephen Dorff, Gigi Zumbado, Sam Huntington, Justin Hartley, Sherry Cola, Colleen Camp, Michael O'Neill, Remy Ortiz, Mark Valley
-(R)- Physical violence, gun violence, some gore, profanity, sexual references, adult situations, alcohol use
-Media Viewed: Theatrical

American Tragedy (2019)

*Get "American Tragedy" on Amazon here*
*Get A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy by Sue Klebold on Amazon here*
*Get Mindfulness Workbook for Kids: 60+ Activities to Focus, Stay Calm, and Make Good Choices by Hannah Sherman, LCSW on Amazon here*
*Get Columbine by Dave Cullen on Amazon here*

This polarizing documentary tells the story of Sue Klebold, the mother of Columbine school shooter Dylan Klebold, and her efforts to come to terms with what her son did that changed a nation.

Josh Sabey talks to Sue, but no one else in the family. She is still trying to understand what her son was thinking, and her reactions to the raging hatred and lawsuits that were generated. She visits the memorials, looking into the forever high school-age photos of most of her son's victims. She speaks to people now (she was not renumerated for this documentary), bearing her soul, and talking about the signs she and her husband missed. She is an advocate for mindfulness and good mental health, even in kindergarten-age classrooms. Many people don't remember that Columbine happened before social media became a force, and a detriment, in our lives, so blame fell squarely on the Klebold and the Eric Harris families. The film features reenactments of Sue and her husband finding out about the shooting and its aftermath, which seem to be universally hated by many viewers from what I have read online.

The actual shooting is barely touched on because this documentary is not about the minutiae of that horrible day. The documentary is about a mother and the horrors brought on by her son and his friend. It is also about mental illness and suicide. If this could happen to a seemingly normal family, why couldn't it happen to you or a family you're close to? No one is immune, suicide and mental illness has affected everyone, my family included. Mental illness is still brushed aside today, with its effects not just felt in violent situations. Homelessness, PTSD, substance abuse, and self-harm are some of the major issues that can occur, but many people suffer in silence when their condition or the condition of a family member doesn't seem "that bad," (usually covered by the phrase "get over it"). Sue had to confront what happened, and is working to change things. One interview subject pointed out that the national attitude about smoking finally changed, despite the millions of dollars in advertising and propaganda from giant tobacco corporations. Why can't we mainstream mental illness conversations without being embittered, mocked, ostracized, or looked down upon, especially in the narcissistic world of social media?

I found the reenactments unobtrusive and helpful in explaining what Sue was going through. Mary Dyer does a very good job portraying Sue, and their physical resemblance is uncanny. One strong scene portrays Dyer as Sue hanging in midair, portraying the helplessness of dealing with mental situations. Sue doesn't push an agenda, but in this divided nation each side is going to find something to nitpick about the film- I read some of the comments on a film database site, and while everyone can have a different take on a piece of art or media, some of the arguments were way off, in my point of view ("get over it..."). I would hope we can agree that Columbine was a terrible, as was every school shooting before and after, every life taken in hatred, and so on but we still get into arguments over semantics, race, finger pointing, elitism, and the Constitution instead of facing the real issues. Sue is ringing the alarm bell about mental health in this country, and it's a cause we should all take up and endorse instead of angrily starting a comment with "yeah, but...". Sue Klebold loved her son, but that love could not stop the absolute worst thing that could happen to a parent's child.

Stats:
(2019) 80 min. (8/10)
-Written and Directed by Josh Sabey
-Featuring Sue Klebold, Lisa Belkin, Liza Long, Mary Dyer, Zack Nick, Paul Rohrer, Jess Shatkin, Eric Saliim, Rae Lundy, Tom Insel, Robert Creigh Deeds, Anthony Biglan, Tiffany Tate Aragon
-(Not Rated, but I would equate this to a PG-13 film)- Some physical violence, some profanity, very strong adult situations, tobacco use
-Media Viewed: Streaming

Two Much (1995)

Antonio Banderas plays Art Dodge (*snort*), a struggling gallery owner and frustrated painter. He makes money by taking paintings to rich widows' homes and telling them their husbands had bought the art before they died. He goes to one house and ends up in the middle of the funeral for the father of Gene (Danny Aiello). Art hooks up with Gene's ex-wife Betty (Melanie Griffith) thanks to some hokey business with a ring from above, and Betty decides on a whirlwind romance and a wedding. Art meets Betty's spiteful sister, Liz (Daryl Hannah), and he falls in love with her immediately for some unknown reason since she acts terrible to him. Art makes up a twin brother, played by himself, to romance Liz. Gene still loves Betty and sends henchmen after Art. Juggling all the antics and brou-haha is Art's secretary Gloria (Joan Cusack, the only bright spot here). Art also has a senile dad (Eli Wallach), who makes "The Golden Girls"'s Sophia seem subtle. You see where the movie is headed in a climactic wedding scene.

How awful is this film? Awful. Trueba's direction consists almost exclusively of closeups. Banderas, perhaps sensing he is on a sinking cinematic ship, mugs and runs around like an over-sugared five year old, trying to elicit some humor. Hannah's and Griffith's characters are clueless. Cusack is trotted in with Griffith for some "Working Girl" magic, but they only have one scene together, and no chance to regenerate any of that chemistry.

"Two Much" is a couple of minutes shy of two hours, and I could only stomach it in twenty minute increments spread out over a week. Chopping at least half an hour off of this would have helped immensely, since the back half of the film consists mainly of Banderas running around and trying to be in two places at once. I know I wanted to be anywhere else besides finishing this.

Stats:
(1995) 118 min. (2/10)
-Directed by Fernando Trueba
-Screenplay by Fernando Trueba & David Trueba based on the novel by Donald E. Westlake
-Cast: Antonio Banderas, Melanie Griffith, Daryl Hannah, Joan Cusack, Danny Aiello, Eli Wallach, Gabino Diego, Austin Pendleton, Allan Rich, Vincent Schiavelli, Phil Leeds, Sid Raymond, Louis Seeger Crume
(PG-13)
Media Viewed: Home Video

The Video Store Grab 'n' Run: Oh, I Got Your Variety Right Here

*This was written about twenty years ago, when video stores were still "a thing."*

*Get "Cat People" on Amazon here*
*Watch "Deathcheaters" on Shout!TV through Amazon Prime here
*Get "The Picture of Dorian Gray" on Amazon here*
*Watch "The Retrievers" on Amazon Prime here
*Get "Running Out of Luck" on Amazon here*

The five films I picked this time out have one thing in common- ain't never seen 'em before. I hit the Classics section before heading over to the Action category, so here are this week's picks: from Classics- the original "Cat People" and "The Picture of Dorian Gray," from Action- "Deathcheaters" and "The Retrievers," and from Music- "Running Out of Luck." Which one has Rae Dawn Chong undressing yet again? Oh, yeah...

Jim Broadbent won the Oscar for "Iris," and he also has a bit part in "Running Out of Luck," a bizarre long form music video from Mick Jagger and Julien Temple. The film is a chain of over half a dozen videos from Jagger's "She's the Boss," solo album, all held together with a dumb story about Jagger being kidnapped and stranded in backwoods Brazil during a video shoot. In addition to Broadbent, Rae Dawn Chong is the often naked love interest, Dennis Hopper is the video director, and Jerry Hall tries to act as Mick's wife, a role she did not keep in real life, either. This is a vanity project with mediocre songs and pretty Brazilian scenery, but by the time Hall murders a senator she had been dating, and Chong breaks Jagger out of prison in a unique way, I was fascinated with the sheer badness of the thing.

Jim Broadbent is nowhere to be seen in "Cat People," the original black and white suspenser that was remade in 1982 with Natassia Kinski. The original has lovely Simone Simon not consummating her new relationship for fear of turning into a big cat and devouring her new lover, something the women I used to date suffer from as well. The cinematography and direction are gorgeous, I sometimes paused the film just to look at an individual frame, but this suffers from a talky script that takes forever. The swimming pool stalking is here, too, a superior scene that was copied in the remake.

"The Picture of Dorian Gray," is the best film of the bunch so far. Hurd Hatfield stiffly plays a man who wishes a newly painted portrait would absorb his aging so he could look young forever. The portrait also seems to replace his conscience, growing more and more hideous as Gray mistreats those around him, eventually resorting to murder. This is a wonderful movie, full of great performances and Oscar Wilde's urbane lines. The director keeps the film in black and white, except for two insert Technicolor shots of the portrait. Simply wonderful- except for Hatfield, who is too bland and stilted in the main role. He disappears altogether whenever George Sanders comes onscreen and deftly steals the film.

Here's a great pitch! Two ordinary stuntmen are recruited by a government agency to be secret agents! We could get some unknowns in the lead, throw in a cute dog, and do a few seasons of this! Call the network! Actually, "Deathcheaters" is mild enough to be a pilot on a television network, and little else. The stunts are good, but routine, the actors likable enough, the Australian locations are pretty, and I knew where the entire ninety-six minute film was headed from the opening seconds. This is not technically bad film making, but lazy film making that seems to have forgotten an audience might want to be entertained and not bored stupid.

I'm woozy after being violated by "The Retrievers," a stupid actioner from the 1980's that sucks on more levels than I can count. Big dumb Max Thayer decides to help perky Shawn Hoskins find her missing brother and help get the brother's tell-all about the CIA published. When the most exciting scene involves the loading of cases of books into a truck by a morbidly obese man, you know you are in trouble. This is an ugly film that deserves to remain unseen and unheard of.

Of the five, only one or two would be considered really worthy of a repeat viewing, unless you are in the mood for Mick Jagger's bony bare butt.

Best to worst:
1. The Picture of Dorian Gray
2. Cat People
3. Running Out of Luck
4. Deathcheaters
5. The Retrievers

That's it for this week. Next week, I will return like the warm potato salad you ate for lunch.

The Retrievers (1982)

Tom (Max Thayer) is recruited by a secret government agency to place wiretaps. The wiretappers are retired, so Tom becomes a "retriever," an elite force that retrieves people for the company's gain. He helps retrieve Danny (Lenard Miller), but Tom has had enough of the violence, and spares Danny's sister Janice (Shawn Hoskins). Turns out Danny wrote an expose on being in the company, and Tom and Janice run around trying to get the book published with the rest of the Retrievers hot on their tails.

This film is violent. Not full of action or adventure, but violent just to be mean and violent. I can handle violence in films but this movie is also badly done. Badly written? That, too, but I am talking about handheld camerawork that had my stomach churning. I am talking about introducing a fat character just for the tuba on the soundtrack, and the laughs from how huge he is. I am talking about the shootings of unemployed drunks in one scene, and a racist term in the closing credits. I am talking about Katey Sagal singing one of the worst movie songs of all-time. I am talking about spotting a boom microphone or its shadow not once, not twice, but three times. I am talking about an opening scene that has a gunman mow down a children's birthday party, killing adults and kids.

Hong's direction is terrible. The fight scenes are so poorly choreographed, I was giggling as henchmen and heroes rarely connected with their fake punches, yet still fell back injured. The cast is awful, all the villains meld together and look alike. Max Thayer is a weak leading man, but he is given a part that no one could play. Sure, Tom helped kidnap Danny, but Janice falls in love with him anyway. The movie takes so many leaps in logic I just sat back, stunned.

"The Retrievers" is awful. There are no redeeming moments, plot points, or characters. Unless you are a young film maker who needs to know what NOT to do, you will want to skip it. Also known as "Hot and Deadly," a title just as dumb as the film itself.

Stats:
(1982) 90 min. (1/10)
-Directed by Elliott Hong
-Screenplay by Larry Stamper, Story by Larry Stamper and Elliott Hong
-Cast: Max Thayer, Lenard Miller, Shawn Hoskins, Randy Anderson, Bud Kramer, Ed Egington, Roselyn Royce, Hugh Van Putten, Harry Shapiro, Tony Cabellano, Susie Holliday, Patricia Monville, John Hilton
(R)
Media Viewed: Home Video

Running Out of Luck (1987)

This kooky ninety minute music video blitz showcases Mick Jagger without any Rolling Stones gathering around. It is truly bizarre.

Mick plays Mick, a huge rock star who is in Rio de Janeiro to shoot a music video directed by Dennis Hopper (none of the characters, aside from Mick Jagger, have proper names). Mick gets jealous of Jerry Hall during the shoot, and goes off alone with three women to his trailer. The three women are, in fact, transvestites who rob Mick and throw him on the back of a meat truck headed out of town. The three transvestites then fight amongst themselves, one is killed, and they put his body in a car and roll it off a pier. Mick wakes up, abandoned in the middle of nowhere, trying to find a phone. He wanders, until he's kidnapped and held as slave labor on a banana plantation, where he meets a local prostitute played by Rae Dawn Chong. Chong tries to help Jagger escape. The transvestite's body is found, mistaken for Mick, and Mick is assumed to be dead.

The film features about nine songs from Jagger's solo album "She's the Boss," all shot complete in music video format. These are standard looking MTV fodder, it is the story filling in the blanks that is so truly bizarre. Jagger cowrote this, and gives himself lots of screen time. Jerry Hall proves once and for all that her acting career was a fluke. Chong is okay, Hopper is wasted, and the Brazilian scenery is nice. Temple directs the conversations the same way he directs videos, trying to hide the weird story. At one point, Hall is dating a senator while Jagger cools his heels in prison. The senator has Hall kidnapped, but she escapes and gets her revenge by killing him. The banana plantation owner's wife beds Jagger immediately, so Jagger dresses in drag to escape with the other prostitutes. Oscar winner Jim Broadbent has a tiny role, figuring out Jagger is not dead. This thing is unbelievable.

While it claims to be a musical-comedy-adventure, it is none of these. Jagger's songs all sound the same. The laughs aren't funny, unless you take into account Hall's "acting." There is no action or adventure. Thank goodness for the extended sex scenes between Jagger and Chong, and Chong's unique prison break plan.

"Running Out of Luck" was probably meant as a video album for the fans. Instead, it is so bizarre, so out there, so weird, so bad, that I could not take my eyes off of it. You won't care about the story or characters, but you will be hard-pressed to forget such an odd film.

Stats:
(1987) 90 min. (4/10)
-Directed by Julien Temple
-Written by Mick Jagger, Julien Temple
-Cast: Mick Jagger, Rae Dawn Chong, Dennis Hopper, Jerry Hall, Jim Broadbent, James Villiers, Nicholas Ball, Norma Bengell, Roxana Campos, Angela Castro, Carmita, Jorge Coutinho, Marcia DeSouza
(R)
Media Viewed: VHS